[Ikaika]

That's all well and good BUT there's no way in hell I'm raising or paying for another man's child. It's not like he's bonded with the baby -- which is a whole 'nother scenario.

You have your opinion and I respect it, but I don't agree... I felt I bonded with both of my sons while my wife was carrying, but that's me.

 

[PHTlump]

I'm not... I don't know about you, but I am concerned about the child. The WW has already proven to be a POS, if some OM planted his seed, he likely is a POS, why should the child have to suffer. My opinion... I hate to see the innocent suffer because of the other peoples crap.

By that logic, the OP would be better off adopting a child from Africa. It would be great if every child in the world could grow up with Ozzie and Harriet for parents. But it's not going to happen. Even if the OP throws a couple hundred grand at the problem.

 

[Ikaika]

By that logic, the OP would be better off adopting a child from Africa. It would be great if every child in the world could grow up with Ozzie and Harriet for parents. But it's not going to happen. Even if the OP throws a couple hundred grand at the problem.

Umm sure... You can be condescending all you want... And I will stand alone in favor of the child every time.

 

[lovelygirl]

Just when I thought I had heard all about the cheating stories...

 

[larry.gray]

There is also another thought... if the child turns out NOT to be yours and the biological father is as much a POS as your WW, you may want to consider filling for custody anyway.

My father told me a long time ago, sperm donors are not fathers, fathers are the ones who stick around.

I would have no issue whatsoever of being a loving, caring stepdad. Why? Because it is a matter of loving the child's mother and once someone is a mother, they come with a package that includes the kids. It's the right thing to do.

A kid that was created like this? Nope, not me and not most men. I wouldn't be in love with the mother, and I want nothing to do with the package. I'd be running as far and as fast as I can.

 

[MattMatt]

I know my wife isn't innocent in this. I know that. Its just really apparent from the emails that this guy pulled the mind**** of the century on her. I can see the progression of her being friendly, him being aggressive, and her gradually giving in more and more until it gets to the point of these disgusting, sex conversations. And then the ****fest.

The website was reddit. So not a dating site. He started off PMing her with some "friendly advice". She gives him her email and then they started chatting for hours and hours. I honestly have no clue what is wrong with this man. He is totally ****ed in the head.

To the users that told me to slow down... I know. I just don't want to take a second and then let her talk me into staying, for the baby. I want to make sure people know I didn't leave her after the baby was born so I want the divorce started before she gives birth. I'm playing my cards close to my vest and I haven't told her yet. She surprised me with the ****fest - she can be surprised by the divorce.

I don't want to shame her but I want to make sure I don't get tagged as the bad guy in this. I'm going to tell my family this weekend and I think hers as well. I don't think she will tell them on her own.

I do have love for her still and the life we started and the child we made. But I deserve better. I didn't do anything to deserve her ****ing another man while carrying my baby in our home. I was working overtime for our unborn child. And she repaid me by ****ing someone else. I know I need to go and there is no saving this. I am 100% committed to divorce. It is the only option. I lost all my respect for her after seeing what she did. This can't be fixed.

Thank you to everyone for the sympathy and advice.

Report it to Redit. I am sure they need to know how their site is being abused by this pervert.

By the way, if you know his name have you Googled it?

 

[MattMatt]

The site does have a dating section though

Jeez. I never knew that. Needs to be exposed for what it allowed to happen.

 

[MattMatt]

That's all well and good BUT there's no way in hell I'm raising or paying for another man's child. It's not like he's bonded with the baby -- which is a whole 'nother scenario.

In that case arranging for the child's adoption might be an option?

 

[Ikaika]

I would have no issue whatsoever of being a loving, caring stepdad. Why? Because it is a matter of loving the child's mother and once someone is a mother, they come with a package that includes the kids. It's the right thing to do.

A kid that was created like this? Nope, not me and not most men. I wouldn't be in love with the mother, and I want nothing to do with the package. I'd be running as far and as fast as I can.

Well if you call the child a package then sure I would not want you to have chance to raise this soul.

I completely sympathize with the OP and do not fault him for throwing his WW under the bus... My opinion would be to not do the same to someone who did not have the choice in making a bad decision. He even admitted that he worked overtime to support his future family... So he may feel different having bonded.

I don't want to high jack the OPs thread so I will stand on my opinion and hold my tongue on any further discussion given that it will takes weeks for an accurate paternity test.

 

[aug]

You have your opinion and I respect it, but I don't agree... I felt I bonded with both of my sons while my wife was carrying, but that's me.

Are you the biological father of both sons?

 

[aug]

Also, keep a copy of your hard evidence of her cheating away from the house. Keep it somewhere safe.

 

[seeking sanity]

Harsh story.

Here's the moral thing to do: Until proven otherwise, you are still the father and as such need to be involved in this childs' life. Kids are awesome, and you will be so glad you choose to step up as a father in the long run. Cutting and running from that responsibility is what losers do.

Staying married? That's tough. I'd give it time, let some of the emotion wear off. Get through the next few months until the baby is born, and THEN get through the first part of a new baby. Then decide. There is no rush.

 

[MattMatt]

Also, keep a copy of your hard evidence of her cheating away from the house. Keep it somewhere safe.

:iagree:

Send it to the cloud, too.

 

[Ikaika]

Harsh story.

Here's the moral thing to do: Until proven otherwise, you are still the father and as such need to be involved in this childs' life. Kids are awesome, and you will be so glad you choose to step up as a father in the long run. Cutting and running from that responsibility is what losers do.

Staying married? That's tough. I'd give it time, let some of the emotion wear off. Get through the next few months until the baby is born, and THEN get through the first part of a new baby. Then decide. There is no rush.

I like it all but the staying married part... not sure about this woman... If you read back anyway he seems to have made up his mind.

 

[MattMatt]

Harsh story.

Here's the moral thing to do: Until proven otherwise, you are still the father and as such need to be involved in this childs' life. Kids are awesome, and you will be so glad you choose to step up as a father in the long run. Cutting and running from that responsibility is what losers do.

Staying married? That's tough. I'd give it time, let some of the emotion wear off. Get through the next few months until the baby is born, and THEN get through the first part of a new baby. Then decide. There is no rush.

Not necessarily so. In some places such action could mean he would have to pay child support, even if the child is not his.

 

[walkonmars]

Conflicted about asking for custody of a non-bio child born to a cheating and disrespectful wife. I understand drerio's position. It is one of compassion for a defenseless and blameless child who deserves NONE of this.

STILL such an action will bind him in several ways to WW for the next 18 years or longer. Who knows, she may 'reform' for the better during that time and they can re-kindle, however doubtful that is at present. HOWEVER it is more likely that legal battles will loom down the line and shared custody eventually is granted to WW. Not a pleasant thought for a peaceful future for BH.

Very conflicted.

 

[Ikaika]

Conflicted about asking for custody of a non-bio child born to a cheating and disrespectful wife. I understand drerio's position. It is one of compassion for a defenseless and blameless child who deserves NONE of this.

STILL such an action will bind him in several ways to WW for the next 18 years or longer. Who knows, she may 'reform' for the better during that time and they can re-kindle, however doubtful that is at present. HOWEVER it is more likely that legal battles will loom down the line and shared custody eventually is granted to WW. Not a pleasant thought for a peaceful future for BH.

Very conflicted.

Point well made... I say again I really feel for the BH...

 

[MattMatt]

And then this horrendous case came to my mind
Leftwing Professor Convicted of Raping 13-Month-Old Baby | Fellowship of the Minds

Would this be the next step in the mind of the warped wife of the OP? It's not impossible, though sickening to consider.

 

[Miss Taken]

I know it's been said but I think the best thing to do is file for divorce in this situation, get a paternity test and move on.

My BIL got suckered into caring for a girl that wasn't his for over a year. Even after finding out the truth, he wanted to be the girl's father/parent. Our entire family was supportive of that notion because we loved his "daughter". However, the mom was a selfish @sshat and started using this girl as a pawn. It was a nightmare for my BIL and the entire family and brought nothing but heartache because she later moved across the province and alienated him and everyone else from the child.

One would hope to be able to be sentimental in these situations but a woman who is willing to cheat while pregnant or get pregnant with another man while married is all kinds of crazy. So cutting bait if the child is not yours might be the only humane thing to do.

It's sad because it's a decision (on the part of the "mother") that makes a victim out of the child, the BS, the BS's family etc.

 

[Am I Dreaming?]

If this is not my child... which there is not much of a chance... I will run. Far, far away from this despicable betrayer that is my wife. I've expressed that I want a paternity test and it will be done when the child is born. I've looked at the emails and chat records and its probably my child. The affair had not started up. We were actively trying to get pregnant.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with our daughter. An option I am considering is leaving this wretched town. My wife and I moved to Atlanta right after we married. I'm originally from Texas and I think I would like to go home. My wife is the only person that I know here and we moved here because we were starting a life together. Clearly not the case.

I don't want to deal with her for the next 18 years. I don't want to raise a child with a woman like my wife. I haven't talked to a lawyer yet but I think I might go full custody - which is probably extremely unlikely - or bust. I don't want to tie myself to my **** wife forever. I need to move on. If its my child I'll pay child support but then move on with my life. I'm not going to be able to raise this child the way I want to. I won't be able to overrule her mother. I don't want to get connected and bonded to this child who I won't be able to see whenever I want and I won't be able to raise full-time.

I talked to my mother about this earlier tonight. She is furious and she is being very supportive of me. I asked her not to talk to my wife yet but suffice to say she hates her guts.

I'm starting the task of talking to everyone I need to. Appointment for the first consultation is tomorrow afternoon.

Thank you for all of your help. I know I haven't posted much but I've read everything and the advice and outpouring of support has meant so much to me.