[HommeNu]

@Elizabeth001 Yes, our house has three entry points: the front door which has a video doorbell, a side door that does not and which we rarely use, and a back door that also has a video doorbell.

@jlg07 Yes, I saved all the video clips from that day. Here is what I can see. The kids all go out the back around 7:15 headed to school. K left out of the front door 15 minutes later to walk to the shop about 10 blocks away. That is part of her exercise regime. Amazon dropped off a couple of packages at the front door mid-morning. K came home for lunch around noon. Her delivery van pulled into the driveway and dropped off our weekly flowers--one of the perks of being married to a florist is a home full of fresh flowers--around 12:15. K left out of the front door and walked back to the shop around 1:30. The mail lady made her delivery around 2:30. And I came home just before 3:00. The girls piled in around 3:30, and K walked home around 5:00. Other than a stray dog running through the yard, that was it.

 

[HommeNu]

I am working from home today so I will check the phone bills this morning and I think I may run by Best Buy to find some wireless cameras. Thank you. I will let you know what I find.

 

[Divinely Favored]

Sir, I am blind as a bat and at night I cannot tell if the seat is up or down. I have fallen into the toilet several times because the seat was up. It’s courtesy. Also, I clean it so I get to make the terlet rules. But if you’re cleaning it and it’s yours, then do insist she put it back up. It’s your right and duty. Or doody. 🙂

Best bet is to just put tge lid down completely. Everyone opens and closes the seat/lid to use toilet. Plus it keeps things from falling in the toilet. Girls will flush lifs instead of fishing them out and putting in trash. Then you have a stopped up toilet with blockage.

 

[Evinrude58]

My thoughts:

You are obsessing over this seat.

she’s not guarding her phone, no off behavior at all except distance. How is your sex life? Any changes, good or bad? A new position thrown in out of the blue by your wife?

she doesn’t spend any odd time away, nothing different in schedules?

any changes in personal grooming? No new lingerie that she never wears fir

usually a cheater has other red flags. Phone guarding. Unexplained time. Rarely does an affair start off by visits to your own marital home.

Why not consider talking to your wife abiyt the distance? Take a vacation with her? Date her a little? Build your relationship...

also get her phone, go through it, hire a PI, whatever it takes to satisfy your mind.

I Think there are possibilities with daughters too.

 

[Cletus]

I hope you're not like this with everything in your life. That would be exhausting for a partner.

 

[HommeNu]

I hope you're not like this with everything in your life. That would be exhausting for a partner.

I know, right. I've not said boo about it to my wife or daughters since that day, but I am convinced someone was in the house.

 

[Cletus]

I know, right. I've not said boo about it to my wife or daughters since that day, but I am convinced someone was in the house.

I don't know anything about you or your circumstances, so I cannot speak with any authority. But I did grow up with a paranoid schizophrenic mother, and this was her behavior. Find a toilet seat up, assume extra-marital affair.

 

[CrAzYdOgLaDy]

That is odd, especially if that's never happened before. Could someone have cleaned the toilet and then left the seat up?

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk

 

[jlg07]

@Elizabeth001 Yes, our house has three entry points: the front door which has a video doorbell, a side door that does not and which we rarely use, and a back door that also has a video doorbell.

@jlg07 Yes, I saved all the video clips from that day. Here is what I can see. The kids all go out the back around 7:15 headed to school. K left out of the front door 15 minutes later to walk to the shop about 10 blocks away. That is part of her exercise regime. Amazon dropped off a couple of packages at the front door mid-morning. K came home for lunch around noon. Her delivery van pulled into the driveway and dropped off our weekly flowers--one of the perks of being married to a florist is a home full of fresh flowers--around 12:15. K left out of the front door and walked back to the shop around 1:30. The mail lady made her delivery around 2:30. And I came home just before 3:00. The girls piled in around 3:30, and K walked home around 5:00. Other than a stray dog running through the yard, that was it.

So nothing from the PREVIOUS days for the video?

 

[jlg07]

Also, you mention that she is more distant lately -- have YOU spoken to her specifically about that? Have specifics, and examples to show her what you mean, and ask her what is going on? IF you do this, DO NOT bring up the toilet seat!

 

[BlueWoman]

Sounds like nothing to me, but trust your gut, keep your mouth shut, and eyes open. You already showed your hand by asking her about it. She will go into lockdown mode now if something is actually up.

Side note: I really don't get why it's considered a man's job to put toilet seats down. I am responsible enough to look down before I piss all over the ring. Why do many women expect to have it all prepared for them when they arrive to do their business? My gf and I live separately, and she demands I put it up at her house, which I comply with because it's her house. I never put it down at my house, which is admittedly passive aggressive but it brings me a little joy. It has never even crossed my mind to demand she put it back up at my house... Until today.

Oh there are so many reasons. 1) The toilet seat up just looks bad. 2) The rim of the toilet is the nastiest part of the toilet and having the toilet seat down hides it. 3) Women back up to the toilet when we pee. Men don’t.

But, I suspect you know all of those reasons, and don’t care. That’s on you. But I do encourage you to start pushing your gf to put up the toilet seat in your house. Best to let her know who you are now before you guys get more serious.

 

[Marc878]

Sounds like nothing and I hope that’s what you find.

 

[HommeNu]

So nothing from the PREVIOUS days for the video?

I did not download the other days. Honestly, I wasn't thinking. Or more to the point, I kind of expected someone to say, yes, the cleaner came a day early or something. When I asked K when she came home from work, she freaked out. She asked me if I had checked all the doors when I got home. I had. All locked. And I told her I checked the security video log and saw nobody there, but she is convinced we must have had a prowler in the house looking for valuable. She's been triple-checking the locks ever since. I was not and am still not convinced. I’ve racked my brain trying to think of any other inconsistencies. I can’t think of any. Our life seemed picture-perfect. We have a nice home on the water in Florida, we spend a month every summer traveling as a family, we’ve saved almost enough for the onslaught of college tuitions, and honestly, we want for very little. It has been a charmed life. And now I wonder if it is time to pay the piper. Simply put, something in my marriage feels off, but this is the first real thing "out of place." I am worried. I feel like I am carrying a hard pebble in my gut which, I guess, is how I came to find this forum.

 

[moulinyx]

I did not download the other days. Honestly, I wasn't thinking. Or more to the point, I kind of expected someone to say, yes, the cleaner came a day early or something. When I asked K when she came home from work, she freaked out. She asked me if I had checked all the doors when I got home. I had. All locked. And I told her I checked the security video log and saw nobody there, but she is convinced we must have had a prowler in the house looking for valuable. She's been triple-checking the locks ever since. I was not and am still not convinced. I’ve racked my brain trying to think of any other inconsistencies. I can’t think of any. Our life seemed picture-perfect. We have a nice home on the water in Florida, we spend a month every summer traveling as a family, we’ve saved almost enough for the onslaught of college tuitions, and honestly, we want for very little. It has been a charmed life. And now I wonder if it is time to pay the piper. Simply put, something in my marriage feels off, but this is the first real thing "out of place." I am worried. I feel like I am carrying a hard pebble in my gut which, I guess, is how I came to find this forum.

Are you not able to download the other days? That would be your clear answer. You have the ability to answer this question for yourself.

If you wife is now checking the doors and seeming scared, it doesn’t look like she had someone over. That off feeling can be many things. I suggest sitting her down and telling her things feel off. Maybe she is stressed or dealing with something unrelated to the marriage

 

[Torninhalf]

I did not download the other days. Honestly, I wasn't thinking. Or more to the point, I kind of expected someone to say, yes, the cleaner came a day early or something. When I asked K when she came home from work, she freaked out. She asked me if I had checked all the doors when I got home. I had. All locked. And I told her I checked the security video log and saw nobody there, but she is convinced we must have had a prowler in the house looking for valuable. She's been triple-checking the locks ever since. I was not and am still not convinced. I’ve racked my brain trying to think of any other inconsistencies. I can’t think of any. Our life seemed picture-perfect. We have a nice home on the water in Florida, we spend a month every summer traveling as a family, we’ve saved almost enough for the onslaught of college tuitions, and honestly, we want for very little. It has been a charmed life. And now I wonder if it is time to pay the piper. Simply put, something in my marriage feels off, but this is the first real thing "out of place." I am worried. I feel like I am carrying a hard pebble in my gut which, I guess, is how I came to find this forum.

Have you checked phone records yet?

 

[Blondilocks]

If no one ever uses that toilet, the seat could have been left up from the last time the cleaner was there - to let the rim dry.

Also, if your wife is innocent she may be thinking you are projecting because you are cheating. She's probably giving you the side-eye.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

I did not download the other days. Honestly, I wasn't thinking. Or more to the point, I kind of expected someone to say, yes, the cleaner came a day early or something. When I asked K when she came home from work, she freaked out. She asked me if I had checked all the doors when I got home. I had. All locked. And I told her I checked the security video log and saw nobody there, but she is convinced we must have had a prowler in the house looking for valuable. She's been triple-checking the locks ever since. I was not and am still not convinced. I’ve racked my brain trying to think of any other inconsistencies. I can’t think of any. Our life seemed picture-perfect. We have a nice home on the water in Florida, we spend a month every summer traveling as a family, we’ve saved almost enough for the onslaught of college tuitions, and honestly, we want for very little. It has been a charmed life. And now I wonder if it is time to pay the piper. Simply put, something in my marriage feels off, but this is the first real thing "out of place." I am worried. I feel like I am carrying a hard pebble in my gut which, I guess, is how I came to find this forum.

Obviously I can't read your wife, her actions sound either very genuine or she is liar with a good poker face. I hope you are worrying over nothing.

As a father of a daughter, I would be as or more concerned about my 17 or 15 year old daughter and who they had in the house.

 

[HommeNu]

@Evinrude58 Our sex life is solid, if a little vanilla lately. We usually have relations 2-3 times per week. Almost always before I go out of town and when I get home, and usually (hopefully!) once over the weekend. No new personal grooming--its all bare everywhere. No new lingerie that I've seen, but maybe I need to check. K does not travel for work at all except for a couple of market/convention type meetings once or twice a year, but I usually go with. She's not phone guarding that I've noticed. She has a password on her phone as do I, but we know each other’s passwords and we trade phones all the time like when something needs mapping or we want to share social media post without sending it to one another. I secretly checked her phone a few times over the past few weeks and there is nothing suspicious, but there are a million messaging apps so who knows.

 

[mickybill]

Wait, you only checked one day? Seriously if you want see if there is a man in the house you need to look at the days that you were out of town. Go back as far as the recordings go...personally I think someone left the seat up after cleaning.
If this is all you have to suspect your wife is cheating that is pretty thin gruel. Don't screw up a good marriage with such flimsy evidence.

 

[CharlieParker]

Note to self: do not leave valuables in the toilet, that is the first and only place a prowler will look.