[EleGirl]

Sounds to me like you are doing the best you can in a very bad situation. I comend you for being such a descend man through all of this.

You need to stay the course. She is a toxic woman. You do not need her in your life.

 

[sunvalley]

I agree with EleGirl; it appears you have been civil and decent in what is a VERY bad situation. I am sorry you're going through this. And it is true: there ARE women out there who will be faithful, loyal, and loving.

I actually laughed out loud reading your posts detailing her lies, coverups (or lack thereof), whining for money, protesting that she really loves you, and her comment "I can't believe you're divorcing me!" What a jerk. Let her boytoys support her; she'll find out soon enough that it's NOT greener on the other side of the fence.

One other thing: When her boytoys dump her after the intoxication wears off, do NOT allow her back into your life. Even if she shows up in the dead of night on your doorstep, crying her eyes out and begging for a second chance. Serial cheaters do NOT stop cheating unless they own up and get some serious therapy — and it appears that's not going to happen with her. She has already demonstrated she cannot be trusted.

Best of luck to you. And remember: This is NOT your fault.

 

[EleGirl]

KanDo, does you wife seem to have two or more men on the line who think she is loyal to only him? For example does this guy, Jim (that's his name right?) know about all the other guys? Can you tell this from the texts, emails, etc?

 

[KanDo]

KanDo, does you wife seem to have two or more men on the line who think she is loyal to only him? For example does this guy, Jim (that's his name right?) know about all the other guys? Can you tell this from the texts, emails, etc?

The current paramour knows she is married and knows specifically about me (i.e. knows my name and the city I live in) I am sure she has described me a two headed ogre with a heart of stone to justify her infidelity. I am not certain he knows that I know of him. ( he is single without any other attachment as far as I can tell)

Some things she has said over the weekend have made me concerned there is a game plan to delay the divorce or move the venue to her work state which is not nearly as helpful to me. I have the distinct impression she believes she has an ace up her sleeve which will damage me in the divorce. Email to attorney this AM to try and push thing s along.

 

[Dadof3]

If we could ask, what would be damaging to you in the divorce? Is it procedural, or a character issue?

 

[KanDo]

If we could ask, what would be damaging to you in the divorce? Is it procedural, or a character issue?

Procedural. Here our joint estate has ended. In her work state she would be entitled to half my earnings until the day of actual divorces (which could take a year or two!)

 

[warlock07]

But you filed it your work state right?

 

[Initfortheduration]

Which state were you married in? If its the one you live and work in and your the one to on bring the divorce, it should be fine. Oh and if she mentions money one more time tell her "That she and the OM can live on love". Or how about "two can live as cheaply as one". And I was ROFLMAO about the 7,500 deposited into an account for her access. LOL. Dump the skank, tell her its your Christmas present to yourself.

 

[JustaJerk]

I actually thought you were doing pretty good. I guess its a waiting game now. I just don't get way the husband has to give so much in order to end it. I was under the impression that women were more liberated now, and could fend for themselves without the help of us male "pigs." The justice system doesn't reflect this one bit- UNFAIR!

 

[KanDo]

Which state were you married in? If its the one you live and work in and your the one to on bring the divorce, it should be fine. Oh and if she mentions money one more time tell her "That she and the OM can live on love". Or how about "two can live as cheaply as one". And I was ROFLMAO about the 7,500 deposited into an account for her access. LOL. Dump the skank, tell her its your Christmas present to yourself.

Well, actually we were married in state 1 and I initially filed there thinking when I confronted her she would leave and go there. She refused to go back to city 1 to get served and wanted to get divorced in state 2 (I believe she thought she would get alimony here). After retaining a lawyer here, he was confident the pre-nup would hold which states NO SUPPORT! and state two ends the community estate at the time the other person is served. So, it worked out even better for me.

If she successfully moves the case to state 1, I could owe 1/2 of my earning until divorce which would be bad news!

 

[madwoman]

I feel so bad for you. What a horrible thing to endure. Talk to your lawyer, she has established residency there in your state. It has already been filed, she can't unfile it. She was served there too. If she tries, go in with the proof of service, and any other evidence that she in fact has residency where you are.

I keep a log of dates she is in your home, anything that shows she's a liar when she tries to undo the state of filing.

Another state has no juristiction at this point, and it wouldn't be hard to prove the other state doesn't. They will not want the burden on their system if it is already filed.

Consider your states privacy laws, if you don't have to have her knowledge to tape yourself in a conversation with her, I'd carry a voice activated tape recorder on your person at all times, in case she actually vocalizes her intent to get you through the other state so she can have the advantage. If it is the wrong venue, she could actually be charged with a crime for frivilous use of court. A VAR would also show no violence on your end in case she tries that line.

Be proactive, but I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

I don't know how you can do it.

I hope she gets EVERYTHING she deserves in life. Take care of yourself.

 

[EleGirl]

The current paramour knows she is married and knows specifically about me (i.e. knows my name and the city I live in) I am sure she has described me a two headed ogre with a heart of stone to justify her infidelity. I am not certain he knows that I know of him. ( he is single without any other attachment as far as I can tell)

Some things she has said over the weekend have made me concerned there is a game plan to delay the divorce or move the venue to her work state which is not nearly as helpful to me. I have the distinct impression she believes she has an ace up her sleeve which will damage me in the divorce. Email to attorney this AM to try and push thing s along.

A friend of mine's husband was doing what it sounds like your wife is doing.. using the internet to meet and keep several men (my friend's husband was doing it with women) on the line. Like you, she got a lot of evidence off his cell phone and computer.

She emailed copies of the text's, emails, etc to all of the women.. so they could all see that her husband was 'cheating' on them as well. Boy did that put a crimp in his style.

 

[EleGirl]

I actually thought you were doing pretty good. I guess its a waiting game now. I just don't get way the husband has to give so much in order to end it. I was under the impression that women were more liberated now, and could fend for themselves without the help of us male "pigs." The justice system doesn't reflect this one bit- UNFAIR!

In community property states this happens no matter who the higher earner is... a man or a woman. If the wife earns more than the husband, she will pay him temporary support.

What they do is to add up the two incomes, sometimes they subtract expenses and then divide it 50/50.

In California they use software called DissoMaster. The software basically determines the difference between the 2 incomes and then give the lower income spouse about 30% (or less, it's a sliding scale) of the higher paid spouse's income..

Spousal support is a different situation and usually paid only in long term marriages from the higher paid spouse to the lower paid spouse.

 

[KanDo]

In community property states this happens no matter who the higher earner is... a man or a woman. If the wife earns more than the husband, she will pay him temporary support.

What they do is to add up the two incomes, sometimes they subtract expenses and then divide it 50/50.

In California they use software called DissoMaster. The software basically determines the difference between the 2 incomes and then give the lower income spouse about 30% (or less, it's a sliding scale) of the higher paid spouse's income..

Spousal support is a different situation and usually paid only in long term marriages from the higher paid spouse to the lower paid spouse.

This appears to vary substantially from state to state. Fortunately my prenup specifically precludes spousal support (even temporary) and given the length of our marriage, there wouldn't be alimony (long term spousal support) even if there wasn't a pre-nup

 

[EleGirl]

This appears to vary substantially from state to state. Fortunately my prenup specifically precludes spousal support (even temporary) and given the length of our marriage, there wouldn't be alimony (long term spousal support) even if there wasn't a pre-nup

You did say that if she can move the case to her work state you were concerne that she might get temporary support.

Do you know where she is moving to when she does move out?

If she has to rent an apartment, you might want to consider helping pay her moving to just get her out of the house sooner. Then get your key and she's gone.

 

[KanDo]

You did say that if she can move the case to her work state you were concerne that she might get temporary support.

Do you know where she is moving to when she does move out?

If she has to rent an apartment, you might want to consider helping pay her moving to just get her out of the house sooner. Then get your key and she's gone.

No, I believe she would move to the state where she has worked. She would not get any support payment there; but, she would get 1/2 my earnings until the divorce is final which could be a year or more in that state.

 

[EleGirl]

No, I believe she would move to the state where she has worked. Should would not get any support payment there; but, she would get 1/2 my earnings until the divorce is final which could be a year or more in that state.

Half of your earnings until the divorce is final is called 'temporary support".

If she is working then she has income, right?

 

[KanDo]

Half of your earnings until the divorce is final is called 'temporary support".

If she is working then she has income, right?

Not that it is really important, but no. She would share in the joint estate which would include the increase in our holdings (from my earnings) until the dissolution of the marriage. It would be in the form of property division at the end of the divorce, not an ongoing payment.

She does/will receive a small stipend for her direction of her volunteer program. She could get a job in a heartbeat. She is a licensed professional but she hasn't worked a real paying job in quite some time.

 

[Shaggy]

Kando, why are you dragging it out, get this toxic carcinogen out of your life.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Dadof3]

Time to start deferring your compensation.......