I'm new here and would like to have some advice as the offending party, if possible. Some background: My wife and I have been married just short of five years, no kids. We have had a good marriage except for the sex department. It was good at first, but over time, things waned until there was nearly nothing over periods of months. I have a high libido and and love sex. Our limited sexual encounters over time often became very frustrating. I attempted communicating about it, but in hindsight, probably didn't follow up enough. We didn't communicate very well about it.
I was friendly with someone online who lives overseas (I live in the U.S.) before I met my wife and remained friends with them after I was married. After a while, that friendship turned into a cyber-affair, with us sending nude or near nude photos to one another and having sexual chats. My wife found out about the chats and emails a little over a month ago (mid-June 2011). As you can imagine, since then, things have been anything but good in our relationship. I immediately severed ties with the ow and removed her from all of my online life.
My wife was ready to leave and I begged and pleaded with her to stay. She asked me to not sleep at our apartment to give her some space and a chance to think and I complied. I have a space to go to, but have to come home to shower.
She is devastated, as am I. I've brought a world of pain into our relationship, along with the loss of trust and love from her and it hurts constantly. All I encounter now are understandably cold looks and little to no conversation. The love she had for me prior to the discovery is gone and all that's left is a shell of a marriage/relationship left.
She has basically challenged me to give her a reason to stay and I have been doing everything that I can to do that. As mentioned above, I am no longer in contact with the ow, my wife has unfettered access to my computer and has always known about my social networking habits, so that's not an issue. I know that she has been checking up on me and the ow because of my browser history. My wife has agreed to go to marriage counseling with me, but isn't ready yet. I have been scouring the web for information and books about what I can do to regain her trust after having had an affair.
My main concern is figuring out how to earn her trust again. The pressure I feel is immense and I have developed anxiety and sleep problems because of it. I really do love her, although she doesn't believe me. I have been open and have answered all of her questions as best I could. I feel like nothing I do or say will ever be enough again. I've destroyed the bond we once had and I'm not sure if she will every come to love and trust me again.
I guess I'm here looking for any kind of suggestions or anecdotes that might help me find my way towards some possible direction with this. Thanks in advance.
I was friendly with someone online who lives overseas (I live in the U.S.) before I met my wife and remained friends with them after I was married. After a while, that friendship turned into a cyber-affair, with us sending nude or near nude photos to one another and having sexual chats. My wife found out about the chats and emails a little over a month ago (mid-June 2011). As you can imagine, since then, things have been anything but good in our relationship. I immediately severed ties with the ow and removed her from all of my online life.
My wife was ready to leave and I begged and pleaded with her to stay. She asked me to not sleep at our apartment to give her some space and a chance to think and I complied. I have a space to go to, but have to come home to shower.
She is devastated, as am I. I've brought a world of pain into our relationship, along with the loss of trust and love from her and it hurts constantly. All I encounter now are understandably cold looks and little to no conversation. The love she had for me prior to the discovery is gone and all that's left is a shell of a marriage/relationship left.
She has basically challenged me to give her a reason to stay and I have been doing everything that I can to do that. As mentioned above, I am no longer in contact with the ow, my wife has unfettered access to my computer and has always known about my social networking habits, so that's not an issue. I know that she has been checking up on me and the ow because of my browser history. My wife has agreed to go to marriage counseling with me, but isn't ready yet. I have been scouring the web for information and books about what I can do to regain her trust after having had an affair.
My main concern is figuring out how to earn her trust again. The pressure I feel is immense and I have developed anxiety and sleep problems because of it. I really do love her, although she doesn't believe me. I have been open and have answered all of her questions as best I could. I feel like nothing I do or say will ever be enough again. I've destroyed the bond we once had and I'm not sure if she will every come to love and trust me again.
I guess I'm here looking for any kind of suggestions or anecdotes that might help me find my way towards some possible direction with this. Thanks in advance.
