[that_girl]

Just once I'd like to see you sympathize with the male point of view. The leap is believing she liked it before and now it suddenly hurts after marrying.

OK.

Then the men should go have anal sex to really know how it feels for a woman. Not once, but maybe 3 times.

 

[east2west]

But it may not have hurt BEFORE marriage. I know I used to LOVE anal but now...eesh. Never again.

I'm just curious what changed so that something you loved became something you now hate.

And if my husband is going to be upset that I don't want him up my butt when he won't even THINK about putting something up his, then I don't know about that. That's selfish Love.

So if he would let you peg him then you'd be ok with it again?

 

[deejov]

All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.

That's very...um... bitter. And indicative of more problems than just you not believing her when she says it hurts.

Do you feel she does things to spite you on a regular basis?

 

[that_girl]

I'm just curious what changed so that something you loved became something you now hate.



So if he would let you peg him then you'd be ok with it again?

I'll give you the short version.

Having anal one night. Nice, ooh aah....then blood on his penis. Wtf? :wtf: Well, i have internal hemorroids from pregnancy and something happened and i also tore.

Then over the next few days, I couldn't take a poop because it was sooooo painful, I would scream and cry and he'd hear this. Then i had to go to the doctor because it wasn't getting better. It still hurt and the tear would reopen whenever I pooped (which hurt so bad..dear god). Turns out, the tear was infected because of my shet. Poop was all up in the tear and I then had to put topical stuff on it and take a strong med. No sex, even vaginally, for a couple weeks. I could not even really sit down.

So yea, I am not about to go through that again. The doc even said it's not a good idea. My husband is pleasantly endowed.

But, try it, see if you love it after that.

 

[that_girl]

So if he would let you peg him then you'd be ok with it again?

:rofl: No. He's not into that. We have a good sex life Don't you fret.

 

[Ikaika]

I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.

And maybe she did tell the truth before they got married and he wasn't listening. I noticed in his original post he said how much he said he liked it. Since we don't get to hear her point of view (other than she says it hurts) it's hard to know if she voiced opposition prior to their getting married.

 

[EleGirl]

Just once I'd like to see you sympathize with the male point of view. The leap is believing she liked it before and now it suddenly hurts after marrying.

So what's the male point of view? That she used switch and bate to trap him? Really? That she's a shrew who purposely did this? Taht she is lying that it hurts?

That's your point of view. Not the 'male' point of view. You do not speak for all men any more than I speak for all women.

So according to you the male point of view is that any woman who has anal once is then lying when she says it hurts now?

I've had anal. I really liked it.. until the day it hurt very badly and caused me permanent physical damage. From that day on I refused to engage in it anymore. From that day on it was too painful.

How about the point of view of believing his wife when she says she cannot tolerate it anymore?

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Apparently it's a complete coincidence that she appeared to enjoy it, never complained of pain all during their courtship. Then magically on there wedding day some completely unrelated event turned her off to it. It just happened, no deception involved.

 

[east2west]

So what's the male point of view? That she used switch and bate to trap him? Really? That she's a shrew who purposely did this? Taht she is lying that it hurts?

That's your point of view. Not the 'male' point of view. You do not speak for all men any more than I speak for all women.

So according to you the male point of view is that any woman who has anal once is then lying when she says it hurts now?

I've had anal. I really liked it.. until the day it hurt very badly and caused me permanent physical damage. From that day on I refused to engage in it anymore. From that day on it was too painful.

How about the point of view of believing his wife when she says she cannot tolerate it anymore?

I think any time someone does something before marriage and then suddenly stops afterwards there is cause for concern. Doesn't matter if its anal or oral or just sex in general. If the OP's wife experienced an injury like a tear or an infection due to anal sex then I don't think that was mentioned anywhere. That might be the explanation. But there are other explanations worth considering, like bait and switch or loss of attraction/arousal.

 

[that_girl]

:rofl:

NEVER MIND that my butthole was torn and infected. It's a problem!!

 

[WorkingOnMe]

:rofl:

NEVER MIND that my butthole was torn and infected. It's a problem!!

For the record, I'm not accusing YOU of bait and switch in the least. Your reason is very valid.

 

[EleGirl]

I'm just curious what changed so that something you loved became something you now hate.?

I'll answer this for myself too...

Before marriage and into the first year of it I loved anal. New experience and it as something else. Then it just got painful, really painful and I had to stop doing it. Eventually I went to a doctor who found the tears. It was not a huge infection response like that_girl describes. But it was very painful after that.

One of the tears has never healed right. It rips open all the time, is painful, bleeds, and gets infected. This all happened 40 years ago and I still have the problem.

The anal sex was not worth the permanent, chronic damage that was done to my body.

OP’s wife might very well have some physical damage that is now causing pain. She needs to see a doctor about it. The last thing she needs is a husband who ignores what she says and even accuses her of passive aggressive game playing. She says it’s painful. Believe her. IT’s her body, she knows when there is pain.

 

[Maricha75]

I think any time someone does something before marriage and then suddenly stops afterwards there is cause for concern. Doesn't matter if its anal or oral or just sex in general. If the OP's wife experienced an injury like a tear or an infection due to anal sex then I don't think that was mentioned anywhere. That might be the explanation. But there are other explanations worth considering, like bait and switch or loss of attraction/arousal.

Yep, could be bait and switch.

Or could be that she never really cared for it and was doing it all along for his benefit.

Or she tore but never told him.

Or he constantly hounds her for it, no matter what they are doing.

Or he prefers anal over vaginal and she prefers the reverse.

So many possibilities, any one of them could be why. But the reason she gave is that it hurts...and he thinks she is saying that to control him. I'm inclined to believe she never liked it, and she wants to do other things. Meanwhile, he is fixated on her ass and that's all he can think of.

 

[TrustInUs]

I'll give you the short version.

Having anal one night. Nice, ooh aah....then blood on his penis. Wtf? :wtf: Well, i have internal hemorroids from pregnancy and something happened and i also tore.

Then over the next few days, I couldn't take a poop because it was sooooo painful, I would scream and cry and he'd hear this. Then i had to go to the doctor because it wasn't getting better. It still hurt and the tear would reopen whenever I pooped (which hurt so bad..dear god). Turns out, the tear was infected because of my shet. Poop was all up in the tear and I then had to put topical stuff on it and take a strong med. No sex, even vaginally, for a couple weeks. I could not even really sit down.

So yea, I am not about to go through that again. The doc even said it's not a good idea. My husband is pleasantly endowed.

But, try it, see if you love it after that.

I know it probably frustrates men when their women tell them they don't want anal because it may hurt or starts to hurt. But when I see stories like this, I often think about how I've never heard these types of things happening with PIV sex, so ofcourse women would be reluctant to trying anal.

Anyway, how awful your H must have felt after seeing you in pain like that.

 

[east2west]

So many possibilities, any one of them could be why. But the reason she gave is that it hurts...and he thinks she is saying that to control him. I'm inclined to believe she never liked it, and she wants to do other things. Meanwhile, he is fixated on her ass and that's all he can think of.

Ok so just to clarify, you think it was bait and switch:

Pretending you enjoy something that the other person enjoys for just long enough to get the ring on.

 

[Ikaika]

Apparently it's a complete coincidence that she appeared to enjoy it, never complained of pain all during their courtship. Then magically on there wedding day some completely unrelated event turned her off to it. It just happened, no deception involved.

Where did OP state she ever enjoyed it. I suspect one could suggest that he did a bait and switch. Now that he "owns" her he can have anal every night. So maybe he pressures her every night. She loves him enough to do anal once in a while, but resents him pressuring her.

We get his perspective and not hers and we could make up all kinds of stuff. Oh well, this one time when an OP's spouse should join TAM.

 

[AnnieAsh]

I'm also the victim of the old bait and switch. My husband told me he loved cuddling and talking about feelings. Now he doesn't. I should divorce him.

 

[EleGirl]

I think any time someone does something before marriage and then suddenly stops afterwards there is cause for concern. Doesn't matter if its anal or oral or just sex in general. If the OP's wife experienced an injury like a tear or an infection due to anal sex then I don't think that was mentioned anywhere. That might be the explanation. But there are other explanations worth considering, like bait and switch or loss of attraction/arousal.

I agree that when someone does something before marriage and then stops after marriage there is reason for concern.

If the OP thinks that this was a big trick on her part to trap him into marriage then he should divorce her. Who would want to be married to someone who pulled that on them. Only he knows if she's the kind of person who would do that.

Anal is different from oral and just sex in general. The anus is not built for taking a penis. So the woman (or whoever is taking it) has to have final say on it.

She says it hurts. She has a right to no longer do something that hurts. She could have a tear or other damage from anal but not even know it. It might only hurt when they have sex. She might have hemorrhoids. That’s why I suggested that she go see a doctor about it.


If a woman gives anal before marriage is she obligated to give it for the rest of her life even if she does not enjoy it? Even if it hurts? Does she have the right to decide that she does not want to continue something like anal that has a high probably of causing her damage sometime in the future?

She obviously likes anal play.. so there is a reason that she does not want to continue anal penetrations. She told him why.. it hurts.

 

[EleGirl]

I'm also the victim of the old bait and switch. My husband told me he loved cuddling and talking about feelings. Now he doesn't. I should divorce him.

Yes you should. (just a smarty comment here)

 

[Ikaika]

I'm also the victim of the old bait and switch. My husband told me he loved cuddling and talking about feelings. Now he doesn't. I should divorce him.

Jack: oh Annie I hope things get better. End jack.

implied notion, well said Annie.