[Marc878]

I’d check with the attorney on alimony laws in your state regarding adultery. Most good attorneys can recommend a PI as well.

 

[Evinrude58]

You have no proof of cheating yet. If she doesn’t have a burner phone, and you’ve checked the phone bills, unless she’s using an app to communicate with him that self erases..,.
I agree there’s no way this guy should be in your house for 88 min alone with your wife.

but, you do not have proof. I say put cameras in the bedrooms and catch them in the act.
your wife, if she is cheating, will lie to you without hard proof. Get it.

Also, did your wife want sex when you returned? Does she still want a kiss, want to go do things with you? You haven’t answered much concerning her attitude toward you.

I hate you’re going through this.

 

[Gabriel]

You have no proof of cheating yet. If she doesn’t have a burner phone, and you’ve checked the phone bills, unless she’s using an app to communicate with him that self erases..,.
I agree there’s no way this guy should be in your house for 88 min alone with your wife.

but, you do not have proof. I say put cameras in the bedrooms and catch them in the act.
your wife, if she is cheating, will lie to you without hard proof. Get it.

Also, did your wife want sex when you returned? Does she still want a kiss, want to go do things with you? You haven’t answered much concerning her attitude toward you.

I hate you’re going through this.

Totally agree. And I hate this for you too. The pit in the stomach this causes is the WORST.

I lost so much weight.

 

[ABHale]

There is no need for phone calls or messages. He delivers flowers to the home. There will be calls or messages for this purpose. They can plan everything in person.

 

[Beach123]

Or set up the PI now and tell her you are delayed a couple days on your trip. But stay in a hotel close to home.
Once the PI has the proof - get home and let her know she needs to move ASAP… the gig is up!
You need to do this while the kids are away - she knows while everyone is away she can do whatever she wants.
There’s no value in monitoring her when you/the kids get home - there won’t be any activity between them.

After you expose her - notify his wife!

 

[Kaliber]

@HommeNu your wife will sense something not right with you, careful!
Be ready to say anything like you eat something bad at the airport and you think you have food poison... any thing that will not tip her off!
You can try the PI route, and I recon he will give you the needed equipment to monitor the house from the inside!
You might need to re-create the same environment when you went for your work trip, like pretend that you are going on a work trip and book in a local hotel.
Remember same environment to create an opportunity for her!

At the end, there could be no cheating, but you need to verify that without doubt!

 

[Willnotbill]

I don't think its best for the OP to rush into a confrontation. What will another week or two hurt to gather info? There could be several reasons why the delivery guy was there. So far it sound like the only thing for sure the wife is guilty of is very bad judgement. Once the OP confronts his wife it will change his marriage and could destroy it. For that reason he needs to be confident he knows whats going on. The PI or carefully placed VARs should get him the info he needs.

 

[Gabriel]

It may be that if they are cheating they only do it very occasionally - so since that was "already done" him staying an extra day or two might not really work.

I'd instead have another trip "planned" in 1-2 weeks, but just stay in a motel and watch the camera. Come back home after the truck is sitting there for 30 minutes.

 

[Kaliber]

Confronting now would be the worst idea ever..
Easy for the wife to say: Oh I made him lunch, the poor guy was talking to me about his marriage problems and the future of his kids , he is in a very bad place now and I was just counselling him, if that bothers you honey, I will not do it again, come here give me a hug... How was your trip?

And it could be TRUE or NOT!

 

[re16]

Did she know Jerry before the florist business started?

 

[Ursula]

Rough night. It was hard to pretend. It was very hard to sleep. Felt like I'd been punched in the gut. A lot. Long flight home. Just landed an hour ago. Gonna catch up on all the advice. Not going to confront yet. Probably gonna hire a PI like half of you suggest. Lots of thinking and pretending, I guess, to do still. FML.

I'm so sorry about all that you're going through.

 

[Graywolf2]

As others have said do not confront. The problem is that your wife knows you and will pick up that you’re not acting normal. So have a story ready. You might even plant it before you get home.

Examples: You’re not feeling well and need to make an appointment for a check up. Problem at work. Use a real problem and blow it out of proportion.

 

[MattMatt]

Hopefully it's nothing nefarious and there's no cheating.

 

[manwithnoname]

I went back to re read based on new revelations. It explains why there are no red flags as far as phone guarding etc. goes. She would be able to communicate with an employee with no trail. Your gut feeling was all you had, other than the toilet seat. Her distance, reaction to a cancelled trip, thongs you've never seen her wear, average sized dildo, and then the 88 minutes. Wasn't there another time, pre extra cameras, where she was there for about 90 minutes the same time as a delivery?

I don't know what a PI might uncover, other than her and delivery guy being in the house for that amount of time.....you already know this. Place more hidden cameras, VARs I guess and keep monitoring until you get hard evidence, otherwise it will be explained away and then hidden more.

It may be innocent...but it doesn't appear so to me at this point.

 

[ABHale]

I found a dildo. A very large, rather realistic dildo hidden high up behind a pile of sweaters at the top of her closet. It has been used, or at least it is out of the packaging and appears used. I've never seen it before.

It isn’t average size.

 

[MattMatt]

Unless she needed to discuss something with an employee about a work related issue that she and the employee could not dare have overheard?

An example I can think of if an employee believed another employee was stealing from the business.

Talk about it in the shop/store and risk being overheard?

Have a meet up in a restaurant or bar? Might be seen and the thief gets forewarned?

Better to have the meeting at a place where they would have no risk of the suspected thief overhearing them or seeing them. Especially if it is a location where they should both be, your house during a delivery.

 

[Blondilocks]

What I don't get is why she can't bring the flowers home herself.

 

[In Absentia]

It looks very suspicious, but there could be a genuine reason. I would try and set up a secret camera somewhere...

 

[MattMatt]

What I don't get is why she can't bring the flowers home herself.

Because every delivery is an advert for the company?

And having a delivery rather than having to take it yourself can make you feel special. Besides, if she doesn't want to go to the flower shop that day she still gets her flowers?

 

[jsmart]

He needs at least 2 small hidden cameras. One in the master and the other in guess bedroom. I think if they are doing it in the house, it will most likely be in the guess bedroom but having one in the master can catch her going for the toy or if she’s wearing the sexy underwear.

he needs to get everything in place and schedule his midweek business trip. Seems that is when she gets the delivery that last over an hour. When they have their afternoon delight, call her about mid visit. See if she answers out of breath.

I want to know how she’s acting. Was she happy to see you on your return? With you being very emotional over this discovery, she may have been wondering what was wrong. I really want this to be one of the few rare false alarms we get on TAM. Unfortunately, it’s so rare. The gut is rarely wrong.