[eric1]

One note - if he has sex with her there could be legal repercussions depending on locality, etc. I am sure that is the furthest thing from his mind at this point.

 

[WasDecimated]

No, I said immensely in response to you using that same term. Even if you triple what I pay her, she is still in a far worse position financially than she was when she was married to me.

Furthermore:
1. The OM has squat
2. She will not get a full time job. I know her.

Well, there you go. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of this parasite. She's his problem now. And if he gets divorced, he'll have even less.

It may take time to get over the sting but you will appreciate the steps you have taken to put her in your rear-view mirror.

 

[WasDecimated]

I have done everything I can short of a PI. That will be my next step.

After she cashes the checks, the next person you notify should be OM's wife. She has the right to know what a worm she's married to.

 

[bandit.45]

I’m confused. She signed a lowball offer. Clearly money is not what this is about

donesies she just wants to be gone and to have all of this behind her.

She was never the woman you thought she was. I'm sorry my friend, but you married an innately broken person. You will never know her "whys", and please, for your health and sanity, do not dwell on the whys. She did what she did. It's done. You cannot change it.

So take that truth and move forward towards healing. As a doctor you know that there are mysteries in biology and nature that may never be solved. Same can be said of people and their motives. Your WW has a hole in her, and that hole can never be filled...not by you or any man, because it is a deficiency in herself. She lacks the fundamental character to be able to be the wife you deserve, and she knows that. She knew she wasn't worthy of you long ago, and so she built up a false paradigm within herself that you were the cause of her deficiency, and therefore she had a right to seek solace and verification elsewhere.

Stop blaming yourself. There is nothing you could have done, or said, or been, to have prevented her doing this to you.

 

[WasDecimated]

I would do everything to tell OMW. Beenn there, done it, have the tee shirt.

Once OMW, in my case, was notified, she made him end it. OMW has more power than you. OM is probably only in it for sex, while your wife is in it for emotional reasons.

Take this way from her and she'll be brokeen. She might even try to come back to you. She just might sign anything because shes not thinking right.

Heck she might try to come back, but stay the course and tell her once the divorse is final, if she tries, she can try to win you back, but you need the marriage to end now. She may go really lienant on you during the negotiations.

Dont ever marry her again, if she tries to get close you do what you want (sex), but dont get attached.

This, without the sex :iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

[Broken_in_Brooklyn]

This morning was a bit odd.

I had to go over to the house where she has supposedly been staying to pick up my soon to be ex nephew. I had promised several weeks ago to take him for an outing this morning. I did, but it was weird to go over there. She was not there by the way. Her brother said that she left early that morning, probably because she knew I was coming over.

I did get an email from her about splitting the remainder of the household items. She did take the checks, but nothing has been cashed yet.

Ignore email. Drop off what you think is fair at her brothers after she cashes checks. Or not. You are not at her beck and call.

 

[Broken_in_Brooklyn]

Actually after check clears deposit the rest of her crap at the address of the OM. Leave it on the lawn, email her a pic.

 

[manwithnoname]

How is she gaining financially and immensely?

Alimony payments, asset splitting. High income.

 

[donesies]

Alimony payments, asset splitting. High income.

Again, she signed the low-ball offer on alimony. Thus, the high income didn't make any difference. Assets are just beginning to rise, so she doesn't get that much.

 

[OutofRetirement]

I find it unusual that a childless healthy person early 30s not only never worked (more understandable if on the infertility circuit and spouse provides) but is dead set against ever working even when single.

That is some entitlement, unless I am missing something.

 

[curious234]

Kids are the glue that keep a marriage. No glue here. Can there be a remote possibility that OBS has come to a consensus about your WW's playing a role of "caretaker" for her husband/familly

 

[Rubix Cubed]

Kids are the glue that keep a marriage. No glue here

I think that should be more like Kids are the tipping point that keeps two unhappy people together, and makes them miserable, if they would separate without them.

 

[eric1]

Actually after check clears deposit the rest of her crap at the address of the OM. Leave it on the lawn, email her a pic.

While this would feel nice what he should do it put it all into a storage unit, pay the first two months of storage fees and then have the lawyer deliver the keys. It is doing something for her he maybe shouldn't but this will get her out of his life asap, which is what he needs to do to start healing.

 

[bandit.45]

While this would feel nice what he should do it put it all into a storage unit, pay the first two months of storage fees and then have the lawyer deliver the keys. It is doing something for her he maybe shouldn't but this will get her out of his life asap, which is what he needs to do to start healing.

This is the best idea.

I'd have everything out of that house that reminded me of her.

 

[Broken_in_Brooklyn]

I say as her parting huffy words were you are a scumbag a dime more than what is on those checks would be a dime too much.

Everyone heals differently. Myself, I would find the lawn quite therapeutic. What is she going to do? Call him a scumbag again? Call the police? Take him to small claims court? Let her.

 

[Cynthia]

This story seems to convenient to me, but there is a possibility that it makes sense. STBXW just got back from a lover's get away. She is on a high and all she can think about is her fantasy. When she got the divorce papers, she was shocked, because it was completely unexpected and threw a monkey wrench in her plans. But her vacation hormones kicked back in right away and she realized that this was her chance to escape the life of drudgery she had and replace it with the freedom to be with her lover. She signed the lower offer, because "love is all we need," and she thinks she's taking the moral high ground. That is how she justifies this all to herself.

 

[manwithnoname]

Again, she signed the low-ball offer on alimony. Thus, the high income didn't make any difference. Assets are just beginning to rise, so she doesn't get that much.

I'm sorry, I have missed the part about the low-ball offer, and was going on previous posts of high alimony etc.

 

[donesies]

STBXW just got back from a lover's get away. She is on a high and all she can think about is her fantasy. When she got the divorce papers, she was shocked, because it was completely unexpected and threw a monkey wrench in her plans. But her vacation hormones kicked back in right away and she realized that this was her chance to escape the life of drudgery she had and replace it with the freedom to be with her lover. She signed the lower offer, because "love is all we need," and she thinks she's taking the moral high ground. That is how she justifies this all to herself.

The above is one possibility, but there are factors in this story that seem too convenient.

She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.

 

[Rick Blaine]

I think that should be more like Kids are the tipping point that keeps two unhappy people together, and makes them miserable, if they would separate without them.

Children are a product of marriage. The marriage itself is a product of nurturing, loyalty, and romantic care. Take care of the product and the children will be taken care of. Not the reverse.

But Children are hurt by divorce so there is extra motivation to save a marriage when there are children. At the same time children should not be captive to a hostile or chilly home environment.

 

[bandit.45]

She just remote deposited the check for the first month of alimony. The asset check was much larger, so she can’t remote deposit that.

She REALLY wants to get out. You’d think I was an abusive POS husband.

She has to re-write the marital history. It is the only way she can live with what she has done.