[ButtPunch]

Play dumb and file.

Let the process server do the talking for you.

 

[Chaparral]

Waiting to expose for financial reasons is pure unadulterated selfishness. The other family is heading for the rocks. His wife deserves to know so she can try and reconcile or kick him to the curb. Not exposing is becoming a third party to the affair.

Waiting for an attorneys advice will get you advice that makes it easier on the attorney and strip you of what’s left of your backbone. If you want to have any chance at reconcilliation you have to blow the affair up. Personally I would go shock and awe, divorce her deceitful heart and find a woman that can have babies.

Regarding money, most states that pretty much cut and dried. Of course she is going try and fleece you. She works part time.

 

[Tron]

No kids. In love with another man. Best to just divorce IMO. Why waste 5 years of your life trying to fix something that's so broken and still winding up with a woman you cant really trust.

Strategically speaking, if you are committed to divorcing, don't blow anything up. Just divorce. Your attorney is going to give you the exact same advice:

- Don't rock the boat.
- She is in the fog with this guy. Take advantage of it.
- Get the best deal you can while she is in la-la land.
- If you destroy the relationship with the OM right now, she will either (1) start having second thoughts and slow the D down or (2) get desperate or angry and try to take you to the cleaners

If you want to reconcile, then the strategy changes.

 

[ButtPunch]

No kids. In love with another man. Best to just divorce IMO. Why waste 5 years of your life trying to fix something that's so broken and still winding up with a woman you cant really trust.

Strategically speaking, if you are committed to divorcing, don't blow anything up. Just divorce. Your attorney is going to give you the exact same advice:

- Don't rock the boat.
- She is in the fog with this guy. Take advantage of it.
- Get the best deal you can while she is in la-la land.
- If you destroy the relationship with the OM right now, she will either (1) start having second thoughts and slow the D down or (2) get desperate or angry and try to take you to the cleaners

If you want to reconcile, then the strategy changes.

This is good advice.

No kids

No brainer

 

[Steve1000]

Should I confront her with what I know?

Whenever you confront her, do NOT tell her how you know. You never want to let her know the source of your information because then she will know what you 'do not know'.

 

[Satya]

What do I do??

Drop her like a rock.

 

[Primrose]

Let's just take a moment to be grateful you did not procreate with this woman. You have a chance to walk out of this marriage very easily and relatively unscathed, financially. No child support. I assume you have not been married very long as you are both still young, so alimony (if any) will be short lived.

You are a hard worker and I assume you love hard because your initial reaction was to give her another chance. Your wife does not deserve you. Find another woman who will not take you for granted. A woman who will bear your children and be thankful for all that you do.

However, the OM's wife absolutely deserves to know so that she can make an informed decision, regarding her future, with all of the facts. If the situation was reversed, and she knew of the affair, would you not want her to tell you?

 

[donny64]

You should get better evidence if possible. You appear to have the financial means. Hire a PI.

References in a journal to loving another man, or even references to having sex with another man....she will tell you it was "just a fantasy" and nothing happened. Get a PI, and have him get hard evidence.

See a divorce attorney and get him ready to file. Once you have firm evidence (you may have enough for yourself now, but not enough that she won't try to refute it, and not enough to convince OM's wife), have her served. When you know she has been served, notify the OM's wife and present her with the hard evidence you've obtained.

If you will consider reconciliation, this is the way to do it. You are going for shock and awe....completely blowing this affair out of the water so it is dead...dead....dead. At the same time, her marriage is also dead.

Losing everything in an instant has a way of really striking home what someone has done and lost.

If she does the right things, you can always put a stop to divorce proceedings later. You'll have about 6 months. By then you will KNOW if you are ready to cut her lose for good, or if she is showing you and doing for you the things required for reconciliation.

 

[re16]

You will never be able to fully trust her again, it will never be the relationship you wanted.

There is likely a lot more you don't know about.

You are lucky that there a no kids in the picture.

Divorce, find someone that respects all the effort you've put into your life, have kids and the happy life you wanted.

I would spend a little time gathering more evidence while you talk to attorneys and get the filing ready before you confront. It may further solidify your decision and if you confront immediately, you may miss the chance to find more information and she likely won't reveal it all on her own.

Get your ducks in a row and strike hard and fast, tell the OM's wife right before you confront your wife, so she doesn't have time to warn OM and he gaslights his wife or they collaborate to make you look like the bad guy.

 

[Taxman]

Donesies, if I am correct, you are in a residency program. That means that in one to five years, you will be making some serious money. I therefore, urge you to terminate your marriage to this obviously incredibly stupid woman, before your earnings are such that she can attach a pot full. Nope. I am the father of a physician. The demarcation between residency and practice is a gigantic uptick in your income (say immediate quadruplication). Get rid of your cheating wife before this. By f**king around on you, she has just messed her life up beyond all recognition. Unless loverboy is single and a physician, then she is screwed blewed tattooed and SOL.

Do not do any pick me dance or for that matter do not offer the gift of reconciliation. Let me put it this way, my kid had a classmate. He was older in med school, as he was a paramedic first. He was married and had a kid. His wife, to put it bluntly, was ignorant trailer trash. So, he is killing himself to become a physician, and she is feeling neglected. He tells her that it is only a few years, but she has gotten deaf. So, he finds out about the affair. She's sleeping with a shipping dock foreman. He leaves, and divorces her. Because he is a student, and generally broke, no financial settlement whatsoever. (I said she was as dumb as a sack of hammers.)

So, he graduates and is lucky enough to get a residency in Internal Medicine. He goes into a gigantic practice. Shortly thereafter, his income grows to the mid-six-figures. He was picking up his kid in his old beater until a few months in practice. Then he starts picking up his kid, in his new Mercedes. Ex Wife and her boyfriend are googly eyed. She spots his new watch. Rolex President. Finally, she croaks out, "Did you win the lottery?" He goes, no I am in practice as a doctor and specialist, you walked out on me when I was broke, and you had no concept of what I was going to make. Your new guy, makes, what? Maybe 30K a year? Honey, you had better sit down. I make $450K. She remarks, you have to be ****ting me? Their daughter pipes up: Mummy, daddy's house is giant-size. Mommy is truly stupid, and runs to the computer to google physician's salaries. She turns away from the computer, and says, guess I'm the stupidest woman on the planet. (Truly, who does not know that a physician makes great money-but, as I say, she was backward trash, and trash is as trash does-ended up kicking herself.) As she said, If I waited five years, I could have had this? (looking at his Mercedes) Instead, I am in a two bedroom apartment with this idiot.

KARMA CRASH

 

[donny64]

And blowing this up and walking away is the best way to accomplish two things:

1. A real chance at reconciliation (if that's what you want AND what she earns).

2. Getting out of this whole thing with your dignity and sanity intact if she doesn't "hard stop" the affair and do what she needs to do with you to earn her chance at reconciliation immediately.

If you read through these forums, it is ALWAYS the guys who blow things up and just walk away that leave their cheating wives a remorseful, snot bubble blowing and crying mess curled up on the floor and saying they will "do anything" to make it right.

It is always the guys who play the "pick me game" who wind up with wives who blame shift, gaslight, deny, and continue on in their affairs after the initial storm dies down.

She loves you (maybe not enough to prevent this instance of selfishness, but she probably does, and likely does not want to lose you), and seeing you walk away will wake her up, snap her out of her fog, and have an impact like nothing else will. You off in your hotel room, staying with family, or out of town on vacation, while hundreds of her panicked calls and texts go unanswered by you. And since you will have blown up OM's world at the same time and his wife will be climbing all over his ass, he will be unavailable to her as well. She'll be left there alone with nothing but freshly printed divorce papers on the coffee table to keep her company and help her reflect on her pizz poor decisions. And instead of spending her time thinking about lover boy, she now is consumed with thoughts of just what exactly you are doing now that she has been discovered cheating. She will be left with thoughts of YOU possibly out looking for a fresh piece of tail to replace her with? Are you in a bar talking up pretty women? Are you taking a nurse out on a date? See what I mean? You won't be, but she will naturally think you may be! Boy toy loser affair partner gets relegated to the mental trash heap REAL QUICK when she is consumed with thoughts of what you are doing and possibly losing you to another woman.

Time to gather the evidence, blow things up, and get her mind consumed with thoughts of you....not him.

And once you snap out of the shock of this whole thing, you will be light years ahead of those guys who are mired in the quagmire they created with an unremorseful and continually cheating wife by trying to play the pick me game, and instead you'll be ready to start a fresh life with a better woman should she chose to not get her crap together.

 

[SentHereForAReason]

And blowing this up and walking away is the best way to accomplish two things:

1. A real chance at reconciliation (if that's what you want AND what she earns).

2. Getting out of this whole thing with your dignity and sanity intact if she doesn't "hard stop" the affair and do what she needs to do with you to earn her chance at reconciliation immediately.

If you read through these forums, it is ALWAYS the guys who blow things up and just walk away that leave their cheating wives a remorseful, snot bubble blowing and crying mess curled up on the floor and saying they will "do anything" to make it right.

It is always the guys who play the "pick me game" who wind up with wives who blame shift, gaslight, deny, and continue on in their affairs after the initial storm dies down.

She loves you (maybe not enough to prevent this instance of selfishness, but she probably does, and likely does not want to lose you), and seeing you walk away will wake her up, snap her out of her fog, and have an impact like nothing else will. You off in your hotel room, staying with family, or out of town on vacation, while hundreds of her panicked calls and texts go unanswered by you. And since you will have blown up OM's world at the same time and his wife will be climbing all over his ass, he will be unavailable to her as well. She'll be left there alone with nothing but freshly printed divorce papers on the coffee table to keep her company and help her reflect on her pizz poor decisions. And instead of spending her time thinking about lover boy, she now is consumed with thoughts of just what exactly you are doing now that she has been discovered cheating. She will be left with thoughts of YOU possibly out looking for a fresh piece of tail to replace her with? Are you in a bar talking up pretty women? Are you taking a nurse out on a date? See what I mean? You won't be, but she will naturally think you may be! Boy toy loser affair partner gets relegated to the mental trash heap REAL QUICK when she is consumed with thoughts of what you are doing and possibly losing you to another woman.

Time to gather the evidence, blow things up, and get her mind consumed with thoughts of you....not him.

And once you snap out of the shock of this whole thing, you will be light years ahead of those guys who are mired in the quagmire they created with an unremorseful and continually cheating wife by trying to play the pick me game, and instead you'll be ready to start a fresh life with a better woman should she chose to not get her crap together.

Me for 6 months and long story short, even after all of that she was the one that wanted the divorce .... after my 6 months of pick me, I'll do anything, did anything and became another statistic.

 

[thedope]

1. You have to tell the other guys wife. If you were in a similar situation you'd want them to tell you. You are morally obligated to do so, even though your attorney will advise against it. Do the right thing.

2. Have her served preferably while she is at this club meeting.

If you want to give her a wake up call this will do it. You are a doctor for gods sake most women would love to be with you. Just realize that doesn't entitle you to be a d-bag.

 

[drifting on]

Two things I would do,
1) file for divorce, list adultery and OM as the reason. Have her served at the club.

2) after she is served, drop by the club asking to make a video regarding infidelity between club members. That should drive your point home.

After having her served and before the club visit to make a video, get your lawyer to have all the papers signed as quickly as possible. Once she has signed to all agreements then expose to OM’s wife, the club, family, friends, letting all of them know what she is. Then sit back and live life grand.

 

[Walloped]

Just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this.

 

[bandit.45]

It’s all so hard to understand. I’m a respected and high-earning specialist physician. I have worked hard for everything I have. I am charasmatic, talented, and in great shape (run marathons).

This other man is overweight, broke (below the poverty line), and married with 3 young children.

My wife works part time. This gave her unlimited time and funds to meet up with this other man.

I just can’t believe this and it SUCKS. How do I cope? What do I do??

She married you for the security, status and easy life. She looks up to you and sees you as an authority figure. You took the place of her dad when she married you. We call it the Reverse Madonna Wh0re complex.

The OM is beneath her, and so she can manipulate him and have him do her bidding. She doesn't have to put on airs with him the way she does with you, because her worth and status as a wife and mother are not tied to him. It's called compartmentalization.

As for how she feels about him, most of what she "feels" is not really love...it is limerance...a psychological addiction to the feel-good chemicals he produces in her when he seduces her and courts her.

The best thing you can do is document everything, find out if the OM is married, and go see a lawyer for a free consult to find out your rights and what to expect in a divorce. Then if you decide to divorce, have the petition filed and served without her knowing. Then send out an announcement o her family and yours telling them she has been cheating on you and you are leaving her sorry butt. If he is married, tell his wife. Do all of this in one fell swoop...known as going "nuclear". This is the best and fastest way to end an affair and knock a wayward out of the "fog".

 

[UpsideDownWorld11]

Thank you.

Yes, that’s probably true. I wasn’t always there and wasn’t as attentive as I should have been.

We have no children, but we both want them. We tried for them, but she couldn’t have them, despite thousands of dollars spend on IVF. We then sort of gave up. That was a couple years ago.

We are both young - early 30’s

Not to sound dismissive, but with no kids and in your early 30's, I think the smart thing to do is divorce her. It will be a a$$-load easier than reconciling or trying to. In another year you will have a new girl and be happy. Reconcile and it may be another 5 years before you get to a good place. Be glad that the IVF thing didn't work out.

 

[BobSimmons]

Worst Valentine’s Day ever!



It’s all so hard to understand. I’m a respected and high-earning specialist physician. I have worked hard for everything I have. I am charasmatic (sic), talented, and in great shape (run marathons).

Sir, you really should take some time off! The thought of a high-earning and respected physician making life and death decisions when his life is in turmoil is really risky.

Please think about your patients at this time, your charasma may mask your pain but not your judgement!

 

[Bananapeel]

We’re in a no-fault state

I think bringing it up to the OM’s spouse is a bad idea since it will probably just incur animosity and she may be out for blood in a divorce

She won't get blood even if she is out for it! You haven't been married that long, you have no kids, and she won't get alimony because she's able to work. Assuming she has a good attorney she'll get half of whatever your marital assets are, but at your age you haven't earned most of them yet so she'll get the crumbs. Personally, I'd start spending those marital assets (go on vacation, do some gambling, fancy dinners out) so there isn't much left to split. My ex-wife did the same thing as yours. She was there for all of my schooling, residency, and the early part of my career then cheated with a total loser and I divorced her ASAP, which coincidentally was right at the time I was really getting established but before I had accumulated a lot of assets. It is justice if you leave her now and she won't profit much from it. Plus, now that you are ready for a career you'll be a much better catch for other women and you'll be able to upgrade.

Having gone through what you are, I can tell you that you are in shock and not thinking straight. It is very hard to be rejected and the natural tendency is to grasp to hold the relationship together because that is what you are used to and that is what is normal to you. What I'd recommend is for you to grow a set of cojones and confiscate her diary and put it in a safety deposit box that she can't access. Then every time you are feeling weak, read parts of it until you get angry enough again to proceed with divorce. I kept my XW's audio of her having sex with the OM (now deleted) and wrote a journal and they helped me move forward whenever I doubted my course of action.

Get recommendations and hire the BEST divorce attorney in the area. Then don't discuss things with your wife, just file for divorce and have her served. The less time she has to process what is going on and the more emotional it become for her, the less able she will be to think straight and fight you on it.

 

[sokillme]

Worst Valentine’s Day ever!

My wife of 7 years accidentally left her journal in a very accessible place and didn’t expect me to be home early. I opened it and found daily references to how much she loves another man.

It’s like an atomic bomb just dropped on me. I knew something was up because she had grown distant but I couldn’t prove anything. I somehow knew something was up with this guy but I always trusted her and never believed she would ever love someone more.

It’s all so hard to understand. I’m a respected and high-earning specialist physician. I have worked hard for everything I have. I am charasmatic, talented, and in great shape (run marathons).

This other man is overweight, broke (below the poverty line), and married with 3 young children.

My wife works part time. This gave her unlimited time and funds to meet up with this other man.

I just can’t believe this and it SUCKS. How do I cope? What do I do??

It has nothing to do with you, she is broken.

How old are you? Do you have kids?

By the way they say people affair down but the truth is they affair to their own level, it's just the spouse usually has a skewed picture of who there cheating spouse is. This is usually because they lie and are really good at it.

The people who take strong action usually do the best and heal the fastest.