[re16]

88 minutes. I finished up with my client in a midwestern city far from home, and am back in my hotel room. I just looked at the Arlos. Jerry--the older one--delivered the flower today. His delivery van was in our driveway by the side door and he was in my house for 88 minutes over the lunch hour today. And yes, K, was home the entire time. The doorbell camera logged her entrance and exit. 88 minutes! I don't even know what to think. What do I do now?! I want to call her right now and ask WTF. I think I am going to go throw up.

Flower boy it is.

I would keep this to yourself for the moment. A rush to confront will hurt not help. She will gaslight you and you won't really be able to say definitively one way or the other.

We all know what he was doing there.

This is going to blow up your family, you need undeniable proof.

ETA: If you can't wait, you bluff and say you have evidence and know what she is doing. When she denies, just be adament that you know she is lying. Do not reveal your sources (camera or otherwise) if you do confront. This is riskier than getting the hard evidence.

 

[seadoug105]

88 minutes. I finished up with my client in a midwestern city far from home, and am back in my hotel room. I just looked at the Arlos. Jerry--the older one--delivered the flower today. His delivery van was in our driveway by the side door and he was in my house for 88 minutes over the lunch hour today. And yes, K, was home the entire time. The doorbell camera logged her entrance and exit. 88 minutes! I don't even know what to think. What do I do now?! I want to call her right now and ask WTF. I think I am going to go throw up.

Just don’t. You will loose potentially huge intel source. Keep it to yourself… get home and check the toys and thongs…. And still keep quiet…. Regardless of what you find.

Start a narrative now that this meeting did not go well or that you have an issue with this client that will require a longer return visit. Then you can blame your inevitable distance on on your mind being preoccupied with the “issue that arose today while at X client”. During a longer “preplanned” stay in town and watch the cam feed…popping home if you need to check things out…. But this is greatly complicated if you have share location with her…

Don’t discount or explain away the older dude… Because they always affair down. just think Ron Jeremy was considered desirable by some…. Perhaps he is so blessed….

My heart goes out to you, along with all my strength… because lord knows I probably couldn’t hold back calling her out..

 

[ccpowerslave]

You could risk it for the biscuit to avoid gaslighting and pretend the worst has happened and you already have evidence. Ex. List out all the stuff you know: distance, weird behavior, time codes, thongs, big purple knobbler, 88 minute flower guy session, and then there’s the recordings from the interior of the house... shake the tree and see what falls out.

 

[re16]

If you are not vaccinated, maybe you could fake a covid exposure and either stay longer or grab a hotel in your home town.

It is going to be very difficult not to tip your hand, but I think you should hold out if you can.

ETA: Major decision point here is if you are in a no-fault state or if you aren't as you could gain an advantage by divorcing for adultery.

 

[HommeNu]

I threw up.

 

[re16]

I threw up.

HN, so sorry this is happening to you. We are all here to help. Do you have an ally that you can confide in like a sibling?

You are in for a rough ride. There will be many emotions, I think I would focus on anger and letting yourself feel that to steel yourself to take appropriate and calculated actions.

Does Jerry have a wife / gf?

It seems your wife has thrown away the life you built together for some hanky with a relative loser.

You now need to protect yourself / your assests / and custody of your children to the greatest extent possible. All decisions need to center on these goals.

When were you supposed to go home?

 

[re16]

Ideally, before you confront:

1. You have met with as many of the top attorneys in town as you can for a consult. This gives you general do's and don'ts and once you've talked to them, she can't use them. When you confront, her likely first step will be to meet with an attorney and you'll be a step ahead when she is blocked because of your actions.

2. You need prepare for the confrontation by knowing what you will ask and you how will handle gaslighting and denials. Tell her that any lies or omissions will result in immediate divorce and make her provide a detailed timeline of the affair in writing, this will make it hard for her change her story.

3. Most of us here will be of the opinion that reconciliation is very unlikely to be successful and will be advising you to divorce. You'll need to be clear about what is and what isn't a deal-breaker for you. Some choose to reconcile, but it is a long arduous road fraught with pitfalls that ends in a less than ideal scenario, in the best case. If you go or even consider the "R" route, you'll need to be clear about your plans so you receive proper advice.

4. If you are in at-fault state, you likely should have a PI document what she is doing.

5. Be ready to shift 50% of funds out of her control and have new accounts in your name only ready for that.

6. Have a backup plan for separate living arrangements should that occur.

7. Notify work that you will be needing some time off.

8. Understand the financial and custodial implications and parameters of the divorce process.

9. Be prepared with VARs etc and potentially someone else around so she has no chance to falsely accuse you of anything.

10. Setup an STD test for yourself.

11. Decide if a confrontation is even necessary or if you would rather just have her served and begin moving on.

12. Just after you confront or serve her, contact the AP's spouse or significant other to inform them and compare notes, they may already have good intel, and or they may need to know.

13. Avoid sex with her and absolutely do not get her pregnant.

All of this will take some action and time to prepare.....hence why we're saying don't confront yet. You currently have a massive advantage and you want to keep it that way.

 

[Rus47]

88 minutes. I finished up with my client in a midwestern city far from home, and am back in my hotel room. I just looked at the Arlos. Jerry--the older one--delivered the flower today. His delivery van was in our driveway by the side door and he was in my house for 88 minutes over the lunch hour today. And yes, K, was home the entire time. The doorbell camera logged her entrance and exit. 88 minutes! I don't even know what to think. What do I do now?! I want to call her right now and ask WTF. I think I am going to go throw up.

You already know what was/is going on. No need to call her and ask, she will just lie. No need to play detective or collect any more evidence. You already have more than enough. All that matters is what are you going to do about it. Maybe Jerry has something akin to the dildo that you discovered. Maybe he has been delivering more than flowers to other ladies in your town.

 

[Elizabeth001]

I would opt for undeniable evidence. Cameras on whatever guest room is nearest to the toilet seat that was left up.

You need to breathe and think rationally …or wait until you can. Not the time for rash decisions.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Willnotbill]

There is the possibility that there is a good excuse for the 88 minute visit and nothing happened. I would not confront until you know for sure what's going on. You don't necessarily need the smoking gun video but you do need to know and not just have a hunch because she will deny everything.

At this point I would do one of two things.

1. Hire a PI and go out of town on business. I'm sure they will get you some answers.

2. Place a VAR in your bedroom and guest room or anywhere you think the deed might be taking place. Just make sure they won't be found. Also be prepared to hear things from you kids you don't want to hear too.

I still prefer the PI. You also might set up a business trip ASAP and stay in town. If you are close enough to the house and see something on the camera you can make a "surprise" visit. There would be no denying it then.

I know its tough but keep quiet and don't tip your hand. Hell, its not tough, its plain torture but its what is needed until you know for sure.

 

[Elizabeth001]

Ideally, before you confront:

1. You have met with as many of the top attorneys in town as you can for a consult. This gives you general do's and don'ts and once you've talked to them, she can't use them. When you confront, her likely first step will be to meet with an attorney and you'll be a step ahead when she is blocked because of your actions.

2. You need prepare for the confrontation by knowing what you will ask and you how will handle gaslighting and denials. Tell her that any lies or omissions will result in immediate divorce and make her provide a detailed timeline of the affair in writing, this will make it hard for her change her story.

3. Most of us here will be of the opinion that reconciliation is very unlikely to be successful and will be advising you to divorce. You'll need to be clear about what is and what isn't a deal-breaker for you. Some choose to reconcile, but it is a long arduous road fraught with pitfalls that ends in a less than ideal scenario, in the best case. If you go or even consider the "R" route, you'll need to be clear about your plans so you receive proper advice.

4. If you are in at-fault state, you likely should have a PI document what she is doing.

5. Be ready to shift 50% of funds out of her control and have new accounts in your name only ready for that.

6. Have a backup plan for separate living arrangements should that occur.

7. Notify work that you will be needing some time off.

8. Understand the financial and custodial implications and parameters of the divorce process.

9. Be prepared with VARs etc and potentially someone else around so she has no chance to falsely accuse you of anything.

10. Setup an STD test for yourself.

11. Decide if a confrontation is even necessary or if you would rather just have her served and begin moving on.

12. Just after you confront or serve her, contact the AP's spouse or significant other to inform them and compare notes, they may already have good intel, and or they may need to know.

13. Avoid sex with her and absolutely do not get her pregnant.

All of this will take some action and time to prepare.....hence why we're saying don't confront yet. You currently have a massive advantage and you want to keep it that way.

This should be a sticky!

Well done. high 5


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Marc878]

I threw up.

Sorry man but if you confront now all you’ll get will be lies. The deed is done and you cant change it. Think about this. Infidelity is a life long gift that’ll never fully go away. Upfront most just want them back.

What would you get back?

Im sure like most she’ll be sorry she got caught. She’ll more than likely blame you or you’ll just get more lies. Nothing happened. You’re crazy, etc.

Better think a bit before going down the confront road. Once you spill those beans you can’t get them back.

Does adultery count as far as alimony is concerned in your state? If it were me I’d consult with 3 attorneys before I did anything.

Many jump into R or even worse some stupid marriage councilor and live to regret it.

If it’s a deal breaker just file for D and save yourself years of pain. You don’t need to confront. Hell she knows.

 

[Marc878]

The one thing is the lack of a decision on your part will mean a longer stay in limbo. She may have put you here but you are the only one that will keep yourself there.

if you need a smoking gun go full force. VARs, PI, cameras. Don’t let this linger.

Have you checked your online phone bill? There are a lot of red flags with the thongs being the biggest one for this to be a coincidence but…..

Really sorry you’re here.

 

[GusPolinski]

Sorry man.

Be sure to note the position of certain items when you return home.

Also think about strategically deploying VARs and/or additional (hidden) cameras in the bedroom once you get back home.

Also be aware that the MBR might not be where the deed is being done — some WWs will use a guest room in an effort to convince themselves that they’re somehow being less disrespectful by not using the marital bed.

 

[cocolo2019]

OP fake the Covid and/or if you got the vaccine, fake it using the new variant as an excuse.
This way you can take time to think strategically. If you call pull this mummer"s farce, then try to get in the house when she is away and allocate the cameras and VARs in strategic points.
If you confront now they can come up with an excuse, like "the poor works a lot, he was starving and offered him to take a lunch in the house" and/or "how do you dare to think about me in that way", etc ,etc and the mother of gaslightings.

So try to get a more robust evidence and you can use it as a leverage in a future.

Edit: fixed a lot of typos

 

[re16]

HN, you OK? Stay with it, you’re entering the worst moments of your life right now.

Churchill said: “when you’re going through hell, keep going”…. You don’t want to get stuck where you are right now / today. You have to move forward, which means plan and then execute.

Run your plans by the group, roll with the feedback you like…. You can do this. We know what you’re feeling….

 

[In Absentia]

I hope this is the cute skater-type and not the other one...

EDIT: it's the other one!

 

[Beach123]

So she’s having an affair with the guy who’s married?
When you surprised her for lunch did he act odd?
Didn’t she say she couldn’t have a nooner with you because she had to go meet an employee that afternoon?
I’m sorry about this news… but don’t tell her you know until you get the undeniable evidence. She will lie and lie if you can’t prove it.
You may need a camera in the bedroom area.

But if this is true - this is who she is…and you can’t change that about her. Basically, she isn’t who you thought she WAS.

 

[Rus47]

So she’s having an affair with the guy who’s married?
When you surprised her for lunch did he act odd?
Didn’t she say she couldn’t have a nooner with you because she had to go meet an employee that afternoon?
I’m sorry about this news… but don’t tell her you know until you get the undeniable evidence. She will lie and lie if you can’t prove it.
You may need a camera in the bedroom area.

But if this is true - this is who she is…and you can’t change that about her. Basically, she isn’t who you thought she WAS.

Why is more evidence needed? His gut, her manner when an out-of-town trip cancelled, refusing him nooner, toilet seat up, 9" surrogate for the AP when he not available, thongs that WW never wore for the OP, and now the 88 minutes. Why not just hire an attorney, file for D and let his WW react, explain, plead whatever. The more "evidence" he collects is just more bad memories for him to forget. Imagine he plants a VR (which are illegal in some jurisdictions) and then gets to listen to and hour and half of moaning with bed springs creaking in the background. I believe in most jurisdictions the court cares nothing about the reason, adultery or otherwise so her adultery isn't going to change how things go for him.

Just my opinion, but what he already has is more than enough.

 

[Blondilocks]

He wouldn't be presenting the VAR in court. In fact, it would be for his own use and he would not even mention it to his wife. He would keep all sources of info to himself. I would place one in the guest bedroom.