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Cuckold Lifestyle - Extreme result of the "Nice Guy" phenomena?

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105K views 80 replies 38 participants last post by  zsu234  
#1 ·
Disclaimer: I'm not in cuckold relationship, and have no desire to adopt one.

I don't remember exactly when I first heard about this particular kink, but I've had a growing interest. As stated, having just figured myself out, throwing out the vast majority of my "nice guy" behavior, I've no desire to become involved. It does however hold a kind of perverse fascination for me.

Additionally, I've just picked up Robert Glover's, No More Mr. Nice Guy - about two weeks too late to serve as anything other than validation and confirmation of my own feelings and the changes that I've made - but, reading it has got me wondering if the growing popularity of the cuckold lifestyle is a kind of extreme result of the "nice guy" phenomena.

For those who don't know about the lifestyle, I'll give a bit of a primer.

This particular kink seems to be popular among white middle-aged, middle-class married couples, but it's by no means limited to these folks. There's a number of ways to fall into it, but it seems that it's most basic form is that of an open marriage where it's only the woman who sleeps around. She's the "hot-wife;" a sexually aggressive, promiscuous, dominating and typically attractive woman who actively seeks out and pursues purely sexual relationships with strong, alpha male "bulls." This is done with the full knowledge, acceptance and support of her "****" or "cuckold" husband.

Naturally, there are a lot of trappings that go along with this kind of arrangement which may or may not be present. For a few examples: There seems to be a predilection for black male bulls, as they seem to be perceived as being physically superior to the **** husband. Penis size seems to be a major fixation; part of the ****'s inadequacy is his relatively small or average penis. Sometimes, but not always, the **** is expected, or expects to watch the bull have sex with the hot-wife. The **** may be expected to orally service his hot-wife after the bull has had his way with her.

This is just to name a few.

Now, promiscuity among women is nothing new to the human species. If our literary history is any indication, there used to be a lot of concern about female promiscuity. In Shakespeare, and many other writings, it would seem that a cuckold is an object of ridicule and derision by social custom. Such a male is perceived as weak and unmanly of course.

What seems to be different about the modern incarnation of the cuckold lifestyle is that husbands are actively embracing this activity. Having lurked on a few of their forums, it seems that these husbands often encourage their partners to go out and have extra-marital affairs. They seem to WANT to be sexually humiliated by their wives, and the lovers that their wives often bring home. And what makes me think, is that while fetishes and kinks are a relatively normal part of the human sexual spectrum, this is a whole lifestyle that seems to go well beyond kinky sex. That, and it seems to be growing in popularity by leaps and bounds.

The mask seems to have slipped off this lifestyle in recent months. Jack King was, or is, a Manitoba lawyer who asked a former client to have sex with his wife. This story wouldn't have amounted to much these days, but for the fact that the wife in question is, or was, a recently appointed Manitoba judge. I've not followed the story much, so please excuse the lack of details. It's been widely publicized if anyone feels like digging up the dirt.

So, the question I'm pondering now is, isn't this lifestyle an extreme manifestation of the "nice guy" phenomena? It seems that these submissive males can't accept themselves, and have chosen instead to wallow in a kind of self-deprecating depravity.

It also occurs to me that if this is so, and if this is indeed gaining wider and wider popularity, then western culture seems to be in serious trouble. Emasculated males are males who strike me as being incapable of "manning up" and doing the hard things that men have always done. To have such an apparently large population of them is a bit disturbing.

So, I'm putting it out to those who think about marriage as much and as deeply as I do.

What do you folks think about the cuckold lifestyle? Is it essentially just the "nice guy" phenomena taken to its logical extent?
 
#2 ·
It certainly looks that way.

What's in it for the women? Adventurousness, thrills, etc. - but they don't have to surrender the security of their "****".

Cake eating behavior taken to the extreme.

And, the **** doesn't have the balls to stop it.



 
#5 ·
I've heard it suggested that some men enjoy their "hot wife" enjoying passion generated by another man.

I've written this before - and I meant every word. I do not know what planet I'd have to be on to tune into that channel.

Nor do I want to know.



 
#6 ·
Conrad, while I can understand and appreciate your reluctance to want to think about this... I'm of the opinion that we're soon going to have no choice in the matter.

I'd like the forums to feel free to speculate and play with this idea.

My personal take is that this phenomena is toxic. It's a cancer that is rotting and destroying our society from within. I'm starting to seriously worry about this. But I don't want to checker the discussion with my own feelings.

Far be it for me to deny anyone their genuine kink, but this smells like serious trouble. It's like we're just begging for the barbarians at the gates to come storming through and destroy everything we've tried to build in the west. Nice guys are in that sense trouble. And the women must be aware that this can't be good; these forums are littered with victims of various stripes. But we all seem powerless to do much about this trend. I get the sense that we're fighting a growing tidal wave of emasculation which sweeping through and destroying our most deeply held values.

As an historian, I'm worried. This looks, and smells like serious civilization destroying trouble.
 
#8 ·
Two issues:

The cuckhold lifestyle, I'm not aware of a growing trend and find this interesting to read that it is so popular.

I will say, years ago my uncle, I assume was involved in this, as he befriended a married couple, and being divorced and single himself, eventually moved in the same house with her and her husband.

I was a youth during this time, and although I was aware that my uncle was most certainly having sex with this married woman, it didn't even occur to me until my own father made a comment about the sad situation of his brother and what kind of man was this married woman's husband, that this husband fully knew about it and tolerated it!

And the second issue, the danger of emasculated men to halting forward progress of technology and social stability.

I posted this thread not long ago, very much along this same line of thinking:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/26835-women-hating-nice-guys-end-civilization.html

So it is, the buildings we live and work in, the technology that drives the computers that we type, the science that drives our modern medicine, the airplanes that we fly on, the trucks that transport our goods, the very roads they drive upon and the cities they travel between, all these all are products of science, engineering, and construction flowing from the sharp minds and strong hands of the many good men that came before us.

So that which in a broad scale stands against strong, masculine, decisive men, and instead encourages the wholesale emasculation of men, should not be considered benign nor treated lightly.
 
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#9 ·
I don't think these are nice guys at all. Nice guys don't push for their wives to have sex with other men. It serves the purpose of the men. If I recall most stories I have heard, the women go into this reluctantly at first. The men push for it as a warped solution to their feelings of inadequacy.
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#10 ·
:iagree:

Cuckolding has been around for centuries, and in modern times is typically regarded as a fetish. I would hope that it is a very small segment of the population engaging in it. ;)

I am more concerned that the disintegration of the family unit in our modern times from many different factors and the general laxness of morality in our society (of which I agree cuckolding is hopefully a very small contributing factor) will more greatly affect the 'slide' of civilization.

And to BBW, I am assuming you did not purposefully forget about the many contributions that women have made and currently are making in our society? Since I have an engineering degree and am gainfully employed in keeping some of those modern contrivances you mentioned going, I would not like to think you meant they could be kept going by only the men of the world. I think to keep everything going it will take the concerted effort of both men and women working together. ;)
 
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#14 ·
Well, knowing 2 swinger couples I don't think its Mr.nice guy at all, at least not in my experience. The two Guys I know just totally get off watching......and its not any guy they like too watch porn star Hung guys with their wives. One couple is married 10 years the other 7 .......its pretty popular fetish in certain circles.
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#15 ·
There's a difference between this lifestyle and swinging. When you're swinging, both partners can fool around with people outside the marriage.

In a true cuckold relationship, the woman has pretty much free reign. The male is expected to be celibate, or near celibate.
 
#16 ·
Look, if you want to see a greater threat than the silly 'hotwife/cuckold' crap, just go over to the 'coping with infidelity' forum and read the real life tragic stories.

It was bad enough when the cuckolds were women but now it has gotten worse because of female infidelity. This type of infidelity has practically caught up with male infidelity and we're seeing more and more stories of husbands whose wives have cheated or are cheating on them.

Another greater threat that you should consider, is the proliferation of the male player who targets married women. This human vermin exists. There are more sites dedicated to how to seduce women, no matter their marital status, than hotwife/cuckold sites.

INMNSHO the 'hotwife/cuckold' lifestyle will always be a minor threat compared to the ones I stated above.
 
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#19 ·
After my wife went for the black bulls on her own accord (without my knowledge or consent) I soon found out about this whole cuckold lifestyle thing. It infuriates me. I am the stud, not some disease ridden player at some night club. Anyways, it has also fascinated me in the sense that it has given a little more insight into heterosexual LTR's, and the whole alpha/beta, nice-guy/bad-boy philosophy (I'm not sure I buy into the "hot-wife" idea, just hormones in general). I realize that there is at least a shred of truth to this, even though to embrace it could certainly be toxic. But in my view there is something amuck in modern society - this weekend I took my son to play at a playground (like I always do since my W has been off living her new free life) and realized that at the park there was one other family, one nursing mother alone with an infant and a toddler, and about a dozen fathers all taking care of multiple children, I couldn't help but wonder what the other 95% of the mothers were out and about doing?
 
#20 ·
I agree it is a sick perversion, but that's all it is. To lay it out as a symbol of our society going downhill is a bit of a stretch though. It may be increasing, but increasing from a tiny minority to a tiny minority +. The one or two forums I went on after reading your post appeared to be more of a "Penthouse Forum" type of format than a true "here's what's going on in my life" forum.

Someone hit it a little earlier. There have been quite a few threads lately that indicate women are really trying to catch up in the infidelity department. The GNO's, Bachelorette parties, acting single. Basically "It's my turn" reasoning for a little extramarital action. I would say that's what is causing the increase more than anything.

We're REALLY in trouble if this is being caused by women, after 5,000 years of civilization, are finally figuring out they've held the power all along. If that's happening, we men are screwed.
 
#21 · (Edited)
I agree it is a sick perversion, but that's all it is. To lay it out as a symbol of our society going downhill is a bit of a stretch though. It may be increasing, but increasing from a tiny minority to a tiny minority +. The one or two forums I went on after reading your post appeared to be more of a "Penthouse Forum" type of format than a true "here's what's going on in my life" forum.

Someone hit it a little earlier. There have been quite a few threads lately that indicate women are really trying to catch up in the infidelity department. The GNO's, Bachelorette parties, acting single. Basically "It's my turn" reasoning for a little extramarital action. I would say that's what is causing the increase more than anything.
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

It's ludicrous to believe that this tiny minority of pervs are a societal force to be reckon with.

We're REALLY in trouble if this is being caused by women, after 5,000 years of civilization, are finally figuring out they've held the power all along. If that's happening, we men are screwed.
Screwed? Hardly. Men or women can only have power either two ways: by force or seduction. The former is too messy and the results are mixed at best. The latter is much more effective but its effectiveness last until the seduced no longer experience pleasure and take back the power they gave them.

I will say this though, the day men start losing their sexual desire for women because of environmental toxins, will be the day Humanity's days are numbered. Low sperm count is already a fact in many industrialized nations and low testosterone levels are following. We are swimming in a sea of estrogen - man boobs anyone?
 
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#23 ·
The current birthrates in Italy, Spain, Japan, and Russia, won't support the population.

What this means is that in 20-25 years, there will be "half" the number of Italians in Italy, Spaniards in Spain, and Russians in Russia.

Therefore, something called "Italy" will still be on the map, but it won't look anything like what we currently call "Italy".



 
#24 ·
Of course it will still be there. It will be filled with ex North Africans, its language will be Italian and Arabic and the Catholic church will share mind space with Islam. Italian is a semi-official language in Libya, has been since the 1920's.

Russia is a unique problem, since the fall of the 3CP the life expectancy has crashed. A Russian man's life expectancy in Russia today is 57 or 58. This is a result of a resurgence of old diseases, a collapse of infrastructure and alcoholism.
 
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#25 ·
Another aspect of Italy is that men often, very often, live with their mom's well into their mid-30's. They're not getting married or even having long term monogamous relationships that involve children.
 
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#27 ·
A more pressing issue for them is they are running out of people to work to pay for the lavish social welfare benefits of their elders. The recent firestorm in Greece goes directly back to the fact that nearly 1/3rd of the entire workforce is a civil servant and they are guaranteed 80% pensions at age 53.

5 years ago or so, Italy raised their retirement age to 57 or 59 and there were mass demonstrations.

France has a legally mandated 37.5 hr work week with almost 2 months off per year. Which is fine as long as you collect socialist level taxes, which they do - in the realm of 60% and more. But they too are running out of workforce to do that.

Spain has a nearly permanent structural unemployment rate of 21.9%. There's no one left to work. And because of their social benefits there's a lot more to do with all that free time than have sex and make more Spaniards.
 
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#28 ·
The real fallacy is they thought they could import the labor from the middle east to support the lavish welfare state.

Sadly, the joke is on them.

I hear much consternation about Iran developing nuclear arms. I'm a bit more concerned about the arsenal of the Islamic Republic of France.



 
#29 ·
Indeed, in Quebec, the government has started to subsidize fertility treatments for infertile couples because their population is in decline, plus, they really don't like immigrants.

At least we're starting to talk culture.

So, what I'm seeing is a culture that is poisonous to men. Masculinity is considered passé, and primitive. Yet, we've hardly outgrown the need for a positivist masculinity; we need it now more than ever. And all of these submissive sorts of males are a huge step back for us.
 
#43 ·
If the culture wasn't actively trying to emasculate males, then I have to agree.

Given that the culture is actively seeking to create a population of emasculated males, you might still be correct, but I'm really not sure about that one. Given that the culture is actively seeking to emasculate males, cuckolding occurs to me to be a red-flag indicating that we have some serious issues that go beyond what a number of people are doing in the bedroom. I think that "niceguy-ism" is a part of the larger problem.
 
#52 ·
I am very open minded and to each their own. But if you are in a sexual situation with your wife and you are not the only d*ck in the room then you are either gay or the biggest rationalizing p*ssy in the world and your wife doesnt respect you at all... she just likes the arrangement
 
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