[donesies]

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

I think a lot of folks have the wrong impression about so-fault divorce. No-fault means the person seeking the divorce can divorce by simply wanting a divorce. It doesn't necessarily mean the courts won't tweak alimony, property settlements, visitation et cetera one way or the other based on conduct while married. Maybe VermiciousKnid will school us (or me).

My lawyer said her infidelity didn’t matter to the courts

 

[Rick Blaine]

My lawyer said her infidelity didn’t matter to the courts

This is one reason that infidelity is so rampant. The scales of justice tilt on the side of cheaters.

 

[donesies]

I have done everything I can short of a PI. That will be my next step.

Why would you waste money on a PI? You have filed for divorce and she signed. So the divorce is all but done.

What do you expect a PI to do for you that would actually help? Your best bet at this point is to focus on yourself and moving on.

The PI was to figure out how to contact the OM’s W

 

[GusPolinski]

The PI was to figure out how to contact the OM’s W

Not sure where you live, but you may be able to find the guy’s home address using public property tax records.

That’s assuming, of course, that you have his full name (or enough of it), and know which county he lives in.

Oh, and that he actually has property.

 

[skerzoid]

:laugh:TheDudeLebowski:

I have taught criminals from there. The called it "the Land Of Entrapment".:laugh:

 

[donesies]

The PI was to figure out how to contact the OM’s W

Not sure where you live, but you may be able to find the guy’s home address using public property tax records.

That’s assuming, of course, that you have his full name (or enough of it), and know which county he lives in.

Oh, and that he actually has property.

I have the address for the 800 sq ft ****hole he lives in, but no phone number for his wife

 

[skerzoid]

Donesies:

I mentioned before about the lawyer drafting a note to the "Club". Is this a real club with donors, dues, a board, & such? If so, your silence is a bargaining chip. Here is a cutting from a post where the betrayed husband called the the head of a charitable organization where his WW and the OM met and carried on their affair. Whether you would actually do this or not is academic but the threat of it could be used as a counter balance to your WW trying to dig up dirt on you. This is a clinic on this type of thing. If her "Club" is as important to her as you say it is the mere threat of this could be devastating to her. A well placed letter from your lawyer to the club or her or any target of opportunity If she continues to try to harm your reputation could be something in your bag of tricks. I hope that you are getting out of your fog and starting to get angry. She is not your friend but your worst enemy.....

"I called the organization and spoke to the Director. I introduced myself to Mrs. La-di-dah as Mrs. W's husband and got all of the pleasantries and how very much they miss her and blah blah blah. I asked if she knew why my wife stopped volunteering. I got a "Yes" and then a very sanitized version of an affair - she said that my wife said she developed somewhat of an inappropriate relationship with POS and that she wanted to dedicate herself to her marriage and how admirable that is. So I put a stop to the bull**** and told her that while POS was still married and ostensibly working through marriage counseling with his wife, he targeted my wife and the two had a PA for 3 months, which as she could imagine has utterly devastated our family. I got silence. I then took a leap and said that I was shocked to find out that despite this, POS was still volunteering at her organization. I then got a whole bunch of, “I don’t understand,” “He’s a very valued member,” “donates time and money,” and so on. Now, you guys don’t know me so well, but I can be a real ******* at times. I have been yelling and shouting at my wife, which isn’t right, but that’s all emotion and hurt combined with anger. When I get really, really angry, I go cold. And this lady got me furious. So I said in an extremely calm voice, that I wonder how her volunteering and donations will fare when I call every single one of my wife’s co-volunteer’s husbands, as well as the Board members, and the Dinner Chairs, and the journal editors, etc., and let them know about POS and that scum like him will likely target their wives next, and moreover that you are perfectly fine with someone like that representing your organization despite the destruction to families, as long as you get a nice check out of it? How much longer do you think you’ll still have your job? She said “You wouldn’t.” Oh – I absolutely would. I don’t care how embarrassing it is for me, I wouldn’t hesitate one iota. “But the kids…” So I said I don’t give a flying f__k about the kids. I care about my family. She then went with “There’s no need…” and I cut her off and I said there’s every need in the world and that I expect her to handle this quickly and appropriately. She finally said I made my point and that she’ll take care of it. I said that she should make sure she does so before the end of the week. Otherwise I start making phone calls. Wished her a good day and hung up."

 

[Broken_in_Brooklyn]

I have the address for the 800 sq ft ****hole he lives in, but no phone number for his wife

Just watch the house from a car rental. 3 kids are going to school unless home schooled. Watch the address from 7:30 AM on. Someone is taking them to school. If it is him, wait until he leaves, knock on door.

Or simply hire a PI, get a message to her. Then just move forward no matter what.

 

[VladDracul]

My lawyer said her infidelity didn’t matter to the courts

In Georgia if the divorce is a direct result of a spouse committing adultery, that spouse may be precluded from receiving alimony. The faithful spouse must be the one that filed and it must be on the grounds of adultery. There are 13 grounds for divorce in Georgia and "irreconcilable differences" is the no-fault one. It cannot be a "dukes mixture" of the other grounds. Proving the adultery occurred is another matter. Moreover, if the spouses have sex after the adultery is discovered, or the spouses continue to live together, the courts in Georgia, and I suspect most other states, generally view that as the innocent spouse forgiving the adultery. I'm pretty sure Florida, North and South Carolina operate under the same principles.
But like I said before, I practiced tax law and not family law.

 

[donesies]

I have the address for the 800 sq ft ****hole he lives in, but no phone number for his wife

Just watch the house from a car rental. 3 kids are going to school unless home schooled. Watch the address from 7:30 AM on. Someone is taking them to school. If it is him, wait until he leaves, knock on door.

Or simply hire a PI, get a message to her. Then just move forward no matter what.

I’m not going to spy myself. I don’t have the time or inclination. I don’t even want to approach the OM’s W in person. Just make sure she gets the message.

 

[donesies]

My lawyer said her infidelity didn?t matter to the courts

In Georgia if the divorce is a direct result of a spouse committing adultery, that spouse may be precluded from receiving alimony. The faithful spouse must be the one that filed and it must be on the grounds of adultery. There are 13 grounds for divorce in Georgia and "irreconcilable differences" is the no-fault one. It cannot be a "dukes mixture" of the other grounds. Proving the adultery occurred is another matter. Moreover, if the spouses have sex after the adultery is discovered, or the spouses continue to live together, the courts in Georgia, and I suspect most other states, generally view that as the innocent spouse forgiving the adultery. I'm pretty sure Florida, North and South Carolina operate under the same principles.
But like I said before, I practiced tax law and not family law.

This state operates much differently

 

[re16]

A bit of a plot twist and the first crack in her veneer: WW reached out to my estranged brother (my brother hates me) last night. WW let him know that we were divorcing and the date of the trial and was looking for dirt on me.

We are in a no-fault state so I have no clue why she even wants dirt (even so - there is none and so my brother couldn’t give her any).

Any ideas what this could be about? Is she trying to somehow unravel the signed contract (which she has already acted on) and run to an attorney?

That is quite a twist and shows that she is not just moving on, and that she is preparing for some sort of battle.

Her true colors are shining brighter.

Cheat, blame OP, then try to attack his character.

How close were you to her parents? It does seem like it would be the right thing to do to formally end the relationship with them. I would think I would be mad if my son in law divorced my daughter and never said a single word to me. If she is singing some crazy song about you to them, you could at least plant seeds of doubt in their mind that she is making it up.

 

[Malaise]

OP

You might consider moving this to the Private section.

Couldn't hurt.

 

[donesies]

OP

You might consider moving this to the Private section.

Couldn't hurt.

Appreciate the suggestion. I have zero concerns about her finding this, tbh. I appreciate all the input and I'll take my chances here.

 

[donesies]

That is quite a twist and shows that she is not just moving on, and that she is preparing for some sort of battle.

Her true colors are shining brighter.

Cheat, blame OP, then try to attack his character.

How close were you to her parents? It does seem like it would be the right thing to do to formally end the relationship with them. I would think I would be mad if my son in law divorced my daughter and never said a single word to me. If she is singing some crazy song about you to them, you could at least plant seeds of doubt in their mind that she is making it up.

Just praying her signing and cashing the checks solidifies the contract

 

[Chaparral]

Not that she has done this, do you think this is totally out of character? You haven’t really described your wife. Is this completely shocking knowing her family? Has your sex life changed in recent years?

How did she react to not being able to have children? I am wondering if you missed how bad this was makeing her feel. Anyone that had the time to read a lot of threads here would be amazed at two things. One is how alike cheaters are. They all seem to closely follow the same script. Amazingly so. Also, there seem to be common themes that lead up to the cheating. In your case, I think this is tied to not being able to have children and she is trying to fill an empty hole in herself. I’m guessing with your scientific background you live a more logical and straightforward life. I’m also guessing you she missed her emotional turmoil and she has been running to keep her head above water.
Her statement the marriage has been dead for awhile may be true. But you would have noticed something. The problem is that is also a first excuse most cheaters use and really ha nothing to do with reality. It is used simply for justification of bad behavior.
I think she was looking for dirt on you to simply absolve her of her guilt. I don’t see her as trying to attack you with it. She has gone through having to face being barren and now cheating on a loving husband. If I were you I would ask her if she needs to talk to you.

What is her shark like father like? Does their family background correspond to her actions?

 

[Broken_in_Brooklyn]

Just praying her signing and cashing the checks solidifies the contract

Don't sweat it.

If she has deposited both checks she cannot back pedal on the papers she signed. It is done.

 

[MyRevelation]

Just praying her signing and cashing the checks solidifies the contract

It should ... basic contract law ... you had offer and acceptance, now you've also added consideration. I'd say your agreement is solid.

 

[Taxman]

Skerzoid, I recognise that passage from Walloped original post on Surviving Infidelity. I applauded that, as I knew the organization that his wife worked at, and, not incidentally, that organization exists in my city as well, AND it seems that there are multiple people like the OM working there, as there were several incidents of a similar nature over the last few years. (My wife wanted to volunteer for that organization and I said that it would be over my dead body-her sister works there, and, guess what? Yup, and thank goodness she was not married at the time). Donesies, since you know the address, I would pay a PI to cover the place, and serve the evidence on the wife. That should fix his little red wagon. The club? From what you are describing, it sounds more or less like a country club, golf or tennis club. Those, to be polite, are hotbeds of infidelity. I worked at one the summer before Uni. I was 18, and still looked like I played football and wrestling. To be succinct, management tended to hire nicer looking guys as steam room attendants. My colleagues, were at one time or another, banging members' wives. I was holding down two jobs to pay for Uni, so I really did not partake but was offered several times. There were evenings, where there was a large group of men playing cards outside the steam room, and one or two of the off duty guys would call in to see which husbands were there. One of my colleagues was caught, he lost his job the next day, and had five or six wives press their phone numbers into his hand.

 

[donesies]

Not that she has done this, do you think this is totally out of character? You haven’t really described your wife. Is this completely shocking knowing her family? Has your sex life changed in recent years?

How did she react to not being able to have children? I am wondering if you missed how bad this was makeing her feel. Anyone that had the time to read a lot of threads here would be amazed at two things. One is how alike cheaters are. They all seem to closely follow the same script. Amazingly so. Also, there seem to be common themes that lead up to the cheating. In your case, I think this is tied to not being able to have children and she is trying to fill an empty hole in herself. I’m guessing with your scientific background you live a more logical and straightforward life. I’m also guessing you she missed her emotional turmoil and she has been running to keep her head above water.
Her statement the marriage has been dead for awhile may be true. But you would have noticed something. The problem is that is also a first excuse most cheaters use and really ha nothing to do with reality. It is used simply for justification of bad behavior.
I think she was looking for dirt on you to simply absolve her of her guilt. I don’t see her as trying to attack you with it. She has gone through having to face being barren and now cheating on a loving husband. If I were you I would ask her if she needs to talk to you.

What is her shark like father like? Does their family background correspond to her actions?

Which part are you asking is out of character? I guess all of it sort of is

I didn't miss the sorrow and heartbreak about not being able to have children. And we both felt it. It was devastating. She took a bad situation and made it worse

The father is very particular when it comes to legal matters. My guess is he's asking her why the hell she signed anything and didn't lawyer-up first.