[EleGirl]

Not that it is really important, but no. She would share in the joint estate which would include the increase in our holdings (from my earnings) until the dissolution of the marriage. It would be in the form of property division at the end of the divorce, not an ongoing payment.

She does/will receive a small stipend for her direction of her volunteer program. She could get a job in a heartbeat. She is a licensed professional but she hasn't worked a real paying job in quite some time.

If she has any income at all it does matter. Temporary support calcualtions would take her income into considerations.

For example my brother has court order to pay his wife $2500 a month in temp support. She lied about her income to get that.

When she turned in her financial disclosure paperwork I found income that she did not claim. It took some digging to find it, but I did. So he's taking her back to court to recalculate support. With the income I found it will drop down to about $1000 a month.

(they kids are both grown, so there is no child support in this.)

There is very good reason to believe that my sis-in-law has hidden accounts. After finding out that she lied about her income and about her accounts, my brother's attorney is going to ask the court for an order to allow an asset search. If they find the money that I found her sneaking out of their joint account while they were together, it will be a nice little bundle. And since she has lied to the court, they will very likely give it only to him.

 

[KanDo]

Kando, why are you dragging it out, get this toxic carcinogen out of your life.
Posted via Mobile Device

I would love to get this done quicker! Wish there was a way. I can't through her out yet and I may need a court order to accomplish that even when her 90 days are up. Still waiting for clarification from my lawyer on that one.

 

[JustaJerk]

It seems you've made a decision and are following through on it. At least you have a plan of action... most BS's are totally lost.

 

[WasDecimated]

KanDo

You are doing the right thing…just keep going...don't look back. Remember, she is not who you thought she was and it is not your fault.

I have been going through hell with my WW as well. After D Day #1 (2009), she wanted to work on our marriage and promised NC. After D Day #2 (2011) she wanted to work on our marriage and give me TT for months while insisting it was only a EA….she was still secretly in contact with OM. Months later…D Day #3, I got the proof I needed from the OM's wife. It was a PA and it never stopped…almost 2 years I had been financially supporting this. I have spent the last year in a false R with her doing almost nothing to help us. I thought things were getting better for a few months but she has regressed again. I feel contact has resumed…if it ever really stopped. Like your wife, she still has her laptop and cell locked down.

I have finally thrown in the towel. I filed 2 weeks ago…I am moving on. She has no idea…I want it to be a nice, big surprise. I think she stayed because it is about the money and lifestyle I provided her with…similar to your situation. We didn't have a prenup, no fault state, married for 15 years, 3 kids, so I will get hit pretty hard. At this point I don't care anymore. I just want her out of my life.

I am wondering how my WW will react to getting the "D" papers.

Hang in there.

 

[KanDo]

KanDo

You are doing the right thing…just keep going...don't look back. Remember, she is not who you thought she was and it is not your fault.

I have been going through hell with my WW as well. After D Day #1 (2009), she wanted to work on our marriage and promised NC. After D Day #2 (2011) she wanted to work on our marriage and give me TT for months while insisting it was only a EA….she was still secretly in contact with OM. Months later…D Day #3, I got the proof I needed from the OM's wife. It was a PA and it never stopped…almost 2 years I had been financially supporting this. I have spent the last year in a false R with her doing almost nothing to help us. I thought things were getting better for a few months but she has regressed again. I feel contact has resumed…if it ever really stopped. Like your wife, she still has her laptop and cell locked down.

I have finally thrown in the towel. I filed 2 weeks ago…I am moving on. She has no idea…I want it to be a nice, big surprise. I think she stayed because it is about the money and lifestyle I provided her with…similar to your situation. We didn't have a prenup, no fault state, married for 15 years, 3 kids, so I will get hit pretty hard. At this point I don't care anymore. I just want her out of my life.

I am wondering how my WW will react to getting the "D" papers.

Hang in there.

I am happy that you have developed a plan to move forward. If your wife is anything like mine, she will be surprised and distraught when she get's served. Mine actually blames me for ending the marriage! I am a bit more fortunate than you with the length of my marriage being shorter and having a prenup. I am trying to be genteel and fair. I ended up having a actuary value my retirement plans so that there would not be any substantive arguments on the financial assets. (worked out well as the present day value is 100k less than I had thought!) Be prepared for the guilt trip and the campaign to save a "marriage" that doesn't exist.

 

[KanDo]

I wonder if any of you have experienced this. My STBXW keeps asking me whether I really am going to divorce her. I know and have expected the campaign to save the "marriage" as noted previously in this thread; but, this recurrent question about divorce is just weird!

Also a little unhappy with the attorney's lack of action. I sent responses to him for the 27 questions regarding finances from the STBXW's attorney and it has been 2 1/2weeks with no feedback and the materials have not gone to the opposing attorney. The delays in this are really weighing on me...

 

[Shaggy]

I wonder if any of you have experienced this. My STBXW keeps asking me whether I really am going to divorce her. I know and have expected the campaign to save the "marriage" as noted previously in this thread; but, this recurrent question about divorce is just weird!

Also a little unhappy with the attorney's lack of action. I sent responses to him for the 27 questions regarding finances from the STBXW's attorney and it has been 2 1/2weeks with no feedback and the materials have not gone to the opposing attorney. The delays in this are really weighing on me...

She's fishing to see how much more she can milk it. She also maybe trying to time her next trip to see the OM.

 

[turnera]

Start bugging the attorney. They'll take care of it just to get you off their backs.

 

[Rob774]

As usual, i'm late to threads like these. I've read all 10 pages, thus i am now up to speed. I give props to the OP, for handling the situation as well as he did. It seems like everytime he turned around, he was getting socked in the gut with even worse news than before.

I would love to be a fly on the wall in 10 years, when she isn't "as pretty" as she used to be, and she's all alone, and only hookups she can manage are ONS from 55 year old men. She'll think about what life "could of been" if she would of done right by her ex husband, our OP, who would of by now remarried to a lovely woman, who cherishes guys like him.

 

[KanDo]

She's fishing to see how much more she can milk it. She also maybe trying to time her next trip to see the OM.

Surprisingly, I think now she really is disillusioned with the idea of the OM. The last contact I came across was 11/15 ( but I haven't made any effort to check) and she had a scheduled trip to her work city with flights all arranged for the beginning of this month that she chose not to take. ( maybe Jim dumped her?) Anyway, it seems she is awakening to reality in some way.

Finally spoke to the legal assistant who said my attorney is wading through all the material I sent them on the 27 questions from the STBXW's attorney. I have to admit it was almost a ream of paper. I also refused to answer a couple questions because they were not relevant to property settlement. Even went so far as to cite the Family Code section that made the question irrelevant.

At the rate things are progressing, I think she will be here until New Years. Pisses me off, because this is what she wanted....

 

[turnera]

You don't have to make it comfortable for her. Exclude her from activities. Don't set out a plate for her. Take the kids away - a LOT. Start boxing her stuff up (to help her, you know). Make it hit home. Start emptying the house of her stuff.

 

[KanDo]

She is leaving on the 29th. property settlement not complete; but, she will be gone.

 

[Dadof3]

Post pics of the door hitting her ass on the way out, please?

LOL

 

[morituri]

Just think of it, if it wasn't for that accidental text you received way back in June of her wishing to lead a double life with you and the OM, you could still be blissfully unaware of her betrayals.

If there is any moral to this story, as well as others, is that affairs take a great deal of work and effort to sustain. Sooner or later most cheaters become complacent and sloppy. When this happens, it usually becomes easier to discover their affair(s).

 

[Shaggy]

You got freedom, the OM gets a committed cheater.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Chaparral]

Just think of it, if it wasn't for that accidental text you received way back in June of her wishing to lead a double life with you and the OM, you could still be blissfully unaware of her betrayals.

If there is any moral to this story, as well as others, is that affairs take a great deal of work and effort to sustain. Sooner or later most cheaters become complacent and sloppy. When this happens, it usually becomes easier to discover their affair(s).

I heard on the radio the other day that only one in five affairs are discovered/come to light. Anyone know where this figure may have come from? Could it be realistic?

 

[Dadof3]

Probably came from the Captain Obvious show. Remember, theres statistics - lies and damned lies!

How do you really know if only 20% of affairs actually come to light? In my opinion, only when you assume the sample size is 100% of the population and 20% have been caught cheating!

 

[lordmayhem]

I heard on the radio the other day that only one in five affairs are discovered/come to light. Anyone know where this figure may have come from? Could it be realistic?

I've seen that too and I find it hard to believe. The majority of waywards undergo a dramatic personality and lifestyle change and it's pretty obvious, while a small percentage of people are sociopathic and can actually completely compartmentalize their affair life from their home life.

Still, even in my own personal experience, there's a lot of denial out there. I saw the dramatic personality change with my own eyes and didn't even figure it out until I accidentally discovered it.

 

[morituri]

It isn't necessarily always the case that a betrayed spouse is in denial about what his/her cheating spouse is doing behind his/her back.

It is possible that in the case of KanDo, his stbxw was able to compartmentalize so well, that she was able to still be able to continue giving KanDo the attention she had always given him and therefore he was none the wiser. Her business trips allowed her the opportunity to carry on a double life, one where she was a loving wife and the other where she was a sexually ravenous woman engaging in sex with other men.

Unless I'm mistaken, KanDo's stbxw never denied him sex and affection like Shamwow's ex-wife did with him. She was not looking to replace him with another man. In her mind, being a good wife had nothing to do with being sexually exclusive to KanDo. We've seen this type of woman before, she was my ex-wife, and, the_guy's, and more recently with Badblood's and oldmittens.

It wouldn't come as no surprise if KanDo's wife were to have an emotional meltdown in the next couple of weeks or months after the divorce. Most of these women are broken individuals who need long term therapy in order to become whole and finally break the self-destructive cycle that can only bring tragic consequences in the end.

 

[KanDo]

It isn't necessarily always the case that a betrayed spouse is in denial about what his/her cheating spouse is doing behind his/her back.

It is possible that in the case of KanDo, his stbxw was able to compartmentalize so well, that she was able to still be able to continue giving KanDo the attention she had always given him and therefore he was none the wiser. Her business trips allowed her the opportunity to carry on a double life, one where she was a loving wife and the other where she was a sexually ravenous woman engaging in sex with other men.

Unless I'm mistaken, KanDo's stbxw never denied him sex and affection like Shamwow's ex-wife did with him. She was not looking to replace him with another man. In her mind, being a good wife had nothing to do with being sexually exclusive to KanDo. This is an accurate portrayal

We've seen this type of woman before, she was my ex-wife, and, the_guy's, and more recently with Badblood's and oldmittens.

It wouldn't come as no surprise if KanDo's wife were to have an emotional meltdown in the next couple of weeks or months after the divorce. And I have been advises I may see her on my doorstep in the weeks to months after all is said and doneMost of these women are broken individuals who need long term therapy in order to become whole and finally break the self-destructive cycle that can only bring tragic consequences in the end.

by the way, got the "you don't have to do this" and the "The infidelity is my fault but the divorce is all you" speech last night. Think her lawyer may have given her my latest property settlement proposal (turns out my defined benefit retirement plan's current value is less than I thought [Thank you actuary!])

Also, I think the 1 in 5 figure for discovered affairs comes from surveys of the number of people who admit to an affair vs those who say they know their spouse has been in an affair.