[blahfridge]

Now that wishes is actually talking, things are making more sense.
He is totally in the wrong in the "getting a little healing" comment.
Very wrong.
I do think it would be wise for both of you to break off all communication if you're thinking of reconciling, even of its on the future. No sense piling in any more pain than there already is
Posted via Mobile Device

Wrong, yes...but somewhat understandable. I had the same thought with my H as far as my EA goes. I didn't say it, but he knew that was part of the reason. I agree that she needs to stay away from him until he works that out.

 

[sparrow555]

This upsets me greatly... Deeply cruel at this point

I am used to it. It does not bother me so much anymore.

I know I said I wouldn't post, but what the heck is this ? Am I watching some mexican sopa opera ? Suddenly she is the victim now ?

Lest people forget, this is the woman who played footsie with her OM while her husband was at the table. This was the woman who mocked her husband to her lover and manipulated their daughters against him.

Yeah, he is trying to hurt her. After finding out that his wife emasculated him, mocked him, had an affair with a loser when there was nothing wrong in the marriage, can do wonders to a man's psyche. You(Wishes) set the whole house on fire, now you cannot argue that you did not want one particular room to catch damage. That is the reality of your behavior.

Good thing I did not read this post yesterday because he invited me for drinks last night and I again declined. He is reading this thread so what I will say now is something he can explain.

Since the beginning of DG's relationship with OMW I get a text every now and then with this statement, "I just got me some more healing."

No, we won't be having drinks anytime soon. My journey to health does not include that kind of stop along the way.

What do you mean by "that kind of stop" ?

Open relationships, uncommitted FWB ? What exactly do you mean ?

 

[Adelais]

Wishes, ignore Survivorgirl, who only had 4 posts and quit posting on November 18, 2015. She only came back today to slam you with 8 posts on your thread. She does not represent the community of TAM with her 12 posts in all.

Oh it's 11 posts now that she (he) has been banned.

Moderators, if I am out of line saying that, please PM me, and I will delete this post.

 

[Blossom Leigh]

I know I said I wouldn't post, but what the heck is this ? Am I watching some mexican sopa opera ? Suddenly she is the victim now ?

Lest people forget, this is the woman who played footsie with her OM while her husband was at the table. This was the woman who mocked her husband to her lover and manipulated their daughters against him.

Yeah, he is trying to hurt her. After finding out that his wife emasculated him, mocked him, had an affair with a loser when there was nothing wrong in the marriage, can do wonders to a man's psyche. You(Wishes) set the whole house on fire, now you cannot argue that you did not want one particular room to catch damage. That is the reality of your behavior.




What do you mean by "that kind of stop" ?

Open relationships, uncommitted FWB ? What exactly do you mean ?

The full extent of issues has not been revealed here sparrow. By her graciousness to me, I am privy to information no one on this thread or the SI thread knows. Therefore trust me when I say... Those comments are particularly cruel and she in no way excuses her own behavior. But her behavior in no way gives him license to abuse her over and above the natural consequence of divorce. She has endured enough trauma over her life time. And I am very upset at her husband for choosing to be that calloused. He was ruptured bad, but she was ruptured first and I would advise him to remember that and refrain from continuing to be so cruel.

 

[larry.gray]

Hey Survivorgirl, do you know wishes outside TAM?

 

[eric1]

Good thing I did not read this post yesterday because he invited me for drinks last night and I again declined. He is reading this thread so what I will say now is something he can explain.



Since the beginning of DG's relationship with OMW I get a text every now and then with this statement, "I just got me some more healing."



No, we won't be having drinks anytime soon. My journey to health does not include that kind of stop along the way.

I like you

 

[Adelais]

What do you mean by "that kind of stop" ?

It sounds like she means a stop at the bar to have a drink with DG.

 

[manfromlamancha]

The full extent of issues has not been revealed here sparrow. By her graciousness to me, I am privy to information no one on this thread or the SI thread knows. Therefore trust me when I say... Those comments are particularly cruel and she in no way excuses her own behavior. But her behavior in no way gives him license to abuse her over and above the natural consequence of divorce. She has endured enough trauma over her life time. And I am very upset at her husband for choosing to be that calloused. He was ruptured bad, but she was ruptured first and I would advise him to remember that and refrain from continuing to be so cruel.

I agree with Sparrow! What she did with the POSOM while her husband came to see her at the restaurant and thereafter is unforgivable no matter what her background! It was vile and disrespectful and she is trying to say that she is broken and thats why she did it ? Whatever DG had done before, it did not merit that behaviour. That was all her. DG may be trying to give her a dose of her own medicine now or may be he is undecided as to what he wants to do. Telling her about it sounds vengeful and while I don't condone it, I do understand it.

She is not the victim here. She may be a victim in a different story to be told, but here DG is clearly the victim and she is clearly the main offender! Kind of pretty black and white.

If she is truly remorseful, she should be working on helping DG to get better as well as on herself. The marriage is over no matter what DG or anyone else says. She must accept that. Maybe DG will start a new marriage with her, but having been through what she put him through, IMO, he would be crazy to do so. The damage has already been done to the kids, to DG, to the marriage and to Wishes herself. So why reconcile. The love is gone on both sides. There is no need to protect the kids now. So why? Both of them should just move on.

 

[Blossom Leigh]

I agree with Sparrow! What she did with the POSOM while her husband came to see her at the restaurant and thereafter is unforgivable no matter what her background! It was vile and disrespectful and she is trying to say that she is broken and thats why she did it ? Whatever DG had done before, it did not merit that behaviour. That was all her. DG may be trying to give her a dose of her own medicine now or may be he is undecided as to what he wants to do. Telling her about it sounds vengeful and while I don't condone it, I do understand it.

She is not the victim here. She may be a victim in a different story to be told, but here DG is clearly the victim and she is clearly the main offender! Kind of pretty black and white.

If she is truly remorseful, she should be working on helping DG to get better as well as on herself. The marriage is over no matter what DG or anyone else says. She must accept that. Maybe DG will start a new marriage with her, but having been through what she put him through, IMO, he would be crazy to do so. The damage has already been done to the kids, to DG, to the marriage and to Wishes herself. So why reconcile. The love is gone on both sides. There is no need to protect the kids now. So why? Both of them should just move on.

She owns her behavior.

But she too was seriously victimized.

Her own affair behavior does not invalidate what was done to her.

Nor does she justify her behavior by it.

 

[manfromlamancha]

As I said --- that's a different story to be told. Nothing to do with this one really - is it ? Unless she is justifying what she did. Her thread title is - not a good wife. I agree. And am prepared to offer opinions on what it takes perhaps, to be a good wife.

 

[Blossom Leigh]

As I said --- that's a different story to be told. Nothing to do with this one really - is it ? Unless she is justifying what she did. Her thread title is - not a good wife. I agree. And am prepared to offer opinions on what it takes perhaps, to be a good wife.

I actually disagree with her title. I think she was an impeccable wife, despite her heavy fall from grace.

I wish I could share the tragedy that is this entire story because her past trauma and her marital trauma are inexplicably linked.

But that is her place to share.

Her withholding is not to protect herself. Far from it.

That's why I've been stating that this one is not one you can make assumptions on.

 

[straightshooter]

Resentment can be a major contributing factor in justifying in someone's mind that what they are doing is OK.

But sorry, the most vocal thing expressed was DG taking away her texting relationship with another man that she was keeping secret and the reason matters not.

So if that was the trigger that caused it she traded her husband for her texting buddy

At this point with these dueling threads on different forums you need a scorecard to keep track of it .

I don't see this working out so great. He seems to be blaming himself like a newly betrayed .

Good luck .
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[MattMatt]

The full extent of issues has not been revealed here sparrow. By her graciousness to me, I am privy to information no one on this thread or the SI thread knows. Therefore trust me when I say... Those comments are particularly cruel and she in no way excuses her own behavior. But her behavior in no way gives him license to abuse her over and above the natural consequence of divorce. She has endured enough trauma over her life time. And I am very upset at her husband for choosing to be that calloused. He was ruptured bad, but she was ruptured first and I would advise him to remember that and refrain from continuing to be so cruel.

At the risk of appearing callous what is the significance of that?:scratchhead:

He did not "rupture" her, those problems occurred well before they met, so who was ruptured first is not germane to these issues.

She "ruptured" not only her husband but also, callously and deliberately, her own children and the OMW, too, for that matter.

So who's on first doesn't play, in my opinion.

I hope that DG can heal without using OMW and refrain from being as callous and as cruel as Wishes was to him and their daughters.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."

I hope that Wishes and DG can sort their differences out (even if solely to the extent of becoming good co-parents) if only for the sakes of their poor children.

 

[Blossom Leigh]

At the risk of appearing callous what is the significance of that?:scratchhead:

He did not "rupture" her, those problems occurred well before they met, so who was ruptured first is not germane to these issues.

She "ruptured" not only her husband but also, callously and deliberately, her own children and the OMW, too, for that matter.

So who's on first doesn't play, in my opinion.

I hope that DG can heal without using OMW and refrain from being as callous and as cruel as Wishes was to him and their daughters.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."

I hope that Wishes and DG can sort their differences out (even if solely to the extent of becoming good co-parents) if only for the sakes of their poor children.

That is not wholly accurate.

That is why it matters that he considers refraining from cruelty going forward.

 

[MattMatt]

That is not wholly accurate.

That is why it matters.

Could you please explain what is not wholly accurate in what I wrote?

I am genuinely interested in learning more about this situation.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Blossom Leigh]

Could you please explain what is not wholly accurate in what I wrote?

I am genuinely interested in learning more about this situation.
Posted via Mobile Device

I am not at liberty to disclose those details.

 

[MattMatt]

I am not at liberty to disclose those details.

Then it would perhaps be helpful if you could refrain from aluding to "secret information that only you possess" as this runs the risk of making fools out of other members of TAM -like myself- who do not possess that secret information.

Because it means that we are unable to make valid comments or offer useful advice because we do not have the full picture of what happened or Is happening.

Maybe those of us without this secret information should avoid this thread?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Adelais]

@MattMatt, you put my own feelings into words. Both threads elude to issues that neither one will articulate, yet they are posting on forums. Without giving all the information, it feels like they are playing games, or lying. It is probably neither. It is that they are in an extremely dysfunctional and abusive relationship (the abuse going both ways, depending on the day.)

Wishes, I wish you and DG the very best.

 

[Blossom Leigh]

Then it would perhaps be helpful if you could refrain from aluding to "secret information that only you possess" as this runs the risk of making fools out of other members of TAM -like myself- eho do not possess that secret information.

Because it means that we are unable to make valid comments or offer useful advice because we do not have the full picture of what happened or Is happening.

Maybe those of us without this secret information should avoid this thread?
Posted via Mobile Device

It is not intended to make fools of anyone.

I commented on what I perceived as cruel to Wishes earlier today and was questioned later.

I tried to provide as much clarity as possible on my position without stepping over a boundary with Wishes personal information.

No ill intent meant towards anyone.

 

[Blossom Leigh]

@MattMatt, you put my own feelings into words. Both threads elude to issues that neither one will articulate, yet they are posting on forums. Without giving all the information, it feels like they are playing games, or lying. It is probably neither. It is that they are in an extremely dysfunctional and abusive relationship (the abuse going both ways, depending on the day.)

Wishes, I wish you and DG the very best.

Correct.

They may not be able to fully disclose this one yall.

I'm just trying to ask everyone to be patient and refrain from assumptions.