This is in no way a matter of control, it is about what is proper for married spouses to do/boundaries for married spouses----You have been given all the reasons on the why of all of this
Maybe you could try to make her feel better, and mge., is making each other feel good, by sending her flowers, by taking her on dates, and if you need to get a baby sitter do so-----your child while immensely important, should not keep the 2 of you from doing things together, and going out on dates is one of them------Go to Hollywood Park, to the races,---it is lots of fun, go to USC, and UCLA sporting events---go to the movies, YOU take her dancing,---go out to dinner, go out and exercise together, work on your hobbies together if possible----throw a party at your house for FRIENDS of your mge.---get together with friends ---there are lots of things you can do---start doing them!!!!!!
I understand due to the lateness of her getting home, things during the week, are hard---maybe she needs to get her shift at work switched---I know you need the money from her work, to make your mge., be viable financially, but work in and of itself, should not bring a mge., down, and obviously her work hours are a problem---and I am in no way suggesting she quit her job, as jobs in So. Calif, are tuff to come by----
Just go back to those days, when you 2 were starry eyed lovers, and WOO her, make her want to come home to you, and not be out drinking with her workplace buddies-----you can do it.