[sparrow555]

 

[edwardpresto]

A year is not enough to heal wounds. If you believe you two could get back together then you should first fixed yourself.

Stop seeing the other person and do something that will help you improve yourself and get over the pain you are experiencing right now.

Give some time. I cheated on my wife and it took me a lot of time and hard work before I gained her trust and love.

I'm not sure the weight if a wife cheated on her husband but it still it takes time for healing and you should be patient.

 

[manfromlamancha]

Wishes, the most hurtful and disrespectful thing I have read in a long time was the exchange between you and your boyfriend with regard to your (ex) husband! I really don't know how your husband kept himself out of jail - if it had been me I would be locked up for a double homicide!

Your POS boyfriend felt he "outmanned" your husband and you even went as far as to say that it was at that moment that you decided to fvck him - agreeing that your husband had been outmanned.

How can you possibly expect your ex-husband back ? And your ex-husband is still defending you on his thread !

What you did was vile and I guess you know it. Your ex-husband needs to know that you really, really know what he went through and felt at the time and this is an almost impossible task for you - because you are not a man, not a husband and certainly not your ex-husband!

I do think your ex-husband is a noble man and if you really do love him, let him go and let him heal. Be the best you, that you can be and maybe, just maybe he might see this and come back.

 

[manfromlamancha]

And by the way the title of your thread is a gross understatement (which is also part of the problem). "Not a good wife" doesn't even begin to describe what you have been to your ex-husband.

 

[eric1]

Rather than playing Monday Morning Quarterback on what was done, Wishes is obviously looking for help.

Wishes, do understand that there are many people here willing to help. These people are very qualified and have been through what you've been through and, obviously, been victims of what you've been through.

"Help me get my ex-husband back" isn't helping you though. I think at this point that you realize that this could be futile. Perhaps your initial post here was a cry for help. The reason why we can't help you with that is that is results-based assistance. We can't help you achieve a single thing, since to even consider getting there so many other things need to happen.

Ironically if you were to ever be in position to be with him again, you would not necessarily be trying for him.

So where does this land us? You clearly need to work on you. I'm of the school of thought that you can't go out and be all 'you need to find empathy!' Because while that's factually correct it doesn't necessarily help you.

Much like betrayed spouses after just finding out, you need to put one foot in front of the other and take decisive, determined action. Do ONE thing, and get good at it.

Can you describe your relationship with your children at this point (and to other posters, yes i am familiar with how she used them, so no recap necessarily needed )

 

[ConanHub]

I think her relationship with the kids is a good place to start.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[G.J.]

There has been a lot of question asked to of you Wish's and no answers

If you can not face anonymous people in a forum with just type written words what chance have you of facing your self

 

[happy as a clam]

Just an observation, but the recent one-line zinger posts by Wishes don't seem at all like the original heartfelt remorseful posts by Wishes.

I'm beginning to wonder if we're even still talking to the real Wishes... Perhaps her account was compromised? Someone figured out her password?

Especially since her husband asked her to take down the thread as it is harming his children, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she would keep lobbing these one-liners...?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Wishes]

Rather than playing Monday Morning Quarterback on what was done, Wishes is obviously looking for help.

Wishes, do understand that there are many people here willing to help. These people are very qualified and have been through what you've been through and, obviously, been victims of what you've been through.

"Help me get my ex-husband back" isn't helping you though. I think at this point that you realize that this could be futile. Perhaps your initial post here was a cry for help. The reason why we can't help you with that is that is results-based assistance. We can't help you achieve a single thing, since to even consider getting there so many other things need to happen.

Ironically if you were to ever be in position to be with him again, you would not necessarily be trying for him.

So where does this land us? You clearly need to work on you. I'm of the school of thought that you can't go out and be all 'you need to find empathy!' Because while that's factually correct it doesn't necessarily help you.

Much like betrayed spouses after just finding out, you need to put one foot in front of the other and take decisive, determined action. Do ONE thing, and get good at it.

Can you describe your relationship with your children at this point (and to other posters, yes i am familiar with how she used them, so no recap necessarily needed )

Eric, I do agree with you. I spent several months on this site before registering to see if there was help for me. There are people here willing to help and I sense you are one of them, however, you have misquoted me. I never said, “Help me get my husband back.” My question was whether I should continue ‘hoping’ or ‘give up hope.’ Nothing more. No doubt, the people on this site have seen enough of these type situations as to know what I could reasonably expect. During the year we have been separated, I did entertain the expectation that we would eventually get back together. Once the divorce was final and he was moving on with his life in a different direction, that hope was gone.

Yesterday, I thought it quite unfortunate that I had placed myself in the midst of a gang of the angry betrayed, but today, I see things quite differently. It was my mistake to assume I would be received any differently than I was. If I were here to get my husband back, I would take it all and more, however, being flayed alive is a bit much. But who could better tell me just how my BH felt but others who have walked the same road of betrayal. So I apologize to you and also, I thank-you. Please overlook the disturbance I have created.

 

[Wishes]

I think her relationship with the kids is a good place to start.
Posted via Mobile Device

thank you Conan, you've been a bad boy, but I forgive you:smile2:

 

[TheTruthHurts]

Others who read her BS thread said he believes Wishes is not a strong individual.

What if Wishes is in fact a quiet, reflective, sheltered woman who doesn't really have any hard edges? The BS crowd here clearly includes guys who were once gently, trusting, nice guys. After DDay, maybe not so much.

But thread after thread here is a group of people screaming at the BS saying "she is not who you think she is". What happens??? Nothing. They still see the beautiful, gentle, loving wife and want desperately to find her again.

Why wouldn't a WW also believe this? Why do you expect Wishes is NOT still in shock, trying to get back and hit the reset button? Isn't that what EVERYONE wants?

So why aren't we soliciting more and judging less? How can a WW get past the shock if we only have 2x4 in the toolbox?

Maybe Wishes IS that WW who still is what all the BS really want - someone who made a life altering set of choices, but is still not strong, gentle, vulnerable?

 

[naiveonedave]

@Wishes you have nothing to apologize to this board for (your family OTOH). I feel for you that your horrible choices ruined your M and hope you can use this forum to improve yourself.

 

[Slow Hand]

Drop your guard, Wishes, if you truly want to get help. There is no other way, you must humble yourself.

I hope things are looking brighter for you and your XH, never give up hope.

 

[happy as a clam]

Leave FMOOD alone, it's me you want

thank you Conan, you've been a bad boy, but I forgive you:smile2:

Ok, is it just me or are these last two comments bordering on flirtatious?

It's becoming clearer and clearer how Wishes got caught up with her "bad boy from the wrong side of town" in the first place. These comments don't sound like they are coming from a mortified wife...

 

[TheTruthHurts]

Leave FMOOD alone, it's me you want

thank you Conan, you've been a bad boy, but I forgive you

Ok, is it just me or are these last two comments bordering on flirtatious?

It's becoming clearer and clearer how Wishes got caught up with her "bad boy from the wrong side of town" in the first place. These comments don't sound like they are coming from a mortified wife...

Not necessarily. My W sometimes has a naive playful side - but she is very trusting, gentle, not cynical. So it depends on the person. I agree someone could take that as flirtation, but a naive, trusting person would not intend or read it that way.

 

[happy as a clam]

...but a naive, trusting person would not intend or read it that way.

Hence, my comment how she got into trouble in the first place. I doubt she was "intending" to have an affair when it all started...

A truly remorseful wife (and she's had a year) would be keeping her boundaries firmly in check. Especially realizing that her ex-husband is likely now reading this thread.

 

[Tron]

Wishes,

The last 10 pages have for the most part been folks waiting for some substance.

We'd like to help but need to know what we have to work with.

You apparently have some claws and a bit of a temper.

Is that all? Who are you?

What else do you have to offer?

The suggestion to start talking about your relationship with your kids is a good one I suppose. If that is something you are willing to talk about then at least we can get a dialogue going.

And if not that, what do you feel comfortable talking about?

 

[G.J.]

I think her relationship with the kids is a good place to start.
Posted via Mobile Device

Yes good place to start Wish's

 

[manfromlamancha]

Wishes, I have no wish to flay you or dash your hopes.

My statements were made to make sure that you completely destroyed him not just by having the affair, but also what was said at the time to your POSOM! To say it was hurtful would not even begin to cover it.

Anyway, it sounds like you know what you have done. As I said, I believe that you can (and should) always hope for the best result you desire. But it is going to take some hard work with no assured results.

Being the best you that you can be is what it is going to be about. And as Conan said, starting with repairing the relationship with your kids is a good starting place. They need to see a strong but remorseful mother who clearly understands the damage caused and has empathy with all. They need to see how much you love them and their father and how sorry you are. And it has to be honest and sincere - they will see through any act that you put on. It has to be heartfelt and when you are being honest, you will need to admit to difficult stuff.

Next, it is clear to me that your ex-husband still loves you and that is a lot to hold on to and work for - even if you are divorced and never get back together again. Make sure that he sees the improved you and by this, I do not mean begging him to come back, but genuinely helping him in any way you can and continuing to be a stronger, better you.

I get that you know and own that you screwed up badly here, but my real question is (and you need to answer honestly to yourself): "Why do you want your ex-husband back ? - Really".

Is is because you are afraid of being alone, being exposed financially, love him even though you sometimes find him boring, etc etc. You need to list the real reasons you would like him back and then decide for yourself the best course of action.

You could find another man I am sure. You will be OK financially from what I understand. You now have a freedom to live it up that you never had before. So why do you want him back now that everyone has gone through the pain of the breakup ?

And if the answer is that you truly are in love with him, desire him and want to help and support him, then carry on and you will get a number of people who will support you (not just on online forums like this one). But you need to figure it out for yourself and be truthful to yourself.

I really do wish you the best of luck with this and hope that you see that I am really trying to help.

 

[Marduk]

OK @Wishes.

To answer your question directly -- yes give up hope to get your marriage back. Realize that you killed it long ago and your actions mean that you no longer deserve your husband.

You can be a better person. To do that means you will either need to accept criticism from yourself or others to grow. Which one is it going to be?

If I leave you with one thing, it is this -- feeling sorry or bad will get you nothing from life. Throwing yourself a pity party is a waste of effort and a plea for empathy that is not returned. You need to take all that energy and turn it into positive action.