[bfree]

That's what I KEEP asking myself... How do you answer that?

For the moment anyway, she seems genuine but it was only this weekend that I could actually start to see a noticable change in her.

And if it she WAS sincere how do I forgive being used as plan B? Just because plan A turned out to be a lie, now she's realizes what a wonderful man I am?

So she has not done anything to address her issues? Has she gone to counseling? I would not consider reinvesting in her until she learns to invest in herself.

 

[BetrayedDad]

No, she sees what great money you bring her and how you keep her from having to sleep alone.

As sad as that is, my guts tells me you're right.

I WANT to believe she realized that she loves me but I can't help feeling like she just realizes I'm just a better option now that she sees the OM is just a turd in a pretty wrapping.

 

[BetrayedDad]

So she has not done anything to address her issues? Has she gone to counseling? I would not consider reinvesting in her until she learns to invest in herself.

She's addressing them NOW. After two months of carrying on with him after D-Day. She's actively looking for a job. She's going to get a new counselor (the one she has sucks).

I just don't know even if she does EVERYTHING I ask (and she seems willing now) whether that is enough?

 

[BK23]

At the very least you need her out of your house before you decide either way. Her presence is definitely inhibiting your progress.

 

[movin on]

Your her back up plan.thats all you need to know.
Get her out of the house. That's what you need to do.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[turnera]

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

I want to help her but I know I'm an idiot if I do.

Here's the rub.

You HELP her by NOT helping her.

As long as you are her crutch to soothe her, she never has to look at herself.

My IC told me to stop propping my DH up and he'd eventually do one of two things: learn to stand on his own two feet (fix himself) or fall flat on his face. And from THERE, he'll find a need to stand on his own two feet. She said it will NEVER happen as long as I continue to make life easy for him in a misguided attempt to 'help' him.

 

[bfree]

She's addressing them NOW. After two months of carrying on with him after D-Day. She's actively looking for a job. She's going to get a new counselor (the one she has sucks).

I just don't know even if she does EVERYTHING I ask (and she seems willing now) whether that is enough?

You shouldn't have to ask. She should be working on herself not for you but because she knows she needs to for herself. If she is that disgusted with herself for what she has done then shouldn't she want to make sure she builds better boundaries whether she is with you or not? Until she wants to become a better person for herself anything she does will be just window dressing for your benefit and not a true growth period.

 

[harrybrown]

If you had an affair like she did, would she forgive you?

Has she stopped contacting the OM? Has she given you a written timeline and diary of the affair? Has she sent him a NC letter?

Has she been tested for stds? She did wonderful things for the OM and spent a lot of energy for him. What has she done for you?

Nothing but cheat on you and treat you like your feelings never mattered. She does not love you and is selfish.

You are divorced. I think you should have her run to someplace else. She is not remorseful and thinking about you. She is still selfish and thinking about her.

She will cheat again. If you do let her stay, do not get married again. Have her sign a contract that if she cheats there are punishments for her. She could never ask for child support, alimony or custody of the children. She would have to give up her share of the custody.

There are many women who would be better for you than your ex wife.

I hope you think hard about taking her back. She really did not care that you found out, she kept cheating.

I do hope someday you find a woman to love you like you deserve.

 

[bandit.45]

Let her live there but don't engage her. Give it some time. Start dressing nice and going out while she stays home with the kids. Date a few women and don't hide you are doing so. Let her feel what it is like to be rejected. She will either break down and beg your forgiveness or she will go out and throw her legs up for another guy. Put a key logger on the computer and I'll bet you'll find he posting on dating sights.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Nucking Futs]

If you had an affair like she did, would she forgive you?

Has she stopped contacting the OM? Has she given you a written timeline and diary of the affair? Has she sent him a NC letter?

Has she been tested for stds? She did wonderful things for the OM and spent a lot of energy for him. What has she done for you?

Nothing but cheat on you and treat you like your feelings never mattered. She does not love you and is selfish.

You are divorced. I think you should have her run to someplace else. She is not remorseful and thinking about you. She is still selfish and thinking about her.

She will cheat again. If you do let her stay, do not get married again. Have her sign a contract that if she cheats there are punishments for her. She could never ask for child support, alimony or custody of the children. She would have to give up her share of the custody.

There are many women who would be better for you than your ex wife.

I hope you think hard about taking her back. She really did not care that you found out, she kept cheating.

I do hope someday you find a woman to love you like you deserve.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

[tainted]

You are divorced. So why is she fighting for your relationship now? Seems alittle too late.

Give her a deadline to find a new place to live and move on. Her problems and issues are not your concern anymore. Focus on yourself and the kids.

 

[tom67]

You are divorced. So why is she fighting for your relationship now? Seems alittle too late.

Give her a deadline to find a new place to live and move on. Her problems and issues are not your concern anymore. Focus on yourself and the kids.

Too little too late plus did she get an std test?

Now I'm only kidding,sort of, is the other guy's wife hot?

She sounds like a better catch just sayin.

 

[barbados]

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

I want to help her but I know I'm an idiot if I do.

Please Please Please listen to your own words here !! She only asks for R now because she can't find a place to live and doesn't want to be alone. So you will simply be a Plan B for her until she cheats on you again. AND SHE WILL BECAUSE SHE IS BROKEN !

You deserve a mentally stable, mature, responsible woman in your life.

 

[walkonmars]

Get her out.

If you have to, float a loan so she can get the first and last months paid on a suitable apt - and tell her you'll make the first two payments on the loan. (eat it if you have to but get her out - it'll be money well spent).

 

[tom67]

PM a guy named southsideirish his wife was abused as a kid.

His thread is in the private section.

 

[dymo]

Don't let her attempts to reconcile slow down the process of moving her out.

 

[LongWalk]

Update: My WS sucks. She just sucks. We were having a pretty civil week. Everything was going fairly nicely between us considering the circumstances. She was telling me how the OM was going to work things out with his wife. How she KNOWS he's not leaving her. How she was coming out of the fog and seeing his true colors. How she realized she made a mistake having this affair.

Anyway, we were planning to take the kids out for dinner after work. So I called to confirm with her before she left. She wasn't there. Come to find out she left work early to go screw the OM in the parking lot. She was actually going to do this and then come to dinner with us like nothing ever happened. I mean.... WTF???

We're still getting divorced obviously but it still bothers me. Where is this woman's conscious? or guilt? or shame? My god...

Did you every confront her over this?

 

[GROUNDPOUNDER]

She's addressing them NOW. After two months of carrying on with him after D-Day. She's actively looking for a job. She's going to get a new counselor (the one she has sucks).

I just don't know even if she does EVERYTHING I ask (and she seems willing now) whether that is enough?

What does being in a relationship with your ex-wife have in common with beating yourself in the hand with a hammer?...

It feels so good when it stops.


If you're serious about being with her again, I suggest a chastity belt and a GPS implant in her skull.

 

[BetrayedDad]

Did you every confront her over this?

Yes, she still to this day stubbornly denies they did anything other than kiss and hug. Maybe my calling when she was in the parking lot spoiled the mood that day? I do know her intent was to have sex with him. She denies that too but says that was probably his assumption. So who knows what ended up happening? Assuming they did sleep together, I'm fairly certain that was the last sexual encounter they had (and I have evidence to support this) and that was six weeks ago. However, up until last week the EA portion was still going on. That has since stopped on Sunday when she finally asked me for reconciliation.

 

[BetrayedDad]

At the very least you need her out of your house before you decide either way. Her presence is definitely inhibiting your progress.

I agree. I actually feel better when she's not around. It's just going to be ugly getting her out because we're going to have to explain it to the kids. So I'm not exactly in a super rush to break my kids hearts.