[sandcastle]

I’ve seen a lot of divorces over the last 22 years as a CPA. This is the first I’ve seen where in the span of a week we have a drafted and signed agreement, despite significant assets. Plus a trial date. And a check written for the property settlement. Your assets must be very liquid. You might want to get a second opinion on the agreement since your lawyer couldn’t have put that much time into it. Especially considering you work 100 a week plus marathon training. I mean 100 hours is like 7am to 9:30 pm 7 days a week not including time for lunch, let alone a thorough assessment of assets and liabilities.


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Thank You!

Trial date set?

What state do you live in OP?

 

[EleGirl]

Signed papers were filed and checks were delivered to her. We'll see if she cashes them.

She signed the divorce papers. Whether she cashes the your checks does not matter. The signed papers are enough. This is an uncontested divorce. All that needs to be done is the signed papers filed with the court. You don't even need a court date. The judges reviews the divorce papers at his desk and signs them.

It rather odd that your attorney is telling you that you needed to write her some big checks right away before the settlement is signed by the judge.

 

[sandcastle]

She signed the divorce papers. Whether she cashes the your checks does not matter. The signed papers are enough. This is an uncontested divorce. All that needs to be done is the signed papers filed with the court. You don't even need a court date. The judges reviews the divorce papers at his desk and signs them.

It rather odd that your attorney is telling you that you needed to write her some big checks right away before the settlement is signed by the judge.

All people should get married in, live in and get divorced in whatever state the Donesies lives in.

Spectacular turnaround!!!

 

[Broken_in_Brooklyn]

A bit of a plot twist and the first crack in her veneer: WW reached out to my estranged brother (my brother hates me) last night. WW let him know that we were divorcing and the date of the trial and was looking for dirt on me.

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

Any ideas what this could be about? Is she trying to somehow unravel the signed contract (which she has already acted on) and run to an attorney?

She signed the divorce petition and cashed the check. Done. Obviously with an attorney's counsel.

I would not call the next court date a trial, it is just a hearing to see where both sides are and get the judge to sign off. Since she signed the papers the hearing might not even be needed. Depends on your state law.

She can try and claim she signed under duress. She will have a mountain to climb proving that. Being stupid or proud or arrogant and signing a contract under duress are 2 different things. If she tries to claim duress she opens herself to being cross examined by your attorney who can introduce the journal and argue the only duress she had was getting found out cheating. Your attorney can even subpoena her affair partner and question him about her duress levels while she was shagging him behind your back.

She is fishing for drama. let your attorney know and don't sweat it.

Like others said, protect yourself with a VAR going forward in case she suddenly pops up and starts to instigate. Don't put that past her! I would install an outdoor surveillance system and change the locks too.

 

[EleGirl]

I have done everything I can short of a PI. That will be my next step.

Why would you waste money on a PI? You have filed for divorce and she signed. So the divorce is all but done.

What do you expect a PI to do for you that would actually help? Your best bet at this point is to focus on yourself and moving on.

 

[sandcastle]

Is this a mail order bride?

Did she get her green card and bail?

Really- 7 days?

 

[Broken_in_Brooklyn]

Why would you waste money on a PI? You have filed for divorce and she signed. So the divorce is all but done.

What do you expect a PI to do for you that would actually help? Your best bet at this point is to focus on yourself and moving on.

PI was to contact the OMs wife and make sure she was informed her spouse is a cheater.

 

[EleGirl]

She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.

You said that you two basically did your own thing and did little to nothing together while married. Apparently what's important to her is the emotional connection. It was not there. She knows that the marriage is dead for her so she's already moved on. That's what an exit affair is about.

 

[EleGirl]

All people should get married in, live in and get divorced in whatever state the Donesies lives in.

Spectacular turnaround!!!

When I divorced in 1997, it took a few hours. I was home on leave from the Army. Called an attorney. Met him at his office late morning. He called a judge and we were in chambers by 1pm. The judge signed the one page divorce. Cost me $25.

When I divorced in 2012, it took about 5 days. I typed up the divorce papers. He signed them. We both went to the county clerk and filed. And then I dropped the filed/signed papers off with the Judge's clerk. 5 days later I picked up the signed papers and filed those with the clerk. Cost me $135.

If both parties agree it can all go very quickly and cheaply. And today, with the high number of divorces, a court date is not needed if it's uncontested and all papers are properly signed.

 

[sandcastle]

When I divorced in 1997, it took a few hours. I was home on leave from the Army. Called an attorney. Met him at his office late morning. He called a judge and we were in chambers by 1pm. The judge signed the one page divorce. Cost me $25.

When I divorced in 2012, it took about 5 days. I typed up the divorce papers. He signed them. We both went to the county clerk and filed. And then I dropped the filed/signed papers off with the Judge's clerk. 5 days later I picked up the signed papers and filed those with the clerk. Cost me $135.

If both parties agree it can all go very quickly and cheaply. And today, with the high number of divorces, a court date is not needed if it's uncontested and all papers are properly signed.

It can go quickly but just the filing and a Judge signing off on anything takes far longer than 7 days.

Not sure what state you filed in when your attorney called a Judge in 97 but everyone should get married, live in and get divorced there too.

 

[Rick Blaine]

You said that you two basically did your own thing and did little to nothing together while married. Apparently what's important to her is the emotional connection. It was not there. She knows that the marriage is dead for her so she's already moved on. That's what an exit affair is about.

I agree with this, and while his wife is 100% responsible for cheating, it's very important for Donesies to learn from this. If he was working all the time and unavailable then that led to her to falling out of love. As I wrote in an earlier post, falling out of love is a problem to solve not an excuse to leave a marriage or cheat. But Donesies will hopefully reflect on his part of the demise of his marriage and learn from it so that he will be a better future husband. This is not to blame him for his wife's infidelity. She owns it. But he has to own a part of the crumbling of the marriage. He mentioned that he has been reflecting, but he has not elaborated.

 

[EleGirl]

It can go quickly but just the filing and a Judge signing off on anything takes far longer than 7 days.

Not sure what state you filed in when your attorney called a Judge in 97 but everyone should get married, live in and get divorced there too.

New Mexico. That was 1997. Today an attorney cannot just call a judge and get in court the same day. Why? Because our population has exploded and there are many times more divorces. So the courts have implemented a way to fast track non-contested divorces. Most are non-contested. So yea, it takes a week or less, depending how many cases the judge gets in the week, to get them signed off.

 

[sandcastle]

New Mexico. That was 1997. Today an attorney cannot just call a judge and get in court the same day. Why? Because our population has exploded and there are many times more divorces. So the courts have implemented a way to fast track non-contested divorces. Most are non-contested. So yea, it takes a week or less, depending how many cases the judge gets in the week, to get them signed off.

Vote for NM marriage and Divorce!

 

[EleGirl]

Vote for NM marriage and Divorce!

It's all about uncontested divorce.

IN 1996 I divorced my son's father, what a nightmare. He was a serial cheater and physically abusive. But he fought the whole way. The divorce took 12 months and cost me about $40,000. I'm sure my ex paid much more than that because he had a team of 3 lawyers. I only had one.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

That is why it's called the land of enchantment.

 

[sandcastle]

That is why it's called the land of enchantment.

Epic! Double rainbows, Dude!

 

[Jasel]

I think your wife is going to wind up seriously regretting this. She just hasn't faced enough consequences at this time and the ones she has haven't sunk in yet. Right now she's running on endorphins, adrenaline, impulse and fantasy. That's only going to sustain her for so long until she crashes. At that point you might have a better idea of where her head is at.

And I know you think your head is spinning, but if your wife could ice skate on hers, she would have dominated the Olympics. Believe me, there is nothing logical going on in her mind right now. How you're feeling is actually normal (in a way).

 

[TDSC60]

She signed the divorce papers. Whether she cashes the your checks does not matter. The signed papers are enough. This is an uncontested divorce. All that needs to be done is the signed papers filed with the court. You don't even need a court date. The judges reviews the divorce papers at his desk and signs them.

It rather odd that your attorney is telling you that you needed to write her some big checks right away before the settlement is signed by the judge.

I think the timeline was this.

Attorney prepares divorce papers and wife is served.
Attorney prepares a low-ball settlement offer and OP presents this to STBXW.
She signs the offer.
Attorney advises PO to send one month alimony and property settlement checks base on the papers she signed.
OP does so and STBXW cashed the alimony check.

I think the attorney felt that if she cashed the checks that would weaken her position if she tried to fight for more latter.

Some states do require both parties to appear before a judge prior to issuing the final decree.

My son caught his wife cheating (caught in bed with OM in my son's house). This was in New Mexico. It took less than three weeks to get a final divorce. And, yes, he and his POSXW were required to appear before the judge.

 

[TDSC60]

Why would you waste money on a PI? You have filed for divorce and she signed. So the divorce is all but done.

What do you expect a PI to do for you that would actually help? Your best bet at this point is to focus on yourself and moving on.

I think OP is referring to a PI to help communicate with POSOM's wife.

He has tried the more normal routes of contact. He should now just drop it and move on.

 

[donesies]

So there’s a trial date even though she signed?


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Yes. We go in front of the judge to finalize, but both our signatures are on it and she has acted on the terms of the contract (cashed first month alimony). Waiting for her to cash the other checks for split of assets.