[knightRider]

manfromlamancha, thanks for your detailed response :smthumbup:

Yes, I am possibly over cautious but circumstances have led me this way...

She does earn more than me. We appear to be getting on better, but I am remaining very vigilant. I have made my boudaries clear. I will be watching her actions and snooping for a while as this is probably the best way to proceed given her actions...

 

[manfromlamancha]

I think you are on the right track and keep it up. I also wanted to add that her making more than you may also be adding to her sense of entitlement etc. I know its a tough thing to hear, but women tend to respect their husbands less if they earn more than their husbands. Sad fact.

In any case once she sees that you won't put up with her sh!t in any form, she will either straighten up and do what she needs to do to repair her relationship with you (pi$$) or get off the pot.

One of the things that I would have her do (if possible and as part of R) is explain to the "colleague" how she was completely wrong about you, how you are what she wants and that he (colleague) was a jerkw@d to encourage her to say what she was saying and join in rather than advise her to go and speak with you about it.

The day she does that (and means it) then you know she is truly sorry. Not that I expect it to happen in a month of Sundays at the moment.

 

[knightRider]

manfromlamancha,

you are correct, she simply denies it all. Anyway I have told her that laughing boy is out of bounds. Relationships can be hard to maintain

Thanks again for your input.

 

[heartsbeating]

The only time I've ever used 'hey you' to start a conversation is when I couldn't remember the name of the person I'm talking to or if I can't recognize the person on the other side the phone ( but they know me).

OP, I wouldn't dwell on this too much.

OP I couldn't resist... reminded me of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHiSpiXbqE0

 

[heartsbeating]

I don't recall ever saying 'Hey you'... opening with 'Heya' is common for me particularly written. I personally wouldn't think much of this. Tone is a good point. It could even be a stern tone. Changes the context completely.

Why do you need to remain vigilant?

 

[NextTimeAround]

My other taught me not to say "Hey, you" in any tone of voice. It sounds rude and ignorant. Now that I am an adult, that's at least one thing that my mother and I agree on.

 

[knightRider]

NextTimeAround, I have to be vigilant due to wife's past behaviour, detailed in thread, "..Boundaries and breaking them."

 

[Blondilocks]

My other taught me not to say "Hey, you" in any tone of voice. It sounds rude and ignorant. Now that I am an adult, that's at least one thing that my mother and I agree on.

Same here. In Michigan, where I grew up, the ever-ready standard adult rebuke was "Hay is for horses".

 

[MountainRunner]

...opening with 'Heya' is common for me particularly written

*grins* And here I thought I was the only one who opened my correspondence with that (if it is informal correspondence of course).

 

[bastian36]

Seen the above comment discsussed elsewhere.

What do you guys think. Is it flirty when a woman starts conversation with a man by saying, "hey you" ?

Nope.

 

[D.H Mosquito]

Depends on the woman and situation, there is a female at our volunteer/charity organisation who greets people like this rather than a hi, depends on what else she is doing that is raising your suspicions

 

[richardsharpe]

Good evening all
To me "flirting" covers a very wide range of behavior.

There is what a call "casual" flirting - where you are just trying to make the other person feel a brief sense of being appreciated / desired, but there is no intent to carry it further.

Then there is "serious" flirting where you are trying to escalate toward sexual activity.

 

[SpinDaddy]

Seen the above comment discsussed elsewhere.
What do you guys think. Is it flirty when a woman starts conversation with a man by saying, "hey you" ?

It can be tricky but the key is generally found in the second part of the communication following the “Hey you”. I’ve posted a few examples but I’m sure others will be able to share some as well:

FLIRTING:

• Hey you . . . . big hunky stud, take me to bed or loose me forever

.
NOT FLIRTING:

• Hey you . . . . that’s my foot you’re stepping on.
• Hey you . . . . slack-jawed Neanderthal get your hand off my a*ss.

* I’d also discount any “Hey you” as non-flirtatious if it is coming from a woman who also refers to you as Sug. or Hun. Odds are she's being friendly in a Mid-western diner waitress kind of way.

 

[staarz21]

I say "hey you" to almost everyone.

If I haven't seen someone in a while, "Hey you! omg! It's been forever!"

If I can't remember someone's name, "Hey.....you."

If I am talking to my kids, "Hey you...kid number 2....clean up your blocks or mommy is going hulk on everyone!"

If I am talking to my H, "Hey you! Wanna get dirty tonight - and clean out the garage?"

So, I wouldn't put it out there as a "flirting" only phrase.

 

[knightRider]

Thanks for the feedback guys. :smthumbup:

 

[manfromlamancha]

You never updated to say what happened with the last conversation you heard on the VAR (I am assuming a good quality VAR or the pen VAR) where she and POSOM were making fun of you and laughing at you and then you told him to stay away from your wife. What happened ?

Did she bring it up? Did you ? Did the other guy stay away as told to ? How did you end that episode or did you rug sweep it ? (not trying to be rude or provocative, just asking)

 

[knightRider]

You never updated to say what happened with the last conversation you heard on the VAR (I am assuming a good quality VAR or the pen VAR) where she and POSOM were making fun of you and laughing at you and then you told him to stay away from your wife. What happened ?

Did she bring it up? Did you ? Did the other guy stay away as told to ? How did you end that episode or did you rug sweep it ? (not trying to be rude or provocative, just asking)

I did bring it up. She says she did not talk about me, basically denial. My mistake for deleting the conversation. Obviously this could have gone underground, but I am keeping tabs.

Not heard anything else. I am monitoring the VAR and phone tracking. VAR is really useful as it gives nearly 12 hrs recording.

 

[manfromlamancha]

So she openly lied to you! You should start making plans to split up just based on that - no need to spy further.

I would tell her that "I know beyond the shadow of a doubt. I am not asking you if you did. I am asking what you are going to do about the fact that you behaved in such a scummy way. You either own it and show real remorse or else we have nowhere else to go apart from splitting up. Your choice."

 

[knightRider]

Is that enough to have a divorce?

I have no evidence of physical affair. Yes talking to a bloke and laughing is poor but it does not mean that they had sex.

If she really has stopped contact then moving on is best?

 

[manfromlamancha]

No it's not evidence of an affair - it might be a red flag at best, in that department. However, it is evidence of extreme disrespect for you with some turd who she shouldn't be talking or joking about you with, and then, the real problem to compound this, the blatantly lying to your face about it. Why would you stay married to someone like that (cheating or no cheating)?