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The baby is mine and he does not know

9.8K views 83 replies 27 participants last post by  hylton7  
#1 ·
I started dating this girl, not knowing she was in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one. By the time I found out, it was months down the road and we were inseparable. She already has one kid (1 yr old) from an old abusive ex that is no longer in the picture. Her bf stepped up to take on the father role.

She was living a double life with me, spending the night a few nights a week. She is now pregnant with my daughter but won't face the music and tell him it's not his. At first I thought an abortion would keep the world spinning. I did not want to be a homewrecker. As time passed, I got more and more excited to meet my baby girl.

She tells me I am way better with the kid and actually play with him. I don't just stick him in the pen and play video games. I am actually present in the relationship.

I feel like she's made up her mind. I want to be a part of her family. She fears that if she comes clean, everyone will hate her and she can't take that stress. I figure that her family will get over it and if she really loves me then we'd have a great home life. Whats more important than that?

I've talked to her about how I feel. We are great together. I can't be the one to out her but every month that passes (4 now) the potential to hurt people gets worse and worse.

Do I just step out of the picture? I want to be a part of their lives. I heard that when this happens, the truth usually comes out eventually. I think it is better that it happens sooner rather than later.
 
#3 ·
Wow, what a situation. I wonder if it is legally possible to demand a DNA test when the baby is born?
 
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#5 · (Edited)
Wow, talk about being careful what you wish for. Here's the deal, stop sleeping with the married women and do whatever it takes to make a DNA test happen. If you're the biological father than co-parent and be there for your daughter. But run like hell from this woman who's had one or more babies through affairs otherwise you'll be raising your daughter and her 1/2 siblings that are supposedly yours later on. You need to see this girl you've been dating for what she is. She's the person cheating, getting pregnant, and tricking her husband.
 
#9 ·
We know it is mine but if she will not come out to her boyfriend, it is going to be hard for me to co-parent. I know I can't make her do anything but it does not seem fair that I lose out on the great opportunity because she is too scared.
 
#32 ·
If they "always" use a condom, then her boyfriend must be wondering how this could have happened.

As for the "date of conception", you really have no idea what date that was. And you don't really know if she's telling the truth.

I'd ask her how her boyfriend feels about her pregnancy. Is he happy? Suspicious? I mean, if they weren't having sex around the 'date of conception', what did she tell HIM?

Like others have said, this woman has lied to her boyfriend numerous times. Don't you think she's capable of lying to you, too?
 
#10 · (Edited)
You are not thinking this through.
You are not thinking this half-way through
You are not thinking.

This women of yours, is on her second long term romance.
While in this second long term romance she jumps in the sack with you. She "makes sure" she gets pregnant by you. Oh, yeah...she did this.
In this day and age this still happens.

She is bedding two men. What a deal for her. The other dude wears a condom because he does not want to get her pregnant. Duh!

This first ex was abusive....says who?
The second and current lover is not having sex with her often..and uses a condom? Why is that? Why is she not on the birth control? Does she have a STD? Hence, the condom use.
If you shack up with her, or heaven forbid, marry her, how many more men will she develop on the side. I suspect the horny lady needs two. More power to her...less to you.

Oh, I forgot. You are better than the first two chumps and you are good with kids.
Now she has a stable guy who likes kids and loves her. This frees up her mind and her time....to find another side piece.

This women cannot get enough sex. One man is one to few. And when one man is jettisoned, another will bone up in his place.

She does not want to tell her current boyfriend? Why is this? Are you just for sex? He is Plan A....still.

What a Deal! For her...not you.

Sorry. Get the kid DNA checked as others have suggested. Enjoy the child....from another residence. Let some other dude and more other dudes fill the holes in her life.
Enjoy the little girl. Nothing more.

Hear me?
 
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#12 ·
Many years ago, I was the night shift manager at a medium sized manufacturing plant.

Half the employees were women. Most were married. At least half of these women were having sexual relations with men, not their husbands. In their cars, in back rooms.

Many got pregnant. This was before DNA testing was available. The women were having a ball, with balls not belonging to their SO.

And yes, the male workers were also having affairs. With coworkers and with others. Including supervisors that worked for me. What a zoo. I was glad to get out of that place with my life.

Many fights over relationships. Fist fights in the parking lot, mind you!
 
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#46 ·
Many years ago, I was the night shift manager at a medium sized manufacturing plant.

Half the employees were women. Most were married. At least half of these women were having sexual relations with men, not their husbands. In their cars, in back rooms.

Many got pregnant. This was before DNA testing was available. The women were having a ball, with balls not belonging to their SO.

And yes, the male workers were also having affairs. With coworkers and with others. Including supervisors that worked for me. What a zoo. I was glad to get out of that place with my life.
And that still happens quite a bit apparently.

To the OP. You are in a mess... and likely, you are in an affair fog... You know nothing about that woman. She spends a night a week at your place... but she and her BF worked, paid the bills and run a home. 4 months now of not seeing you, that seems like you were just a penis to her.

This will be baby #2 for her. You can bet there will be a few more, each with a different dad.
You would be doing her boyfriend a FAVOR by telling him that you have been having sex with his GF and its yours. So he can escape from her... sooner or later, he may find out.
 
#33 ·
It might not be her husbands...and it might not be yours. Hate to point that out. But why not? No boundaries going on anyways.
I thought this also... if she is able to cheat with you, she is quite possible able to cheat on you.
 
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#17 ·
If I do then I for sure lose her but I gain the kid, Trying to save both.

Does she say that this is your baby?

If she loves you, why won't she leave her boyfriend? Does he make a lot more money than you do?

She says it is mine and we talk about her like she is ours. She is too scared that the lies will cause her to lose her support system (family/friends). I make more than him, actually.
 
#15 ·
You don't know if what she tells you, about him wearing a condom and seldom having sex is true. People to cheat lie. The very fact that she is cheating shows that she has no problem lying.

Ask her to do an DNA test because you want to know if you are the father of this child. Here is a prenatal DNA test that can be done while she is pregnant. It is non-invasive as it uses her blood. Apparently a baby's DNA is present in it's mother's blood during the pregnancy. Here is a site for a company that does them.


http://www.harmonytestusa.com/?utm_...&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=NIPT Non Brand&utm_content=Prenatal Test>DNA>Exact

Does she say that this is your baby?

If she loves you, why won't she leave her boyfriend? Does he make a lot more money than you do?
 
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#16 · (Edited)
Does the father of her other baby pay child support?

Once this baby is born, if it is yours, she can go after you for child support. If that happens, make sure you demand a DNA test before giving her a penny of child support. And make sure that you get 50% custody.
 
#18 ·
How old are you and her?

Does she have a job?

She is living with a boyfriend, not a husband, right? If she is not happy with him, why doesn't she just leave him? Surely her support system would not want her to stay with a guy that she is not happy with.
 
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#20 ·
Why does her family need to know it's your baby, right now?
The thing about family and fear, you don't know for sure what someone else is going to do, and you can't control it either. So you focus on what's more important especially when kids are involved. I'm sure her family wants to see her secure, happy.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
#21 ·
You both deserve each other. She's a cheating ***** and you became a homewrecker the moment you knew she was living with someone. You should have ended it then.

Why the hell weren't the two of you using birth control??? Especially after you knew she was living with someone else?

What appalling role models the poor children in this disgusting situation have.
 
#22 ·
I couldn't agree more with this. I've been cheated on and I tell you what, if it weren't for my daughter, I would of tracked the POS down and beat some sense into him.

This is not some fairytale love story. This is extremely distasteful, and yes you are a homewrecker. You may have genitalia that says you're male, but that's as far as that goes.
 
#23 · (Edited)
You picked a real winner there my friend. I feel back for the baby and the boyfriend.

How could you possibly have a good stable family life with someone who has such low character. This is not a stable women to build a family with. Support your child as it is the honorable thing to do. You say you know the kid is yours, but for all you know she could be ****ing another guy too unbeknownst to both of you. Nothing in her character shows she isn't capable of this. Maybe it's his kid. Bottom line you and you girlfriend need some real help you decision making is very poor and is going to cause you years of pain.

For all you know her boyfriend could be just like you, or he could be a nice guy but just oblivious, she lied to you about him even existing for a long time.

Your girlfriend is a liar she lies to you how can you trust anything she says, and you ARE a homewrecker. Get used to it that is a label that will be with you now for the rest of your life. One things for sure you two do deserve each other, it's everyone else in your wake that deserve better.
 
#28 ·
You already are a home wrecker - so a little bit too late to say I don't want to be a home wrecker. You should come clean with her partner and tell him the truth which is "I was going out with your wife/gf and when I found out that she was with you (and that you were a pretty good person who stepped up to be a dad to a kid that wasn't yours), I still decided to carry on with her and we now are having a baby together. What would you like me to do from now on ? "

Then let him decide what's next and if he asks you to back off then you should.

As for whether his miserable cheating wreck of a woman decides to come clean that is up to her.
 
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#36 ·
So you are ok with a woman who lied and cheated on her partner who had been good enough to take on another mans child? Also lied you you that she was in a relationship for months?
You cant possible know that this child is yours, it could easily be his or another mans.
It was completely irresponsible of you to have had sex with her, how would you feel if a man had sex with your partner? As for having sex with no protection, what can I say.

Get a dna test done as soon as you are able, if the baby is yours then you will have to support that child for 18 years, by then I expect she will have had several more children with several more men. I feel for this poor child I really do.
 
#38 ·
Some people have brought up some good points.

She said that her bf always use protection and hardly ever have sex, and thus this baby is clearly your baby. Then why is it that her boyfriend does not seem to think this baby is not his baby? Surely he knows that there no way he could have gotten her pregnant.

Either that, or she has been lying to you. And he thinks it's his baby because they are having unprotected sex. And they had that sex around the time that the baby was conceived.
 
#40 ·
She said that her bf always use protection and hardly ever have sex, and thus this baby is clearly your baby. Then why is it that her boyfriend does not seem to think this baby is not his baby? Surely he knows that there no way he could have gotten her pregnant.
Like I said, people do not get the whole story. Yes, they usually used condoms but on NYE, they were drunk and he didn't. If that had not happened then it would have been impossible to pretend he is the father.
 
#39 ·
Think with your logical brain please, you other head is what put you in this mess already.

Logically you know she lied to you before, why would she be honest about you being her baby's daddy now?

She doesn't want to leave the BF because you were just a distraction; he is the one she wants to keep.

The baby is more than likely not yours!

Blow it up and demand a DNA test. That's the only way for all those lies to come front line and center. The truth will be forced to be revealed then.

Stop being a fool for this woman!

You are not protecting your so called child by believing a proven liar. Expose her shenanigans now!
 
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