[morituri]

Birth defect inducing medication and unfavorable marital circumstances would be a tragedy for any child to face. Let's hope and pray that she isn't pregnant.

 

[Dadof3]

Please don't shut up, you may speculate as you wish, I'm posting here for release and insight.

Anything is possible. She went off birth control for a few months while on her 10-wk trip thru the end of June. Far as I know she didn't go back on until a week before the last trip a week before Vegas in mid-August (I called her on this, as I had seen it sitting out all of a sudden...she said she was going back on for "when we got better"...just like the lingerie, etc). And it takes a few weeks to kick in. So it's possible. But...being she's on epilepsy medication, she'd definitely not have any child in such circumstances (almost guaranteed serious birth defects). OMW asked me about this possibility too, I told her that. If it were actually the case, I would hate to believe it, but I will believe almost anything at this point, particularly if it's the worst thing imaginable for me. (would put a smiley face in here for emphasis, but that wouldn't be funny right now).

But I don't fault you for bringing it up...I almost wanted to jokingly ask her if she was pregnant when she told me she was throwing up.

If she is...OM is staunchly pro-life and this would only cause more massive pain for everyone involved...again. In which case, well played, confused gods of karma. Keep it coming. How much more before the earth opens up and swallows the four of us for fun?

Crap Sham! Crap!

Off of birth control while she is out of town? From my wife and I's experience with birth control - there's a reason why its called that despite the fact that it hormonally prevents pregnancy. It decreased my wife's sex drive when she was on it.

That being said, I can't think of a more dangerous thing to happen while she is away, especially with the group she traveled with, and with what Atholk talks about in his primer, they go a-looking around ovulation time, if they aren't in a good position relationship wise or in contact regularly with a man.

Dangerous in deed and makes me insist - wouldn't hurt to ask her. Buy her the pregnancy test (if she can't afford it) if you have to know.

I would discount some of the disclaimers on the anti-seizure medication. Side effects CAN happen to people, but its not a 100% thing.

I think you also need to tell her to cut the crap with the flirty proposals - you can't love a dishonest woman who put her marriage on the line for a selfish fling. I think she needs a strong rebuke, something for her to stew over. She needs to feel the hurt. she's felt it - but she's more insulated by the hurt as the dynamic in your relationship was distance. I think what would affect her more is the lack of distance - interaction. she will see what she gave up. She gets a brief taste when she sees ya.

If her nausea is caused by stress / guilt, then it can only be dulled by time, unless she comes clean for her conscience. Otherwise, it's biological - there's a new life being built. She's really in a tight spot now. If this was truly the case, be wary of R talk and trickle truth in a desperate way.

 

[golfergirl]

Crap Sham! Crap!

Off of birth control while she is out of town? From my wife and I's experience with birth control - there's a reason why its called that despite the fact that it hormonally prevents pregnancy. It decreased my wife's sex drive when she was on it.

That being said, I can't think of a more dangerous thing to happen while she is away, especially with the group she traveled with, and with what Atholk talks about in his primer, they go a-looking around ovulation time, if they aren't in a good position relationship wise or in contact regularly with a man.

Dangerous in deed and makes me insist - wouldn't hurt to ask her. Buy her the pregnancy test (if she can't afford it) if you have to know.

I would discount some of the disclaimers on the anti-seizure medication. Side effects CAN happen to people, but its not a 100% thing.

I think you also need to tell her to cut the crap with the flirty proposals - you can't love a dishonest woman who put her marriage on the line for a selfish fling. I think she needs a strong rebuke, something for her to stew over. She needs to feel the hurt. she's felt it - but she's more insulated by the hurt as the dynamic in your relationship was distance. I think what would affect her more is the lack of distance - interaction. she will see what she gave up. She gets a brief taste when she sees ya.

If her nausea is caused by stress / guilt, then it can only be dulled by time, unless she comes clean for her conscience. Otherwise, it's biological - there's a new life being built. She's really in a tight spot now. If this was truly the case, be wary of R talk and trickle truth in a desperate way.

Hasn't she not had sex with Sham since April? If so - let OM deal with tests etc.
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[Shamwow]

If her nausea is caused by stress / guilt, then it can only be dulled by time, unless she comes clean for her conscience. Otherwise, it's biological - there's a new life being built. She's really in a tight spot now. If this was truly the case, be wary of R talk and trickle truth in a desperate way.

Her nausea could also be caused by head injury, broken ribs, bruised lung, and strong pain meds.

But if she is pregnant, she will never tell anyone, and it'll be over by tomorrow afternoon. I know her. She told me early when we started dating that, because of the meds, if she ever got pregnant without planning on it (getting off the meds for a few months) that I would probably never even know about it. Of course I corrected her on this, and said that YES, I would, because I would deserve to know...but that I understood her reasoning.

 

[Dadof3]

I only say this as to my concern that she might reverse her initial position about abortion, especially in light of being alone.

I've seen stories of women who are as your wife was when younger, only to get older and reverse this.

I also brought the possibility up as a way to help Sham steel up to Mk II again as it would be a reminder to her of the consequences of her actions.

After all, unless she was always a cheater, she changed her mind about that, why not about aborting a child?

 

[Shamwow]

Well if this is somehow the case, and in that case she does reverse that position, I'll be shocked, and will surely let you know. Just don't see it happening....

 

[adv]

I would prefer to be a machine today, human is no good.
Posted via Mobile Device

Personally, I don't think a machine could have handled your situation as well as you have.

The longing and emotions do pass, and eventually, you find yourself not caring or missing if you see or talk to her or not. It does take time and it sounds trite, but it does get easier as time passes.

I'm about eight months further along in this ****ty path than you are at the moment. Stay strong and your first priority is take care of yourself.

Edit:
Did not see the nausea talk until after I posted

 

[MarriedTex]

Probably not worth posting, just feeling down and kinda empty today. This last week has taken a toll on Mk II. Everything is a struggle, I reluctantly agreed to go watch the football game with a buddy of mine. It was fun and I kept pretty casual, but I keep thinking about her. Now that the tsunami of anger has subsided, I'm back to just missing my wife, and my life (as I thought it was). Not healthy to dwell on it, trying not to, gym didn't even seem to help today. So now I'm down the street from my new apt at a pub by myself, seeing if a martini will help. Methinks it won't, but this may be one day where I give in to the loneliness and just let it roll over me.

W cancelled today for me coming by to clear out some stuff from the basement and straighten up what's left for house showing. She's been throwing up all day (hasn't been taking nausea meds the doc gave her last week), says she isn't up to going through things. Why does this make me sad? I'm not *supposed* to want to see her. But I guess I do. Can't get sucked back in, especially since she has given no real indication that she wants to suck me back in. Any responses from me have been Mk II, but in my mind I know I'm just pretending today.

WEAK today. Probably for the best I don't see her, need to take some time to steel up again, get my head on straight, and ride the wave before I put myself in any position to damage my progress. So used to feeling in charge, today i just feel lonely, even though I'm currently surrounded by dozens of people. Guess the contact this last week has thrown me for a loop.

I know R is a hopeless cause, but I'm dreaming today I guess, the dream is that she lays it all out there and wants me back. Not worth my time to even entertain this fantasy, given the circumstances. This is the hardest day I've had in weeks. Just venting, I'll be okay. Maybe not till tomorrow though.
Posted via Mobile Device

No matter how remote the possibility, please mention this nausea / possible pregnancy situation to your lawyer. Weirder things have happened. You don't want to get caught by some marriage technicality paying child support on an "affair baby."

The item about the birth control shifts help put things into perspective and offer at least a possible explanation for how this got rolling. Basically, birth control shifts left her out on the road feeling more sexual than had been the case in recent years. Another factor contributing to the ****tail of issues that paved the way for the change in her treatment of you. Not an excuse, of course. But a plausible explanation and a window for you to think that she, too, was a victim of the meds in a way that was almost impossible to control, given the circumstances.

That's not to say she should be forgiven. It just provides some insight on what factors helped to trigger this whole sad turn of events.

 

[Dadof3]

No matter how remote the possibility, please mention this nausea / possible pregnancy situation to your lawyer. Weirder things have happened. You don't want to get caught by some marriage technicality paying child support on an "affair baby."

The item about the birth control shifts help put things into perspective and offer at least a possible explanation for how this got rolling. Basically, birth control shifts left her out on the road feeling more sexual than had been the case in recent years. Another factor contributing to the ****tail of issues that paved the way for the change in her treatment of you. Not an excuse, of course. But a plausible explanation and a window for you to think that she, too, was a victim of the meds in a way that was almost impossible to control, given the circumstances.

That's not to say she should be forgiven. It just provides some insight on what factors helped to trigger this whole sad turn of events.

MarriedTex just verbalized why I thought it'd be important to get her a pregnancy test instead of waiting for the OM to pay for. This type of information will be IMPORTANT in your D. You have to protect yourself. As far as her flipping, it could be a reason for her to keep - especially if she doesn't want to let you go. She might play the "rescue me" Sham umpteenth times to wear your resolve down on the D.

I also wanted to comment on the other day when Sham mentioned he stopped by and heard W and her GF talking about the injury and what Dr said about it. Some implied this might be a veiled threat - I read it as that the Dr was as skeptical as I that it was an accident. Still doesn't add up to me. Now - maybe if she is pregnant - that does all sorts of things to your brain.

Would your STBXW possibly do anything to harm herself as a result of shame. You did mention in your other thread that she's worried about being a lonely old spinster and not being very sexy for very much longer.

 

[Shamwow]

MarriedTex just verbalized why I thought it'd be important to get her a pregnancy test instead of waiting for the OM to pay for. This type of information will be IMPORTANT in your D. You have to protect yourself. As far as her flipping, it could be a reason for her to keep - especially if she doesn't want to let you go. She might play the "rescue me" Sham umpteenth times to wear your resolve down on the D.

I also wanted to comment on the other day when Sham mentioned he stopped by and heard W and her GF talking about the injury and what Dr said about it. Some implied this might be a veiled threat - I read it as that the Dr was as skeptical as I that it was an accident. Still doesn't add up to me. Now - maybe if she is pregnant - that does all sorts of things to your brain.

Would your STBXW possibly do anything to harm herself as a result of shame. You did mention in your other thread that she's worried about being a lonely old spinster and not being very sexy for very much longer.

Clearly anything is possible...but I would bet my left n*t that she wouldn't beat herself over the head, fall down the stairs, break a few ribs and pass out for hours in a pool of blood...on purpose, in order for me to feel sorry for her and raise her affair baby (and who would hurt themselves like that if they thought they may be pregnant?...she's not a rabbit boiler, as hurtful as she's been). She may have been drunk and slipped (instead of a seizure)...that's a far as I can take the realm of possibility.

OMW is very concerned about the possible pregnancy aspect (just talked with her), as that would pretty much be the last straw for her. I realllllly don't see it as a likely reality, a wild speculation at best.

I suppose I need to look into it, but let's just say my W wouldn't give me a straight answer on it unless she needed me real bad. I would have to be creative, and I haven't thought of one way to do that without being intruding and crazy guy w her or her gf. She's not pregnant guys. But I will do my best to verify.

 

[Chaparral]

My wife is on pain meds right now due to an operation. Shes struggling with nausea and eats crackers when she takes her meds.

Maybe you should take her a box of Zesta crackers and scope out the landscape.

Also concerned about her mental health and worreid she might do something to herself. I've seen a lot of that and its certainly not uncommon.

Sorry your feeling down, wish you well.

PS Don't hesitate to ask her how she's doing, I doubt she would tell anyone else if she were in trouble over all this. She may just need a little opening to really talk to you if you show her some kindness.

 

[Sod]

Sham - If you are worried about her, talk to her and ask her. Its not a sign of weakness or ill intent to ask someone you care for if they are doing ok. It doesnt mean you are asking to get back together or displaying anything other than concern for someone you care about. You have a history with her and you would both be robots to not be concerned about the others well being even if the marriage is over regardless of what the cause of the breakdown between you.

Not everything has to be a game and not everything is a conspiracy. Just my humble opinion

 

[golfergirl]

My wife is on pain meds right now due to an operation. Shes struggling with nausea and eats crackers when she takes her meds.

Maybe you should take her a box of Zesta crackers and scope out the landscape.

Also concerned about her mental health and worreid she might do something to herself. I've seen a lot of that and its certainly not uncommon.

Sorry your feeling down, wish you well.

PS Don't hesitate to ask her how she's doing, I doubt she would tell anyone else if she were in trouble over all this. She may just need a little opening to really talk to you if you show her some kindness.

Maybe I'm cold beeyotch here, but wasn't purpose of going dark and 180 to show Mrs. Sham what life without Mr. Sham is like? Well let her learn that. She hasn't confessed nor shown any remorse, she also hasn't made any decisions. She's had bad luck, been needy and been dumped. Sham admitted he's struggling because of her change in mood. So why send him for more? It clearly isn't his baby on the WAY off chance she's pregnant, so why stress and get involved. Life without Sham means figuring it out on her own. Let her do that. It's just another consequence of the affair an d she deserves to experience it. She HAS other care, her parents, friends. Sham doesn't have to be the one bringing crackers.
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[Tall Average Guy]

Sham - If you are worried about her, talk to her and ask her. Its not a sign of weakness or ill intent to ask someone you care for if they are doing ok. It doesnt mean you are asking to get back together or displaying anything other than concern for someone you care about. You have a history with her and you would both be robots to not be concerned about the others well being even if the marriage is over regardless of what the cause of the breakdown between you.

Not everything has to be a game and not everything is a conspiracy. Just my humble opinion

What about having her gf ask her? My recollection is that you are still on good terms with her. If so, give the gf the facts and tell her that pregnancy crossed your mind. Your STBXW may be more forth coming to her than to you.

 

[Cypress]

Sham,

I went through a long period of wistful feelings after my marriage fell apart. I struggled with the accepting that I could not change the past. A book that helped was:

The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them

1. Everything changes and ends
2. Things do not always go according to plan
3. Life is not always fair
4. Pain is a part of life
5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

It's a great book

I hope this helps.

Cypress

 

[MarriedTex]

Clearly anything is possible...but I would bet my left n*t that she wouldn't beat herself over the head, fall down the stairs, break a few ribs and pass out for hours in a pool of blood...on purpose, in order for me to feel sorry for her and raise her affair baby (and who would hurt themselves like that if they thought they may be pregnant?...she's not a rabbit boiler, as hurtful as she's been). She may have been drunk and slipped (instead of a seizure)...that's a far as I can take the realm of possibility.

OMW is very concerned about the possible pregnancy aspect (just talked with her), as that would pretty much be the last straw for her. I realllllly don't see it as a likely reality, a wild speculation at best.

I suppose I need to look into it, but let's just say my W wouldn't give me a straight answer on it unless she needed me real bad. I would have to be creative, and I haven't thought of one way to do that without being intruding and crazy guy w her or her gf. She's not pregnant guys. But I will do my best to verify.

As one of the leading advocates of "going dark" way back when, I'm now on the side of opening up the communication. Sham has clearly demonstrated that he can move on without her. However, uncertainty over R, her status and other issues that are out of Sam's control are contributing to Sham thinking about these things too much.

If work schedules allow, I would invite her out to lunch "in the interest of being civil." Of course, you should be prepared to ask her some tough questions in a straight-forward way that may give you closure if you never sit down to eat with her again. Foremost among these would be "Why did you do this to us?"

They say that the best cure for homesickness is going home. You recognize that "home" is not all that it's cracked up to be. That helps you move forward. More open communications now will help you recognize that the "home" of your pre-affair marriage no longer exists. The lingering thought of reviving the R will likely die of its own accord, and you'll have more psychological freedom moving forward.

Others will disagree with this idea. I think it's the one thing you need to do in order to move forward with your life.

 

[Dadof3]

MarriedTex: Amen! Amen and AMEN!

 

[Sod]

Wholeheartedly agree with MarriedTex.
:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

[Shamwow]

Thanks for the comments everyone. Much better today. As I suspected, yesterday just sucked no matter what, and I just rolled with it. This morning I feel quite fresh and on top of things. Roller coaster, that's all.

I'm guessing she was just ill from the meds, injury and probably not eating.

Conjecture on anything more serious was inevitable, but the worst case scenario is unlikely to say the least. I'm just gonna dive into work today and have a better day. Thanks...
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[krismimo]

Glad your feeling better today SHAM, it is all part of the process just do what your doing now, stay dark and keep busy.