[6301]

The only thing I can tell you is if you know how to turn the Ipad back on and read the texts then do it and if it you told her no contact if she continues.

The only problem is now she knows you can read them so if need be, hire a PI and have her followed.

 

[SaltInWound]

Why is he calling her by a nickname you gave her?

Notice how she began the conversation and ended it by giving him the date she would be in town the next time, telling him to save the date (with an exclamation mark) and that she was hoping he would be in town when she arrives.

I think you need to find a babysitter for Feb and go with your wife on that next trip to see Kurt.

 

[MovingAhead]

Why is he calling her by a nickname you gave her?

Notice how she began the conversation and ended it by giving him the date she would be in town the next time, telling him to save the date (with an exclamation mark) and that she was hoping he would be in town when she arrives.

I think you need to find a babysitter for Feb and go with your wife on that next trip to see Kurt.

:iagree::iagree:

I think a 'hell yeah' is in order.

 

[MrK]

PI would be better. Don't mention it again until she goes. Let her think you forgot.

 

[SaltInWound]

She also told him not to forget her.

 

[PhillyGuy13]

No the convo wasn't deleted on the phone or iPad until after I confronted her. Then later that day the iPad was disabled.

Last week we were intimate twice. Usually we are intimate 1-2 a month. (I am willing just about any day and night). So it isn't like I'm a guy that doesn't want it.

This week when she found out I was still upset she tells me I need to drop it nothing would happen and it's going to drive a wedge between us. That was when I said I don't want her to see him again.

 

[PhillyGuy13]

I never confronted her about turning the iPad off. At this point I won't it's been two weeks, and I know if she turns it back on then she won't post anything worth while.

 

[vi_bride04]

This week when she found out I was still upset she tells me I need to drop it nothing would happen and it's going to drive a wedge between us. That was when I said I don't want her to see him again.
.

Why yes, you having inappropriate interaction with a man who is not YOUR HUSBAND will drive a wedge between us. I'm glad you see that and will stop all communication with him.

 

[tom67]

Usually we are intimate 1-2 a month.

There is something wrong with this seriously especially for a fairly young couple.
You should be 1 to 2 times a week.
MC may be in order.

 

[CASE_Sensitive]

No the convo wasn't deleted on the phone or iPad until after I confronted her. Then later that day the iPad was disabled.

Last week we were intimate twice. Usually we are intimate 1-2 a month. (I am willing just about any day and night). So it isn't like I'm a guy that doesn't want it.

This week when she found out I was still upset she tells me I need to drop it nothing would happen and it's going to drive a wedge between us. That was when I said I don't want her to see him again.

I pulled all the cell phone bills over the past few months. Maybe 1-2 quick calls a month during work hours which I don't find extraordinary. Texts won't show in the bill since they are apple iMessages.

I would tell her that if she continues to keep this guy as a friend, THAT will drive a wedge between you. This POS crossed enough lines that I would be going through the roof. This guy getting drunk reveals more about his true nature and what he wants. I do believe your wife has been truthful and it hasn't crossed the line, but not for lack of his trying and little weasel probes.

 

[PhillyGuy13]

I would make sure your wife and Kurt are never together again. That exchange crossed the line. Drunk or not. Her boundaries and respect for you and your marriage dropped really low that night.

The comment about having to delete the convo is also disturbing. She knew what she was doing was inappropriate and she was telling him she would delete the evidence while making plans to meet him again in the future.

You also should find out who his "friends" in your town are. Where they discussing ways to communicate through "friends" so they would not leave an electronic trail that you might find?

Go with your gut. Something is not right here.

He doesn't truly have friends here. That was a red flag for me. The friends referenced were an "Asian couple" that was at the bar he was at last time he was out here and they struck up a conversation with him. He also no longer works for the bank- so he'd have no legitimate reason to be out here. Again I can keep an eye out at home but not Cleveland.

 

[SaltInWound]

This week when she found out I was still upset she tells me I need to drop it nothing would happen and it's going to drive a wedge between us.

So, if you don't rug sweep and let her carry on with Kurt, the breakdown of the marriage will be your fault?

 

[Will_Kane]

Last week we were intimate twice. Usually we are intimate 1-2 a month. (I am willing just about any day and night). So it isn't like I'm a guy that doesn't want it.

So there are other issues in your marriage. We all have them, but this is how the cheating starts sometimes. How often do you try to initiate and get turned down? What "romance" is in your life with your wife? How often do you go out with your wife like other man did? Drinking and then back to a hotel, without kids? She really had fun doing it with other man, and she really wants to do it again.

Common complaint among cheating wives who did it for "attention" is that husband didn't make me feel sexy, hot, etc. I'm not talking about trying to initiate sex after the kids are in bed. I'm talking about letting her know that when you are headed out the door to work in the morning, whenever you communicate with her during the day.

Once another guy starts giving them that attention, like you probably did when you were just "courting" her, they realize how much they miss it, makes them start to question how much you love them, they start to feel like roommates or friends with benefits, that you don't really love them, etc. That's how they start to rationalize it. You feel you are showing your love by working hard and coming home and supporting her and being a "good" husband and "good" father. They want the romance, too. When they start to get it from someone else, someone who they originally thought of as a friend, sometimes they cheat. A lot of generalizing here, but if you see yourself and your wife in this, maybe it is something to consider.

 

[PhillyGuy13]

I also let her know that I was rereading the texts the other day, she got very angry that I kept a pic and insisted I delete them.

 

[Will_Kane]

I guess what I was trying to say in prior post is that these things - flirting with other man - doesn't happen in a vacuum. There was her work relationship with him, she got along well with him, she enjoyed going out with him even when work was no longer involved - all the while there were other issues in your marriage that you didn't give much thought to, things had become routine, you took each other for granted - and then along comes other man and your focus is solely on him. You should be focused on your wife breaking off contact with him, but also with why she feels the need for contact so strongly with some guy who she only exchanges a few calls with every now and then and only meets up with every 3-4 months. If a woman like that bothered your wife, you probably would have no qualms of ending it immediately, even if you had no intention of cheating. Why does your wife not feel that way?

 

[PhillyGuy13]

@Will. Honestly you are right and this was a bit of a wake up call.

I try it initiate sex at least 1-2 a week but usually only get it 1-2 a month. She will often blame her weight issues, not losing all of the baby weight (which to me I don't care one bit about) We both agreed to try to make more time for each other. It is tough with two young kids at home to go out. Both of our families live 2-3 hours away. We've actually begun to use one of the daycare aides as a babysitter. Last week I got flowers one day, cooked dinner one night. She says I don't need to do these things that she loves me. I've made suggestions to go away for a weekend or an overnight and she seems receptive we need to find a babysitter willing to do an overnight.

Last week the new boss was in town. So several coworkers all went out as a group Monday and Wednesday night at the last minute. I made sure not to give her a hard time. She came home very tipsy Wednesday around 9:00 She told me she was appreciative that I let her go out. That she sometimes needed to feel like she felt before kids. Where for a few hours she doesn't have to worry about being a mother. Aside: she is a GREAT mom to the kids, and until last week NEVER goes out.

 

[Refuse to be played]

Have this on her phone before the next Cleveland trip. Get everything including iMessages. Warning: must be jailbroken first.

iPhone Spy Software – Mobile Spy iPhone Monitoring App

Also I'd hire a baby sitter, not tell her and surprise her at her hotel.

 

[InlandTXMM]

He suggests they eat in her hotel room next time and she gives him a

There is something terribly wrong with that picture.

THIS!! Twice the OM tried to suggest they get alone - these were trial balloons to gauge her reaction.

He's not "flirting". He's a pick-up artist. He's following The Mystery Method to the letter. In the Pick-Up Artist world they call these kinds of things "Escalation" and "Isolation".

The holding of hands was another test. If she accepted his physical touch, he's in.

If your wife deleted these texts before she got home, my friend, I think she did more than "hold hands" already. I suspect there was at least some kissing.

Now some may tell you to wait it out, go covert, etc. I say, when you have distance between her and this guy right now, YOU C*CKBLOCK THIS MF and end this now. If she has to change jobs, she has to change jobs.

Yes, it's that serious. Your wife just put a loaded gun to the head of your family.

 

[InlandTXMM]

I also let her know that I was rereading the texts the other day, she got very angry that I kept a pic and insisted I delete them.

She knows what she's doing is inappropriate. This is called projecting.

 

[barbados]

1) You REALLY need to read NOT JUST FRIENDS by Dr. Shirley Glass.

2) Your wife's relationship with this man is COMPLETELY inappropriate.

3) Sounds like she is already in an EA at least with him.

4) This is heading straight for a PA, if its not already.

5) A married woman CANNOT have friendships with other men like this, especially a co-worker / boss.