What state do you live in?

 

New Jersey. I'm actually considering a form of Legal Separation called "Divorce of Bed and Board". Which is basically a legal contract specifying who is responsible for whom and what. You don't have to go to court and it costs nothing. You just need to have it notarized after both parties sign.

The advantages are is that it preserves your family health care, which we have, but it separates you financially, which is my goal here. In many cases it's a step towards divorce, which it well might be but it sounds good now, provided that it is a legal and binding contract, which is what I need to check into. Just how legal and binding is it if his creditors decide to come after me?

Disadvantages is that you are still legally married, which is bad if you want to date or remarry but I have no plans for that right now. I have enough on my plate and the last thing I want is a serious relationship with anyone else.

I just have to research this and see what it involves. I want to get the process started ASAP because I don't know what my husband has been up to.

12 years ago we went bankrupt to get out of credit card debt. I have worked very hard to bring back my credit rating, pay off MY credit cards every month and own all my vehicles. Last thing I want is to have pay for the party he's thrown himself for the past 2 years. It was bad enough having to watch him throw it.

He still says "it was worth it". I told him that is a load of crap. All he has now is a really bad hangover as far I'm concerned.

 

Go to or call the local court and ask for an annulment package, mine cost $250. As long as everything can be agreed on and the court see's the child/children are provided for it's a pretty simple process.

Good luck.

 

That's an option too. Basically it's an amicable divorce. You divide up your assets and make agreements about custody and go before a judge, pay around $200-300 and you are done.

I'm considering that as well, but I'm wondering how that will affect the health insurance, assuming he will still PAY it. Right now he is. I don't believe anything he tells me. He showed me his bank account with $1800 in it and said "That's all I have" but he still talks about keeping his boat, which is costing $500+ a month.

He's always been cagey and all over the place about his money and the numbers don't add up in my head, even if he has been living off his credit cards. I think he got a LOT more money from his father and selling all his property and his house and I think he's got more than he says he has squirreled away somewhere.

If he thinks he's going to dump everything on me and spend the summer hanging out on his boat, he should think again. I told him point blank that I'll sue him for support and it'll get nasty. If he just pays the health insurance, pays off my daughter's car and my son's bill for his braces we can walk away "amicable". My daughter is basically supporting herself and I can take care of myself and my son's living needs fine.

He told my son he'd buy him a new car like he did for my daughter but that's between him and my son. I can't afford to do that and before he bought my daughter the car she was going to buy one for herself. I do pay her car insurance for her and I'll do the same for him. Fortunately there's almost 4 years between them so I won't have double the costs because my daughter is practically supporting herself now so all I'll have to worry about is my son.

My son is already talking about getting a summer job. Smart boy. He's 15 so it's time. He seems to have grown up a lot in the past 6 months. I think living with his father gave him some perspective. Suddenly his father isn't this wonderful buddy that will take care of his every need. Suddenly his mother isn't this horrid, nagging beotch. He seems happy to be here, if only because there's an adult taking care of HIM, instead of the other way around.

I enjoyed my 6 months of single life but it's gonna be postponed for now. Today I'm going to get my son some decent clothes and a dresser to put his clothes in. I'm hoping my husband will be sober enough to come along and foot some of the bill. Then I gotta try and make the upcoming holiday season a decent one for the kids.

Yes, I'm venting now. But there's no anger here. It's not like it was 2 years ago. I'm just kinda doing like I would at work. It's gotta be done and I'm the one to do it. I'm not pissed at all at my husband. I expected it but was hoping that he'd come through this time. He didn't so now it's on me....again.

I really do want to end this cycle that keeps affecting me and my kids and just get on with life and not have a wave of debt crashing down on my head. It's all about protecting myself, not about getting back at my H. As far as custody goes, I'm obviously it for my son. I told my husband and my son that they can see each other whenever they want but my son will always be living with me.

My husband said "I failed him." I said "Yes you did". He can add that to the list but it's not me he has to answer to. Sad.

 

Things might get nastier. Today I went over and he told me he wasn't giving me any money to buy my son clothes and food because he doesn't have any. He showed me his bank account which showed that has all of $1800 in it and said he'd spent all of his inheritance. Yet when I asked him about selling his boat he insisted that he would be keeping it, despite the fact that it's costing him over $500/month in loans and insurance.

I told him he IS going to pay the child support or ELSE. He said again that he has no money. He finally handed me around $75 in cash and said that was all he had. He only gave me that because he needed me to pick up his medication. That basically paid for my son's winter coat and boots, no other clothes..and he needs EVERYTHING since my husband has bought him practically nothing. My husband gave my son a bunch of old hand-me-downs that were sitting around his dead father's house!

Well, I checked on my bank accounts and saw he'd cashed a few checks recently that I'd paid him for our daughter's car insurance (it's in his name since he bought the car) and sure enough the account numbers are different, so he obviously has more than one account and is lying.

So I'm rethinking a legal separation and it might not even be an amicable divorce. If he thinks he can just walk away from his kids and responsibilities, he should think again.

But my mind is made up in any case. Up to this point I was content to hope and trust that he would do right, if not by me, then by the kids. Now it seems even they aren't important and he's looking to throw everything at me. Not going to happen.

 

He is in denial. He is lashing out at you in any way he knows. But my gosh, you gave him chance after chance. As my dad told me years ago, 'wiggle easy until you get you head out of the lion's mouth'. Try to be reactive, he will always show his hand first.

 

Ah yes, I did indeed give him chance after chance. If you want to read all about it go to my post here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-addiction/61362-i-feel-shattered-3.html

I have basically been playing the "wiggle easy" game for years now...Just trying to "yes" him while getting as much as I can for me and my kids. But I think it's time for a more proactive approach. Could get messy.

 

Holy hell - addiction will make people do the stupidest and cruelest things, to their own children, no less.

Yeah, a divorce might be the way to go and if there is another account, then the judge can make him "spill the beans", no? I know you have to list all of your assests - whether you have an attorney or not. Now as far as lying, well, I guess you may need an attorney to prove that, I don't know. But if he is playing these kind of games with the finances then yes, I think getting a divorce is the smartest way to go. I am so sorry that you are going through this but in the end, you will feel better and be doing much better for yourself and your kids.

 

I KNOW it will be better. I'm convinced of it now, after today.

Today he called me to tell me he didn't drink all day. He took some sedatives the doctor gave him to get him to stop drinking. He went on and on about how he was going to beat this become "the man he was". I asked him about helping support the kids, the health insurance..all that mundane stuff.

Right away he said "I don't have any money". Then I told him that we have to talk and soon and began to lay out the various options that I was considering. I told him it was up to him as to whether or not it will be nice or nasty but that he can't walk away from his obligations to his kids. He told me he wasn't going to be any good to anyone if he doesn't get better. I said "True". And he started going on and on about how I didn't support him and he'd start drinking again if I kept beating on him.

So I told him that I loved him and would help him and we'd talk after he got himself straightened out.

He calls back a few hours later, obviously drunk and telling me how I made him drink again by yelling at him (I didn't yell) and by threatening him and beating him down and he was going to become the man he was and I shouldn't talk to him unless I had something "constructive" to say, blah blah..

So yes, the usual lashing out at me, denying everything, assigning blame to everyone but himself, etc, etc.

I don't really care about all that. I just said "So you think I'm the one who makes you drink?..Really?" and I let him rant and on about how horrible and unfeeling I was.

But what alarms me is that he says he doesn't care about anyone, doesn't have any money and won't/can't pay anything...

So that puts me on a course that isn't very "amicable" at all.

He'd be a lucky man if I was indeed angry. 2 years ago I was hurt, angry and going crazy. I'm not that at all now. Right now I'm being quite cold and calculating and methodical. I'm just looking to protect myself and my kids.

I think one reason he's reacting like this is because he knows that when I set my mind to doing something, it gets done. When I walk away from someone and am done with them, then I'm truly done. I haven't talked to my mother and sister in 10 years..I have no problems leaving people who make my life miserable and difficult behind. Yes, I'll give them a million and one chances but at a million and two you're toast.

I'm pretty much at that point with him now and he knows it.

I probably should've done this 2 years ago. A lot of my friends have told me to. But even if he gave me a hard time, he eventually paid what needed to be paid and I rather enjoyed his companionship and needed his help. Like I said, I don't like change and if things are going well enough I tend to stay the course but I see a dark cloud looming on the horizon now and only a fool drives straight into a hurricane with his convertible top down.

He's convinced himself in some bizarre manner that he doesn't have to support his kids. He seems to expect that everyone should just sit back and let him pick himself up, dust himself off and support and love him for the FOURTH TIME IN TWO YEARS and just let him abandon his family and responsibilities, just as he blew off his customers in our business 3 times in the past 2 years.

So I'm going to consult an attorney. Most give a free consultation. I'm going to see what my options are and I think I'm going to have to for a divorce. I want him legally bound by a court of law to support his kids. I have a 15 year old son and an 18 year old daughter in college that still need support. I can support most of their needs but there are things that I need help on and damn it, he's going to help me.

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but I guess it will. I guess he'll be getting served a set of divorce papers for Christmas.

Shame, because he really isnt a bad man a. He certainly seemed amenable and rationale the other night, but that's the nature of the beast. One minute he's nice and telling me how great I am and how much he loves me and the next he's a raging lunatic who goes on to verbally and emotionally abuse me.

I used to take this to heart and cry and beg him to stop. I took a razor to myself as a result at one time. I used to drink myself to dull the pain. Now I just nod and shake my head and say "well, I guess that's that." I feel almost relieved because now there's NO DOUBT about what it is I have to do

I was hoping we could do this and keep it friendly but I have no choice and I'm tired of the blame game, the antics and having my weekends and holidays ruined. I just want my kids and I to live peacefully.

 

Bless your heart. Tough love is not easy but I can clearly see why. It's not like you hadn't thrown lifelines. It's up to him, commit to recover and yes, I support but only as long as you are giving 110%. 100% won't get it, that extra 10% is what you will see.

 

I don't even want to live with him anymore. We have't lived together in 2 years and I haven't missed him. At one time I was hoping we could put the relationship back together. When we first separated I was hoping we'd be able to date and do some fun and romantic things together, esp since he got some money. For awhile we did but it soon went bad again.

This is a yearly ritual and every year I am less emotionally tied to him. I care less and less about him and I am to the point where I don't even need or want to see him and have been avoiding him.

I LIKE living on my own. The last 6 months, when he had my son, was AWESOME. A taste of what I could have and want.
But I can't get it just yet. I have my son to look after and my daughter still needs me too, just not as much.

As for him, if it wasn't for my kids I'd just turn and walk away. I don't need money for myself. I can support myself just fine...and one day I will.

But while those kids are under my care he's going to support them and when a judge tells him that he has to, he will. My husband has always respected the law. He won't be a deadbeat dad.

But then again..who knows? But I have to give it my best shot for my kids sake.

 

Off course here, but may I ask why:

I haven't talked to my mother and sister in 10 years

I have people in my life that are toxic and I find it difficult to really cut the cord.

Also, I think you need to unleash the freak on that drunk husband. He had kids with you; he needs to own up to it. The court can make him pay child support!!

 

Off course here, but may I ask why:

I have people in my life that are toxic and I find it difficult to really cut the cord.

Why have I not talked to my mother and sister in 10 years?

Because they were toxic and I have no difficulty in cutting the cord. It was a long time in the making but once made, it was one of the best decisions I'd ever made. I think the same situation is going to happen with my husband.

Also, I think you need to unleash the freak on that drunk husband. He had kids with you; he needs to own up to it. The court can make him pay child support!!

On Thursday I have an appointment to consult with a lawyer about starting the filing process.

So the Freak is definitely off the leash...

 

He's a real piece of work. Today I made the mistake of sending my son over there after school to wait for me until I got off work. BIG mistake. :slap: He calls up and starts going on about how he wants his desk chair back. When I moved my son out, I took the chair that he supposedly bought for my son. My son asked for it, my husband was home when I took it and said nothing. Now he wants it back.

Plus, the PC gaming computer my husband bought my son for his birthday last year is broken so he's been letting my son use his laptop. When I moved him out we took it. Again, he knew we took it and had no problem with it.

Today he called up saying he needs his chair and his laptop. I told him I'd come over after work to pick our son up and he could drive back to my apartment and bring the computer and we'd give him the laptop and his chair.

Then my son called me and tells me that my husband is acting strangely, slurring his words and has been sitting out in his car drinking and smoking for hours. I told my son to walk down to the corner and I'd pick him up.

It was getting late and I was in no mood to deal with this crap. I just wanted to get my son out of there and was kicking myself in the butt for letting him go there in the first place. I figure if my husband wants his stuff so bad he can come over and get it.

A few minutes later my husband called and asks where my son is. I told him I picked him up. He goes ballistic and says "we had a plan". I don't know what plan he had in mind but he seemed to think that I was stopping back at my house to pick up his laptop before coming over to pick up my son. I was doing no such thing. He was supposed to come to MY apartment to pick it up after I came over to get my son.

He says "I'm coming over to pick up the laptop." I told him, "Don't come over without our son's PC computer". He says "No way, I'm coming for my laptop." He comes without the computer. I wouldn't open the door and told him, no PC computer, no laptop."

He says he's calling the cops to tell them I stole his stuff. I told him "Just bring the PC and you'll get the laptop and chair, what's the big deal?"

Now he's calling me up, drunk of course, threatening to call the police and tell them that I "stole" his laptop. But he won't bring my son HIS computer in return!

I'm half tempted to call the police in his town and tell them I've seen a car swerving down the street, obviously wit being driven by a drunk driver and give them his plate #. Guaranteed he IS drunk and THEN he'll know just what a real nightmare is.

But I'm not up to that point yet. If he keeps it up, I will be. :gun::gun:

 

Freak, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please do not let your son go over there without sober adult supervision. Him seeing his father in that condition certainly is not healthy for him.

 

I'm kicking myself HARD in the butt for having my son go over there. REALLY bad idea. :banghead: He was awful to my son. He wouldn't let him sleep on the couch "because he would mess it up". WTF? The place was a PIGSTY!! My son was so out of sorts that he called and asked if I could just come and get him ASAP and that his father was sitting outside smoking (and probably drinking) in the car.

So I told my son to just go downstairs and go to the corner and I'd pick him up. We just left..and my husband lost his mind as a result. For what? "Because we had a 'plan' and didn't stick with it. WHAT plan? For him to come over and pick up his computer and chair? I told him to do just that and he refused to give my son back his computer! WTF?

The night I picked my son up my husband was telling me how horrible he is and seemed touched that I was helping him out and even told me to go ahead and divorce him. This is why I thought we could work things out. He honestly seemed to feel badly. He told me he failed our son and that he was a POS.

But when I told him flat out that he couldn't just walk away from his financial obligations he started losing it. I think he realized that this time I was serious, I was really going to divorce him, because that's when he started talking about how horrible I was for "threatening him".

Sending my son over was plain stupid. I told my son when we got back that I would arrange for cab service to pick him up. Should've done that from the start. Sometimes I just don't THINK and am too damn trusting. :slap:

 

It's impossible to go NC when you have children. As for the M, you pretty much have said, it is no more. But for your child's sake......offer support if he admits he has a drinking problem and seeks help.

 

But for your child's sake......offer support if he admits he has a drinking problem and seeks help.

For my children's sake I stuck by him when he pulled this same crap 3 times before in the last 2 years. It's over. He's on his own. He's treating my son horribly. He won't give him back the computer he bought him for his birthday!

If he just needed my help but was still paying for the things he said he would I'd be right with him. But he uses these things as WEAPONS. He has threatened to take the car away from my daughter that he bought her on her 16th birthday at least 7 times. Every time we have a disagreement he threatens to cancel our health insurance. Now he's treating my son like dirt.

I'm going to file ASAP and get him out of my life. My husband has always been law abiding so I'm assuming that if a judge says he has to pay support that he will..at least I'm hoping he will. I don't believe for a minute that he doesn't have any more money left.

I'm tired of the games, the begging, pleading and the bullying.

He is on his own as far as his "disease" goes. Three times and he's out. You want to treat me like crap? Go ahead, but do that to my kids and it's war.

 

I think a divorce would give you more stability in regards to child support, division of assets/debts and health insurance. They can put health insurance as a part of the divorce decree. The problem is..he has to pay it or you will need to go to court and make him. But....that may happen regardless if you are divorced or not (lack of payment).

He will attempt to make excuses and promises as he always has....he's a drunk. He hasn't hit his bottom yet...maybe soon? Who knows. You are smart in protecting yourself and getting on with life.

Sorry for the hardship but being in limbo sucks!

 

I think a divorce would give you more stability in regards to child support, division of assets/debts and health insurance. They can put health insurance as a part of the divorce decree. The problem is..he has to pay it or you will need to go to court and make him. But....that may happen regardless if you are divorced or not (lack of payment).

I talked to my friend who had a similar situation. She could afford a lawyer. I definitely can not.. My H has always respected and abided by the law so I'm HOPING that if a judge tells him he has to pay child support that he will do so. But then again, this was a man that used to get up and go to work every day and cared about his children. He treated me pretty badly on and off over the years but he always was a good father and hard worker.

So I'm taking nothing for granted. But at least if I have it all official and legal then I have avenues I can pursue. There are some serious consequences to being a "deadbeat dad" in this state.

But if he can't or won't pay and doesn't care..well, I'll do what I have to do to support me and my kids on my own.

Right now I can support most of our needs. The most important is the health insurance...I can simply not afford a $1000/month for health insurance. Nor can I buy my daughter or son a car. But I can pay for my son's braces and I probably can get a much lesser form of health insurance. I might even be able get assistance from the state. I will have to do my homework on this one.

But I can keep a roof over my kids head and provide a good home. My daughter is practically on her own anyway. She is paying for all her college herself. My son is 15. In 5 years they will both be pretty much on their own, or should be and then I can make some important decisions concerning my own life and where I want to be and what I want to do.

Most important thing is that my H will be out of my life and I can finally live peacefully. At this point I just want to be rid of him. I have no emotional ties to him. I'm not mourning the end of our relationship or marriage. I've already gone through all that in the past two years. All the crap he's pulled in the past two years has totally killed any feelings I have for him. He's totally alienated and killled any love or respect that my kids have for him.

He will be a very lonely man soon enough. I don't envy him, even if he does have a pile of money hidden away someplace. Better to be loved and happy and poor then be like him.

And regardless of his antics, I intend to make this a merry Christmas for my kids.

 

damn.......well you gave it your all. no regrets. all you can do. i can relate all too much.

 

Things got interesting today. I guess I'm turning this into a blog of sorts.

My H left my apartment last night threatening to call the police on me if I didn't return his laptop. He then proceeded to call 2 more times threatening the same thing. No police ever came over. At 11:30 pm I turned the phone off and went to bed.

Woke up at 6:30 am to get my son ready for school. I cooked him breakfast and he hugged me and told me how much that meant to him! The ONE good thing about this mess is that my son and I are getting along much better than before. My son has matured a LOT and seems to appreciate being home after living with and enduring his father for 6 months. I'm trying hard to be more patient and not nag at him.

Anyway, there were 3 msgs on my voicemail from my husband. Another threat to call the police. Then another one saying that if "I wanted the damn computer so much why did I pick our son up and just leave?". I don't know why that was such a problem and seemed to cause all this. I do know that with my H it's all about control. If he can't call the shots and control everyone he loses his mind. He's the ultimate bully.

Last msg was that until I gave him the laptop our son couldn't come over to his apt after school. LOL! I'd already arranged cab service to pick my son up at his school and bring him home to my apt. Should've done that from the get go!

No more msgs after 12:30 am. So at 7:20 am we head out to the parking lot to get my Jeep out of the garage. What do we see but my H parked in the parking lot, with his car parked right in front of my work truck. I told my son to get into the Jeep and we drive out of the apt complex and I take him to school.

I quickly figured out what my H was doing. He had parked his car in front of my work truck obviously with the intent of blocking me in until I gave into his demand to return the laptop.

I drove back, put the Jeep in the garage and walked over to him. I said, "Have you brought back our son's computer?" He told me he's not going to bring it back..that it's going to stay at his house. So ONCE AGAIN my husband is looking to take away a gift from his kids because things aren't going his way. My son has done NOTHING to deserve this!

My H has completely lost it. He told my son when he was at his house the night before he wasn't living with him because of ME. :wtf:

So I'm looking at this crazy person and said "Why are you doing this?" His reply was "It's YOUR fault!"

I said, "If you don't give me our son's computer then I'm keeping the laptop".

Now at one time I would've started screaming or crying or begging him to change his mind and he would've stood there and told me all the horrible things I've done to him over the years and how I'm an unappreciative, worthless beotch who should be thanking him for putting up with me..and it would've continued until he was satisifed that that he'd totally humiliated me and ground me emotionally into dirt. THEN he would've given in, but not until he totally had wrecked me.

He did this for years and I went to the emergency room and the mental ward of the local hospital and cut myself as a result of this type of abuse. And of course it was always MY fault.

Not this time. I looked at him for a sec, took out my cell phone and said "Well, then, I guess I'll call the police"

And I did. I told the police that my H was in my parking lot, blocking my way from getting to work and that he was drunk. I then looked at my H and said "Look at you, when the police figure out how drunk you are, then your nightmare comes to life" (If you are an Avenged Sevenfold fan as I am, then you recognize that last line )

He said "I cleaned my car out (it was FULL of empty bottles of rum and beer cans) and haven't had a drink in 2 days so you are going to look stupid." I just said, "Well, you're here".

Police come and they look at the situation. My husband told them that I "went into his house and STOLE his laptop when I came to pick up my son". Interesting since after I took my son home WITH the laptop I came BACK to straighten up his apartment and took my son's chair home and he said NOTHING, except to tell me how wonderful I was for cleaning things up.

The police asked when this happened. He told them Friday. The police then asked "Why did you wait until now (Tuesday) to have a problem with this?"

I told the police that all he had to do was return the PC computer that my H bought my son for his birthday and he could have the laptop. My H then said that he would be keeping the computer so he "supervise" my son's use on it. This from a man who would spend hours outside smoking and drinking vast quantities of booze and would leave at 3am and not tell my son where he was going or answer his cellhone when my son would call. He has a strange way of "supervising".

My H also said he wanted to press charges against me for "stealing" his laptop. I said I'd do the same because he had property that belonged to my son. The police looked flabbergasted and pretty much didn't say much to me. Of course, I wasn't standing there with 5 days growth of a beard looking like a refugee from a homeless shelter.

They said to me that going to court over this was ridiculous because it would be a hassle and the result would be that a judge would tell us to exchange the computers. I agreed and said I'd be GLAD to give him his laptop if he'd give back my son's PC.

They told my H that he'd have to press charges at the courthouse and that the car would have to be moved. When he went to move it they said "You aren't driving this car, you are intoxicated."

My husband looked shocked. He seemed genuinely angry and resentful that the police didn't seem to concerned with me or the laptop but were concentrating on HIM. He said "I haven't had a drink in 3 days!" The police woman laughed and said "Really? That's not how you smell!" The other policeman said "Wanna take a poll? Does he look intoxicated to you?" They said "He looks like something"
There we were..4 cops and me looking at my husband like he was nuts and he didnt have a clue.

End result: They took the keys from my H and took him away in the cop car, moved his car away from my truck and left. :rofl: They said nothing at all to me about the computer or anything. So..I went inside and got ready for work.

That was at 8:30am. 10am his car was still there. At 1pm when I drove by again it was gone. I didn't hear from my H until 8:45pm tonight. I'd been hoping that MAYBE this knocked some sense to him and he'd come to his senses. Hope springs eternal.

Nope, he called up sounding very angry and drunk and left a voicemail saying that he's canceling the health insurance (he can't, it's in my name and I'm going to have to address that by the end of the month when the bill comes due), that's he's going to cancel the registration on my daughter's car (again, threatening to take her car away for the 10th time) and that my son won't have a computer (but he does have a nice laptop) and it's all MY FAULT and if it wasn't for him we woudn't have had any of these things and that I'd better call him back.

So I saved that message along with the others he left earlier. 10 minutes later another call saying that I don't have to call back and that he's called the police at the college my daughter goes to and the police in my town (the very ones who were so impressed with him this morning) and that if they see my daughter's car they are impounding it.

I did call my daughter to tell her all this and told that I hoped her father was bluffing but just in case she'd better take anything out of the car that she cared about. Unfortunately DESPITE the promise he made that he would give her the title to the car for her 18th birthday, he refused to do so (that would mean he would have nothing left to use for guilt trips and a way to control her and me).

He still owns the car, it's in his name so I did warn my daughter that he may very well take the car at some point. What he's going to do when he's served divorce papers is anyone's guess.

I didn't call him back and he hasn't called back again. I don't know if he's just doing this in an attempt to bully and scare me, to make me submit and beg and cry like I used to do or if he's serious. If this were about the laptop he could've had it back in 5 minutes by giving me my son's PC.

Nope,it's all about some crazy drunken delusion that I was causing all this. Why didn't I just GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS? Yep that's why it's MY FAULT.

All I know is that I have an appt for a consultation with a lawyer on Thursday evening and I want to file for divorce ASAP. I have no idea of whether or not my H can do something like take the car or the computer or if they are considered community property or his because he bought them and if he's allowed to mess with them.

I guess that's what I'll be talking to the lawyer about. I'm really in the dark on all this.

I can't believe I married such a complete scumba*g of a man. So much for being amicable and remaining friends.

Now I know why I put this off for 2 years. So many of my friends said "Divorce him" when this all happened for the first time in 2010. I remember saying "I don't have it in me for a battle..he'll do everything he can to torture and hurt me." Seems he's doing just that but in 2013 I intend to fight back.

I guess we'll see...

 

-HUGS- in my prayers

 

Thanks. I can use all the hugs and prayers I can get!

 

No comments on the book I wrote yesterday? :scratchhead: I feel neglected.

But I'm finding this therapeutic to write it all down and it's a good reference. So onward we go:

Today was a good day. Work went well and I got the process of transferring schools for my son started. It looks like I'll be able to get bus transport in the new school, which is good because I'm shelling out $12/day in cabfare for my son to get a a ride home from school while I'm working and it's hard on the wallet.

I called the court and they told me I can pick up the paperwork to begin filing for a D. I will do so tomorrow. I have the free consult with the lawyer tomorrow night and would like to file on Friday,

As of right now I have not heard a peep from the H. I don't know if that's good or bad or what he's up to. I'm hoping he's crawled into a dark hole with his bottle of rum and doesn't come out anytime soon. It's safer that way.

My daughter still has her car. She's coming home this weekend and hopefully nothing will happen with my husband and the car. I'm hoping he's just playing his usual mind-f*ck games that he does and will leave her alone. She's under enough stress with finals coming up.

My son still has the "oh so important laptop"..which I guess wasn't so important after all. All my H has to do is bring my son's PC computer over but that would be "giving in" and that's unacceptable in his book.

Next two days will be busy, with the lawyer, filing, transferring my son's school and he has visits to the doctor for a check up/flu shot and to the orthodontist for his braces. My husband hasn't brought him in for the braces since late summer and he hasn't seen a doctor in 10 months! Yep, my H did a GREAT job taking care of him. NOT.

Saturday will be shopping for food and laundry. Sunday I'm relaxing because I got a long, hard week of work ahead of me next week, it being the week before Christmas but I can use the money desparately.

Friday I'm going to see the doctor myself for check up and mammogram. Figure I should do it while I still have health insurance. I'll have to address that soon too.

At least I'm not cracking up like I was 2 years ago. Not being wrapped up emotionally in my H really helps. I have no feelings about divorcing him at all except that I can't wait to be free of him and his toxicity.

 

No need to feel neglected. You are on the right track even though it is difficult. You have a good handle on your stbxh and his moods. You filing will push him towards the bottom of the barrel, however. Just make sure you protect yourself and your kids. Based on what you have written most of what he says is full of hot air but you still have to be prepared for the worst right now. This will be a major blow to him. He'll act like he cannot believe nor understand why you would want to divorce him.

 

I meant neglected because no follow up posts on my thread. I was being tongue in cheek.

But I really appreciate the input. :smthumbup:

I'm aware of that filing may do. It's why, despite the urging from my friends and my daughter, I've avoided it for so long. I rather enjoyed my H's company from time to time and he was paying the bills, despite him giving me a hard time but it was the devil I knew and I learned to deal with it. I incorporated a lot of the tenents of the 180 and it worked well enough. Then he took my son to live with him and that seemed to work out well. It was a pretty good summer, all and all.

But he's fallen apart again. It happened pretty quickly but the SAME thing happened last year. And the year before that. But now it's affecting my son and he's giving me the BS about "running out of money" and throwing heaps of guilt on me and I've really just had enough.

One thing this summer did was show me that my life is BETTER without him. I've been avoiding his company lately. I don't want to waste my time spending it with him. He has nagged me about "when are we going to see each other" and the fact, I DON'T want to see him! 2 weekends ago I didn't return his calls and told him I was sick because I was happier without him and didn't want to deal with him at all.

He once actually said to me "Are you going to divorce me?". What's amazing is that I used to say that to HIM. He was always threatening to divorce me. He threatens to do bad things a lot.

I don't threaten,I do. When I say I'm going to do something, it's as good as done. It takes awhile for me to get moving but when I move, I move fast. He knows that. I told him I was going to divorce him the night I picked up my son and he was feeling sad and remorseful and told me that I should. He stated that he wouldn't fight me and I deserved a better man. I told him it wasn't about finding another man but it's about protecting my kids and myself. He seemed good about it.

But that all changed the next day. I don't know if he sobered up or what happened but when I started telling him that it could be easy or hard and outlined the various options (legal separation, uncontested divorce, getting a lawyer and making it nasty) he went nuts and started yelling at me that he didn't need my threats and anger and that we should take time apart. He said that unless I told him that he was worth saving and loved him I should shut up and stay away. Whew!

That turned into the "I must have my laptop fiasco" and so on. Predicting my husband's behavior and mood is like predicting the weather. You never know what will happen, you can only make a guess and hope for the best.

I haven't heard from him yesterday and today. Today I began the process of transferring my son to his new school. I also went over to the county courthouse and picked up the divorce papers and plan to fill them out and hopefully file tomorrow.

I do have an appt to talk to a lawyer tonight for free consult so I don't want to do anything until I get some more input but my plan is to file tomorrow. I'm also filing a form to waive the $250 filing fee. I figure it can't hurt. $250 is a lot of money right now. Having my son here is hitting my pocketbook hard.

Getting the papers will likely unhinge him. He's been telling me lately how much he loves me, how I'm his only friend, etc, etc. It's actually true. He no longer sees most of his friends, has no family outside of me and the kids and does nothing all day but smoke and drink. For awhile he was kayaking and he did go out on his boat once in awhile but he really has no life. Now he's going to have to face the reality that what little life he has may be lost.

He has been saying to me all the things I would've killed to have heard from him 2 years ago..or even a year ago, although I was starting to move away from him this time last year when he was falling apart again. Then come springtime he put himself together and we got closer over the spring and summer and here we are now AGAIN. But this time there won't be any reconciliation. I really am ready for the D. I want it. I want peace for myself and my kids.

It's going to be awhile before I get peace though. I'm aware of that but mentally and emotionally I'm in a good place. I'll get through it. I'm just taking it one step at a time. I gotta hold it together for my kids.

If it wasn't for them I'd just let my husband go and not ask for anything but they are his kids too and he's not walking away from them financially. What he does physically, mentally and emotionally is up to him but he's going to bear his part of the responsibility of paying for their care. If he doesn't want to help raise them, then fine but he's going to pay something towards them. Or at least it will be set forth on paper legally that he has to help support them.

Usually he is full of hot air but this is a man who has blown off work and customers continuously and at one time I would've said he never would've done that. He's done it 3 times in the past 2 years. I won't be surprised at anything. Fortunately we are separated in most ways but we still have ties, like with the health insurance and my daughter's car. I told my kids to be ready for anything..that things could get nasty.

It's a shame because they don't have to be nasty. I'm not asking for anything that he hasn't been doing already. I just want it guaranteed and I don't want to be fighting, begging, pleading and worrying about it like I do now. I'm tired of the threats and games.

He will blame me for everything. I'll be the bad person. He'll villainize me just like he has with our daughter. He says she's spoiled and bratty and arrogant and she's the complete opposite but she has basically told him to kiss off so now he dumps on her. I guess I'm next and he's doing a bit of that to our son too.

I don't know what "bottom" is. I think he's hit it already..at least he has with me and the kids. What he does with himself is not a concern of mine. As I told my daughter, I'm not out to get back at him, or start a war, or prove a point. I just want him to support our children and get him the heck out of my life.

 

Writing is very cathartic. I have a journal, probably thousands of pages now - the World file got so big that I just do a separate one for each year now.

Plus journals can be entered into evidence should you need them. The judge will ask how you can remember or know what was said/done on X date and you can say you remember because you wrote it down, then the journal is entered.

 

I find it good to write and sort stuff out. I can write a lot. LOL! Plus I might need to have everything written down so I can refer to it. I had been writing down in my appointment book dates that my husband did things..when he moved out. When he stopped work and when he called and told me to pick up my son. I'm good at remembering dates and things but it's good to have a reference.

Plus I like getting the feedback from everyone here. It's good to know I'm not alone.

 

Wow Freak, I have caught up with your thread and definitely think you are doing what is best for you and your kids.

My mom is an alcoholic. I have not spoken to her for 5 years. The toxicity she spews is why. She had not hit rock bottom yet but *hopefully* soon. My brother and sisters are very concerned and are talking about doing an intervention. I'm not sure if that will work b/c she doesn't admit that she has a problem but we'll see. I know its not the same as an alcoholic spouse, but just know there are people who understand the type of person you are dealing with. Alcoholics like your H and my mom are just so damaging to the people that are close to them. I wish they could see we just want to help them....

 

I recently found all of my journals that I had for the past 7 years. One afternoon I actually sat down and read all of it. Put my marriage into perspective because I was able to see some things from a detached perspective now that I am a year and a half post divorce.

I could also see how pathetic I was during the emotional fallout and was embarrassed by what I read. Even though I am far different now than I was during the "good" years of my marriage I could see where things changed. Also helped me to understand how far I've come.

After I read all of the journals I burned them. I found that I was still stuck trying to figure things out and I was wasting my time instead of focusing on how I can move forward.

 

Yesterday night I consulted with the lawyer. He pretty much confirmed that I can't afford a lawyer. He seemed impressed at how resolute I was about getting a divorce. I guess he sees a lot of people who are still unsure.

He did say that all debt acquired during the marriage is both of ours but he said there's room for the judge to decide who gets what, depending on the circumstances..that it isn't necessarily 50/50. He did say the best action was to come to an agreement with my H.

That's like predicting the weather. He might be ornery and irrational, or remorseful and cooperative or just a rat a*ss bastard. One never knows. I haven't heard from him in over 2 days and hopefully that's a good thing. My daughter is home now until Tuesday and still has the car. My son still has the laptop and there hasn't been a peep from my H since he called up slurring his words and threatening to cut us off.

The real test will be at the end of this month as to whether or not the insurance company sends a late/cancellation notice. That'll mean he hasn't paid the premium for this month. I'll have to deal with that when it happens. Unfortunately he never pays until the 30 day grace period is up so I won't have much time once that happens.

I have made sure to get all of mine and my children's check ups done so we are up to date. If we do have to shop around for new insurance it won't be nearly as good as what we have now so I want to make sure we have seen everyone we need to have seen. I brought my son for a check up/flu shot yesterday and got my yearly mammogram today.

The health care/insurance situation in this country is deplorable but don't get me started. If it wasn't for the health care I'd have a lot more leverage with my H than I do now.

I took my son to his orthodontist and found out that my H is a month behind on the payments. I bought myself some time by having them bill him...and made sure to give them his current address. He had conveniently "forgot" to that despite him living at his apt since May.

Last night I filled out the D paperwork. I specified that our D be as a result of "separation for more than 18 months with no possibility of reconciliation". It's no fault. I want it known officially that we are indeed completely separate. For two years he's been saying that we are separated but married. It's now going to change and take on the more tradional definition of separated and headed for divorce.

I put in a waiver for the filing fee, which is an astronomical $275. :slap: Combined with the sheriff's fee to serve the papers it''s around $300. That's two weeks worth of groceries and my entire budget for the holidays. Unfortunately with the courts closing for Christmas it will be January before a judge decides whether or not to waive the fee. If it's waived, it'll be worth it but if I have to pay then I'll be pretty POed. But IMO it is worth giving it a shot. After the fee is paid or waived things happen pretty quickly.

I was hoping to give my H his papers as a Christmas present, especially since he proposed to me on Christmas eve, but I guess it'll have to wait. Maybe it's a good thing because I'm not sure how he'll react and if he flips out I'd rather not have him messing up yet another holiday.

My daughter came with me to finish the paperwork and bring it to be filed. I was so glad to have her there. She's great company and tends to calm me down and keep things in perspective. She's a great kids. She helped me make copies of everything and we brought it to the office and got my receipt and now it's "hurry up and wait." But at least it's done. I do feel better. We had a nice lunch and treated ourselves to gelato and I came home and took a 3 hour nap.

Things are rolling along otherwise. My son has an appointment to be registered for his new school on Tuesday. I'm hoping he'll get bus transportation, which will be a huge help but even if I have to drive him or arrange pick up via a cab it'll be a lot less money because the in district school is 2 miles away vs 10.

It's the same high school my daughter went to so it's a good school (she loved it) and my son seems to have accepted the idea of going there. I was told by his current school that since his father was in district he could've stayed at the school he is at now as long as his father stays where he is living (which contradicts what I was told by the high school in my district) but his father's situation is so unstable that I won't take that chance. I'd hate the idea of my son having to move at a later point, when he starts getting friends is used to being at his high school.

I got my son updated on his shots at the doctor and his orthodontist check up. He has new clothes so he is set there. He seems reasonably happy and content for a 15 year old boy.

I've started the divorce process. My work schedule is filled right up into early January and the weather is supposed to be mild so barring anything unexpected things are going along as smoothly as possible. If my H stays away and leaves us alone and actually pays this nonth's health insurance, life is pretty good. If he doesn't then there's yet another bridge to cross.

Both my kids are home now and hanging out in the living room with me. Everyone seems happy and content. I'm glad that my H is leaving us alone. I'm not sure WHAT is up with him. He could be sitting in his car consuming vast quantities of rum and cigarettes or in the hospital or dead. I have no idea and don't really want to know. Out of sight, out of mind for now.

Tomorrow we go food shopping for the week. My daugher is home 'til Tuesday and then she has to go back to take exams. I have a long, hard week at work coming up so after food shopping and laundry tomorrow I plan to pretty much stay home and relax. I'm sitting and drinking a glass of wine and mellowing out.

Life is pretty good. If only I was going skiing. I saw some guys in my parking lot loading up some skis on the top of their car and asked them where they were going. They said "Vermont". If my H hadn't pulled all this crap my plan was to do the same with my daughter in January.

I'd been saviing my Christmas tips for us to go on a mid week ski vacation but now I'm watching every penny and some of my tip money will be spent on Christmas gifts as I wont have my H helping me out. I don't want him to help me out either because than I'd have to deal with him. Better to do it myself.

Besides, I can't leave on a vacation now with my son living with me and going back to his new school in January. Best I can hope for this season is a few day trips and maybe an overnighter. But there's always next winter...Hopefully. And a lot more is going to happen between now and then. It's hard to believe that only a few weeks ago my biggest worry was where I was going to go skiing.

I'm just taking it one stop at a time. At least I have plans to go to a cool New Years party with my Meet up group and I bought tickets to a Papa Roach concert in January. Merry Christmas to me. The real present is when the sheriff delivers the papers to my H. :gun:

 

Things got really bad today. The STBXH called and said that I'd BETTER call him back or it's "going to get expensive."

So I did. Basically he lawyered up. (so much for him not having any money). He told me to surrender his laptop and bring my daughter's car back or else he would take legal action, which included filing a suit against me and impounding her car. The way he phrased things and laid it out I knew that this was no bluff. When you've known someone for over 30 years you know them well.

I had warned my daughter this could happen. Technically the car is his. He also talked about what he and his lawyer would and could do. I have enough bad stuff in my past so he could make me out to look like a crazy person, a bad wife and an incompetent mother. I can't afford a lawyer and my talk with the one lawyer I consulted did confirm what he was saying..that everything we owned and owed was marital property.

I'm not too interested in anything he has. He doesn't have much, but I have a nice Jeep Wrangler I want to keep and I don't have the money for a lawyer. I can't fight him on much. What the lawyer did tell me is that I should try as hard as I could to work with my husband.

So I went over there with the laptop and my son. I was hoping that maybe if he saw my son he'd at least give him back the gaming PC that he bought for him. No dice. He refused to give my son his PC despite my son begging him to. He told me I'd better have my daughter's car back by Monday morning.

I decided to cooperate and said that I'd bring it back. I brought my son home and came back and we talked and I calmed him down and he said if I did't give hm a hard time we might be able to work something out. He indicated that he wanted 50/50 custody (my son says "no way"). He wasn't happy that I transferred my son out of his school into the one in my district. I told him he left me with no choice. He told me he couldn't care for my son anymore so now he's with me. I can't afford to keep paying cabfare to get my son home after school. He said I could pick my son up at his apartment after school. I said that wasn't going to work and that he was going to the same high school that my daughter went to and he'd be fine.

Suddenly he's all concerned about my son? Really? He barely took care of him this past month and blames my SON for not getting up to go to school and for not cleaning the apartment. He called him lazy and immature. He's 15 years old and his father would leave him alone for hours and not tell him where he was and he wants to have custody? :wtf:

He basically said "I'm not giving you any money. So this isn't about wanting to be with my son but about giving ME money!

Basically I "yessed" him for an hour and tried to calm him down telling him that there was no need to get lawyers involved and have a costly divorce, that we could draw up a contract ourselves and would work with him. After awhile he did calm down and we left on more or less amiable terms. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

I went home, called my daughter and she wanted to go over and talk to her father. I warned her that her brother, who her father until recently had a much better relationship with, tried to talk to her father and came up empty handed. My daughter wanted to tell her father that she would buy the car from him, to pay off what remained of the loan, which we figured was around $5000.

We went over and my daughter offered to pay him for the car. He refused saying that he'd let her know which dealership had it and she could arrange it with them. I told him that a dealership would mark up the price twice as much so couldn't she just pay off the loan as it was? Again, he refused and said the car had better be back at his house or else. Then he started telling my daughter she was an a-hole who deserved this. That led my daughter to call him a slime sucking drunk who should go to hell and he yelled that she can't talk to her father like that, to which she replied that he wasn't her father. That didn't end well.

I just said to him. "We will have the car here by tomorrow." I was afraid to say anything more.

I told my daughter that we'd buy another car..and it would be HER car. I'd help get a loan. She said she'd pay for the car if I could pay for the insurance. I told her that we'd shop for a car over her christmas break. I've bought many cars over the years, this is one thing I know I can do. It won't be new but it'll be hers and this madness that her father has put her through will finally stop.

I'm going to buy my son another computer for Christmas. I just bought one and it won't be as good as his Alienware but it will be something he can use. If he does get his PC back from his father than worst scenario is that we have an extra and at the rate I've been going through computers that may not be a bad thing.

Amazingly enough, my husband told me that he wasn't going to be with us for Christmas! :rofl: As if he were invited.

I have to work with my husband on this and give in. Sometimes one has to lose a battle to survive the war. If my H gets a lawyer into the mix the lawyer will bring up a host of things I did 15 years ago and this will become all about me. I need to keep this amicable and see what I can do to make this the least painful situation possible.

I have about a month before fee waiver is decided and the divorce papers I filed go through. If the fee is waived, then it goes through and if I have to pay then I will but I at least have to try. As far as I can see my H hasn't filed anything. He seemed astonished at how much I knew about the divorce process and when I told that I too had talked to a lawyer he said "You did talk to someone!".

He seems to think that he has to do everything this lawyer tells him to do and I said that wasn't the case. She's giving him advice and it's up to him as to whether he should do it but if he wants to have a divorce that isn't costly or bitter than we should sit down and work things out and get a mediator if needed.

My H isn't doing well. He looks like hell, is chugging rum and coke like crazy and told me that he has to go to the hospital to get his liver checked. I can only imagine the shape his liver is in. He still says he has cancer and they are checking to see if it's spread. He told me in October, 2011 that he has pancreatic cancer and it's in remission but I don't believe it. I've never seen anything that indicated that. He claims he had it in the last 6 months that we lived together but I was on top of his schedule and there was never any indication that he was getting chemotherapy as he claimed. He said the only he told was his father and his father is dead so there's no way to confirm that.

In October of last year, he was admitted to the hospital for detox and blood clots year and no one at the hospital seemed to think he had cancer. He'd never been seen or admitted about it. He told me he want for "experimental treatment" at the U of Penn. Who the heck knows WHAT he has or doesn't have? I just know that he's extremely unstable and he's physically not well.

If he dies then he will not have doen so without inflicting a lot of pain and suffering, that's for sure. He might or might not have cancer but he's a cancer to everyone around him. He's def sick in the head.

My daughter and I went shopping for food after her confrontation with him. I dropped $179 on food for all of us. He doesn't pay a dime right now for anything. I'm keeping all my receipts and am going to seek legal aid for advice. I don't want to go down without a fight. I at least want to know what I'm in for. Do my kids get to speak with the judge? Seems my son can't decide for himself who to live with until he's 18 but does the judge take into consideration what my son has to say?

Unfortunately, if I hammer out an agreement with my H and have to agree to 50/50 custody then I have to stick with it but if my H's past actions are an indication then he'll screw up at some point. Fortunately my daughter is out of the loop but technically in NJ you have to support your college age child as well.

My H is talking about applying for disability and medicare. Anything to keep from working! I'm wondering how he can afford to stay in his $1200/month apartment and pay $500/month to keep his precious boat, as well as support our son half the time.

Damn, I wish I could afford a lawyer!

Speaking of "afford", I was told by my STBXH that he wasn't going to pay any more health insurance (another threat he often made and I had to beg and plead for) so I'm going to have to look into options for that as well.

I keep telling myself to hold on, that it WILL get better. My daughter has calmed down. We dropped the car off a few hours ago. I just want to kill my H. We have the best kids! They are wonderful, well behaved..downright awesome! And he's spitting all over them. I told him that he's going to grow old alone, that he doesn't realize what he's doing. But he doesn't care. He just spews forth a bunch of vitriol about how the kids are horrible to him and they deserve this and have it coming to them and of course it's all my fault because I've been a horrible wife and mother over the years.

Oh well. I guess I'm just going to have to weather this storm. My H told my daughter that it's "because your mother wants a divorce." I asked him if he would stop if I didn't get one. He hesitated and said "It's too late."

It doesn't matter, even if he told me that he'd give my daughter back the car and my son back his computer and paid the health insurance, I'd still get the D. I want it more than ever. If this was a test about how determined I am to divorce his sorry a*ss then I passed.

 

This is amazing. My H just called at freakin' 3:30 am in the morning. We dropped my daughter's car off hours ago. He's mad because we only left one key. Yes, there are two and the other is in her dorm room an hour away. She's getting a ride back up to school on Tuesday and I told him I'd get it to him then. NO, he wants it tomorrow (Sunday) or else! She's studying for finals and the last thing she is going to do is drive over 2 hours to pick up an extra key!

This man will NOT let us rest! I gave him the laptop. I gave him the car with the one key and told him he'd get the other in in 48 hours and he kept saying "I'd better get it by tomorrow evening or else". Then he kept going on about how my daughter f*cked up and who carries one key, blah blah". The kid doesn't need two keys to drive the car! She didn't know he was going to take the car back when she came home this weekend! :slap: :banghead:

He is out of his mind. He just won't let me be. He won't be happy until he drives us all as crazy as he is.

I was hoping to appease him but he seems worse than ever. I guess my daughter calling him names didn't help either.

 

I'm not trying to help him at all. I am WAAAY past that. I praying that he drops dead! :banghead: I just want him to leave me and the kids the hell alone? Hasn't he done enough? He got his friggin' laptop and the car back and he's calling me at 3:30 am about the other key? It's up at my daughter's school an hour away and he'll get it by Tuesday! NOTHING seems to get this guy off my back. He talks about taking MY car just to "get back at me." He's going to hire a lawyer to get car that's worth maybe $5k just because he knows that I want it? It's my only car besides my work vehicle!

He's taken everything he can from me and my children! He won't rest until we are homeless and/or going crazy like him.

I'm trying to be amicable and come to terms and he's going on and on about stuff that happened 15-20 years ago. He says he's going to tell everyone that I'm strung out on valium! I have the pills but rarely take them because they make me tired! I can't have a prescription for valium? I feel like I'm living in some sort of bizarro world. :slap:

I have to talk to someone who is NOT looking to take a ton of money out of my pocket and just get some solid advice. No one seems to be able to give me any. Can this guy really make my life this miserable? Take my car, my kids and basically set out to bankrupt me?

Soon I'll have no health insurance so I won't be able to even get sick but he's going to make me sick with all the crap he's dumping on me. :banghead:

In many cases, if the child is around 12-13 the judge would take their thoughts into consideration. The older the child is the more their choice of who to stay with has merit. Your H should be a finalist for the top ten a-holes of the year. But bear in mind, he will want 50/50 to keep from paying any C/S. It's usual to want to lash out at you but.....the kids? He will regret that in more ways than he could ever imagine down the road.

My son is 15 and as it stands now, my STBXH has done everything he can to alienate and disgust a boy who used to worship his father. He's doing the same thing to him that he did to his sister. He does NOT want to visit is father at all.

My husband is so mentally unstable and abusive I can't stand the idea of my son going there. He's devious though..he's cleaning the apartment NOW because he knows it will look bad if anyone comes to check things out. The place was a complete wreck. I tidied it up some last week and my H said "you didn't do the dishes". I couldn't do the dishes because there were so many the water was overflowing the sink faster than I could empty it! When I told him that he told me I was lazy. :banghead: It's f'in amazing..the things that come out of his mouth.

And yes, my husband said that he wants to go 50/50 because "no way is he paying child support and giving me money."

With him it's all about money...it always has been. I wish he'd just choke on his rum and die!

There is karma in this world. He will be a very lonely man. He will be sick and no one will care for him. Holidays will come and he'll spend them alone. He will never know his grandchildren. When he does die, no one is going to pay for or be at his funeral. He will die a forgotten, bitter man and at the rate he's drinking, he won't be old.

He says he has "plans" for this Christmas and he "won't be alone". I think he intends to freeload off his friends. Well, his friends are my friends too and when this is all over intend to fill them in on what my husband has done to his kids. I'm sure they will be very impressed. Not.

And his family? His brother is a drunk just like him and has disappeared for the past 2.5 years. He didn't even show up at his father's funeral. Everyone else are cousins he hasn't seen in 25 years.

He even thinks he'll find someone else! LOL! My condolences to the next one he fools.

I so want to be rid of him. He ruins every holiday and almost every weekend. I'm so sick of this. Every year it's the same damn thing.

I bought my son a new computer and monitor. I'm not going to let that kid wake up on Christmas morning and have nothing. And I'm going to find my daughter another car. I'm not letting this man destroy my kids!

I should buy him a case of rum for Christmas, so he can hasten his own demise.