did cutting back "big time" mean only hanging w/the boys 5 days a week instead of 7?

If you have children, it's time for you to become "that guy", it's called becoming a "man". Take a calender, you and your wife pick out "family" weekends/days (there are a ton of free things to do w/your kids...parks, picnics, hiking, etc.). Pick Your weekends/days - and be reasonable, (not a smart butt). If she won't do anything on HER weekends/days- buy her a massage, give her a gift card to the mall or gym membership...tell her the deal is, she has to take time for herself. Have a date night for the two of you, go putt putt, find inventive ways to reconnect...YOU make the moves/ideas, YOU initiate. It's about balance.

 

My question is Johnny - does your wife and family get as much "fun" time with you as your friends? Do you do suggest things to do with your wife outside of the house and church that you two could enjoy together, or do you consider the day to day being with her as spending time with her?

 

I go about once a week with the guys. Or if my job permits before work about 5 days a week while she is gone at work.

I suggest things to do but she always comes up with an excuse. Ive bought her massage certificates before for $75 and she ends up not ever using it then 1 year later seeing it expired.

Every single day I make sure to do something with my family. I always include them and make special plans for them. Most the time she wont ever want to go but the kids just love to go do stuff.

 

The things you suggest for you two to do together, are they things just you like to do or something she's found interesting in the past but now isn't intrested?

What kinds of things do you do with your family everyday?

 

Didn't you have another thread on here about you and your wife going through a crisis from a threesome?????

You guys need to get in and talk to someone, and you need to find the root of the problems in the relationship. Some people do just stay home, watch the kids, go to church and work...and they are perfectly happy. I liked the kris_fla's reply about getting a calendar and making some "family" dates.

 

Sounds like she's a boring person and would like you to be one also. If you'd only be going out once per week, you bring the kids sometimes, and she's invited to do other things with you but refuses, then I think she's the one with the problem.

I could understand if she doesn't want you to go before work if it means you won't help prepare kids for school or if you were wanting to go out every day, but life doesn't end because one gets married and has kids.

How many kids do you have? How young are they? Is she just too overwhelmed and tired from caring for the kids to want to go out? (when I had an infant/young tot, watching tv was all the fun I could manage)? What was she like before the kids or during dating?

My SIL is a bit like that - she's a total homebody. Her hubby is not a party guy, but he likes to go fishing and do other activities. He goes and does them and it's not a problem. He's home plenty and does cleaning, cooking, helping with kids - so he's not taking anything away from his family.

In fact, having some of your own interests can be beneficial to the family ... it refreshes you and also expands everyone's world a bit.

She DOES need a hobby!

 

Yikes, threesome? Not that there's anything wrong with that - but if she was into that, she can't be that much of a wet blanket LOL.

Fess up! What's really going on?

 

It's pretty obvious which replies here are from women. Let me tell you something here bud. Women are simply not hobby people. I've talked to DOZENS of other guys about this being as I'm in a similar situation and they all say the same thing, their girlfriends also do not have hobbies aside from work, t.v. and making the men in their lives miserable. My girlfriend always talks about how she wanted to do ballet. And what does she do when I suggest she takes ballet lessons? Makes up about a million excuses. I know some women will be offended by this but it's something I feel needs to be said. Most (but not all) women are simply not hobby people. But men, we're always hunting, fishing, fixing up cars or building things, or playing an instrument. Don't let anyone on here make you feel bad for having a hobby, there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with it. Everyone should have a hobby, especially women. Unfortunately it seems their only hobby is making men miserable.

 

It's pretty obvious which replies here are from women. Let me tell you something here bud. Women are simply not hobby people. I've talked to DOZENS of other guys about this being as I'm in a similar situation and they all say the same thing, their girlfriends also do not have hobbies aside from work, t.v. and making the men in their lives miserable. My girlfriend always talks about how she wanted to do ballet. And what does she do when I suggest she takes ballet lessons? Makes up about a million excuses.


That's total BS! You're just hanging around the wrong women.

I have a million hobbies, but luckily so does my hubby. We're both home a lot after work--we connect and chat, and then we are usually engaged in what we each love separately until we connect and chat again before bed.

You will resent your wife if you give up what you love doing. I gave up a few of my hobbies when I first got married and became depressed soon after.

BUT at the same time, learn what you can and cannot control. You cannot make your wife have hobbies (even though it seems like she's a bit less attractive to you without them, understandably).

You CAN control how much time you devote to what you love, both your fishing AND your family. Sounds like you're devoting enough time to both and you just need to let go of the idea your wife should be something she isn't. You can also control your reactions to her ridiculous idea that you should stop doing what you love.