Wife of 20 years goes sends a text on Friday saying she was going to the movies at 11:00pm with girlfriends. At about 4:30am my 8 year old comes down from his room because "mommy never came in and tucked me in" (she normally will come in and scratch his back at night . I take him back upstairs and scratch his back and check on our 3 year old.
The next morning, I ask her how the movie was and she said fine. I asked when she got in and she said 1:00 or 2:00am. I then tell her what happened with 8 year old and she says, "well, we went and had drinks after". I tell her that no bars are open at 4:30am and she said they just hung out near her van and smoked cigs after the movie.
I ask her what is with all the lies and she breaks down and tells me she isn't happy and she isn't in love with me anymore and hasn't been for a long while. Then, she drops a bomb on me...she had a several month affair with a relative (cousin) who is also married with kids. She said they hooked up in Vegas. I feel like such a fool because I was so happy she was having a girl's weekend with her friend in Vegas to get away from the kids.
She goes on to tell me that she wanted him to leave his wife but he wouldn't. He breaks it off with her after the sexual encounter and she falls into a pit of despair. Her heart is broken. The length of the affair was several months, mostly phone calls, sexting (she said they would video chat of themselves masterbating) and she said she loved this guy deeply and he her...he just didn't want to leave his wife...I guess he's a real good guy, huh.
She says she wants a divorce, even after I told her that I'd even go to counseling with her about this, she didn't want to. We saw a lawyer the other day and we're being very amicable about everything. She's in line for a large sum of money from a grandparent so she doesn't want my 401k or any kind of spousal support.
The lawyer technically represents me (wife doesn't have one) but she is present when the lawyer and I discuss everything. Our decree will include 50/50 joint custody, lowered child support, kids can't leave the county, 5-2-2-5 visitation.
I think it all sounds pretty fair. We plan to sell our current house, use the $ to pay off any debt, thanks to the lower child support payments, I can get another (smaller) house for those two beautiful boys of ours. It's very important to me to keep some sense of normalcy for them. I want them to have a house , their own rooms, etc.
So, as for the pain. It is immense. I wake up every day crying. I've lost 10 pounds or so over the past 4 days. I can't eat anything really. Everything sucks. I feel so betrayed...who is this person I've been married to for 20 f'n years? I really think she had a plan to wait for our 3 year old to turn 5 so he'd be in school so she could roll out on me then, but I don't know for sure.
One good thing, is she is being pretty honest about the affair. She revealed some pretty explicit details, so I don't think she's hiding anything else but at this point, there is a trust issue. She seems pretty good at lying.
I'm so heartbroken and feel destroyed. Utterly destroyed. I just can't believe she could do this to me and these boys.
She says I don't pay enough attention to her, that we only have sex 1 or 2 times/week. She wants to have sex every single day. She is kind of self-centered and very very needy (she admits this). She basically wants that beginning feeling you have of being in love and being chased...all the time 24x7 forever.
I tell her that isn't realistic...things cool down after 20 f'n years.
There's no turning back though. In 60 days we'll be divorced and I'll be a single dad. I don't know how I can learn to trust anybody ever again.
One funny question she asked me a long time ago that always bugged me-if she or one of the kid's fell off a boat, who would I save. I said the kid. She hated that answer. She thinks it should be her. If it were me and a kid that fell over, I'd want her to save the kid...but that's just me. Every single person I ask that question to, choose the kid. Nobody chooses the spouse.
She also thinks that sex is the key to marriage. I always thought friendship was. What are you going to do when you're 70 and can't get it up? You can have sex with a stranger but you can only be friends with somebody special.
Anyway, I'm a bit scared about being a 40 year old single dad, back out there in the jungle and my heart aches every second of the day.
Thanks for reading...
The next morning, I ask her how the movie was and she said fine. I asked when she got in and she said 1:00 or 2:00am. I then tell her what happened with 8 year old and she says, "well, we went and had drinks after". I tell her that no bars are open at 4:30am and she said they just hung out near her van and smoked cigs after the movie.
I ask her what is with all the lies and she breaks down and tells me she isn't happy and she isn't in love with me anymore and hasn't been for a long while. Then, she drops a bomb on me...she had a several month affair with a relative (cousin) who is also married with kids. She said they hooked up in Vegas. I feel like such a fool because I was so happy she was having a girl's weekend with her friend in Vegas to get away from the kids.
She goes on to tell me that she wanted him to leave his wife but he wouldn't. He breaks it off with her after the sexual encounter and she falls into a pit of despair. Her heart is broken. The length of the affair was several months, mostly phone calls, sexting (she said they would video chat of themselves masterbating) and she said she loved this guy deeply and he her...he just didn't want to leave his wife...I guess he's a real good guy, huh.
She says she wants a divorce, even after I told her that I'd even go to counseling with her about this, she didn't want to. We saw a lawyer the other day and we're being very amicable about everything. She's in line for a large sum of money from a grandparent so she doesn't want my 401k or any kind of spousal support.
The lawyer technically represents me (wife doesn't have one) but she is present when the lawyer and I discuss everything. Our decree will include 50/50 joint custody, lowered child support, kids can't leave the county, 5-2-2-5 visitation.
I think it all sounds pretty fair. We plan to sell our current house, use the $ to pay off any debt, thanks to the lower child support payments, I can get another (smaller) house for those two beautiful boys of ours. It's very important to me to keep some sense of normalcy for them. I want them to have a house , their own rooms, etc.
So, as for the pain. It is immense. I wake up every day crying. I've lost 10 pounds or so over the past 4 days. I can't eat anything really. Everything sucks. I feel so betrayed...who is this person I've been married to for 20 f'n years? I really think she had a plan to wait for our 3 year old to turn 5 so he'd be in school so she could roll out on me then, but I don't know for sure.
One good thing, is she is being pretty honest about the affair. She revealed some pretty explicit details, so I don't think she's hiding anything else but at this point, there is a trust issue. She seems pretty good at lying.
I'm so heartbroken and feel destroyed. Utterly destroyed. I just can't believe she could do this to me and these boys.
She says I don't pay enough attention to her, that we only have sex 1 or 2 times/week. She wants to have sex every single day. She is kind of self-centered and very very needy (she admits this). She basically wants that beginning feeling you have of being in love and being chased...all the time 24x7 forever.
I tell her that isn't realistic...things cool down after 20 f'n years.
There's no turning back though. In 60 days we'll be divorced and I'll be a single dad. I don't know how I can learn to trust anybody ever again.
One funny question she asked me a long time ago that always bugged me-if she or one of the kid's fell off a boat, who would I save. I said the kid. She hated that answer. She thinks it should be her. If it were me and a kid that fell over, I'd want her to save the kid...but that's just me. Every single person I ask that question to, choose the kid. Nobody chooses the spouse.
She also thinks that sex is the key to marriage. I always thought friendship was. What are you going to do when you're 70 and can't get it up? You can have sex with a stranger but you can only be friends with somebody special.
Anyway, I'm a bit scared about being a 40 year old single dad, back out there in the jungle and my heart aches every second of the day.
Thanks for reading...