[Pit-of-my-stomach]

I doubt that her statement about what she is going to do tonight is going to end the affair. You can't trust what she is telling you. Make sure that you are sitting there when she tells him that it is over.

Install the Key Logger so that you know what she tells him when you aren't there. She will for sure be in contact with him someway afterwards.

Listen this what he said.

It WILL NOT end.

You have to stop listening to her. She is managing you.

Everything she does, and will do is motivated 100% to maintain this affair/addiction. You are now in the way, there is nothing she won't say or do to get you out of the way.

 

[Eli-Zor]

If she will not let you hear and witness the end then she is not ending the affair, assume this is going to go underground, be calm and in your time get the keylogger. Collect all his contact detail, friends family as well as hers. He probably have a facebook account as does she , copy the friends details into word and secure the files. You will need this information later on.

When she breaks no contact with him and you have evidenced this via the keylogger or other means come back to us.

In the interim go to the affaircare.com site and read the items under articles , a second site marriagebuilders.com has further information for you.

DO NOT under any circumstance let her know what you are doing. She is a wayward and will behave with venom to you and lie, this is all part of the script.

 

[paramore]

Shows you right there Hurt she isn't going to end it if she won't do it in your presence, Do what Pit of my Stomach is saying. I get your pain, as I have been a complete wreck all flippin week, but regardless of the outcome, things will get better one way or another with time, stand up for yourself and your kids.

 

[Pit-of-my-stomach]

I will not be able to install it before tonight.

Why? You can't get her out of the house before this conversation? you need 10 minutes, you cant get her away from the CPU for 10 minutes?

This need to be done. You need to know what is said.

You can not possibly be considering taking her word for this can you???

 

[HurtinginTN]

I was looking at the hardware version that plugs inline with the keyboard. I'm at work and won't be home until her time with the boyfriend. I almost never get on the computer, so being on it for even 10 minutes would be obvious that I was up to something. Plus, it would probably take me much longer to figure out how to do it.

 

[paramore]

Tell your boss you need to go home early lol, but oh wait she stays home doesnt she.

 

[HurtinginTN]

Yes, she is there now. I may be able to do something this weekend. I'll look at the download versions. I was thinking of ordering the plug in type. I have never thought about the need for such a contraption. I've learned a lot over the past couple of weeks.

 

[paramore]

Me to bro.

 

[HurtinginTN]

I'm right with you about banging my head against the wall. I need to know what she tells him tonight. I can't get a keylogger installed before she does it. I won't be able to get online and watch the conversation unfold. Does anyone like to play spades? I know of a good game that will be going from 6:30 central time until who knows when. She won't do it with me in the room. She shows absolutely zero remorse, so I don't think she will actually do it. It will be more difficult for her to take it underground. Maybe that will make it not worth the effort. Then again, she may get more of a thrill from an underground relationship. Is there space on your wall for another head? Mine's about torn through. lol

 

[calif_hope]

What are their Spadester.com Usernames?

 

[HurtinginTN]

He uses "co.sucks" (last night), "badrep", "davidv33", "davidv32" (he must have had a birthday, lol). She has used "dept420", "BeYouTy", "mslead" (maybe it was "ms.lead") and most recently "roughgrl". Last night, they were using "roughgrl" and "co.sucks". If Colorado sucks so bad, why doesn't he leave? Is he on parole or something and can't leave the state? I asked my wife that. That is the craziest part. She is infatuated with a man she knows practically nothing about.

 

[Pit-of-my-stomach]

If i didnt have plans I would sit in on that game for u... I have a church retreat tonight.

C'mon... I gotta believe you have can come up with a solution to get her away from the CPU... treat the family to McDonalds??? Give her cash to take the kids for ice cream??? something, anything...

Right now you have the benefit of being underestimated and "well controlled" in her eyes.. that will NOT last long. If she doesnt already, she will install some type of instant messenger on your CPU (bet she already has, or is using Facebook IM which she can have open and chatting with OM at same time as playing cards) You cant believe that the level of intimacy they have developed is strictly a result of "public" chats on spadester where the whole table gets to see whats being said??? No, no chance they dont want some "privacy" and no chance he hasnt suggested an alternate means of communication... You have to put as many measures in place as possible ASAP, she/they WILL GO UNDERGROUND. Paranoia will set in, she will recogonize whats at stake.. or he will...

Get that keylogger on, tonight. Research, find a free one... copy the link, email it to yourself... get her away from the CPU, find a reason to be on it. (work?) install it.

 

[paramore]

I got plenty of room on my wall Hurt...the only thing I can do at this point is add any family that isn't alltel to ourcircle, and monitor his txt messages from the website. If they go up signifigantly, then I am pretty sure I have my answer, cuz all of our friends have alltel too, so it doesn't go against his txt plan. Then he comes home to packed bags by the door, and don't call me unless it's about the kids.

 

[SadSamIAm]

Don't know anything about Spadester. Not sure if they have to chat in public or if they can chat privately.

I bet there will be 10 people from TAM trying to sit at their table to hear the conversations for you.

 

[HurtinginTN]

I don't know anything about Alltell. Do you have control over the "circle" or at least a list of the circle? Could he add the OW to the circle without you knowing it? I don't want to give you another reason to bang your head on the wall. I know I have enough reasons right now. Hang in there. It has to get better than this. (At least that's what I keep telling myself.)

 

[paramore]

The acct is in my name, he's never bothered to go to the website, I do all of the adding and taking off. She was on ourcircle until Monday when I found the txts on his phone, she was taken off within an hour. Is it normal to obsess like this lol, I think initially it must be. lol, my mom says I have to stop, but I have a right to know I won't be made a fool of again.

 

[Pit-of-my-stomach]

She is infatuated with a man she knows practically nothing about.

This is not true. I think somewhere inside, U know that. What you see right now is the tip of an iceburg. With all due respect, and my empathy/sympathy for your situation... Please remove ur head from ur arce. lol.

 

[HurtinginTN]

LOL. But it's been up there for so long!! The real world (at least mine right now) sucks!! On Spadester, you can see the chat and even chat without sitting at the table. I don't know if there is the possibility for private chat. I believe all of it is on the normal chat level. It has an area on the right of the main screen labelled "Friends". She goes there every night to search for him. He does the same if she's there first. They will chat even while the other person is in the middle of the game. Of course, with spades, there are only 4 players at the table (3 on the cutthroat). But there is no limit (I don't think) on how many can view a particular table. I have viewed the table and just watched the chat. That was my intention the night I told him to "Stay away from my wife." I was just going to watch the chat, but my anger took over when I saw them talking. Often, the site messes up during a game. If that happens, they immediately go find another table so they can continue playing. It's crazy. If she had shown 10% of the devotion she shows to him to our marriage, we would both be blissfully happy. I tried a friend of mine to see if he could watch. Unfortunately, his internet is down. Oh well, it should be an interesting weekend.

 

[paramore]

Hurt I am so sorry, I cannot judge your wife because i made horrible horrible mistakes, but I have come along way, and she is not treating you well, I put on my big girl panties, not gonna take it, I saw the light, I hope you can do what you need to do to hopefully save your family. I am not giving up on mine, it'll be awhile, long while before I do. I hope both of our stories have happy endings.

 

[HurtinginTN]

I've asked the past 2 weeks for a date on Saturday night. Last week, she declined. That is what set me off to go to Spadester and tell him to "Stay away from my wife." Today, I called her to ask her out. "Why would I want to go out with you when you treated me like s___ last night?" I got upset with her when she was getting back online with her boyfriend at 10:40 pm after playing with him all night. I guess I was just supposed to sit idly by while she is in the midst of her affair. Today's conversation deteriorated into "I'll end it tonight for the kids' sake. For forcing me to do something I don't want to do, I will never like you or love you. I will pretend for the kids' sake." Our marriage is a one-way street. I'm trying, she is chopping.