Best way to divorce my wife...

864841 Views 1215 Replies 185 Participants Last post by BetrayedDad, 11 mo ago

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · Aug 8, 2013

I recently found out my wife has been sleeping with her boss (how cliche) for the last six months. She doesn't know I know yet but she suspects something is wrong. (I'm not a pathelogical liar like she is and can't hide my emotions as well.)

My attorney basically told me it would be in my best interest, and in getting joint custody of my children, to do this as civilized as possible. He told me to wait until the next marriage counselling session, which is a week from now

and announce it to her then.

The boss is married so I really want to tell his wife (who just had a baby not long ago mind you) but I'm hesitant now because it will only piss her off and drag this out longer than it needs to be. He said if I decide to make this ugly from the get go then it will cost me big down the road.

Suggestions? If I report them to the bosses wife and their HR dept will it be worth the blowback of a custody and house battle over a short term revenge gratification on my part? It's killing me trying to be the bigger person when I was being treated like a jerk for so long.

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alte Dame

· #2 · Aug 8, 2013

Let a little time go by and then let the BW know anonymously. She has a right to know.

Reactions: 5

workindad

· #3 · Aug 8, 2013

If you want a d then get the best settlement you can quickly. Protect your self and your assets You can always expose after the fact

Right now take care of you. That includes getting checked for stds.
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BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #4 · Aug 8, 2013

alte Dame said:
Let a little time go by and then let the BW know anonymously. She has a right to know.

They'll know it was me... Unless I wait until the divorce is over but that could take 3-4 months.

workindad

· #5 · Aug 8, 2013

Paternity test the kids also. You don't know if this is her first affair. Paternity tests are cheap fast and private. She does not need to participate. Google it and you will have several results. Unfortunately I had to invest in that process.
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rrrbbbttt

· #6 · Aug 8, 2013

1. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke

2. Tell HR

3. Tell the POS wife

Reactions: 5

workindad

· #7 · Aug 8, 2013

Wait the 3 or 4 months. It will be worth it to you in the settlement.

If you want to bust up the affair and attempt R then Expose now.
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Squeakr

· #8 · Aug 8, 2013

Might ask you lawyer what he means by "cost more down the road", is he saying that meaning more in headaches and issues, loss of money, etc. This is a very broad statement and could mean anything. Get further clarification on what he means and decide then if it is worth the "added expense" to you.

Reactions: 1

Hicks

· #9 · Aug 8, 2013

It really depends on what your goal is.
If your goal is the best divorce settlement possible, then listen to your attorney.

Sometimes, exposing an affair and threatining the bosses's life and job causes him to dump your wife like a ton of bricks, therefore ending the affair. When the affiair is killed, sometimes that allows for a reconciliation. But there are no guarantees to anything.

Reactions: 2

Dyokemm

· #10 · Aug 8, 2013

Expose the POS to his BW at least.

You know that if it was her with the info you would definitely want her to inform you.

You can wait til after you get the D outcome you want finalized before going to HR.

But after that, you absolutely should expose this scumbag to HR at the company as well. He just helped destroy your M and your children's family life. Ruin this trash. He fully deserves it.

It is appropriate justice both for yourself and for what he did to your children.

Reactions: 3

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #11 · Aug 8, 2013

Hicks said:
Sometimes, exposing an affair and threatining the bosses's life and job causes him to dump your wife like a ton of bricks, therefore ending the affair. When the affiair is killed, sometimes that allows for a reconciliation. But there are no guarantees to anything.

I'm convinced sooner or later the boss is going to dump my wife anyway. This is not the first subordinate he has hooked up with. My wife has also had an EA in the past so as much as I don't really want to do this, why reconcile? I can't be in a marriage where I don't trust the person and if it wasn't him, it will probably be someone else.

Reactions: 5

GTdad

· #12 · Aug 8, 2013

Hicks said:
Sometimes, exposing an affair and threatining the bosses's life and job causes him to dump your wife like a ton of bricks

If you're aiming for a quick, successful (however you define it) divorce, take advantage of the "Mister Wonderful" effect. While she's in lala land with the POSOM, planning their future and picking out curtains and maybe, just maybe, feeling a little guilt about you, push the divorce through like a greased rocket sled. Hope their relationship lasts long enough for the divorce to become final.

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Hicks

· #13 · Aug 8, 2013

Then what you should be doing is listening to your attorney.

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #14 · Aug 8, 2013

Dyokemm said:
Expose the POS to his BW at least.

You know that if it was her with the info you would definitely want her to inform you.

I'm torn because while your 100% right, she could make me getting custody a nightmare, because I drove her fling away.

All I care about now are the children.

Reactions: 1

Burned

· #15 · Aug 8, 2013

Tread carefully. I'm in a similiar situation in not doing much to piss my STBXW off. She can get and has been nasty in the past and this time she has told me she doesn't wan't anything from me. Don't believe it for a second but will play nice until after everything is settled. I also hope the rage and hatred subside at that time. I just want her to get out of my life, I will deal with her about our children but that is it.

Reactions: 3

badcompany

· #16 · Aug 8, 2013

I think the lawyer is saying you bargain non-exposure in hopes of a settlement well in your favor as far as estate and custody goes. If she so much as twitches you go nuclear, and after it was all signed and done the OMW would still find out somehow if it was me

Reactions: 5

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #17 · Aug 8, 2013 (Edited)

GTdad said:
While she's in lala land with the POSOM, planning their future and picking out curtains and maybe, just maybe, feeling a little guilt about you, push the divorce through like a greased rocket sled. Hope their relationship lasts long enough for the divorce to become final.

LOL, that's exactly where her head is at. Amazing how the pattern of betrayal is always so similar... She's a fool for buying into his crap and I am for giving her the benefit of the doubt all these years.

Reactions: 3

In_The_Wind

· #18 · Aug 8, 2013

I would tell the OW however that is me !!! damn the consequences or threats , you could post them on cheaterville anonymously. I would also separate your funds before i did it , like open a separate checking acct under your name only then spring it on her more than likely she will just lie to ya anyway thats what she has been doing so far. We teach people how to treat us I believe set your boundaries and go for it you have nothing to lose at this point

Good Luck

Reactions: 1

BetrayedDad

Discussion Starter · #19 · Aug 8, 2013

badcompany said:
I think the lawyer is saying you bargain non-exposure in hopes of a settlement well in your favor as far as estate and custody goes. If she so much as twitches you go nuclear, and after it was all signed and done the OMW would still find out somehow if it was me

This appears to be my only play. Although, I REALLY want to blow it up now...

Kukuy

· #20 · Aug 8, 2013

I hope i am not too late...

Dont do anything dumb! If you play your cards right, you will come out on top of all this!

1. Separate your finances RIGHT NOW - Create a separate bank account!
2. DO NOT leave your house - it will get rough but stand your ground if you want to avoid getting screwed
3. Record conversations - record any violent outbursts and any arguments where she is treating you like a jerk
4. Get her out of your life/medical/auto insurance if possible
5. Remove her access to all credit line that is in your name
6. Change your email, work email, messenger apps, ipad... every single password she may know!
7. GET A LAWYER and FILE FIRST!

At this point there should be little if any emotional attachment going on on your side, she has obviously lost the feelings she once had and you cannot let that get the best of you.

Under no circumstances:
1. Be rude to her - let her show the bad attitude, rudeness, etc...
2. Have sexual intercourse with her - once the divorce proceedings are in place and if she is vindictive she can cause you a WHOLE lot of trouble for a night of stupidity on your part.

The whole point now is that if she is cheating on you, then she is having her cake and eating it too - The moment you shatter her little fantasy, she will turn on you and rip your world apart worse than she already has.

=============

I hate to sound like a woman hater lol (believe me i love women!) but a scorned woman is something to be scared of lol

=============

I was in your situation
Married
2 young kids
house, car, cat, dog, debt...

Wife wanted a divorce but i was ready for her this time - i will simply leave it at that.

I currently have temporary custody of my kids as we finalize proceedings and while she filed first i got my wits about me early on and have so far come out on top of all of this!

If you are looking for custody
Keep in mind that nowdays the whole thing about men not being able to raise their kids properly is nothing but old school mentality! you helped make those kids and if you feel that you are a better option for them then fight for your chance - the playing field has been leveled as of the last few years and a Divorce is no longer an agreement as to how bad the man gets screwed!

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