Yes, exactly. Many call it "the fog", this head-over-heels infatuation feeling she is having, and it does cloud one's judgment.

Assuming you don't want to try to fight to try winning her back -- or even if you do -- my advice is to accept this gift, ask no questions about it, and get what you can & sign on the dotted line before the OM screws something up and she changes her mind.

Take it and run, seriously; no questions asked because in the end, it doesn't matter. The results matter, and they will never get more in your favor than they are right now from what it sounds like.

 

Assuming you don't want to try to fight to try winning her back -- or even if you do -- my advice is to accept this gift, ask no questions about it, and get what you can & sign on the dotted line before the OM screws something up and she changes her mind.

Take it and run, seriously; no questions asked because in the end, it doesn't matter. The results matter, and they will never get more in your favor than they are right now from what it sounds like.

:iagree:


We spend months trying to help BS's get to the point where the consequences of their WS's actions will fall on the WS.

Take it! Take it! Take it!

If you want to save it or move on this is the best case scenario!

Don't seem too eager either.

Document everything, especially her time with the kids, but don't let her know you are doing so.

If you can come by evidence that they were communicating before and you can do it without getting caught keep building a case just in case this goes south.

I wish you well.

 

With her being motivated, now would be a excellent time to unload her. Would you really want to stay with a "cougar" who ditches you for a 22 year old. Even if it doesn't work with her new boy toy, what's going to happen when the next 22 year old comes along. Seize the opportunity my man.

 

Let me first tell you that me and my wife have rarely ever dough in our ten years together but she is famous for over reacting on everything. Well one month ago she told me she wasn't happy anymore (no fighting or anything leading up to this), told me I move out or her and the kids so I left. Well three weeks into the seperation (last week) she hits me with the line "and before someone tells you, I am seeing someone but it just started". Now I don't believe this line for one second. Obviously this guy had a hand in her making this decision. I guess she thinks the grass is greener, but it won't be with a 22 year old guy who has a history of being with alot of woman and he also lives with his aunt and can't keep a job.

Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with. She said she will agree to anything so I said how about split custody and she was ok with it. Well if anyone knows her she would have never been ok with not having her kids half the time. I've read people in affairs have a cloudy head but I just don't understand her thinking in this. Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this. It all seems fishy the way she is acting and ok with everything just to get this over with. What do yall think is going through her head?

Well achieving more than 50/50 custody is a tough legal battle in most states. She will be very short sighted right now, she only wants to chase her new life. Your best option is cut the best deal you can fast and get it over with and get it nice and legal.

She wants out use it to your advantage because if/when affairland ends her tune is gonna change.

 

I agree. Now is the time to get it with her willing to throw everything away for her OM. She's hardly a cougar, she's only 27 lol. She's barely worked in her life as I've been providing for her since we got together 10 years ago, I just can't believe she isn't trying to get anything out of me. She will come out of this with a vehicle, some child support, split custody and our home is still up in the air but that would be it. Talk about head in the clouds lol

 

One of the last times I ever spoke to my stbx she proclaimed she wanted none of my money, just what was hers and just wanted out. Within 2 months the affair ended and I have spent almost 2 years now battling over literally each and every item. Cut your deal, be generous if you have to to keep her happy. Just get it done before it blows up.

 

By law, when kids are involved you parents need to been seperated for 1 full year before a divorce can be granted. Can negotiations be settle and signed away before the full year is up?

 

It depends on your state laws as they are all different but most of the time yes the negotiations and settlement can be all done and over with. Once an agreement is reached and all signed it is also very hard for someone to try changing the terms.

Your state may also have clauses where the year can be waived in cases of abuse or adultery. Tell her to sign the agreement based on adultery so it goes fast, worst she can do is say no.

 

Either way I'm hoping she keeps this frame of mind until I can get this on paper lol. This guy isn't in it for the long run I can guarantee that. He might be pushing her and promising her things so she can get this done so he can move out of his aunts apartment and in with her. she will be a train wreck once she realizes what she gave away for this OM when things go south for them. opcorn:

 

Wow, if you can pull this off, you will be every divorced, cheated on man's hero!!!!!!!!

 

Yeah, the infatuation is like heroin, and it takes about a year for the effects to wear out.

Once it does, she will want a safe harbor to return to.

Once she is dumped, she will lawyer up, and probably try to get back together at the same time.

This is the best time to protect yourself and your and your children financial future.

 

Do whatever it takes to get the agreement signed ASAP.

22 yo OM views this as a way to get out of auntie's basement and into an apartment where he will have sex with your wife 24/7. Sad reality is with young kids running around, it's going to get old quick. I know very few 22 yo men who jump at the chance to raise another's child.

Once he backs away, she will be back to you as her fall back. She will be repentive, remorseful, etc etc. Have the agreement in place so you can laugh in her face and slam the door on her.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Have the agreement in place so you can laugh in her face and slam the door on her.
Posted via Mobile Device

After telling her, "sorry sweetheart, I've replaced you with a 22 year old myself"

 

I concur, get your best deal while you are in control. Whatever happens after OM dumps her will be what it is and you can decide your next move then but for now, take advantage of this golden opportunity. Sorry for your situation.

 

Sorry for your sitch. I personally think you are a lucky man in my twisted mind. Get the very best deal you can while she is in the fog. Take some time and later find someone who deserves your love. Best wishes.

 

I agree with all of you, but unfortunately I still hurt over this but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and I agree that I need to get the deal now before she snaps out of this and goes stupid.

 

You need to talk to a lawyer yesterday. Make sure he is OK with you moving out of the house, because you aren't required to, and in some cases it can be considered abandonment. Plus you're paying for two residences - I assume.

However, if he blesses it, you can afford it, and it helps expedite the divorce; then no problem. Some judges in certain states won't grant a quicker divorce if the couple is still residing together.

Put a recording app on your cell phone or buy a VAR and keep it on you at all times. Try to limit (as much as you can), your discussions with her to written communication - e-mails and texts. Try to get an agreement with her on the sale/equity in the home and possessions without the attorney. It will save you money.

Sorry you're here, but like the other posters have suggested; you need to strike while she still has some modicum of guilt. It won't last forever.

 

Oh, and by the way, I can understand not wanting to expose her and the OM right now, with the divorce pending.

But....If it were me, I would attempt to collect as much evidence of her A as I could, especially when it started and information on the OM - to keep in your back pocket. It might come in handy down the road if you need it for negotiating the terms of the D.

And when the D is over, I would expose them both. To their friends and family - including putting the OM on cheaterville.com.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Some side advice. My usual...

Read Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 by Athol Kay.

Basically, everything you know and have been taught about women is wrong. A great read and should be required for all men, single or married. Read it several times.

Best of luck to you. Get 'er done before the reality of moving in with his auntie sets in. Or before he dumps her. He has no commitments and nothing to lose except the short term apartment... Be fast. As fast as possible.

 

Well one month ago she told me she wasn't happy anymore (no fighting or anything leading up to this), told me I move out or her and the kids so I left.

I don't understand why you left. It's your house, too.

Well three weeks into the seperation (last week) she hits me with the line "and before someone tells you, I am seeing someone but it just started". Now I don't believe this line for one second.

You are probably right in that it's been going on for awhile and played a part in why she wanted you out.

Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with.

Agree with her. Tell her the sooner you are done, the better since you don't want to be with someone who would so quickly throw a marriage away.

I would urge you to move back in though. It can be see as "abandonment" since you left the home.

Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this.

Yes and yes.

The sooner she divorces you, the sooner she can start living out her fantasy with a 22 year old "legally."

If she wants a divorce, give it to her. Her affair will more than likely blow up in her face.

 

And like a couple others suggested, ask your lawyer about the issue of abandonment, make sure leaving your home won't harm your custody and/or settlement.

 

Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with. She said she will agree to anything so I said how about split custody and she was ok with it.

Wow, go for it!! If she will agree to anything, make sure your attorney knows she said that. You are in a good spot. The rest of us fathers with cheating x-wives have to be content with being every other weekend dads who have to pay the X more money than she spends on them.

Take the ball and run with it!

Well if anyone knows her she would have never been ok with not having her kids half the time. I've read people in affairs have a cloudy head but I just don't understand her thinking in this. Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this. It all seems fishy the way she is acting and ok with everything just to get this over with. What do yall think is going through her head?

She is rushing it all to be with the OM, yes. She probably also wants 50/50 so that way she gets a break from the kids so she can nurture this love affair with OM and spend time with him alone without the kids.

But so what? This should not concern you. If she'll agree to 50/50 with no child support, TAKE IT!!! While you are at it, as long as she wants it over quickly, get more than 50% of the assets. Hell, get her to sign a quit claim deed with you owing her nothing in equity, if she'll go for it or if her attorney will give in to it.

You are in a good spot and shouldn't worry about what she is thinking. Get 'r done, get her out, and take HER to the cleaners.

 

Nah I wouldn't say hero as I haven't really done anything. She is just so stupid and selfish and blinded by this affair that she is will to give up anything and everything just so she can quickly shack up. Her family really liked me and are heartbroken and embarrassed she did this and they are letting her know that they are not accepting of this OM , but she is trying to sell him to them hard. I guess maybe she is thinking that when she is officially divorced it won't look as bad and they will be accepting of him. But that is just my guess.

 

You'd still be my hero. As a man that had a cheating x-wife that doesn't have custody, because I'm a man and she wanted child support, you don't know how lucky you are that she is clouded. Take advantage now while you can in case she changes her mind!!!!

 

It's sad because it is just lust I give them a year at most.

 

Then you better move fast you don't have much time.

 

Op, you are getting some good advice, here. Cut the deal and run!! My wife asked for a LOT less than her share, to "prove' that she loved me and wanted to make amends. I took it as fast as I could get the papers signed.

 

So I guess with the kind of guy he is with with nothing to show for himself. Can we all agree that this is a lust thing or do yall think it could be love? Just curious on what yall think of their relationship? I think once I'm completely out the picture the excitment they were experiencing will wear off.

 

Exactly.

 

Have the little rotter's name checked out on the Sex Offenders Register. Seriously. You need to protect your children.

 

Already had his name checked. No record. My WW has always had various medical problems , so I know once she starts having medical complications again he will be out the door. He also can't hold onto a job so I'm sure he won't want to take on a woman who doesn't work and her two kids long term.

 

Yea my WW is will be one to go through alot of realationships. This is just the beginning of a long road for her. She is a very difficult person to get along with and not many guys will put up for it long after the sex, gets old.

 

She is a very difficult person to get along with .

Do you have any idea what a perfect blessing you have available? Many of us here would have given our left nut to have your opportunity to dump the hideous shrews we were chained to.

An opportunity this good can't last forever.

 

Your WW is an example of why young college educated men in the US no longer want to marry.

Selfish, entitled, narcissistic....