Nice post Alex.

I will say I don't believe they kissed, will never know for sure. IMO if they kissed he would have mentioned that in the text "I liked kissing you" instead of holding hands. Also he called his girlfriend to drive him home. If it was me, a kiss would be a green light for more, so stay downtown with my wife. Call a cab later if need be.

No, won't be hyper vigilant this time around. Will have my routine, but I can't turn
It into obsession. Not worth it, no matter what.

I am warming up to the dog idea. We will see

Anyway good advice thank you. Won't be online much this weekend...
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The single biggest thing I've learned from TAM is to never blindly trust your spouse. Trust and blind trust are two entirely different things.

To somebody new here who is reading this, they might be thinking how ridiculous that sounds. But it's absolutely necessary to not just assume everything is good in marriage-land at all times.

It's also very important to not go overboard in that direction, either. Your partner needs to know that they are trusted, but also not to the point where their spouse doesn't care, if that makes sense.

It's a lot like raising a teenager. You need to be able to trust them, and they need to know they are trusted, but you can't just let them run free. You do need to monitor them, but not to the point where they are smothered and have no privacy. It's a balancing act - too much in either direction and they will rebel and/or make some bad decisions. Adults are really not all that different, it's just that the decisions and actions are.

 

Why a lab. I have yet to be around a sporting, hunting dog that makes a good pet.

Hands down, síxty years of experience, German Shepherd best most useful outside dog. Miniature schnauzer best inside dog ( female). Both dogs smarter than most people. Never saw a smart hunting dog, talented but not smart. If you don't want to get attached though don't get either of the two I mentioned.

By the way schnauzers don't shed.

 

Hey she's been on Pinterest over the last couple of days looking up fall decor. What do you all think it means????
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Hey she's been on Pinterest over the last couple of days looking up fall decor. What do you all think it means????
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Probably that you're going to need a second job.

 

Not giving away his best methods of monitoring is essential imho.

 

Don't remember the thread title. But she was q work, felt like she did nothing wrong and was proving a point. After all it was not like it was actually sex.
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So this morning we had a little chat.

She "forgot" her work laptop at home and had to turn around and come back home to get it. Says she will work from home rest of the day. Immediately wants to go upstairs for a quickie. I said I wasn't really in the mood. She says I've been distant last couple of days what's up. She had chalked it up to my mothers visit but she left yesterday morning.

I said I was playing on my phone last night and lo and behold I got a suggestion for a linkedin connection with his weasely face smiling back at me. Anything you need to tell me? She said he sent he a request and she immediately deleted it. I said why didn't you tell me? We had agreed you would report all contact.

She said it was because just a few weeks ago I said I would leave her if there was any more contact. I said yes I will, but that is if you contact him. I'm not going to hold you completely accountable whenever he reaches out to you. But I do expect you to report all contact to me. She said she knew I would be upset and didn't want to open the can of worms. I said yes, I would have been upset, but not nearly as much as now.

Then I got the usual I don't think about him, I don't want to think about him, he is nothing to me, you are the only man I ever want.

So, there we are.

 

You should believe her!

 

Just to clarify, there is NO decorator in the picture, gay straight or otherwise

I think the gay hairdresser thread was fan fiction, there were more outlandish stories from that OP after that one came out.

 

You handled it well except for the quickie
As long as there is nothing else coming out of the closet.:lol::rofl:

 

At least you finally got the NC boundaries set up clearly.

She is to report any attempts at fishing by the OM. Otherwise its a lie by omission.

 

I'm happy she asked about you. She is sensitive to you. Handled in the best way. TAM does tend to over-react for good reason - but still does tend to assume guilt. But you know your W better.

Reward her for communicating (finally). Boundaries are a special thing when used by couples. Keeps the evil of the world out of your lives. Keep the open communications going now this has been explained.

Make sure the open linkedin request is carefully deleted. To easy to accidentally accept.

 

Well, I basically played it as if the LinkedIn suggestion fell into my lap. Didn't mention any checking specifically. Didn't mention that I saw his actual message to her. Now if passwords suddenly change, then I overplayed my hand.

Do I believe her? Yes. I never really thought anything was going on at this point. But nonetheless I expected full disclosure, and didn't get it, no matter who reaches out to who. That message is now clear as a bell, open to zero interpretation.
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Maybe, like my wife, she didn't want to upset you over something she saw as trivial.

 

And hopefully, please God, that settles that! :smthumbup:

 

I could call, or text, or send a message, or have wife do so. And I may. Opinions seem 50/50 good vs bad on here. If he was married- no brainer. I like what BPGuy did on his thread, though I guess we will see if there is any reaction long term.
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Yah.. Jail time when the coward cries to the cops.

Maybe she does not realize he did not make any vows into your marriage. That's his challenge. Unseat the H, then run for the hills.

 

Anyway...

Great job. Very small hiccup but no harm. Enjoy the evening!!

 

In your situation I say it's done, in a good way.
No talk tonight at least about this put the kids to bed and "take her"
Then you will do just fine imo.

 

I'll give it my best shot. Twice in one day hasn't happened in a loooonnnngggg time
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Good job PG!!! Did you ask what was in the message? Did she include "personal stuff"?
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I didn't get into the content of the message. At that point i would have to admit logging into her account.

It's either him parroting back a term she may have used months ago or something he came up with on his own. For now I'm going to make like Elsa and let it go.
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I want her to do the right thing, but not because I'm monitoring.
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Catch-22, because you won't know she's doing the right thing unless you monitor (clandestinely).

I reiterate that to me all seems well on the Philly front.

 

Oh I'm physically capable. . It's just very rare I get the green light twice in a day. I'll be sure to report back, I know y'all are DYING to know
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Pictures .............. or ummm it didn't happen !?!?

Juust kidding ummmmm ............. enjoy !!

 

Philly, what was her attitude when she admitted the contact? Did she say it matter of factly or was she contrite? Since you have to live with her you are the best judge.

I ask once again why isn't there full transparency? Why can't you just go log in and view her emails? Why can't she just pick up your phone and look at your text messages? Transparency goes both ways after all. Why do you need to snoop? Why do you need to monitor?

 

She seemed contrite. Wasn't argumentative. Explained her reasoning as to why she didn't mention it; and it was why we suspected.

I haven't done it lately, but I used to pick up her phone in front of her and browse through. I guess it may not seem like it, but I was checking less and less frequently until I decided to do a sweep. This was the first thing I've found since the November event. Everything pretty boring. Shopping. Celebrity gossip. VAR Has been going for a couple days and I will see if any calls are made; doubt it as I never found anything before, and cell records are always clean.

She has access to my phone at will, though it is passcode protected due to my work it's written down for her. She says she had no interest in checking up on me.
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She says she had no interest in checking up on me.

Really? Quelle surprise...

 

PG13 any hits on the VAR?

 

Haven't checked yet... Will try to pull it tonight, but I can go on cell account and check calls.
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Well. That was fast. Another quick update.

Wife had more managerial layoffs today. She now has a 4th manager in a little over 2 1/2 years. Had a conference call late this afternoon to review all the changes.
While she was out picking up the kids, she then got a text from a number. She came home and asked if it was him. It said "hey heard about the changes hopefully it works out for everyone long term"

She asked me if it was his number since she deleted him. I said it looks like it. (Hell yeah it was). I said you should tell him to f-k off.

She then replied "please don't contact me any more as it makes me uncomfortable" and then she blocked the number in her phone. I said thank you, if he contacts you again let me know.

She's making me dinner now. I feel like I'm on candid camera...
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Beyond wonderful.

Take that wonderful woman out for a beer! Just excellent. And POS got his first notification he's an a$$.

Could not be happier for you!!!!

 

Not overly worried about a burner at this point. But VAR is there.
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I still think all is well, Philly. Discreet monitoring should confirm.

 

Couldn't have imagined a better outcome (apart from Kurt getting a car accident). IMHO both you and wife handled it in a best way possible (including work from home stuff and subject to your afternoon performance ). If I may I'd suggest going from being worried to vigilant.