Does she sleep in Albany College pajama pants with you? I would find them and chuck them out. Don't say a word.

 

My wife, even with unwanted attention, sometimes has a hard time shutting it down. She's in many ways the female equivalent of a Nice Guy.

That's why I advocate so strongly that the man step in and deal with it, swiftly and decisively. In many cases, the wives are in Dopamine-land and just don't knock it down hard enough for an "other man" to take the hint.

During the time my wife went ga-ga for her younger single co-worker, three other men she DIDN'T have interest in started texting her. She would politely decline invitations to go have drinks or dinner, and all these guys would do is ratchet up the effort.

It was only when I stepped in, and told each one, "Man to man, I know what you're doing. It's not innocent. Back the f*ck away from my family," they all immediately did so. None of them even gave a rebuttal or tried to profess their innocence.

 

Sat... OK point taken... a bit. and modded... a bit. Sometimes I am a bit terse. I changed one word.

I see the same road in this guys wife and it scares the pizz out of me.

We are begging him to 'get off the railroad tracks.'

BTW he would say the same thing. He does not get a do over. That first RDMU inappropriate was June 2011. This OP is at the equivalent of that date. I just don't want to see his marriage take the same path. This is an EA and it will shake him. It pales in comparison of a PA. For the great majority the pain is far worse if it takes that path.

 

Philly,

Your wife seems to have some serious boundary issues. Initially I felt you should be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the more of her behavior you have revealed, the more I believe she is somewhat emotionally immature and/or not vested in protecting her marriage. In fact, she she's seems to be "shopping around" for some side-action.

As a few others have hinted, I believe your best course of action is to take charge and law down the law with her. Be very clear that her behavior is out of line for a married woman and will not be tolerated. You also need to be very clear that there are consequences for her behavior ... namely the loss of her marriage and family.

Now here's where many men go wrong ... you have to "mean it" and follow through with all of the above. In other words, you have to be "the man". If you are Mr. Nice Guy and not the kind of guy who wears the pants in the family then you are going to struggle with my suggestion and most likely she's going to cheat on you eventually anyway. If that's the case .. best of luck to you.

PS: Why the hell is she going out drinking with other men without you present? Seriously .. you're ok with that? Charity my ass.

 

This is a noteworthy statement. People can fall into this trap very easily. I can see her falling into an affair because she wants to feel like she felt when she was single. No responsibilites, no children, no husband. Be careful here.

 

:iagree:

I see this IRL with my niece and her husband they have 4 boys and a disgruntled MIL in the house.

Real trouble ahead

55

 

Your wife has been dating this guy, and doing so behind your back. She has been consciously covering her tracks and letting the other man know that she is doing so. They thought it was their little secret. He has been sexually suggestive to her and her response is to giggle...all in secret behind your back while you sit at home.

It's dating, pure and simple. End it.

 

I wonder if he's Kurt Wagner?

 

BrickHouse Security | Home Security Camera Systems | GPS Surveillance

Pen voice recorder 80 bucks. Posters that have used it say its great. Just drop in purse, really works as a pen too. Odds are most women will not see it in the bottom of a purse.

Cheaters love to talk in a car when they know no one can hear them. LOL that's why he needs to put one under her seat. They will general turn down the radio to talk on the phone.

 

Agree with all axcept the turn down the radio part. Inevitably something important is said while the radio news guy is blabbing.

 

As a woman I agree with most of the posts here. She is enjoying and on some level encouraging the attention. She may not at this point intend to go through with an affair but I do think part of her is contemplating it, perhaps as a fantasy at this point. Unfortunately this is a slippery slope and before you know it she'll be crying that she had a ons/she's sorry/etc, assuming you get anything at that point. You'd better draw and enforce some boundaries now, while the damage is minimal. This is how many affairs start, and you're fortunate to know about it at this point.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Quoted for truth.

 

Is OP getting intimidated by our advice here?

If you're reading OP, we're here to help not to bash or super criticize your decision, though if you made a wrong one we'll probably have to.

All we're saying is there are red flags and from experiences of stories we've seen come and go here on TAM, we've seen and heard similar ones like yours and helping you out before it gets out of control. So don't be shy and update us a little bit.



EDIT - It's been 2 days since his last post, I feel like it was a week. Probably too much free time on my hands with them turkeys.

 

This cannot be about her definition of things. It has to be about yours.

Her: "I would never jeapordize the marriage" You: "You already did that".

Her: "I still want to see him again" You: "Can you tell me why you would want anything to do with a man who only wants to hit on you?"

 

If he’s still reading, this one is fairly simple. You need to tell your wife that while she wants him to just be a friend, he decided he wants to be more. It’s not fair, it’s not cool, but it’s the reality. So that means she’ll be tested over and over and he won’t be satisfied with only a friendship. It also means he doesn’t respect her marriage to you at all.

And because she didn’t shut him down hard, that door is cracked. This is a problem now. This is not a friend of the marriage or you anymore. He chose his path. You marriage has another path. It sucks for her, be sympathetic to that, but she wouldn’t be any more comfortable with you hanging out with some other female who has made it known she wants to have sex with you. It isn’t that you aren’t trustworthy, it’s that this ‘wants to be more than’ friend is not.

If she wants to test this marriage, it’s a good place to start poisoning it. Is that what she wants? Sucks she got this dumped on her by him, but it is what it is and she can’t ‘undo’ it or ignore it.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Like racer said, friends have to be friends of the marriage else they are enemies of the marriage. It's just that simple.

 

He wants to bang your wife

 

She didnt discourage him at all...doesnt mean she wants to bang him YET, but she is open to and enjoying the attention/flirting...bad boundries...

she refered to his girlfriend as "girlfriend"...not your girlfriend in the text...clearly she was downplaying her...that stuck out to me...

she is open to what their relationship currently is...the beginnings of an EA...she probably doesnt even know how far she will allow it to go...if it were me, she cut this ass hole out of her life NOW or I treat it as an affair and act accordingly

 

Hey, Phillyguy. It's been awhile. Any updates on your situation with your wife and her, uh, "friend"? Any more trips to Cleveland? I reread a text from InlandTex where he mentions making it clear to other guys who were relentlessly hitting on his wife to "back the fvck off!" and they apparently did. Have YOU contacted the other guy and confronted him with his texts to YOUR wife and told him the same thing? "Hey, Kurt, that's my wife you're trying to bed! Back the fvck off!" Let the sorry conniving POS know that you're on to his little game. That maybe your wife thinks it's all innocent, but you know better. And she needs to understand the thin ice she's skating on. If she truly doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize her family, she'd better back off and leave this sneaky POS alone before something DOES happen and you dump her. She'd better realize that her "friendship" with this slimeball is seriously affecting her marriage and her relationship with you.

 

You ok PG?

 

I'm here. Been reading from a distance periodically. Most of you have been very helpful.

It's been about 6 weeks since the trip to Cleveland. There has been no contact that I can see since I demanded she cut off all contact. I've checked our cell phone bill and her phone often - seems to be no contact. Of course she could talk to him on work line or work email and I wouldn't know. That said even when we were just dating she would always be "strictly professional" on her work phone and email. I also searched high and low for a "burner" came up empty. I found many email accounts that she had over the years - all just shopping related though. Searched the browser histories on her work computer, personal computer, iphone and ipad. Nothing on there.

We've both been trying to make more of an effort for each other, as best we can with a 3 yo and 5 yo at home. Dinner out, late night take-out, drinks. Our intimacy time is up to 1-2 a week over the past several weeks, up from 1-2 a month. I know conspiracy theorists may say this is part of her plan to throw me off the scent. We will see.

She has been apologetic, didn't mean to hurt me, etc etc. I am the only man she has had or wants, now and forever. Everyday is better for me at least. A month ago I wasn't sleeping. The test will be the next Cleveland trip. She has promised she wouldn't contact him. They no longer work together so have no reason to meet. Next Cleveland trip was supposed to be early Feb, so will be extra vigilent then.

 

Next Cleveland trip was supposed to be early Feb, so will be extra vigilent then.

Ask to go with her to make it a get away trip and see what she says. My wife does that all the time when I have to go out of town for a trip. I always say, fine, more fun time for me to help relieve some stress from work

 

I would do a search mid Jan 2014 then another mid Feb 2014. Note not quite so extensive as before.

Past there I would do another search say May 15 then one Oct 15 2014.

Holidays are lesser affair times.

Between those times just keep your radar up at half power. Its possible you have shut it down. Its possible she meant nothing bad and tested boundaries and will never do it again. Also understand the nature of a player which this guy may well be. Players are a patient lot and will periodically go fishing.

There are numerous cases on here where a player probed and probed and probed and waited months of subtle probing and won into the pants of a married woman simply by subtle persistance... combined with the simple fact that many women LOVE attention.

 

You need to make it clear to her that she is not to respond when he attempts to contact her - and he will. Didn't she tell him that she would return in February and to hold the date open?

Expect him to try to contact her to confirm the date and her intention to "hang" with him.

 

Good job. Happy New Year!

Posted via Topify using iPhone/iPad

 

Thanks again folks happy holidays to all.

Yes she had given him save the dates and I do expect him to reach out to her. However the dates she gave him now are incorrect- company changed the meeting. So a good test will be when he reaches out to her. If he somehow knows the "new" dates- well that answers all my questions lol.

And others mentioned me c0ckblocking him. If/when he does reach out to her again, he will hear from me - very publicly.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Keep us posted Philly. You got a bunch of guys over here sitting on pins and needles hoping for a happy ending for you two. Hope you had a happy Christmas with your little family. Love those two little ones. I can tell you from experience that they'll grow up unbelievably fast.

 

Oh, and as far as Kurt is concerned, give him hell.

 

Let Kurt's employer give him hell. If he has dropped interest in your wife it is because another female colleague has decided to fall for his line.

Time to report him to Human Resources and/or have him on www.Cheaterville.com.

 

Wife got word yesterday from her job to schedule the Cleveland trip. She told me, I tensed up.

Got the "you need to trust me" speech.

I explained I want to trust you, but after the texts I need to be careful. More apologies, more statements that I am the only man she loves and wants to be with. The thought of being with another man makes her sick.

I said you promised not to contact him, and if he contacts you I am to be notified. She agreed. She then tried defending him again, that he was really drunk and doesn't even remember what he texted her. They had spoken for (supposedly) final time on the next week, work related. She says he told her about a job interview he was having, which was the same story he told her the week before, which proves he was really drunk since he doesn't remember telling her the first time. I said, listen, I have married guy friends, and while they are great friends (to me), most of them step out on their wives. One track minds. she said just because my friends are like that doesn't mean everyone is. I agree, but I think this guy is...

Anyway, I think I trust her. But seeing is believing. We will see what happens in Cleveland.