Why do you want another chance with someone who has disrespected you @Indgo? Dump his traitorous ass and move on with your life. Get the jump on him and prepare everything while he's unaware.

 

I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house

 

My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things?

Before we dig into what happened just now. Whenever I see a post count we know there's a history. I saw you had a thread 4 years ago about the bum wanting a girlfriend and wanted you to be ok with it. What has happened between 4 years ago and leading up to now?

 

Well he left the other woman and we was fine and then he was seeming this woman for a year

 

So he's a serial cheater. It's highly unlikely that he will stop cheating.

 

And unfortunately you cannot afford to wait to see a lawyer next month. Forget about costs, get a consultation asap. A few hundred bucks at most and the most valuable hour of your life when it comes to this mess.

 

My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things?

Has your husband been cheating since 2014?

The reason that he comes over is because you fill some of his needs that the OW does not fill. Right now he has two women in his life. It makes him feel really good to have both of you. For one thing, imagine what it feels like to be so hot/desirable that two women are fighting over him. Why on earth would he give that up?

This is why you need to be the one who tells him that he has moved out and is no longer welcome to come to YOUR HOME. See a lawyer and find out who to legally make it so that the house you live in is no longer his legal residence. Tell him that until he ends his affair, ends all contact with the OW and agrees to work on your marriage together, that you do not want to see him or talk to him.

You also need to file for divorce. Remember that it takes months to get a divorce. So that will give time for him to realize what he's losing in losing you. Remember that a divorce can be stopped at any time. So filing is not the end. It's you drawing a line in the sand, telling him that you will not tolerate his adultery.

Once you do this, he will realize that he's actually losing you. And the pressure will be put on the OW to fill all his needs that you fill right now. This usually leads to the affair ending because it puts too much pressure on the OW.

If you do not do this, he will continue the affair and keep you on the side. Yes the OW is becoming his primary relationship and your are becoming the OW. If you do not take drastic action, your marriage is over.

Get the book, "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. Read it. Do what it says to do.

In the book it talks about Plan A and Plan B. You have already done Plan A. You are now ready for Plan B. Plan B is what you do when your spouse refuses to end their affair and return to the marriage. You separate yourself and have as little contact with them as possible. This is to protect you and to let him fully realize what life without you will be like.

Look at the link in my signature block below for the 180. That's how you need to be interacting with him from now on, until either he ends the affair and returns to the marriage or you fall out of love with him and you end the marriage.

 

Indgo He is fixing the house in the hopes ofselling for more money. He comes by is the hopes he can get some and if he's on meth he's looking for things to steal. See a lawyer asap. BTW no matter what he says courts dont usually give kids to methheads. Good luck

 

He's keeping his options open. You're Plan B.

 

You are right stillfighter he is talking about sharing a lawyer but he only wants to give me five hundred a month and I want more so I said I'm getting my own lawyer but he talked about a legal separation so I can file for ssi cause if I divorce him I could take more money from hin

 

You're smart to get your own attorney. Keep telling him no. As goosey and shady as he is, you must get everything in writing by a court of law because I would bet the farm he would renig on that deal when it suits him. Cheaters lie and cannot be trusted. You'd be foolish to trust anything that comes out of his mouth.

 

He's fixing stuff out of guilt and to act like he cares to keep you attached to hiim. My ex did some similar things, fix buttons in shirts that had been missing for months and other things like that. Your emotional side starts telling you since they are doing it the must care on some level but logically it's more or less a meaningless gesture and not fixing anything in the relationship.

Let her have him, tell him to quit stopping by the house and get him gone.

 

I don't text him unless it concern the kids I haven't beg for him to come back ether. I told him we need to tell the kids and he doesn't want to tell them.the kids don't ask for him.

 

Elle girl been married 13years will be 14 years Nov 7. I have two kids. As far as the house we had mortgage payments then my mom died and I used the life insurance to pay it off. Both are names are on the deed. I'm a stay at home mom. I have a mental illness I take medication. I found a good lawyer it cos 300 dollars just to speak to her. I live in nebraska

 

Elle girl been married 13years will be 14 years Nov 7. I have two kids. As far as the house we had mortgage payments then my mom died and I used the life insurance to pay it off. Both are names are on the deed. I'm a stay at home mom. I have a mental illness I take medication. I found a good lawyer it cos 300 dollars just to speak to her

If you are eligible for SSI, then you will also be able to get it when you are divorced. That should help, though it's not a lot.

You have been married long enough that you might be able to get some spousal support. And you will most likely get spousal support, at least for a few years.

About the house. If you can show the amount of the life insurance that you put on it, you might be able to claim that part of the equity in the house as your sole property. It's tricky but a good lawyer might be able to pull that off.

I can see why your husband wants both of you to share one lawyer, he's most likely hoping to get you to accept a lot less than you are entitled too.

How old are you and your husband? Do you have any work experience or training/education beyond high school that could help you get a job after divorce?

 

Is the home in your name? Can you prove that it was purchased with your inheritance? You might be able to keep it out of the divorce settlement, if you can prove that it is only yours, and from an inheritance. A lawyer can help you prove this, if it is even legal in your state. In my state once a person converts their inheritance into something different, it becomes a joint asset.

Your husband wants to give you $500 a month? He doesn't get to decide that. Either you would have to agree on that, or the court will decide how much he pays you for alimony/maintenance and child support.

Of course he doesn't want you to have your own lawyer. That way he can take advantage of you. Get your own lawyer, and fight for all the law allows.

 

Elle girl I'm 41 years old he's 42. I haven't worked in 14years I have applied and I have one interview the interview went well but they did not hire me

 

Yea, it's a bummer when you interview and then don't get the job. But you want one that is a good fit for you. I always looked at job interviews as me interviewing them to figure out if the company is a place that I would even consider working at. Taking that point of view seemed to work.

How's your resume?

 

Elegirl I've been applying at retail jobs I love retail

 

Great. If you love something then you will do well in it. I assume you have worked retail before.

This is where you need to be putting your energy from here on out.. on yourself. Of course your children are important. But it's important to them that you take care of yourself.

 

Also he is using meth with this. Woman

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/crystal-meth-what-you-should_know#1

Lawyer and Police up now.

 

So let me get this straight.

Your douche bag serial cheating meth-smoking husband has DESERTED you and his children for his latest piece of ass.

And yet, said junkie douche bag feels he has a legal leg to stand on and can 'take' the very kids he DESERTED if you divorce him. Exactly how much parenting has Father of the Year done since he deserted his family a week ago? Yeah, I thought so.

Does this imbecile actually listen to himself when he spews this nonsense?

Why on EARTH you'd be hoping this degenerate comes back to you is simply mind-boggling.

 

And guess what? You can hire a repairman who doesn't do meth.

You don't need your husband and his guilt offerings.

 

I missed the Meth part. Lawyer this week, you don't have time to waste. For your kids' sake, you need to have them protected, physically, legally, financially. People that don't do meth and are wayward tend to get much worse and bold. Factor in the drug aspect and he's a ticking time bomb.

 

@Indgo

Do you have any proof that he uses meth? I mean proof beyond your personal knowledge?

Has he ever been arrested for possession?

Does he sell meth? Many, if not most, users sell to help pay for their own habit.

Does he keep any meth at your house? Check everywhere.

 

I saw him use meth and he tells me he hasn't used in two weeks cause he's out of money he stops by the house everyday to check up on things also he said he would take the kids to school everyday. To be honest I don't want him with her because she smokes weed everyday and they go to bars and smoke meth. If he doesn't want to be with me fine but I think he shouldn't be with her either every since he met her things have gone down hill I'm not blaming it all on her but she introduce him to meth again and now he has a conect.

 

OK, so you have no real proof... what I mean by real proof is something like him having a police record for drug possession.

You need to talk to your lawyer about this because your children should not be around drug use.

One person I know had no 'real proof'. What their lawyer did was to tell the judge (verbally and in written statement) that the husband has been told by others that they have seen his STBX wife shooting up in the ally behind a building. So the lawyer asked the judge to have the STBX wife take a drug test before she could get any un-supervised time with their children. On the side of caution the judge said that she had to take a drug test. The STBX wife did not take the drug test until 9 months later. Clearly she was not clean and took her sweet time to get off the drugs. But the divorce moved forwards in those months and he ended up with 100% custody of the children. She got supervised visitation only.

Your husband works for the USPS, right? And he's doing pot and meth. Don't they do random drug tests? He could easily lose his job over this.

You might want to tell him, after you clear this with his lawyer, that you are going to ask that he get a drug test because you know he is doing meth and pot. And let him now that it will be in the divorce papers so his employer is likely to find out about his drug use. So he'd better stop doing the drugs if he wants to have any time at all with his children and keep his job.

 

I had a small glimmer of hope, and then I read he is using meth. Game, set, match divorce wins. You don't want that anywhere near you or your kids. Get a lawyer get things squared away and change the locks, he will start steeling stuff if he hasn't already.

 

Unfortunately, he can be with her -- or someone worse -- if he chooses. It'll be up to you to protect your children because he isn't likely to.

 

You seriously need to find your anger, otherwise you are going to allow him to walk all over you. Get to a lawyer ASAP, your OWN lawyer! DO NOT share his attorney, HUGE mistake.. I know because I did it. Make sure any lawyer you hire is informed of his meth use, they can require a drug test when it comes to custody issues. He isn't going to take your kids, he doesn't want them, he just wants to get high with his icky other woman.

Why in hell you would want this disgusting piece of crap back is beyond me. Get pissed, and get out of this marriage.

 

I'm done being mad already went off on him.its a waste of engery.

 

Sometimes a person can harness the energy from being angry and use to move themselves along in the right direction. Nothing wrong with that.

 

See a lawyer ASAP and only communicate with him through your lawyer. He can't just take the kids and sell the house. Their your kids and your house also. There are laws around this stuff. Given his history there is no happy ending here if you stay with him.

 

Well he stop by today he talk about how he couldn't trust me and then we talk so more he sad he was said about the situation and he started to cry and he doesn't know if we can have a fresh start then later before he left my phone started to buzz and he grabbed it and said who is texting you and he look through it and put it down and said I should stop looking through it or I will start to get jealous he hugged me and left. I been talking to my aunt and brother and they both think he's crazy.

 

Well he stop by today he talk about how he couldn't trust me and then we talk so more he sad he was said about the situation and he started to cry and he doesn't know if we can have a fresh start then later before he left my phone started to buzz and he grabbed it and said who is texting you and he look through it and put it down and said I should stop looking through it or I will start to get jealous he hugged me and left. I been talking to my aunt and brother and they both think he's crazy.

You above post is confusing. Why would he tell you to stop looking through your own phone or you will get jealous? Was he looking through your phone? Or where you looking through his phone.

Crazy... that's what meth does to a person. It makes them crazy and paranoid. I've had the unfortunate experience of having some meth heads around me. Meth seriously screws up a person's head. They are also dangerous as they can fly off the handle and become violent at a drop of the hat.

He was probably high on meth when he was at your place today.

You need to get yourself and our children away from.