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#161 ·
FloridaGuy123 said:
I've reached out to my lawyer and told him I am ready to serve her, just want to check and make sure that everything is set up correctly so I don't act against my own interests.



It's time. I WOULD do it all over again, but I won't do it anymore.



Coincidentally, or not, she told me she wanted to take a break and needs 3-4 weeks. If I can coordinate with my lawyer, I will agree to the break and serve her immediately at the "start" of the break. I found the request for a specific time frame to be awkward.
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It’s called a ‘test drive’ of the new man
 
#162 ·
FloridaGuy123 said:
No disagreement here



I was merely making the point that while I accommodated her goals, I didn't at all give up on mine to cater to her or turn into a beta male / stay at home Dad type. (No disrespect to the SAHD; I'm just referencing the stereotype that you alluded to). We compromised, I changed directions a little, but I very much had my own life and my own goals and my own achievements while she did fellowship. I just also did a lot to support her, including stuff like laundry and grocery shopping. Were there some things I did wrong? probably. Could I have been a better husband? Sure. I'm not perfect. But - just judging by the character of the friends I have - I am a high quality person.

Also, I didn't **** anyone else. So there's that.



That is spot on.



Very tempting. Veeeeeeeeery tempting to just say something. Still I continue to think the revelation that "he knew all along" is more profound when delivered via process server.



No trouble at all. Connections are deep and well established. Lawyer is in court today.
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You are completely right
 
#164 ·
I agree with you comment:
"But - just judging by the character of the friends I have - I am a high quality person."

You're in good company with that observation ... Ben Franklin said something similar about judging a man by who is friends are.

And speaking of low quality people (your wife) ....you are so lucky she isn't the mother of your child.
Painful but ultimately good for you as well as the next generation.
You get a clean do over.
 
#165 ·
If you have a joint account, simply move half the money into your own private acct just before she’s served.
 
#166 ·
If you have a joint account, simply move half the money into your own private acct just before she’s served.
 
Discussion starter · #171 ·
Robert22205 said:
Along with recorded phone conversations (which you later deleted).
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She is beginning the process of trashing me to her family. This is absurd because they like me and always have. Of course now I have to be turned into some horrible demon to justify her other actions

It would be fun to play those recordings for them. I'll likely never get the chance. That's OK, too.
 
#172 ·
How do you know that?

Yep she's trashing you rather than accepting responsibility (and guilt) for her immoral and deceitful behavior.

One reply would be.... why did she wait so long before sharing with family? I'm sure they see her as strong and assertive and not someone that would be driven into any inappropriate behavior.
 
#174 ·
FloridaGuy123 said:
She is beginning the process of trashing me to her family. This is absurd because they like me and always have. Of course now I have to be turned into some horrible demon to justify her other actions

It would be fun to play those recordings for them. I'll likely never get the chance. That's OK, too.
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Standard procedure for a cheater.

Don't let her control the narrative.

When she is served, expose her.
 
Discussion starter · #175 ·
I talked with their office. I am going in on 7/3 (Tuesday), paying the retainer and starting this process. I guess I will probably agree to start the "break" next week, and use the intervening days to get my **** in order and make this happen.

I expect to lose access to the joint account soon. I know she can't close me out of it, but she can take the money and stop the deposits. I have few monthly bills so that won't be a huge issue; I have enough money to eat and enough support system to be OK through the process.

To be decided (as far as I know)

- split up assets, financial and non-financial. There isn't a ton. We have some $20k worth of furniture and another $10k of electronics.
- dog custody
- amount and duration of support payments

That's pretty much it. Not a ton to fight over.

It's probably in my interest emotionally to not be around when the paperwork is served, which I think will likely be next week-ish. I can't see it getting done any sooner. This is where we are.
 
#176 ·
I hate to say this but when she contacts you after you have her served and she asks you why, just tell her you don’t want to be married to a lying, cheating, w**** that’s just like her father.

Just so you know, a miserable 3% or couples that get together through adultery make a go of it. Only ten percent make it three years.
 
Discussion starter · #177 ·
Chaparral said:
I hate to say this but when she contacts you after you have her served and she asks you why, just tell her you don’t want to be married to a lying, cheating, w**** that’s just like her father.
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I had something like this planned. Initially I was not going to expose her (for negotiating reasons) but now I think I probably will. What she did is really awful, and the months of lying about it are awful-er.


Just so you know, a miserable 3% or couples that get together through adultery make a go of it. Only ten percent make it three years.
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I'm surprised it's that high.
 
#178 ·
Go somewhere by yourself for a few days while she gets served.

When you do eventually talk to her, tell her you have physical evidence (not recordings!) of her affair and that you will be more than happy to share said evidence with her family if she decides to trash your rep or get mean in the divorce. Tell her if she plays nice that she can tell everyone that the two of you just lost touch and that it is better if you just split amicably, and that is the story you will give everyone. You won't divulge her big secret, and in exchange she gives you a fair and amicable divorce if she wants to save face with her family.

Use what you have as leverage to get what you want.
 
#179 ·
The stakes are high in this mess. My suggestion is to get evidence from a independent “third party” i.e. private investigator, before you serve or confront.

Huge difference when the “proof” comes from a PI rather from a “psycho” husband.
 
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Wolfman1968
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