[HurtinginTN]

Thanks, paramore. I hope everything works out well for you, too.

 

[Craggy456]

I put on my big girl panties,.

Hope they're not like the parachute I found under my husband's bed :lol:

 

[paramore]

lmao craggy, your post made me smile. If she continues to do this just kick her out Hurt, no one deserves that kind of treatment.

 

[HurtinginTN]

Well, she isn't going to stop. She asked him to change his name. He changed it to "takensry". Taken sorry? Well, that certainly shows his stance. She said some woman was giving her a hard time about spending so much time with her man. Well, I imagine that must have been someone from here. My CD on control issues said that you can never tell someone "Choose him or me." If they choose you, they will only harbor resentment. Well, I will only build resentment the longer it lasts. I knew it wouldn't be over when she said it today. I suppose above ground is better than underground. I will look for the key logger.

 

[Powerbane]

Edit

 

[HurtinginTN]

Don't you love his name? Referring to be taken by my wife. Does it get any worse than that?

 

[Powerbane]

OK - Hurting - I sent you some pretty damning PM's from the chats.

You need to expose this thing far and wide - her family - your family - pastors - everyone. You probably won't find out much about the OM(takensry - slimeball)

You have got to take a stand - especially when he is saying I left someone because I had feelings for you. UGH barf

It's a damn jackass.

The she has the gall to say I want to call u but my husband is in here. I wish I could have reached through and grabbed you right then Hurting....

Guys - what other advice do we have for our friend?

Eli-zor - Affaircare - anyone? Conrad AFEH - Anyone?

Hurting - you've got your work cut out for you.

I wish you well and am praying you get through this before it goes PA and D.

By the way - I HATE SPADES!!!!!!!!

 

[paramore]

Oh my God I am just floored Power. You have proof now Hurt, expose that woman. She was supposed to be "ending it" bullcrap. I wish I could give you a big old hug. You don't deserve to be lied to and used this way. Kick her out and keep the kids at home, this is just messed up. Hurt, you have some proof now, I pray to god in the next few days I don't find anything damning, I hope mine is keeping his word.

 

[Eli-Zor]

Use the same tools they use:

Expose the affair to the OM's friends and family, cause grief in his life, do this all at once, if you use facebook messaging leave 60 seconds between each message and do not tell your wife. Sample letter below.

Dear friend of XXXX,(full name of OM)

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends and family should know that XXX is having an affair with my wife, (your wifes first and last name) . They started the affair in ZZZZ.

As you may know XXX and has taken advantage of my wife to impose himself into our marriage.

I am asking you to use your influence with XXXX to persuade him to leave my family alone.

I believe that you should know this, so you can protect your marriages from him. My wife and I have X small daughters/sons and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

XXX has intentionally chosen to commit adultery with my wife and is purposefully working to destroy our family and marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-yyy-zzz

Thank you,

Let your wife's parents and siblings know and tell them you are fighting for your marriage.



Go to the affaircare site and read the articles.

Articles


and Marriage Builders

Articles

I suggest you start a Plan A, the first part is exposure, break the affair,

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A


The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.


The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financial security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity for the good of the family.

Do not leave the house, if your wife does the children stay with you. She abandons the family not you

Look after your heath and well being . Eat well, be calm at all times, this is going to be the toughest ride of your life so be prepared for the long haul, mentally and physically .

 

[the guy]

You have some good evidence, now you need some additional info. Is there a way you can find out who this guy is? For exposure to really bight it has to hit both parties.
Both of them needs to feel the pressure and your wife seems like she can take the expose more then the OM b/c we really don't nothing about OM.
But if you investigate and get the personal info ie. wife, gf, residence, employer. This will have more wieght on exposure...you now can expose both of them. there by creating pressure on both parties in ending their affair. Or at the very least make it lees convienent.

If you can directly contact this guy and present the evidence, you can also convince him that he needs to stop all contact with wife, and most importantly...refrain from telling your wife that you had a lttle chat.

If you find that this guy is married he will keep his mouth shut and stop contacting your wife. Hopefuly he will break up with your wife and she will be none the wiser.

Granted it could back fire its your call, but the point is you need to find out as much as you can about this guy so either way you want to expose this affair it will have a greater impact then if it was just expose it on your wife side and not his.
He to needs the "motivation" to end the affair.

Good look on your investigation.

 

[paramore]

Hurt, go for it...I finally found a way to get a call log, now I am on the fence if I should wait it out, or tell him tonight I found a way to see incoming and outgoing calls, wondering if I should tell him that, and see if he fesses up.

 

[HurtinginTN]

UGH!! I thought I had a good plan. I asked her on a date for tonight. I told the kids I had asked her out. They are staying at their grandparents for the night. I told her I'm going to a club. Right now, I'm watching their table at a table in McDonald's. There is no chat. That means they are on the phone. I will have the phone record, but that does me no good right now. I have no proof of what they are talking about.

One good thing is we've needed a new phone for quite a while. The battery only lasts about 15 - 20 minutes. I've offered several times, but she wanted to research to find the best one. LOL. Her insistence in waiting means she will only be able to talk to him for a short time. The chatting will start soon. I wanted to capture all of the chat from tonight to print out and share with her family, friends, etc.

 

[HurtinginTN]

They just moved to a private table. 2 players vs 1 Bot.

 

[HurtinginTN]

How do I save screenshots? I can't copy and past the chat. Please help soon so I can capture this garbage.

 

[the guy]

If you have a phone number you will be able to find this guy. That is better then you had, So get the phone number from the account and track this down. Remember if you expose expose to her family and his. If you confront now she may take it deeper. I suggest you fing out who this guy is.

 

[turnera]

Does her upcoming appointment with a counsellor make a difference? Should I ride it out until then? She is going for the panic attacks, but surely this affair will be mentioned as the main cause of her anxiety.

You're delusional. You know what her 'cause' will be when she talks to IC?

YOU.

YOU are making her miserable.

YOU are controlling.

You are unloving.

You are telling her how to live, and she just can't see how she can stand it much longer; it's hard to live with a monster.

And guess what IC is going to tell her?

You need to take care of YOU, and if he (meaning you) is harming you, you need to move on, so you can be happy and healthy.

 

[turnera]

Ok, caught up. So you're getting proof. You've asked her to stop, and she has refused. Your next step is to expose the affair. Who is the ONE most important person in her life? Her mother? Sister? Friend?

CALL that one person, and explain it all, and ask them to help you by talking to her and letting her know she's infatuated and not making rational decisions. Let them let HER know they will NOT support her leaving you for him. She needs to hear some reality from her loved ones.

If that ONE person doesn't shake her up, tell the rest of her family and friends. Then sit back and wait for her anger. She'll tell you that you ruined EVERYTHING! That she WAS going to choose you, but NOW you've ruined everything. That everyone thinks you're crazy and scary for calling them. All right along with the threats she's already made. Just ignore them. They are just the idle threats of a drug addict when you threaten her drug source.

At the same time, you need to be doing an amazing Plan A - taking a good look at yourself and what you may have been doing that she may not like, and replacing that with better acts. In other words, don't give her a reason to leave you.

Finally, no matter WHAT you do, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

If she isn't happy, SHE can leave. But she will do so WITHOUT the kids. Period. Non-negotiable. Don't even discuss it. If it gets to a fight, offer to help her pack her bags, but you will call the police if she tries to take the kids out of the house.

Hurt, this is the ONE TIME in your life that you have to be a real man, FIRM, no nonsense, unmoveable.

Trust me, trust all the others here who've seen hundreds of people in your shoes, and KNOW that only by standing firm do you have ANY chance of keeping her. I know that seems counterintuitive, but you have to trust us.

It's not a guarantee she'll choose you. But it IS a guarantee you won't be stuck married to a woman who will choose to cheat on you, no matter what happens.

 

[the guy]

turnere, that kind of freaked me out;-)

you know the 1st post.

the 2nd one sound more like it

 

[turnera]

Well, the first one is what's going to happen with the counselor when she goes.

You think she's going to say 'oh, gee, doctor, I'm cheating on my husband, and I just don't understand why he won't be ok with it'?

No, it'll be 'he's mean! I can't stand him any more. He's so controlling! I swear, he must be an abuser.'

And the IC, only hearing HER side, will agree.

 

[the guy]

Hey Powerbane is there any way Hurting can find more about this jackass, I mean he can blow the top off this thing if he can send it to OM side as well?

As we all know once he exposes this it will most definitly make it more out in the open and less convienent for it to continue, and at the thevery least turn this fantasy into a nightmare fot both parties.