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#522 ·
donesies said:
She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
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It will be very difficult not to analyze her every action and not ruminate on it. Every interaction will trigger you. Going dark will help you heal faster. I did this with my ex. I would send her a letter letting her know how hurtful her affair has been and how devestated you are by the the death of the marriage. I would add that in order to move forward you are ending contact with her. Ask her not to contact you again except for divorce business that can't be handled by the attorneys. Once divorce is final end contact for life.

Some may disagree about the first part of the letter, but it is important to honor the marriage (something I deem sacred) while at the same time not honoring her and her betrayal.
 
#523 ·
donesies said:
She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
Click to expand...
Spend your time other than checking up on what your stxw is doing. Go dark. Any contact should be done via your lawyer. This helps in disconnecting, healing and moving on to bigger/better things in life. And they are coming brother!
 
#524 ·
donesies said:
CynthiaDe said:
STBXW just got back from a lover's get away. She is on a high and all she can think about is her fantasy. When she got the divorce papers, she was shocked, because it was completely unexpected and threw a monkey wrench in her plans. But her vacation hormones kicked back in right away and she realized that this was her chance to escape the life of drudgery she had and replace it with the freedom to be with her lover. She signed the lower offer, because "love is all we need," and she thinks she's taking the moral high ground. That is how she justifies this all to herself.

The above is one possibility, but there are factors in this story that seem too convenient.
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She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
Click to expand...
She is upset with you because you discovered her lies and took steps to take all control out of her hands. I bet shes telling everyone that will listen that you were too controlling and even snooped on her. Hence why I tell you tell OMW asap.

I tell you this because .... been there, done it, have the tee shirt.

After telling OMW, she changed completely and agreed to my terms. OMW will stop the affair today if she knows.
 
#525 ·
Rick Blaine said:
It will be very difficult not to analyze her every action and not ruminate on it. Every interaction will trigger you. Going dark will help you heal faster. I did this with my ex. I would send her a letter letting her know how hurtful her affair has been and how devestated you are by the the death of the marriage. I would add that in order to move forward you are ending contact with her. Ask her not to contact you again except for divorce business that can't be handled by the attorneys. Once divorce is final end contact for life.

Some may disagree about the first part of the letter, but it is important to honor the marriage (something I deem sacred) while at the same time not honoring her and her betrayal.
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I think this is a viable option. Everyone is different, some people need to speak their piece in order to move on. It's really up to you. The only caveat I would add is that, with this approach, you run the risk of engaging in a back and forth with her. If you do this, block her immediately afterwards so that she can't send you a blame-shifting return email.
 
#526 ·
donesies said:
She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
Click to expand...
In my experience, and I'm a divorce lawyer so it's vast, the more motivated they are to get out, the sweeter deal I can get you in a divorce. Like no alimony at all. Do you have a good lawyer? If she's really motivated to get out AND you're already giving her alimony then you don't.
 
#528 ·
Can't say this enough. You-dodged-a-bullet. You're head is still reeling, I know. But trust those whose heads aren't. One day you'll reflect upon this period and break into a cold sweat from having a flashback and realizing with a clear head what might have been had you stayed with your STBXW. This will be followed by a W-T-F WAS I THINKING, followed by a smile while shaking your head in disbelief. Give it time. It'll happen.
 
#530 ·
donesies said:
She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
Click to expand...
No you are not.

She said she has been checked out for over a year.

She said she loves someone else.

She is just ready to move on. It is nothing you have done.

At the same time this is all new to you.
 
#531 ·
donesies said:
She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
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If that were true, she wouldn't have wanted to "talk about it" first. No, she's angry and hurt, without good reason. Keep playing it by the book. When she decides she wants you back, tell her you're sorry that her boyfriend broke up with her. Tell her in her next relationship she should be honest and forthright and not pursue a married man.
 
#533 ·
Donesies, I know you feel a gigantic hole in your life. That is shock. You are kind of numb right now, and pretty much operating on pure adrenaline. I kind of know how you are; I am the father of a physician, finished her residency in OBS\GYN, and is now an associate in a practice. The study, and dedication is beyond anything the average joe could imagine. She had this single focus, since Jr High. She learned to suture in Grade 10, and was demonstating different stitches for some Med students. So yeah. I know kind of what your mind is like.

I assure you, the shock of this will wear off. There may be an anger phase, in my experience, there always is. Channel that energy into whatever pleases you. This gets better. She will soon be but a distant speck in your rearview mirror.
 
#534 ·
CynthiaDe said:
This story seems to convenient to me, but there is a possibility that it makes sense. STBXW just got back from a lover's get away. She is on a high and all she can think about is her fantasy. When she got the divorce papers, she was shocked, because it was completely unexpected and threw a monkey wrench in her plans. But her vacation hormones kicked back in right away and she realized that this was her chance to escape the life of drudgery she had and replace it with the freedom to be with her lover. She signed the lower offer, because "love is all we need," and she thinks she's taking the moral high ground. That is how she justifies this all to herself.
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Yup, keeping up appearances, sneaking around, hidding evidence can all become to stressful for the poor ww.
Her new fpund freedom to have and do anything she now wants to is too good to passed up.

Like my ex, as soon as I grabbed my things the affair rampped up a few gears! Heck a few days after moving out her hair was curly, and she had a cotton guze stuck in her arm.
I told her woe you been busy, she half smilled and said you gotta know your stats. Not what I was referring to but, she must had blood work to go al' natural.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
 
#535 ·
Cromer said:
I wished that my XWW had left when she cheated. It would have been super painful for all involved at that time but my life would have been completely different by now. You may not see it now but I think you are lucky.
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I've been reading your thread from the very start, but haven't read the part where you posted that the Ex cheated.

Damn, sorry to hear this. You sounded sure as to what you had to do, but this was before hand knowing?



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
 
#536 ·
donesies said:
She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
Click to expand...
A strong characteristic of the immature is that they want immediate gratification, and don't have the self-control to delay it, even if it would be greater later for having done so. (see the marshmallow test in children)

She values the $X right now in her pocket more than the potential for $XX if she waits long enough or works or fights hard enough.

It has nothing to do with your behaviour during the marriage. But I'd bet she exhibited this sort of behaviour on her part in other ways during the marriage.

She seems gone like a ghost right now, but if/when loverboy rejects her, she'll come running back to you for plan B and try to convince you she was confused and made a mistake and will be better if you just take her back. Don't fall for it. It won't be anything to do with her own epiphany and sudden maturity, just everything about needing someone to take care of her.
 
#537 ·
#538 ·
CynthiaDe said:
This story seems to convenient to me, but there is a possibility that it makes sense. STBXW just got back from a lover's get away. She is on a high and all she can think about is her fantasy. When she got the divorce papers, she was shocked, because it was completely unexpected and threw a monkey wrench in her plans. But her vacation hormones kicked back in right away and she realized that this was her chance to escape the life of drudgery she had and replace it with the freedom to be with her lover. She signed the lower offer, because "love is all we need," and she thinks she's taking the moral high ground. That is how she justifies this all to herself.
Click to expand...


This is precisely why rapid action is required. He’s getter ****ed so he might as well take every advantage that he can
 
#540 ·
donesies said:
She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.
Click to expand...


Doesn’t matter what she thinks right now. She’s giving you an incredible gift which I’m short order you’ll actually have a good laugh over.

Go get that storage unit tomorrow. Walk around your house and video everything first. Everything that goes in the unit you need to take a picture of.
 
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