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#181 ·
Move money now - because if you wait she has a chance to move all of it before you move your half!

It will send up red flags for her - but who cares at this point? If she asks - you tell her you moved your half.

Get copies of her pay stubs. Copies of tax returns too.

Do it now before there's no chance to do it.
 
#183 ·
Why wait?
If there's a substantial amount of cash to divide, I suggest you consider transferring/withdrawing your share in advance of serving the divorce notice.
Tell her that you feel she's pulling away from you and it's time to set up separate accounts.

Ouch....this will be a long painful next 4-5 days of seeing her everyday and pretending you don't know she's living a lie?

Why do you have to be in town until Tuesday? Can you make the legal arrangements via fax and/or wire transfer etc?
 
Discussion starter · #185 · (Edited)
Beach123 said:
Move money now - because if you wait she has a chance to move all of it before you move your half!

It will send up red flags for her - but who cares at this point? If she asks - you tell her you moved your half.

Get copies of her pay stubs. Copies of tax returns too.

Do it now before there's no chance to do it.
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She is employed on a 3-year contract with a guaranteed FLOOR of over $500k plus a bonus. She is in the worst possible spot to hide income; the $500k+ is contractually guaranteed for 2 more years.
 
Discussion starter · #186 ·
Tobyboy said:
The stakes are high in this mess. My suggestion is to get evidence from a independent “third party” i.e. private investigator, before you serve or confront.

Huge difference when the “proof” comes from a PI rather from a “psycho” husband.
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It's from third parties.
 
#187 · (Edited)
Keep a copy of her contract! Definitely request spousal support!

On the day she gets paid - early in the morning - transfer half her pay to your solo account each and every payday until she puts a stop to any monies being deposited in the joint account.

Until it changes - half that money is legally yours.


Stay three steps ahead of her!
 
#188 ·
Robert22205 said:
Ouch....this will be a long painful next 4-5 days of seeing her everyday and pretending you don't know she's living a lie?
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So sorry FG, waiting for a chance to act, a difficult test!
 
#189 · (Edited)
Decorum said:
So sorry FG, waiting for a chance to act, a difficult test!
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I lined it up what I thought perfectly, found out everything on December 12th of last year, laid in wait for about 10 days, got the serving papers ready, informed her family of the process since they had been helping me along the past 3.5 months since they found out she had at the time was only thought of as an EA. Then tried to serve and OM's wife found out all on the same day.

She was devastated but only devastated that she thought she lost the love of her life forever (not me, OM).

She was already way too far gone but luckily for her, she had a mutual friend with OM that became their messenger and bridged the gap for a few weeks and made her feel better that her chances weren't over just yet and the love affair resumed in the middle of January, only to be busted up in March again but by then, they probably had a lot of contingencies of how to communicate or lie to the OM's wife the next time it busted open. My STBXW was devastated during the December bust but she hardly even batted an eye when it happened again in March which led me to believe they were prepared for it the 2nd time and nothing really changed except I stopped my PI work after the 2nd time, I had done all that I could and wanted to do.
 
Discussion starter · #191 ·
OK - quick check in -

I found...well...let's just say it's suggestive pictures of her, just her, taken with a time and date stamp that indicate they were taken when she was with the other guy. It was a lot to handle, then I realized I already know the details. My wife has a deep hole in her soul, it is tragic, but I can't help her. I've tried. I've been a good husband. Now I need to be smart husband as I navigate this minefield. I took a deep breath and made a plan.

Tomorrow I am going to see some family in Ohio for the weekend. I haven't told anyone and don't plan to yet. Not even my family.

First thing in the morning I am taking approx half the money out of our accounts. I will leave (half the cash + July's bills money) and take the rest. She'll get a notification of the transaction, but I will simply text her that I am headed out of town, I don't know where things are headed with us, and I wanted to take some money in case this turns into an extended break. etc etc.

I feel bad leaving my pups. I really do.

I've secured important legal stuff (her contract, tax returns, pay stubs) and sentimental items (some Navy stuff, childhood pics and memorabilia from what I did in 2016). You just never know what an enraged person might do, throw out, etc. Childhood pic with your grandpa when he was 87? In the trash. You just never know.

I'm new at this. I'm clearheaded but I am also close to the fire. Is there anything else I should be thinking through over the next 12 hours?
 
#196 ·
Go 100% dark. Though you are clear headed what happens at this point is she’ll either gaslight or otherwise attack you. You need 72 hours of being removed from the immediate vicinity of the problem.

With that said, having her served first is more strategically sound. I understand if you cannot wait, though.
 
#198 ·
Excellent short term and long term action plan. Your emotions are running high (but strategic thinking is over for now) so just trust and execute your plan.
Take as much personal stuff (and records) as you can carry as if you plan to never to return. I'm talking really personal stuff like your favorite hat, slippers, PJs, or shoes slacks or whatever....the stuff that helps make you feel at home while you're on the road.

If you can, take one dog? It would provide a lot of support and company.

Good luck to you. Check in with us whenever you can. You're not alone.
 
#200 ·
ABHale said:
Send her the picture you found of her.

“I guess I know why you want the break.”

Then let her know if she doesn’t stop trying to make you out the bad guy, you will let her family know the real reason for the divorce.
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While I am favor of "fighting back" - in this case going dark is the best plan. Anything else he does can be misconstrued as petty. By going dark it's 100% clear that he is above this **** and dealing with it is unquestionably below his station in life.

It forces her hand. Anything he gives her will be used against him in some way.
 
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Wolfman1968
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