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It's time to start looking at the big "D". If you want to see what led me to this point check out my post in this thread:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-addiction/61362-i-feel-shattered-3.html
We've been separated for 2 years. My husband has gotten drunk, stop working, gotten sick, been detoxed, rehabed and gotten himself together and gone back to his drunken ways 3 times in those two years.
He's on his 3rd time. Maybe his 4th? Last spring he sold the house he inherited, went back to work, got an apartment and had our 15 year old son move in with him. I was supportive of this because it would be good for my son and my husband and I wanted to live alone on my own.
Worked good for the summer. I had a great summer being on my own and taking camping trips, kayaking, etc. But sure enough by fall I saw it starting to unravel. The drinking started again, his apartment started getting messier and I wasn't liking a lot of what I was seeing. But my son kept telling me everything was all right so it was easy enough to hope for the best.
By Thanksgiving I knew the end was near because my husband was totally unable to cook Thanksgiving dinner as he promised. I had to do it. He ruined the holiday for us. I haven't him since. I was just digusted by the whole thing. Then I talked to my son and he told me the apartment was a wreck and my husband wasn't "feeling well". I decided to go over there and see what was up. It wasn't good. The apartment was a wreck, my son was basically taking care of himself, as well as my husband, who was again drinking rum by the quart, wasn't showering and wasn't getting my son off to school.
I took my son home today and had a long talk with my husband. He told me had no money to give me, that he has gone through his inheritance. No kidding! He hasn't worked in 2 years, he's bought a fishing boat and every other toy known to man and has lived a rich man's life Now he tells me his father only left him 50k and he didn't get much out of the house either? I don't believe him but he's telling me that he's been paying the bills via his credit cards.
So now I've come to the decision that I have to divorce him. Why? Mainly to protect myself. If we remain married and he stops paying his bills then his debts become mine. I don't have ANY credit card debts, any loans and I've finally gotten a decent credit rating. I know he's got a loan on his boat and my daughter's car. I'm worried that my daughter is going to lose her car! I can't afford to pay it. If he starts defaulting on loans and credit card bills it's going to affect me.
So I told him that's it..I'm going to divorce him in order to protect myself financially. He says he won't fight me on it. He told me that "maybe I'll find a better man". I really don't have any intention of finding anyone else, I just want to ensure that I can take care of myself and my son.
So how does one get started? Can you have an amicable, cheap divorce that doesn't involve lawyers? I can't afford a lawyer. Basically I just want to separate myself from him financially and not be held responsible for the massive amount of debt that he has run up.
Can I do this? How do I do it quickly and with as little cost as possible?
We have no real property or investments. We both live in separate apartments and have separate bank accounts. The kids aren't an issue. My daughter is 18 and my 15 year old son is now glad to be living with me after his nightmare with my husband. I have no issues with my husband visiting with my son. I'm pretty much going to have custody of my son in any case.
I have no hatred or anger towards my husband...that's all in the past. This is all about being pragmatic and practical. I spent the night cleaning his apartment for him and am urging him to get rehab. He told me he'd do AA and he wants to get himself together. I told him I'd support him and help him but I need to protect myself and our son now. He has also told me he'd support the idea of a divorce and won't fight me on it.
So I might as well get started..where to start? :scratchhead:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-addiction/61362-i-feel-shattered-3.html
We've been separated for 2 years. My husband has gotten drunk, stop working, gotten sick, been detoxed, rehabed and gotten himself together and gone back to his drunken ways 3 times in those two years.
He's on his 3rd time. Maybe his 4th? Last spring he sold the house he inherited, went back to work, got an apartment and had our 15 year old son move in with him. I was supportive of this because it would be good for my son and my husband and I wanted to live alone on my own.
Worked good for the summer. I had a great summer being on my own and taking camping trips, kayaking, etc. But sure enough by fall I saw it starting to unravel. The drinking started again, his apartment started getting messier and I wasn't liking a lot of what I was seeing. But my son kept telling me everything was all right so it was easy enough to hope for the best.
By Thanksgiving I knew the end was near because my husband was totally unable to cook Thanksgiving dinner as he promised. I had to do it. He ruined the holiday for us. I haven't him since. I was just digusted by the whole thing. Then I talked to my son and he told me the apartment was a wreck and my husband wasn't "feeling well". I decided to go over there and see what was up. It wasn't good. The apartment was a wreck, my son was basically taking care of himself, as well as my husband, who was again drinking rum by the quart, wasn't showering and wasn't getting my son off to school.
I took my son home today and had a long talk with my husband. He told me had no money to give me, that he has gone through his inheritance. No kidding! He hasn't worked in 2 years, he's bought a fishing boat and every other toy known to man and has lived a rich man's life Now he tells me his father only left him 50k and he didn't get much out of the house either? I don't believe him but he's telling me that he's been paying the bills via his credit cards.
So now I've come to the decision that I have to divorce him. Why? Mainly to protect myself. If we remain married and he stops paying his bills then his debts become mine. I don't have ANY credit card debts, any loans and I've finally gotten a decent credit rating. I know he's got a loan on his boat and my daughter's car. I'm worried that my daughter is going to lose her car! I can't afford to pay it. If he starts defaulting on loans and credit card bills it's going to affect me.
So I told him that's it..I'm going to divorce him in order to protect myself financially. He says he won't fight me on it. He told me that "maybe I'll find a better man". I really don't have any intention of finding anyone else, I just want to ensure that I can take care of myself and my son.
So how does one get started? Can you have an amicable, cheap divorce that doesn't involve lawyers? I can't afford a lawyer. Basically I just want to separate myself from him financially and not be held responsible for the massive amount of debt that he has run up.
Can I do this? How do I do it quickly and with as little cost as possible?
We have no real property or investments. We both live in separate apartments and have separate bank accounts. The kids aren't an issue. My daughter is 18 and my 15 year old son is now glad to be living with me after his nightmare with my husband. I have no issues with my husband visiting with my son. I'm pretty much going to have custody of my son in any case.
I have no hatred or anger towards my husband...that's all in the past. This is all about being pragmatic and practical. I spent the night cleaning his apartment for him and am urging him to get rehab. He told me he'd do AA and he wants to get himself together. I told him I'd support him and help him but I need to protect myself and our son now. He has also told me he'd support the idea of a divorce and won't fight me on it.
So I might as well get started..where to start? :scratchhead: