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And now a text from her saying "we" are overdrawn. (joint checking) I noticed that our health insurance premiums would be coming out so I put just enough in to cover it because if hers went through first, then mine might bounce (I have since transferred my autopay to one of my accounts), joint account will be closed once all autopays are reassigned. Then she transferred $100 out to her account last night. The health insurance ent through, but a $10 job postings site monthly fee (for her) went through and now we're $25 under after the OD fee.

Hmmmm, what to do, what to do...
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Sham,

There is a limit to the number of time a person can avoid service. In Washington state the limit is 5 times, then the person is in contempt of court. How does it work in your state?

Cypress
 

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Sham,

Looks like its time to start separating all the fiances. Ask your lawyer the best way to do this.

Cypress
 

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And now a text from her saying "we" are overdrawn. (joint checking) I noticed that our health insurance premiums would be coming out so I put just enough in to cover it because if hers went through first, then mine might bounce (I have since transferred my autopay to one of my accounts), joint account will be closed once all autopays are reassigned. Then she transferred $100 out to her account last night. The health insurance ent through, but a $10 job postings site monthly fee (for her) went through and now we're $25 under after the OD fee.

Hmmmm, what to do, what to do...
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Sham

Tell her to call her financial adviser guy and use the money she hidden away all these months:D

I would pay the balance to 0 and close the account immediately

She can keep engaging you like that for ever, you still bailing her out

Close the account or remove your name from it and that is it
 

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And now a text from her saying "we" are overdrawn. (joint checking) I noticed that our health insurance premiums would be coming out so I put just enough in to cover it because if hers went through first, then mine might bounce (I have since transferred my autopay to one of my accounts), joint account will be closed once all autopays are reassigned. Then she transferred $100 out to her account last night. The health insurance ent through, but a $10 job postings site monthly fee (for her) went through and now we're $25 under after the OD fee.

Hmmmm, what to do, what to do...
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And let the mind games begin!

This is going to be interesting, to say the least!
 

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I work for and bank and I would just call your bank and explain what is going on. Say it was a one time thing due to a lack of communication between you and your STBXW. They are usually pretty good about refunding things like that so long as it hasn't been done multiple times (asking for a refund). Then you can also ask them to re-route certain auto-debit items from one account to another until you can get them all switched. This way you aren't accountable for the overdraft fee and you aren't giving her anymore "free" money. I would also call your lawyer and let him know that this happened. Just in case.
Sweet, did just that. They reversed the fee, didn't even have to give em the whole sob story. Thanks!
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Sham, I agree with others that you need to ensure all your debt is moved from that account and your name gets removed. Im not sure if you can actually cancel a joint account but you can explain your situation and have yourself removed.

As for your earlier post on her suprise that you aren't fighting for or taking the house, she had planned on you insisting and she just up and leaving to go elsewhere, leaving you to deal with the hassle of working out the details.

Again, you have thwarted her plan and left her holding the responsibility bag. Now SHE has to deal with getting appraisals, selling it, etc... however it works out. You're making her WORK. You heartless [email protected] you ;)

Just my $.02 gut opinion.

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Sham, she is using ANY excuse to communicate with you, hopefully to get a rise out of you so that you'll have a meltdown or say/do something that you'll regret and that she can use to her advantage.

And she simply CAN'T or WON'T face up to the reality that you grew a pair and took charge of yourself. Either she's pouting because you beat her to the punch and stole her thunder, or she can't accept the fact that she lost you. She's probably still convinced that you'll stop this "childish" phase of yours and come home to get your just desserts.

In short, she JUST DOESN'T GET IT.
 

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Sham, she is using ANY excuse to communicate with you, hopefully to get a rise out of you so that you'll have a meltdown or say/do something that you'll regret and that she can use to her advantage.
Or keeping up reasons to communicate so you'll come back. She doesn't know what to do when the choice is no longer hers.
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Or keeping up reasons to communicate so you'll come back. She doesn't know what to do when the choice is no longer hers.
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Right-how can you defeat an enemy that has left the battlefield?
 

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Sham,

No you don't need to inform her. It's best if you don't. I'm assuming your using a process server.

I spoke to a friend this afternoon that is a county Sheriff. She informed me that the 5 times rule is only for the Sheriffs Dept when dealing with probation issues. It does not apply for serving regular legal documents. She did say that you can have the process server leave the documents at the door, after a certain number of tries. But run all this by your lawyer. There are some due process issues with improper document service.

Cypress
 

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Sham,

No you don't need to inform her. It's best if you don't. I'm assuming your using a process server.

I spoke to a friend this afternoon that is a county Sheriff. She informed me that the 5 times rule is only for the Sheriffs Dept when dealing with probation issues. It does not apply for serving regular legal documents. She did say that you can have the process server leave the documents at the door, after a certain number of tries. But run all this by your lawyer. There are some due process issues with improper document service.

Cypress
Thanks Cypress...
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Mate, I've just read this from start to finish....WOW!!! What a journey!!!

All I want to say is I'd like to commend you on being a strong, level headed and flat out awesome human being during this massive ordeal. If I can have half your brains when I'm older I'll be happy. Also the guts & heart its taken you to share this with everyone, is nothing less than amazing. So thank you.

I really do hope the best for you moving forward, I hope one day you find someone who appreciates you for the truly good guy you are (its funny cos I feel like I know you after reading all this!).

If I was in your country (and not in Australia) I swear we'd be mates, you'd be a wicked one to have:thumbup:

Take care
 

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Mate, I've just read this from start to finish....WOW!!! What a journey!!!

All I want to say is I'd like to commend you on being a strong, level headed and flat out awesome human being during this massive ordeal. If I can have half your brains when I'm older I'll be happy. Also the guts & heart its taken you to share this with everyone, is nothing less than amazing. So thank you.

I really do hope the best for you moving forward, I hope one day you find someone who appreciates you for the truly good guy you are (its funny cos I feel like I know you after reading all this!).

If I was in your country (and not in Australia) I swear we'd be mates, you'd be a wicked one to have:thumbup:

Take care
Thanks man. Maybe we can swill a few next time I'm there. And come on, I just turned 34, not that old. :)
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Thanks man. Maybe we can swill a few next time I'm there. And come on, I just turned 34, not that old. :)
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Sorry mate, you seem so smart I assumed you were a bit older. I'm 29 so you're that too far off!

You come to Australia? Seriously if you do I'd be more than keen to catchup for a sneaky scotch or whatever your poison!

You're a bit of a legend in my eyes
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Impressive, Sham, impressive.

I have to admit, I was worried you didn't have it in you at first. You should be proud of yourself. In the months and years to come, this infidelity won't be what defines you...your strength will be. You are going to rise above it...you already have.

Can I offer a couple tidbits of advice?

It's tough to retain friends of the marriage. Unless you want to involve yourself in the she said-he said thing (and you don't), it's really difficult to keep these relationships healthy. You just don't know what's being passed along to your wife, so you'll always be on guard. The best thing is to create a new life that includes new friends.

And...continue to ignore those ridiculous text messages from your wife. There's no winning in that type of toxic exchange. BUT...keep them and any other email that you do have or receive. You never know when a paper trail might become necessary.

I hope you stick around to offer your wisdom and experience to others. Well done.
 
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