[Evinrude58]

Donesies, if I am correct, you are in a residency program. That means that in one to five years, you will be making some serious money. I therefore, urge you to terminate your marriage to this obviously incredibly stupid woman, before your earnings are such that she can attach a pot full. Nope. I am the father of a physician. The demarcation between residency and practice is a gigantic uptick in your income (say immediate quadruplication). Get rid of your cheating wife before this. By f**king around on you, she has just messed her life up beyond all recognition. Unless loverboy is single and a physician, then she is screwed blewed tattooed and SOL.

Do not do any pick me dance or for that matter do not offer the gift of reconciliation. Let me put it this way, my kid had a classmate. He was older in med school, as he was a paramedic first. He was married and had a kid. His wife, to put it bluntly, was ignorant trailer trash. So, he is killing himself to become a physician, and she is feeling neglected. He tells her that it is only a few years, but she has gotten deaf. So, he finds out about the affair. She's sleeping with a shipping dock foreman. He leaves, and divorces her. Because he is a student, and generally broke, no financial settlement whatsoever. (I said she was as dumb as a sack of hammers.)

So, he graduates and is lucky enough to get a residency in Internal Medicine. He goes into a gigantic practice. Shortly thereafter, his income grows to the mid-six-figures. He was picking up his kid in his old beater until a few months in practice. Then he starts picking up his kid, in his new Mercedes. Ex Wife and her boyfriend are googly eyed. She spots his new watch. Rolex President. Finally, she croaks out, "Did you win the lottery?" He goes, no I am in practice as a doctor and specialist, you walked out on me when I was broke, and you had no concept of what I was going to make. Your new guy, makes, what? Maybe 30K a year? Honey, you had better sit down. I make $450K. She remarks, you have to be ****ting me? Their daughter pipes up: Mummy, daddy's house is giant-size. Mommy is truly stupid, and runs to the computer to google physician's salaries. She turns away from the computer, and says, guess I'm the stupidest woman on the planet. (Truly, who does not know that a physician makes great money-but, as I say, she was backward trash, and trash is as trash does-ended up kicking herself.) As she said, If I waited five years, I could have had this? (looking at his Mercedes) Instead, I am in a two bedroom apartment with this idiot.

KARMA CRASH

At which time, she gets a lawyer to take him back to court to raise child support, the guy gets hammered for 10k a month, and she lives for 18 years or so in high cotton.
I don't know if this story has the ending that's so grand...

But, it sounds great... lol

 

[donesies]

Donesies, if I am correct, you are in a residency program. That means that in one to five years, you will be making some serious money. I therefore, urge you to terminate your marriage to this obviously incredibly stupid woman, before your earnings are such that she can attach a pot full. Nope. I am the father of a physician. The demarcation between residency and practice is a gigantic uptick in your income (say immediate quadruplication). Get rid of your cheating wife before this. By f**king around on you, she has just messed her life up beyond all recognition. Unless loverboy is single and a physician, then she is screwed blewed tattooed and SOL.

Do not do any pick me dance or for that matter do not offer the gift of reconciliation. Let me put it this way, my kid had a classmate. He was older in med school, as he was a paramedic first. He was married and had a kid. His wife, to put it bluntly, was ignorant trailer trash. So, he is killing himself to become a physician, and she is feeling neglected. He tells her that it is only a few years, but she has gotten deaf. So, he finds out about the affair. She's sleeping with a shipping dock foreman. He leaves, and divorces her. Because he is a student, and generally broke, no financial settlement whatsoever. (I said she was as dumb as a sack of hammers.)

So, he graduates and is lucky enough to get a residency in Internal Medicine. He goes into a gigantic practice. Shortly thereafter, his income grows to the mid-six-figures. He was picking up his kid in his old beater until a few months in practice. Then he starts picking up his kid, in his new Mercedes. Ex Wife and her boyfriend are googly eyed. She spots his new watch. Rolex President. Finally, she croaks out, "Did you win the lottery?" He goes, no I am in practice as a doctor and specialist, you walked out on me when I was broke, and you had no concept of what I was going to make. Your new guy, makes, what? Maybe 30K a year? Honey, you had better sit down. I make $450K. She remarks, you have to be ****ting me? Their daughter pipes up: Mummy, daddy's house is giant-size. Mommy is truly stupid, and runs to the computer to google physician's salaries. She turns away from the computer, and says, guess I'm the stupidest woman on the planet. (Truly, who does not know that a physician makes great money-but, as I say, she was backward trash, and trash is as trash does-ended up kicking herself.) As she said, If I waited five years, I could have had this? (looking at his Mercedes) Instead, I am in a two bedroom apartment with this idiot.

KARMA CRASH

I'm already an attending physician, but have only been out of training for a year. We have just finishing paying off all of our debt, but haven't accumulated very much yet. Salary in the 800 range. This other guy in the 30s or maybe even lower with a wife who doesn't work and 3 kids.

I spoke to a lawyer today. Will file immediately. I have not yet confronted my wife. I am still on the fence about telling the OM's W. I kind of want them to blow this up on their own. In the end, my alimony is going to pay for this guy getting a better life. Sucks.

 

[bandit.45]

I'm already an attending physician, but have only been out of training for a year. We have just finishing paying off all of our debt, but haven't accumulated very much yet. Salary in the 800 range. This other guy in the 30s or maybe even lower with a wife who doesn't work and 3 kids.

I spoke to a lawyer today. Will file immediately. I have not yet confronted my wife. I am still on the fence about telling the OM's W. I kind of want them to blow this up on their own. In the end, my alimony is going to pay for this guy getting a better life. Sucks.

Good that you are filing.

But I think you have a moral obligation to tell OM's wife. How would you feel if everyone knew about your wife's affair but decided to just play it cool and not say anything? Think about it. That woman is being held in a prison of infidelity, and she may not even have a clue. She is being abused and victimized whether she is aware of it or not.

 

[Marc878]

We’re in a no-fault state

I think bringing it up to the OM’s spouse is a bad idea since it will probably just incur animosity and she may be out for blood in a divorce

Typical betrayed spouse syndrome. Being affraid at this time will make this worse.

Your lack of actions here will only enable the affair further.

Doormats get walked on.

Better wake up!!!!

 

[donesies]

She won't get blood even if she is out for it! You haven't been married that long, you have no kids, and she won't get alimony because she's able to work. Assuming she has a good attorney she'll get half of whatever your marital assets are, but at your age you haven't earned most of them yet so she'll get the crumbs. Personally, I'd start spending those marital assets (go on vacation, do some gambling, fancy dinners out) so there isn't much left to split. My ex-wife did the same thing as yours. She was there for all of my schooling, residency, and the early part of my career then cheated with a total loser and I divorced her ASAP, which coincidentally was right at the time I was really getting established but before I had accumulated a lot of assets. It is justice if you leave her now and she won't profit much from it. Plus, now that you are ready for a career you'll be a much better catch for other women and you'll be able to upgrade.

Having gone through what you are, I can tell you that you are in shock and not thinking straight. It is very hard to be rejected and the natural tendency is to grasp to hold the relationship together because that is what you are used to and that is what is normal to you. What I'd recommend is for you to grow a set of cojones and confiscate her diary and put it in a safety deposit box that she can't access. Then every time you are feeling weak, read parts of it until you get angry enough again to proceed with divorce. I kept my XW's audio of her having sex with the OM (now deleted) and wrote a journal and they helped me move forward whenever I doubted my course of action.

Get recommendations and hire the BEST divorce attorney in the area. Then don't discuss things with your wife, just file for divorce and have her served. The less time she has to process what is going on and the more emotional it become for her, the less able she will be to think straight and fight you on it.

Bandit: This is absolutely eerie. You and I are very similar. How did things turn out for you?

My wife is beautiful and I am ashamed to say that I wonder if I can ever find another like her

 

[Thor]

As far as exposure, I strongly endorse it, but be very selfish for a short while. Do what is best for you in the divorce. For example, my W wanted the D right now no delay. That was in my favor! Your W may be in love, and thus may not fight too hard. The easier she goes away, the better it is for you.

When the divorce is settled, you can expose to OM's W.

The exceptions would be if you know of a significant harm to OM's W, such as your W having a serious disease like HIV. The other exception might be if your state takes a long time for D, like a year. In that case your stbxw will come down off her endorphin high well before the D is finalized. Delaying exposure isn't going to avoid stbxw trying to get every penny out of you.

Don't accept alimony as a given. You may be able to use her cheating as leverage. She goes away easily with a smaller lump sum and there's no need to drag everything out into the open. Also, if she's been spending money on OM then you can claim it back as "wasting of marital assets".

What I would do is start with a reasonable but low offer. Tell her you just want her to be happy and free. See if she bites. If not, you have the financial wherewithall to make life miserable for her. Claim back whatever she spent on OM even if it isn't a lot of money. If your state has the option of claiming fault, file for infidelity and name the OM. Claim that she had little to do with your earning your professional credentials, so she has little claim on your future income. Claim that her infidelity disqualifies her from alimony. Create doubt about your future income stream. Many of these things are not likely to win if you argue it in court, but prosecutors use this strategy to wear down the defendant so that they'll just cave before court. If you can offer her an easy way out she may take it.

I'll even say that at your income level I would pay a generous but mathematically justified lump sum to get her to go away, rather than paying alimony. You have plenty of time to earn it back.

 

[GusPolinski]

I'm already an attending physician, but have only been out of training for a year. We have just finishing paying off all of our debt, but haven't accumulated very much yet. Salary in the 800 range. This other guy in the 30s or maybe even lower with a wife who doesn't work and 3 kids.

I spoke to a lawyer today. Will file immediately. I have not yet confronted my wife. I am still on the fence about telling the OM's W. I kind of want them to blow this up on their own. In the end, my alimony is going to pay for this guy getting a better life. Sucks.

You’ve been married well under 10 years, so it shouldn’t be *too* bad, and it certainly shouldn’t be permanent. And hey, no child support.

And with a salary like that, I’d spend whatever it took to keep it as low as possible. Hell, I’d rather pay lawyers than a cheating wife.

Damn I hope you don’t live in Commifornia.

 

[GusPolinski]

She won't get blood even if she is out for it! You haven't been married that long, you have no kids, and she won't get alimony because she's able to work. Assuming she has a good attorney she'll get half of whatever your marital assets are, but at your age you haven't earned most of them yet so she'll get the crumbs. Personally, I'd start spending those marital assets (go on vacation, do some gambling, fancy dinners out) so there isn't much left to split. My ex-wife did the same thing as yours. She was there for all of my schooling, residency, and the early part of my career then cheated with a total loser and I divorced her ASAP, which coincidentally was right at the time I was really getting established but before I had accumulated a lot of assets. It is justice if you leave her now and she won't profit much from it. Plus, now that you are ready for a career you'll be a much better catch for other women and you'll be able to upgrade.

Having gone through what you are, I can tell you that you are in shock and not thinking straight. It is very hard to be rejected and the natural tendency is to grasp to hold the relationship together because that is what you are used to and that is what is normal to you. What I'd recommend is for you to grow a set of cojones and confiscate her diary and put it in a safety deposit box that she can't access. Then every time you are feeling weak, read parts of it until you get angry enough again to proceed with divorce. I kept my XW's audio of her having sex with the OM (now deleted) and wrote a journal and they helped me move forward whenever I doubted my course of action.

Get recommendations and hire the BEST divorce attorney in the area. Then don't discuss things with your wife, just file for divorce and have her served. The less time she has to process what is going on and the more emotional it become for her, the less able she will be to think straight and fight you on it.

@donesies, read ^this^ over and over and over.
@Bananapeel handled his ex’s affair and the subsequent divorce about as well as anyone anywhere ever has.

And whether you’re religious or not, drop your knees and give thanks to Almighty God that your STBXW was stupid enough to actually commit the details of her affair to a journal.

 

[donesies]

I want to take a second to say that you guys have been the most amazing support. I can't imagine how you all came together and I appreciate everything that you're doing for me.

 

[Marc878]

Bandit: This is absolutely eerie. You and I are very similar. How dwid things turn out for you?

My wife is beautiful and I am ashamed to say that I wonder if I can ever find another like her

Shes also a damn cheater.

You're young and I can guarantee you there'll be so many women to pick from you won't believe it.

Cut the victim bull****. You'll be more than fine

 

[Taxman]

Donesies, one thought that you were still in residency. Therefore, in consultation with your attorney, look for strategies to secure assets. Your income in a no fault situation is attackable. Given that you were married during training, and dependent on her employment situation, you may have spousal support issues. I would also consult your CPA. Make sure you have your legal ducks in a row, then expose, and determine where you want to go with this. Remember, YOU ARE THE INJURED PARTY IN THIS.

 

[GusPolinski]

Bandit: This is absolutely eerie. You and I are very similar. How did things turn out for you?

My wife is beautiful and I am ashamed to say that I wonder if I can ever find another like her

Enough of that pathetic bull****.

You got her. You’ll get another.

Just make sure that the next one is more than just a pretty face. There’s no subsiltitution for character and integrity.

Oh, and don’t even think about getting married again without insisting on a rock-solid pre-nup.

 

[donesies]

@GusPolinski and @Marc878

You guys are f*$% awesome. I needed to hear that

 

[just got it 55]

I took all night thinking about it. I am going to file. After I file, I am seriously debating telling the OM’s wife.

OP Look where debating gets us in politics

Actions are what get things done

Clear and Present Detachment Emotionally and Financially

180 her ass hard

Oh and yeah EXPOSE & FILE

55

 

[SUCKA]

I found out the same in October. I would collect as much evidence as you can and stash it outside of your home in a safe place. I would consult a divorce attorney for advice. Scour cell phone records and computers and most of all take care of yourself and your mental health. It is a very devastating blow and you need time to recover.

 

[sokillme]

Read some of those threads I posted. All of those people did what you are doing and went on to much better lives. You bought a lemon, it happens, but there are plenty of good women out there.

Your wife is broken, so it has nothing to do with you. She probably is just entitled. Sometimes I think you can be too nice to your spouse and they turn you into a parent. Especially if you provide everything for them and let them live a life of a child with little responsibility. Did your wife ever work full time?

You should tell his wife because it is the moral thing to do, besides he isn't going to leave his wife for yours, he has 3 kids. And your wife isn't really going to want him, he has 3 kids. Both of them are in la la land. If it was you wouldn't you want to know?

Don't be surprised when she puts the hard press on you after you file. Just remember you don't have kids yet you can start over fresh. People like your wife are broken like alcoholics which means they need to do lots of hard work and are always susceptible to relapse. Life is much easier with someone who you can trust.

You should still check your picker to make sure you are better at seeing the signs next time. Maybe get some IC and read some books about codependency. Maybe even some after the affair type books so you can see the patterns and identify them quicker.

I know this is hard but trust all of us you will fell joy again. I know it doesn't seem like it but I goes completely away as soon as you fall in love with someone else. All that is left is a more cautious you, which is a good thing.

 

[Marc878]

@GusPolinski and @Marc878

You guys are f*$% awesome. I needed to hear that

Good, now apply the advice fully.

The only one that could keep you in this is you.

Take yourself out of the equation.

 

[VibrantWings]

Stop footing the bill for everything she wants and I bet she gets a new attitude....about you and him.

She's got too much time on her hands. He fills that time.

Stop putting up with this **** from her.

 

[TX-SC]

Not really much to add, except that you appear to have your wife's looks foremost in your mind. Surely, by now you realize that there is so much more to look for in a wife than looks. Being a doctor and a generally good guy, you won't have any issues finding someone to spend time with.

You, of all people, should realize the fragility of life. Don't waste yours with someone who wants someone else. Divorce and move on.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

 

[WilliamM]

...