[Tobyboy]

She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.

How did you find out the method of deposit? Was it deposited into a shared/linked account? Or, were you told by her?
Weird.

 

[Tatsuhiko]

How did you find out the method of deposit? Was it deposited into a shared/linked account? Or, were you told by her?
Weird.

I'm guessing he saw the debit and a skewed photograph of the endorsed check?

 

[skerzoid]

Donesies:

1. No Contact now. The die is cast. Not even texts. Only lawyer talk.

2. Did you get the STD check? Even herpes is forever. Doctors need to be germ and virus free.

3. You need to focus like a laser beam on career and your marathons.

4. The OBS HAS TO BE INFORMED. Get a PI if needed. You got the bucks, now pull the trigger.

5. Are you into therapy yet? Triage is needed as soon as possible.

6. If POS OM leaves his wife, he will have to pay massive child support forever along with alimony. That will leave him penniless. Even if he and your ex shack up she will go through her money pretty damned fast. One of two things will happen. He will not desert his wife and she will get dumped. Or, she will get tired of his sponging off of her money and dump him. Either way, this ain't going to last. You need to get away from this fast. Steel yourself and get down the road. Find that new life, new love, and have the family you couldn't with her. Play the long game.

 

[Elizabeth001]

Donesies:



1. No Contact now. The die is cast. Not even texts. Only lawyer talk.



2. Did you get the STD check? Even herpes is forever. Doctors need to be germ and virus free.



3. You need to focus like a laser beam on career and your marathons.



4. The OBS HAS TO BE INFORMED. Get a PI if needed. You got the bucks, now pull the trigger.



5. Are you into therapy yet? Triage is needed as soon as possible.



6. If POS OM leaves his wife, he will have to pay massive child support forever along with alimony. That will leave him penniless. Even if he and your ex shack up she will go through her money pretty damned fast. One of two things will happen. He will not desert his wife and she will get dumped. Or, she will get tired of his sponging off of her money and dump him. Either way, this ain't going to last. You need to get away from this fast. Steel yourself and get down the road. Find that new life, new love, and have the family you couldn't with her. Play the long game.

Well said!


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[WilliamM]

...

 

[MJJEAN]

In my experience, and I'm a divorce lawyer so it's vast, the more motivated they are to get out, the sweeter deal I can get you in a divorce. Like no alimony at all. Do you have a good lawyer? If she's really motivated to get out AND you're already giving her alimony then you don't.

And I hope you don't plan on deducting the voluntary payments you make before the divorce as alimony.

Eh, I think this depends on the state and the judge. I've seen judges refuse to sign off on divorce agreements that s/he considered too low-ball.

Also, in our state, the clock on alimony and child support starts when the payor leaves the marital home. I'm going to use simple math here because it's really early and I can't have coffee for a hour after I take my meds.

Say I am the higher earner and I move out June 1. I file for divorce in August. We have our hearing to set support scheduled in January. Alimony and child support are set at $1,000 per month. It's retroactive to the day I moved out. So, as of the moment support is set in January, I am $6,000 in arrears. My options are to write a check for $6,000 or to agree to pay my monthly support plus a portion of the arrears and interest until I am caught up.

Many lawyers here will run the numbers and advise clients to pay the estimated amount they'll owe or the amount they and their stbx agreed to, provided it is reasonable. Proof of payment is submitted to the court at the hearing. If I paid from June to January, I wouldn't be in arrears right off the bat.

There is a catch, though. All payments must be acknowledged as payments toward support otherwise they are considered gifts. The Payor has to get a signed receipt from the Payee or write "for child/spousal support" in the memo line of the check or money order used to pay.

How did you find out the method of deposit? Was it deposited into a shared/linked account? Or, were you told by her?
Weird.

I can log in to my bank site, look at my account, see a check cleared, click it, and a box pops up with an image and the details.

Also, you can sometimes tell by how fast the check cleared. If I write a check and the payee does a physical deposit it might take 24-48 hrs to clear my account. If they do a remote deposit it will usually clear the same day.

 

[donesies]

A bit of a plot twist and the first crack in her veneer: WW reached out to my estranged brother (my brother hates me) last night. WW let him know that we were divorcing and the date of the trial and was looking for dirt on me.

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

Any ideas what this could be about? Is she trying to somehow unravel the signed contract (which she has already acted on) and run to an attorney?

 

[stevehowefan]

A bit of a plot twist and the first crack in her veneer: WW reached out to my estranged brother (my brother hates me) last night. WW let him know that we were divorcing and the date of the trial and was looking for dirt on me.

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

Any ideas what this could be about? Is she trying to somehow unravel the signed contract (which she has already acted on) and run to an attorney?

Possibly, but it's also possible, too, that she is trying to assuage her own guilt and justify her own actions. He was a drug user or abusive. He cheated on me. He drank too much. That sort of thing.

 

[farsidejunky]

What does your attorney have to say about it?

 

[Wolfman1968]

I agree. But you asked how she was gaining financially. Yes, she signed a lowball offer. However, that is income #1. She will find OM who will be employed. Income #2. She will more that likely get a job. Income #3. Financially the money is coming in 3 ways.

I can't see that this would be about money.

I don't know Donesie's wife. But I work with doctors and nurses on a daily basis, and I know doctor's wives. And Donesies described his wife as exceptionally beautiful.

Doctors' wives are about status. I'd be surprised if his wife ever intended to leave Donseies for a low earner. Instead, I would bet she intended to stay with Donseies all along (use him for his money and status), and lover-boy would be her secret "passion", like a PBS British drama. Hence, her chronicling all her inner secrets in her journal (which normally would be a stupid move if you really wanted to cheat effectively--why leave such a paper trail?). The plan went awry when Donesies found her journal (which is why she is especially pissed about it).

The problem is that, as I remember, Mrs. Donesies met lover-boy at the club. A nice, tight, social circle. Doctors' wives tend to hang in very tight social networks, worse than any junior high girls clique. Any violators of the rules will be shunned worse than a heretic from a Pennsylvania Amish community. Mrs. Donesies has really gone off the reservation by becoming a cheater; what's worse, is she's a beautiful women who's a cheater who is now being divorced by Donesies. That makes her dangerous. She might come after THEIR husbands!! When she tires of lover-boy, she's going to want a doctor's income again, and Donesies has already said she's not going to get a job (what doctor's wife wants to, after all?---that's why they married doctors!). She has shown that she doesn't respect marital boundaries, so obviously she is going to go husband-hunting on their turf---so they need to keep her OUT of their social circle and away from their husbands. Kick her out of the club, if they can.

That's why Mrs. Donesies wants this done quickly and quietly. The more this is dragged out, the more shame she feels in front of her peers---the other doctors' wives. She probably hasn't thought this through, and is only reacting emotionally. In the end, since her play is to get a new Big Money husband, Donesies low-ball alimony doesn't matter anyway--she needs high income and it sounds like she has the looks to get it. She'd just better move fast while her looks hold up, and not waste too much time with low-money lover-boy.

 

[Wolfman1968]

A bit of a plot twist and the first crack in her veneer: WW reached out to my estranged brother (my brother hates me) last night. WW let him know that we were divorcing and the date of the trial and was looking for dirt on me.

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

Any ideas what this could be about? Is she trying to somehow unravel the signed contract (which she has already acted on) and run to an attorney?

It's possible there may be a legal reason to do this--claim she had to "get out fast" so she signed a low-ball offer under duress and then try to invalidate that agreement later.

However, I suspect that she's trying to smear you in order to save face in front of other doctors' wives. She wants to justify her cheating and divorce, because it will go very badly for her with the other wives.

I work with doctors and nurses on a daily basis, and am very acquainted with the doctors' wives subculture.

As a VERY beautiful woman, proven cheater, newly divorced, shown to have no respect for the bonds of marriage, accustomed to a doctor's income, a club member, this woman is going to be a virtual pariah. Do you think they are going to want this temptress anywhere NEAR their husbands? NO WAY! Especially if they've been a little lackadaisical in the treatment of their own husbands, they'll be afraid that their spouses will be ripe for the plucking by Donesies's ex-wife, as soon as she realizes that her lover-boy can't maintain her in the style in which she has become accustomed.

I've seen it over and over with the "country club" set--doctors' wives, high end attorney wives, executive wives (of the local Fortune 50 company here), successful business owner wives --it's pretty much all the same. The wives are all competing against each other as they discard and try to snare ever higher status husbands.

In my cynical moods, sometimes I feel like the men in the "country club set" are unwitting pawns in a sort of Game of Thrones orchestrated by women.

 

[bandit.45]

I cant imagine existing in such a world as that.

 

[Chaparral]

Yes - it talks about how his touch feels and the physical chemistry they have. Does mention kissing (in our house when I wasn’t there), but stops at that. Yes, the other man knows. She teaches music privately out of our home.

I can’t say that I was 100% happy, but I did/do love her and want a life with her.

He was in your house. Many take the bed out back and burn it. I would take it to the Salvation Army or Goodwill.

You said he was very active in the “club”. Is this a social or gym type club? Does his wife make more than him?

Your estranged brother gave you a heads up? Both families are now aware it looks like.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Dude this is why you go nuclear and air all the dirty laundry. It keeps you smelling of roses when all the crap hits the fan and there is diarrhea spewing from the wayward spouse's mouth about you.

 

[colingrant]

A bit of a plot twist and the first crack in her veneer: WW reached out to my estranged brother (my brother hates me) last night. WW let him know that we were divorcing and the date of the trial and was looking for dirt on me.

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

Any ideas what this could be about? Is she trying to somehow unravel the signed contract (which she has already acted on) and run to an attorney?

This is exactly why I posted earlier you dodged a bullet. The more you post about her the more I'm seeing she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. If you haven't done so already,

1) Change the locks, (check with attny on legalities)
2) Identify her boyfriend, as he could be her partner in crime.
3) Never meet with her alone. Have cops come to the house if she say's she's coming over. She can manufacture a spousal confrontation.
4) CCTV house entrance so you can see if and who's at the house when you're not there if locks can't be changed.
5) Watch your back, literally

The call to YOUR brother suggests she's desperate. Desperate, vengeful people with limited options can be dangerous and vindictive. Be vigilant with respect to protecting you, your property and your assets. Don't be caught by surprise. I realize all of this is very, very hard to swallow, but it's real. Unfortunate, but nonetheless as real as it gets. Just stay a step ahead and talk with your attorney a lot as he's seen on the ugliness that infidelity and divorce offers up.

 

[colingrant]

Forgot to mention, listen closely, but say nothing with respect to your plans and intentions with your brother. When one is in a saddened state like you are, it's easy to want to "talk", however you're in a "what you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law" situation and you don't want your words to come back and haunt you. Remember, she's looking for anything.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

So there’s a trial date even though she signed?


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[WorkingOnMe]

I’ve seen a lot of divorces over the last 22 years as a CPA. This is the first I’ve seen where in the span of a week we have a drafted and signed agreement, despite significant assets. Plus a trial date. And a check written for the property settlement. Your assets must be very liquid. You might want to get a second opinion on the agreement since your lawyer couldn’t have put that much time into it. Especially considering you work 100 a week plus marathon training. I mean 100 hours is like 7am to 9:30 pm 7 days a week not including time for lunch, let alone a thorough assessment of assets and liabilities.


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[VladDracul]

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

I think a lot of folks have the wrong impression about so-fault divorce. No-fault means the person seeking the divorce can divorce by simply wanting a divorce. It doesn't necessarily mean the courts won't tweak alimony, property settlements, visitation et cetera one way or the other based on conduct while married. Maybe VermiciousKnid will school us (or me).

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Probably depends heavily on the state. I think there are 17 states that are strictly no fault states. A lot are no fault and fault states where you can file for no reason at all, but infidelity can play a part in alimony and such. Very few fault states left if I remember correctly.