[bandit.45]

Actually none of what KanDo's ex-wife is doing is crazy.

She's not crazy. She's worthless, pathetic and desperate. She knows she's a loser, and she knows that KanDo is the only connection she has to being able to live any kind of a semblance of a normal life. She stalls and delays and prevaricates because it is the only way she can keep KanDo connected to her. She's not crazy. She is quite lucid and knows exactly what she is doing.

I think when she was married to KanDo he was the only thing in her life that was stable. And like most waywards, she took him for granted, thinking she could find herself a little fun on the side. When he left her and the smoke cleared she realized to her horror that he was probably the only stable thing she ever had in her life. As she spirals out of control, she will crave his presence more and more.

This won't end when they get this retirement issue settled. That's a pipe dream. She's going to slither her tentacles in and out of his life for years to come, or until she can find a replacement just like him.

 

[Dogbert]

Interesting POV bandit.45. Do you find that your XWW tries to contact you? Mine does every 3 to 4 months. Why on earth do they do that? As attractive women they certainly are in no short supply of men who would want to get involved with them, so why reach out to the men that dumped them? :scratchhead:

 

[GusPolinski]

Interesting POV bandit.45. Do you find that your XWW tries to contact you? Mine does every 3 to 4 months. Why on earth do they do that? As attractive women they certainly are in no short supply of men who would want to get involved with them, so why reach out to the men that dumped them? :scratchhead:

They're probably looking for -- or, rather, hoping for -- a bit of stability.

The carousel has to get old after a while.

 

[Dogbert]

They're probably looking for -- or, rather, hoping for -- a bit of stability.

The carousel has to get old after a while.

So it's the ol' better the devil you know than than the one you don't? It makes some sense considering that many cheaters are terrified of getting a taste of their own medicine. So, we the faithful are their known quantity

 

[GusPolinski]

So it's the ol' better the devil you know than than the one you don't? It makes some sense considering that many cheaters are terrified of getting a taste of their own medicine. So, we the faithful are their known quantity

There are probably at least a few reasons for the behavior...

Having a safe harbor: the WS wants to keep the BS as a solid Plan B, fallback position, or whatever you want to call it.

Soothing guilt: if the WS can convince the BS to be friends, his or her betrayal can't have been that bad... right?!?

Genuine love: it's entirely possible that the WS may still love -- and even be in love with -- his or her BS. After all, not all cheaters intend to be caught and/or leave their marriages... a great many of them are just looking to get some strange on the side. (I'd suspect that this is more often true of WHs than of WWs.)

 

[BetrayedDad]

Having a safe harbor: the WS wants to keep the BS as a solid Plan B, fallback position, or whatever you want to call it.

Agreed. Most cheaters can't be alone. They're always looking for backup. Sometimes they have multiple backups. You were stable in the past so they will try to plan b you.

Soothing guilt: if the WS can convince the BS to be friends, his or her betrayal can't have been that bad... right?!?

Agreed. If you befriend them, in their mind their sins are forgiven and they can start to justify their actions. Keep contact with your ex strictly about the kids for that reason.

Genuine love: it's entirely possible that the WS may still love -- and even be in love with -- his or her BS.

Disagree. They might care about what happens to you but they don't love you anymore. There is certainly a big difference. Think about an old relationship you had with an ex gf/bf that was good but just didn't work out for whatever reason. You certainly don't love the person anymore but if you found out they were in the hospital you would still care to some degree, hope they were ok etc. No different.

 

[GusPolinski]

Disagree. They might care about what happens to you but they don't love you anymore. There is certainly a big difference. Think about an old relationship you had with an ex gf/bf that was good but just didn't work out for whatever reason. You certainly don't love the person anymore but if you found out they were in the hospital you would still care to some degree, hope they were ok etc. No different.

BD, some people are just broken, and they love to the degree that they can.

 

[bandit.45]

Interesting POV bandit.45. Do you find that your XWW tries to contact you? Mine does every 3 to 4 months. Why on earth do they do that? As attractive women they certainly are in no short supply of men who would want to get involved with them, so why reach out to the men that dumped them? :scratchhead:

No. She has found a new chump to lean on.

 

[happyman64]

No. She has found a new chump to lean on.

Poor Chump!

 

[Decorum]

I am embarassed to say how much this mistake in my life has costs me.

Kando you seemed to handle it as well as any person could. What "mistake" would you do differently?

Push to go to trial, get a new lawyer, defer your earnings, or do you mean just marrying her? I hope you don't mind my asking.

Also did she not ask you for a baby, she still may see you as the only man she has known that could provide a stable home. I wounder if this is why she keeps in touch and hopes one day to get together again, OMG she may have wanted you to get her pregnant near the end when she wanted to come over. What do you think? She knows you would have been responsible even if divorced.

Dodged a bullet there.

People differ on this, especially if they have children but do you think you would have been better off to have never gotten involved with her? Have you ever told her that?

Again hope you don't mind my asking.

All the best to you, take care!

 

[KanDo]

Kando you seemed to handle it as well as any person could. What "mistake" would you do differently?

Push to go to trial, get a new lawyer, defer your earnings, or do you mean just marrying her? I hope you don't mind my asking.

Also did she not ask you for a baby, she still may see you as the only man she has known that could provide a stable home. I wounder if this is why she keeps in touch and hopes one day to get together again, OMG she may have wanted you to get her pregnant near the end when she wanted to come over. What do you think? She knows you would have been responsible even if divorced.

Dodged a bullet there.

People differ on this, especially if they have children but do you think you would have been better off to have never gotten involved with her? Have you ever told her that?

Again hope you don't mind my asking.

All the best to you, take care!

Well, my comment was about the whole marriage. At this point I think I would have been better off having never gotten involved with her. I clearly did not know who she was from the very beginning.

 

[happyman64]

How could you?

I know how frustrated you are.

I remember when I introduced my wife to my parents. Their first impressions were interesting.

Then I dated my wife for over 6 years. Their impression changed.

But my Dad said some very wise words to me.

"Look at your MIL. Because your wife will become her over the next 50 years. Can you live with that? Can you love that woman?"

"Then look at her family. Because that will be the family your wife will envision to having one day. Is that what you want as well?"

And he was so right.

Thankfully this girl turned out to be the keeper.

Don't give up. Every woman is crazy. Just how crazy is what you have to figure out if you can live with.....


HM