[QuietRiot]

Other thought i had was maybe one of the girls got sick,(drunk) and tossed some cookies. I always lifted seat to puke. Also left seat up when cleaning. If it has not been used recently the bowl should be dang near empty from evaporation.

Weird. Why do you lift the seat to vomit?

 

[Enigma32]

You know what, I get why you are concerned. I know some people think maybe you are being paranoid over a toilet seat but you know the routine in your house better than anyone. If you've been living in that same house with a bunch of women for so many years and that toilet seat has never been up, this minor change will make you take pause. I get it.

The issue I see here is your investigation. You already have a doorbell camera that you checked which yielded nothing. Now you are thinking of installing cameras, but what if that shows you nothing? Honestly, I think you should just hire a PI to watch your wife for about a week or so and then call it a day.

 

[SGr]

So after my STBXH moved out my daughter and her boyfriend stopped by one day. She texted me after they left and said her boyfriend said I think your mom had a man over…she was like “What” He said the toilet seat was up. [emoji23]
Not the case…I just cleaned the toilet and didn’t put the seat back down. Somethings are simply what they are. [emoji2372]

Occam's razor.

Tapatalk

 

[Twodecades]

You really just don't have enough info to draw any conclusions, and neither do we have enough to give you much guidance. Occam's Razor, as SGr stated above, is a definite possibility. I think the real issue is your gut telling you something is off. That I do think you need to address.

She could be on edge if she is generally an anxious person, or she could be worried about your daughter having boys over. The intruder theory seems over the top. IS she an anxiety-prone person?

I think for your own sanity, you should rule out infidelity before revisiting this with your wife. You need to know if the issue is internal with you, external with your marriage, or both. Assuming there is no evidence of infidelity, I would then sit down and talk to her. Be open. Give her room to be angry about being recorded without her knowledge. Stress how you appreciate the way she took care of you and explain how you've felt since your illness about the distance. Explain how the distance made you suspect she could be cheating, and you know that's not a healthy place for you two to be. Tell her how you love her and want to protect your marriage but don't want to be paranoid or distrustful. Consider IC and ask her if she'd be willing to go to marriage counseling. You may have some insecurities that need to be dealt with so you don't drive her away. Or there could be some trust or communication issues that you two need to work on.

That's assuming you find there's nothing going on. At this point, I'm not seeing that you will find something with your wife. It'd be helpful for to update either way, though, for those who find this thread down the road.

 

[Tatsuhiko]

The common advice in here is "trust your gut". I think that's good advice, and his gut is telling him something is wrong, so I'm confused why people are suggesting that OP is being irrational. He sure doesn't seem irrational.

OP, definitely place the new cameras and hide them well. Do not tell her about them, of course.

 

[Divinely Favored]

Weird. Why do you lift the seat to vomit?

Larger area(just bowl) and to not get any puke splashed on the toilet seat.

 

[manwithnoname]

I came home a day early from a business trip about six weeks ago and found the toilet seat up in our upstairs guest bathroom. This may not be remarkable in most households, but I (51) live with my wife (44) and our 3 daughters (17, 15, 13). Living with four women means always putting the toilet seat down. It is an accommodation to their gender that I have fully embraced. We haven’t had houseguests since the Before Times, and no one really uses that bathroom except for overnight guests so finding the toilet seat up in an empty house in the middle of the day in the middle of the work week is, to put it mildly, odd. My daughters and their friends were still at school. My wife was still at work. I checked the doorbell video log, but no one had come in the house since everyone left around 7:15 that morning.

Who cleans the toilet? Is it possible it was cleaned and left up a while ago since no one uses it except for guests, and you haven't had guests over recently?

Work on the distance, and obviously be on alert

 

[Blondilocks]

I'd get security on the side door (which no one uses - except for maybe a burglar, lover, boyfriend?). If you're going to do security, do it up right.

 

[Andy1001]

I’m mentally counting the times as a seventeen year old that I stayed the night with a date and we used the guest bedroom. Did the bed look tidy when you entered the room?

 

[In Absentia]

If all the doors are locked, and there are no signs of forced entry anywhere, then it could only have been your wife or your daughters. Someone is clearly lying.

 

[Andy1001]

If all the doors are locked, and there are no signs of forced entry anywhere, then it could only have been your wife or your daughters. Someone is clearly lying.

I agree with you. Also I would think his wife would not take the chance of one of the daughters coming home unexpectedly if she was cheating which I don’t believe anyway.
My bet is it’s the oldest daughter.

 

[Bluesclues]

I agree with you. Also I would think his wife would not take the chance of one of the daughters coming home unexpectedly if she was cheating which I don’t believe anyway.
My bet is it’s the oldest daughter.

I agree with this. OP said he checked with the school and she was there so he dismissed it- but she doesn’t need to skip school to have a boy over. There is at least 1 1/2 hours between the time they get home from school and when mom gets home. That doesn’t necessarily mean sex, just having a boy over in her room.

 

[OnTheRocks]

Oh there are so many reasons. 1) The toilet seat up just looks bad. 2) The rim of the toilet is the nastiest part of the toilet and having the toilet seat down hides it. 3) Women back up to the toilet when we pee. Men don’t.

But, I suspect you know all of those reasons, and don’t care. That’s on you. But I do encourage you to start pushing your gf to put up the toilet seat in your house. Best to let her know who you are now before you guys get more serious.

1) your opinion, 2) your preference, 3) do you also walk backwards when approaching the toilet? Still not seeing how it's my responsibility. Been with GF for almost 10 years now, so I assure you she knows who I am.

 

[Twodecades]

Re: the comment about OP being irrational...to be clear, I'm not saying he is. There just isn't enough evidence to conclude much. If I were a guy in his shoes, the toilet lid up would make me pause, but the fact that it was related to cleaning, flushing something down the toilet, a daughter having a male friend visit or sneaking a boy in, etc. would seem just as likely as my wife cheating. Especially if sex hadn't changed for the worse.

The thing is that people are often too embarrassed to come back and say, "Turns out it was nothing," so in cases like these with very little hard evidence, the place that forum readers' minds tend to stay stuck on is "she was cheating." Another thread comes to mind in which a WW thought her betrayed spouse was cheating when, in fact, he was planning a very nice surprise for her. I realize that's a different situation, but when there isn't a lot to go on, we need to use caution with our assumptions.

My guess would be that it's either innocuous or has something to do with the daughters. However, OP's gut feeling is something is off, and he may even be picking up on something else subconsciously that he can't yet articulate. I hope it doesn't turn out to be what he's fearing.

That's another mind-twisting aspect of infidelity. Sometimes, BSs feel some strange relief mixed in with everything else at DD, because they felt like they must have been losing their minds...something felt "off," yet they were told they were crazy and imagining things. Hence, getting to the bottom of this for his own sanity.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

It's called cleaning the toilet. You should try it sometime.

 

[mickybill]

Taped to the underside of the toilet tank in a ziplock is a legit hiding spot just saying.

It worked for Michael in "The Godfather."

 

[HommeNu]

Good morning from the Sunshine State. Thank you all for your comments. I have nothing new to report. We took a family day and drove across the state to visit two of my great-aunts who finally feel comfortable having vaccinated guests. It was really good to hug them. And it was a really nice family day.

Today K and the daughters are joining some of their girlfriends for their first unmasked shopping trip for clothes in over a year. My plan today is to download the cell phone bill and install the Arlo cameras. @Blondilocks suggested putting security on the side door which was the first thing I plan to cover with an Arlo. Because of the way the house sits on the lot the drive comes in by the side of the house and then turns into a garage area with a parking pad which also exits to the street. Our normal traffic pattern is to enter from the front of the house and exit from the parking area into the side street. I am going to place a camera on the garage to catch anyone entering from the "exit." Not sure yet where to place the third one. Anyway, I am thinking as I type and you're probably bored.

The other thing I intend to do is to search our bedroom and bath for anything out of place or that is new to me.

As I type that now I am beginning to think you all are mostly correct. I am just being paranoid. It has to the the eldest daughter, doesn't it. That makes so much more sense. And she's proven herself wily. I do love her though. We had such a nice day yesterday. K was her usually funny, loving self. The daughters were so happy to go see their Aunties that they didn't squabble. It felt good. I’ve never had a concern that my wife is might be stepping out. It is so far out of her “good girl” personality as to be laughable. I trust her completely. Plus I just don’t know when she would have time.

Someone asked about the health of the flower shop. It has been a strange year in business. I will post a more detailed response later, but it was a much better year than expected.

Okay, I will report back once my chores are complete. I know everyone is here for unhappy reasons, but I wish you all a happy Sunday.

 

[Jeffsmith35]

Look carefully for any hairs that don't match.

 

[Blondilocks]

Look carefully for any hairs that don't match.

And, don't forget to tear the vacuum apart and check for hairs.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

Okay, I will report back once my chores are complete. I know everyone is here for unhappy reasons, but I wish you all a happy Sunday.

Not all of us are here for unhappy reason. Quite happy hear. Just hoping to learn and maybe help a little along the way.