[the guy]

At the end of the day you want answers, closure, and maybe just to hear her out I guess.

So just do what you feel you need to do, but keep in mind at the end of the confrontation you may very well be exactly where you are before the confrontation.

But for what its worth...do you really want to listen to all the blaming, rewriting of history, and all the lying?

She doesn't know you know she talks shyt about you and you want to confront her an listen to her craziness?

"you weren't there for me"
"it was just a fling"
"it didn't mean any thing"

or

" I love him"
" you suck as a man"
" you abuse me"
" I hate you"
" I'm calling the cops"

My point is.... it's all nonsense.....what's the point in confronting a person like this?

I say wait until she is served. Make it real for her then! Until then who cares what she has to say or what she know.

One thing is for sure...it will drive her crazy not knowing what you know. Especially if she gets the papers and find you are claiming infidelity.

Can you sue the OM...have him served the same day as WW for alienation of affection.

That's my $0.02

 

[Livvie]

Don't say a word.

Have her served with divorce papers at the Italian restaurant on a Thursday night.

Nuff said!

Yes this!!!!!

I third this. Having her served with divorce papers at the restaurant with him... priceless. Absolutely.

 

[OutofRetirement]

Best way to confront, in my opinion:
1. Tell Meathead's wife, who will tell Meathead
, who will tell your wife.
2. Have a server give her divorce papers at the coed softball game.
3. When she is out at her coed game, or at her Thursday night date, pack up all her stuff in big heavy-duty plastic garbage bags and drop them off at the Meathead's front yard.

 

[skerzoid]

bellyscratch

1. I think the restaurant serving is the best idea. Shock & Awe!:wink2:

2. Ghost her afterwards. Stay someplace else, with a friend or at a hotel.

3. All communications through your lawyer.

4. If you must speak with her, use 180 techniques.

5. Never reveal your sources of information. It will bug the **** out of them.

6. Always run your ideas through your lawyer. He may be a dweeb, but that's what you need strategy-wise. This is a military operation. You need an emotionless planner for your first and following strikes. You need to remain remorseless.

7. Good luck. She should be left swinging in the wind, with or without panties.>

 

[Blondilocks]

Every state on the West coast is no-fault as well as most west of the Rockies.

Is your attorney going for financial infidelity which might impact division of assets?

I don't understand your hand wringing. You can tell her you don't like her hair color as a reason for divorce and there would be no repercussions. If you're done - you're done. Why are you scared of her?

"Now we're working with oil" may have the same meaning as "Now we're cooking with gas" - we've got the good stuff (versus having to chuck wood on the fire).

 

[VFW]

Sounds like you are one target with the legal issues, follow his advise as we tend to be too engaged with the situation to make good decisions, let him do his job. As for you, you have things that you need to do as well. I recommend exercise to help with the stress, this will make a healthier you and serve you well moving forward. Start setting new events for you and the kids, taco night, movie night, bike rides, whatever is a good group fun event. Generally, they just want your time and attention and will be helpful to all you to work through the situation. Make time for you to enjoy your hobbies and friends or start one that you have always wanted to do. You need to get so busy with your life that you don't have time for her or her problems.

 

[Wolfman1968]

Update:
My wife thinks I will be home in a couple of days so I am getting ready for possible war with the confrontation, denial, trickle truth, crying, et. all. I am getting this from reading all the other unfortunate posters on here that have opened up to complete strangers to help with the most darkest times in your life. Or she might say "it is all over and you need to leave". It is the spectrum of what could and can happen that is driving me nuts.
-E-

NO! If it's over, SHE needs to leave.

Especially since it was your house before the marriage. But I think in general, if SHE wants out, then SHE should leave.

 

[Decorum]

.

 

[SunCMars]

Uh, everything has been mentioned, said, thrice.

...........................................................................................

May I add?
Do not take out your frustration with your right hand.

Your right hand?

Your' throttle hand, twisting the life out of it...forward, watching the bikes' tachometer climb, watching the minutes you live above ground, dive, getting smaller by the second.

I would be tempted, have been, this.

Just Sayin'





[THM]- THRD

 

[SunCMars]

If she says it's over crack a slight smile and say, "Now we are on the same page, I will make it happen!".

It can put her confidence back on her heels, and help you have some emotional advantage as you prosecute your divorce suit.

Show confidence and even some masterful amusement.

Borrow a line, add, saying, "Free, I'm free at last, yes!".





[THM]- TT I

 

[TJW]

It's your life to live, not hers. It doesn't matter how she reacts.

This is the paramount consideration. Her cheating proves, beyond any reasonable doubt, that she doesn't give a carpenter's damn about you, your welfare, your self-image, your happiness....

A person like this cannot be allowed to "matter" in your thinking. Do what you want, be what you want, and let the chips fall. Let her pick them up.

 

[Rubix Cubed]

This is the paramount consideration. Her cheating proves, beyond any reasonable doubt, that she doesn't give a carpenter's damn about you, your welfare, your self-image, your happiness....

A person like this cannot be allowed to "matter" in your thinking. Do what you want, be what you want, and let the chips fall. Let her pick them up.

Purdy sure that is a "Tinker's Dam" not carpenter damn.
Besides, I take offense to that being a carpenter and all.:grin2:

 

[Bellyscratch]

Re: My wife is cheating: The Primal Scream ride: Update

Yep, I am still alive. I arrived to my home town several days ago and have been holding up at my friend Jerry's house. My wife still believes I will arrive home this Friday. Before I left, I told her to call Jerry if she needed anything because we both have satellite phones. According to Jerry, she has called him on average 2 to 4 tines a day. We agreed he could monitor these calls and let me know if any where an emergency. Apparently he did not think anything she said was that important because he did not call once. Great friend.

A little about my riding partners. Of the three, two are divorced and one never married. I thought they would give me great advise, but all they were are bitter divorced men still pissed off with their ex wives. Perfect. In fact, I tried my hardest to not talk about my cheating wife because it always led back to their marriage war stories. So I am back to rely on the wisdom of this collective with my absolute gut shot of a situation.

So on to the update. I arrived at Jerry's house and he filled me in on what is going on. He is also friends with most of my work friends on my team. He filled me in on all the wife's calls and how he thinks she is fishing for some information. He could not get anything cheating wise out of her. So the following morning the rest of my team members show up and we all go out to breakfast. FYI, while I was gone, they took it upon themselves to surveil the comings and goings of my wife on their time off. This is what they filled me in on. Every night while I was gone, my wife would trollop (possibly skipping) off to the neighbors house to spend the night, which I could only presume, was to read Bible passages. They also followed her on the weekends were my wife and "meat man" would travel to other towns and act like a real cuddly married couple. Also, when my wife would say she was going out every Friday with co-workers or girlfriends, she would actually meet the POS at an Italian restaurant where they would have a nice romantic dinner. This happened every Friday night I was away. By this time I was not sad or really that mad at the information they were giving me. Because one thing this long ride did do for me is to think about everything in my marriage. I won't go into much detail because with so many random thoughts going through my head over a 4300 mile motorcycle ride, if I wrote them all down you would have me committed. But with all the superfluous crazy thinking set aside, I came to a clarifying thought. And it is ... I cannot control my wife's actions and she has free will to do what she wants. I am not her parent nor her prison guard. So if my wife is seeking something from someone else and not me, especially sex, then she has let another man step between myself and her and this is not acceptable. She is selfish, manipulative and mean spirited ... and a cheater. I used this as almost a mantra over all those miles, occasionally stopping and screaming what a ***** she is. So when I got to Jerry's, I guess my mind was made up and I was somewhat calm. I still had visceral angry feelings periodically, but they cooled over the weeks.

So now I am going down the divorce route (is there union or club dues I need to pay to belong to the TAM club), or is being married to my bones of the master wife enough. Anyway, Jerry has agreed to take me on as a client. I didn't hire him before the ride so there would not be a conflict of interest if she called him while I was riding. Now Jerry is one of the top mediation attorneys in my area and he is really good... so he keeps telling me (lol). So the plan is to move back home and pretend everything is fine and wait till the paperwork is filed and she can be served.

This is what I have going for me:

1. I bought and payed for my house before marriage, so it is mine outright.
2. I have interest in a professional uniform chain, but I deferred all profit sharing until I want to take it.
3. I own all our vehicles and are in my name.
4. I have a blossoming retirement portfolio which she will get a chunk.

So I am asking for help regarding any suggestions in how to deal with my wife before she is served and how do I keep my sanity as my emotions go up and down over these next months and most likely for years.

Any suggestions will be appreciated.

 

[Bellyscratch]

The Guy. Man...I think you are spot on. I am just waiting to hear the excuses. In fact we all should have a contest on which excuse she will drop first. I am thinking "you never paid attention to me" which would be extremely ironic. It really doesn't matter though does it? An excuse is an excuse. She can say any one of the popular excuses found on this forum. She will use any excuse that will stick, one that will make her look good and me like Charles Manson's torture guru. She knows what she wants to do and that is to canoodle with the meat guy. So what she tells me is just BS anyway.

 

[Bellyscratch]

I third this. Having her served with divorce papers at the restaurant with him... priceless. Absolutely.

You can be served by a deputy Sheriff or anyone over 18. Well looky looky, I am a deputy Sheriff and so is my partner. I think service during their dessert portion of their romantic dinner sounds like a solid plan.

 

[Bellyscratch]

Thank you for your reply. I have never been divorced and I am finding there are pitfalls and obstacles and the unknown waiting for me so any ammunition would be helpful. I will listen to my attorney, but he is not with me 24 hours a day. It is the times when I am alone and thinking about everything that can or will happen that gets my mind spinning. It is during these times I reaching out to the group to give suggestions based upon their experiences.

 

[Bellyscratch]

So...I posted my story about three times already, so everyone should be up to date. I don't know why I did it, but I did.

 

[Chaparral]

My only advice is to get Jerry to move as fast as you can. You cannot save your wife. She chose this path. It was no mistake.

 

[lucy999]

Just remember that cheaters lie. Don't believe a word that comes out of your wife's mouth, no matter how good it sounds or how badly you want to believe her. If you feel yourself getting soft, gather your anger. Remember she gave herself to another man.

Do NOT have sex with her. Trust me. She will try. Think of an excuse not to.

How long before Jerry can get the paperwork done? He needs to be quick.

Stay busy so you don't have to be around her alot.

And, I'm really sorry you're a part of The Club. No one wants to be a member.

 

[Taxman]

Perfect scenario: Have Jerry write up the divorce filing before Saturday. Call her and tell her you are delayed a few days, and see if she goes off with meathead for their weekly dinner. Watch them from outside the restaurant, between the appetizer and main course, stride in, tell them they're busted, and serve her. Turn, and walk out. While she was at the restaurant, your locksmith has changed the locks on the house. By Sunday, she can find everything she owns in garbage bags on the lawn. By Monday, everyone she knows hears that you are divorcing her for adultery. Next, fix Meathead. Let every husband know he is a wife predator. That should equal a reduction in his sales.