I came home a day early from a business trip about six weeks ago and found the toilet seat up in our upstairs guest bathroom. This may not be remarkable in most households, but I (51) live with my wife (44) and our 3 daughters (17, 15, and 13).
Living with four women means always putting the toilet seat down. It is an accommodation to their gender that I have fully embraced. We haven’t had houseguests since the Before Times, and no one really uses that bathroom except for overnight guests, so finding the toilet seat in an empty house in the middle of the day in the middle of the work week is, to put it mildly, odd.
My daughters and their friends were still at school. My wife was still at work. I checked the doorbell video log, but no one had come into the house since everyone left around 7:15 that morning. This would bother me no matter what, but in the past year or so I’ve noticed some distance from my wife—like not being fully present in the evenings after dinner or in the bedroom, and I can’t put my finger on it, but there is definitely a disturbance in the force. And she’s been on a slight-to-medium edge ever since I asked her about the toilet seat.
Obviously, I suspect there’s been another male in my house, but I have no idea when or why. I have no real reason to suspect she's cheating, but we are hitting our mid-lives and humans can be humans, so it is a possibility that is weighing on me. I found this website and I’ve been reading various threads looking for advice. She’s not guarding her phone, traveling for work, going out with the girls, or disappearing for hours at a time. The only red flag I’ve seen is the open toilet seat, and the only red flag I feel in my gut is her distance.
But my gut is worried. Very worried. Am I worrying for nothing? Your advice would be appreciated.
Living with four women means always putting the toilet seat down. It is an accommodation to their gender that I have fully embraced. We haven’t had houseguests since the Before Times, and no one really uses that bathroom except for overnight guests, so finding the toilet seat in an empty house in the middle of the day in the middle of the work week is, to put it mildly, odd.
My daughters and their friends were still at school. My wife was still at work. I checked the doorbell video log, but no one had come into the house since everyone left around 7:15 that morning. This would bother me no matter what, but in the past year or so I’ve noticed some distance from my wife—like not being fully present in the evenings after dinner or in the bedroom, and I can’t put my finger on it, but there is definitely a disturbance in the force. And she’s been on a slight-to-medium edge ever since I asked her about the toilet seat.
Obviously, I suspect there’s been another male in my house, but I have no idea when or why. I have no real reason to suspect she's cheating, but we are hitting our mid-lives and humans can be humans, so it is a possibility that is weighing on me. I found this website and I’ve been reading various threads looking for advice. She’s not guarding her phone, traveling for work, going out with the girls, or disappearing for hours at a time. The only red flag I’ve seen is the open toilet seat, and the only red flag I feel in my gut is her distance.
But my gut is worried. Very worried. Am I worrying for nothing? Your advice would be appreciated.
