How very sad.

Clearly you can pleasure your wife in many ways; fingers, tongue, toys - whatever she finds enjoyable. As for obtaining satisfaction yourself the only thing I can think of would be prostate massage.

Physical closeness and cuddling helps to maintain intimacy even if it does not progress to any form of sexual touching.

 

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As pp said you can still do those things, also if she is still wanting the standard penetration you could also look into a strap on. Of course it isn't meant to make you feel inferior...because you aren't whatsoever but if you were still wanting it to be as normal as possible then it would be a viable option.

 

Hi,
Please remember its all about attitude. Why not see a sex therapist? Your body still has areas on which you can still orgasm. Spice it up, it's good for couples to do so anyway.

Your doctor should have contacts for support or you can look for supporting organization online.
Here is one if you have not checked it: Physical and emotional aspects of penile cancer treatment

 

I am sorry you have to go through such a devastating event in your life. The main thing to remember is that your mental outlook will be the determining factor in your final outcome....

Your faith, and the support of your wife and family will also be very important...

Here is a website that has lots of information. I hope it helps..

Penile Cancer Forums


the woodchuck

 

I did some reading on that forum. It sounds like there are things that will work for the OP. I hope he reads it and searches for more forums and websites on the topic.

 

OP did your urologist go over this with you? I'm sorry that this happened to you. I would read up as much as you can. I know the numbers are small for cases of penile cancer, but I'll ask around and see what I can find out for ya.

 

Strap on, toys, oral, and manual stimulation, emotional connection. See a good urologist and sex therapist too. I am sorry you are going through this. You are so much more then that one part of your body and you can have a good life and marriage. I wish you well.

 

I guess nothing draws the attention of an angry woman like the term Penectomy.

 

Vegasruby.... I don't think Ruby is a word I would have chosen for you. You are bitter, rude, and offensive. I will bet you have many friends that just love you. Not really of course. Do the world a favor and keep your comments to yourself. Honestly, you are the only one that enjoys them.

 

Gourlegr,

Please ignore any unkind posts. This place can be unhelpful sometimes, but for the most part tends towards health.

I know it is possible for male quadriplegics to ejaculate. I don't know if that involves penile stimulation that isn't consciously felt, or if it involves more direct prostrate stimulation. In the specific instance I am aware of third hand, it did involve a device that probably vibrated.

If you haven't tried prostate stimulation, I suggest you do. It is something young men don't think of on their own, but, once discovered many men find it quite pleasurable.

I suspect given time and a loving partner, new pathways for pleasure can be found. But, I suspect your best source for info is someone who had studied and helped people in this sort of situation.

 

OP hasn't come back,I wonder why...

 

The entire post can be a hoax. It's possible, but the situation is faced by some in this world. It's something that people have to live with, so we need to be mindful of their pain.

I did realize being in boards like this, that males being raped and genitally mutilated and cheated on were looked differently as females in the same positions.

No matter what the sex it is equally horrific.

 

I'm sorry to read about what you're going through! I only want to add a couple of things to what has been said so far.

First, if you haven't already had your surgery, please talk with your surgeon and see what sort of options there are in terms of saving nerves. You won't have a penis after the surgery, but there may be a way for you to continue to have sexual pleasure and this needs to be touched upon.

Second, and again, if you haven't had your surgery yet, please be prepared to not be as prepared as you think you are for it. As someone who works in healthcare and who is in nursing school, I can tell you I've dealt with many patients who are "prepared" pre-surgery for the physical changes that surgery brings, but after the surgery they are almost completely shattered. You may logically accept what is happening, but emotionally-speaking it's a different story. Talk to your healthcare team about any type of support groups and coping mechanisms they can suggest. You wife will probably also need help coping because of the different forms intimacy will be taking AND because of care-giver strain.

Finally, be prepared to for anything to happen in terms of healing and the aftermath of cancer. No matter what type of cancer you have, treatment is difficult physically, emotionally, and psychologically. As men, we're "trained" to be tough and keep things bottled in - I can tell you this is not healthy at all. Please use your wife as a support mechanism, but also realize that she'll be going through tough times as well, so you may want to look into counseling services and support groups - it's redundant advice, but necessary to be emphasized. Check out the American Cancer Society's site for more information.

Again, the advice I'm giving is predicated on the idea that you haven't had surgery yet.

 

I hope you will look into reconstructive surgery. All may not be lost.

A link to read:
Cancer Zone - Effects of surgery on sexuality - Penectomy and penile reconstruction | NHS Inform

 

Just to be clear, I think I need to clarify what my situation is. I already got the penectomy about a month ago. The cancer appears to be in full remission. I also talked to the doctor about what I can do, post-surgery. Due to the severity of the penile cancer and the specifics of my case, any reconstruction of the penis would be impossible. All nerve endings in the penis have been destroyed/removed. I just went to another doctor, and he also said penis reconstruction can't happen. However, my testicles are intact and unaffected by the cancer and surgery (I did not undergo chemotherapy). My testosterone levels are basically normal, and I still very much have a libido.
My "problem," such as it is, is that I get aroused by my wife but I can't find any release. I also noticed other posters think I have no idea how to be intimate with my wife since I lost a penis. That's not true at all! For example (sorry if this sounds graphic, but it's necessary to explain my plight), when I came home from I saw my wife dressed in sexy nightgown she has. We started making out, and even started dry-humping. However, since I no longer have a penis, my wife pushed my head down and told me to eat her out. I did, and she climaxed more than once, I believe. It's just that I never managed to a find that same level of bliss she can enjoy, and I'd like some advice about what to do.

 

From that website linked to above

"as in woman and men when more stimulation is needed sometimes a little help..helps. There is what they call a magic bullet or silver bullet which is basically a small vibrator.. it can be used by female or males... can be used to stimulate the pubic area or even anal insertion...it is multi purpose...and small enough to use easily for both partners. One has to become experimental and adventurous at times...but can achieve a satifying sex life with them.

My husband was able to orgasm with and without one. best of luck..and enjoy http://www.amazon.com/Doc-Johnson-Silver-Bullet-Vibrator/dp/ B002E9HZXU
"

 

Anothe one...

"Sometimes I can ejaculate when I rub my testicles for a long time, but it takes more than 45minutes after that semen dribbles out of my stoma."

If your wife were to stimulate yoru testicals both manually and orally this might be a lot mofe effective.

 

Also, it might help for you and your wife to see a sex therapist who specializes in your issues.

 

I wish your wife is here too, so that these wonderful ladies in TAM could also give her advices, encouragements and sympathy.

 

There will be so many different ways to pleasure your wife. Many of them have been mentioned before. There is no reason why this loss, devastating as I am sure it is for you, should limit your ability to be a damn good lover to your wife.

As for you, there is no reason why you should give up orgasm. A penis makes it easier to achieve orgasm for us men, but it is not the only way. The male "g-spot" is the prostate, and it can be stimulated anally (or if you're sensitive enough, even through the perineum). This might seem an uncomfortable prospect if you are not already drawn to this kind of pleasure, but if you, and your wife, can overcome your stigmas she might be able to help you reach some rather mind blowing orgasms through anal play. Also it's not uncommon for people who have lost the use of their sex organs, most common with paraplegics, to learn to reach orgasm through exploring stimulating areas elsewhere on the body. Nipples, testicles, ears, parts of the neck, etc, could all become new channels of pleasure. Either way, you do have options!

As far as ejaculation goes, I am assuming your surgeon left you with a way to release fluids normally channeled through the penis, no?

 

I think you persue the reconstruction path until the day you die. There's probably technologies many of us would not know to be aware of these days which can recontruct or provide a useable penis.

 

A penis can be reconstructed, however it serves only to surround the man's urethra. It will look nothing like a real penis. It will not have proper blood flow and nerves to obtain an erection. There are only about 1500 men a year that get penis cancer in the US. Not a lot when compared to all other cancers. However that is no consolation if you are one of those men to lose part or all of your penis. My husband and I know a man that no longer has a penis.

 

To the original poster - I happened to browse briefly through this thread a little earlier today when it wasn't convenient for me to type an answer, but now that I have time I am going to briefly write up what occurred to me as I read earlier. My apologies if I have overlooked some details from your original post and/or those of others.

First of all, I think you deserve kudos in addition to sympathy. You mention that you and your wife are both "religious" and that shows by the desire and willingness of both of you to remain committed to preserving and enjoying this marriage and each other's sexuality in those ways which are still open to you. I know this isn't the place for religious comments but I hope it is OK for me to tell you that I personally believe that God is going to bless you for your obviously steadfast faith and commitment to Him and to each other despite what has befallen you. You and your wife are both very lucky that God has brought the two of you together for each other. And specifically in your case I would like to add that being a man has spiritual and mental as well as physical components. You may be one of only a very small percentage of men to have lost a few inches of flesh physically, but I think you are one of an even much smaller percentage of men who would have shown the godliness you have in your acceptance of the situation. That, in my eyes and I'm sure God's, makes you far more of a man than most men who still have their penis.

You have stated as presumably accepted (on your part) fact that orgasm is no longer a possibility for you either now or in the future. And as I am not a doctor and am in no way qualified to pass judgement on the accuracy of that statement in your situation, I am in no way going to attempt to argue with anything that you based on your discussions with your medical professionals have come to know and understand for yourself. Nonetheless, you did ask if anyone knew of anything or had any ideas, so on that basis I am going to comment.

As stated I'm not a doctor. But I have had extensive training in human anatomy and physiology and I do know a few basic facts:

1) The pathway for penile sensation does start in the penis, but the nerve pathway continues from the penis all the way to the spinal cord and ultimately the brain. It is my understanding that THEORETICALLY it is possible or perhaps even likely that the experiences of ejaculation and/or orgasm could still be triggered in you through stimulation of some part of that neural pathway. The question is, is there a method by which it can be done feasibly and safely. That is what I do not know because even if I had the medical qualifications I would not be able to make a statement because I do not know the specifics of your situation like your doctors do.

2) Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate biological functions and depending on your remaining neural wiring may or may not be able to be brought about "together."

3) Unless a doctor has specifically told you the sorts of things I am about to suggest are not applicable and/or have no hope of working in your situation, if I were you I would be sure to ask about and investigate the possibility of any of the following. I do understand that you are not asking about ways to reconstruct a functioning penis or have intercourse - you have accepted your limitations in that area and in fact already found workarounds. You are specifically asking for way(s) in which to deal with ongoing normal sexual desire and physical need for "relief" as you have found no such means yet.

4) As others have mentioned, vibrators or similar devices applied to certain areas of the body might provide nerve stimulation sufficient to bring about the effects you desire. Also, although I have never heard of whether it is done for situations such as yours, I do know that there are nerve stimulator devices which are applied to the spinal column itself, with the purpose normally being to block/cancel out chronic pain from back & spine problems. Because as I said the nerve pathway is penis-spine-brain, perhaps the use of a device, whether a "toy" like a vibrator or something implantable, could provide you with a means of experiencing ejaculation and/or orgasm again. If I were you and I had not already done so, I would ask for a referral to a neurologist and/or neurosurgeon to discuss possibilities. Certainly you should do this as soon as possible in case the options are in any way limited after the upcoming implementation of the Affordable Care Act ("Obamacare"). Of course, your options may also be limited by any ongoing treatments you may be receiving for your cancer.

5) If you continue to be plagued by unrelievable sexual tension, you should discuss with your doctor the possibility of treatment aimed at decreasing your libido and/or somehow dealing with that tension. For example, while it is unlikely any doctor is going to be willing to recommend let alone go through with a physical castration operation for you, perhaps a "chemical castration" might be considered to deal with your libido. And again I am not a doctor but a thought that would run through my mind and that I would ask my doctor about if it were me is --- well, I know that male hormones are implicated in increasing the chances of cancer or increasing the aggressiveness of existing cancer - perhaps even increasing the odds of a recurrence of treated cancer. Your male hormones at the very least put you at increased risk of prostate cancer, perhaps more so since you have already had penile cancer. So perhaps a chemical treatment aimed at reducing those male hormones might have additional benefit for you as far as reducing those risks as well. Nonetheless this is not something to be pursued lightly, because a lack of male hormones could also have other undesired affects such as loss of muscle mass and strength, general fatigue, etc. But this whole area is a reasonable question to ask your doctor.

6. Finally, whatever you do as far as dealing with your own need for help with your sexual tension, do continue to consider the use of other "toys" as an aid in helping with your ongoing relationship with your wife. As just one example, devices such as "strap-ons" while not doing anything for your physical pleasure might not only provide a way of bringing pleasure to your wife but might also give you some enhanced mental esteem and pleasure in enhancing a feeling of "being one flesh" with your wife.

Once again, I commend you - and am humbled - by the strength you have shown in dealing with your situation.

 

Like others have said far more eloquently you can orgasm what you cannot do is ejaculate. There are many books on how to orgasm without ejaculation. What you have to do is start to change how you look at sex. Before it was about you sticking your penis in her and ejaculation now you need to make the move to sex being an intimate encounter where you orgasm. My heart goes out to you but the last thing you should do is give up on hope. You can still have a great sex life without ejaculation.

 

Didn't you have to have radiation therapy or chemo?

Do you have any remnant of erectile tissue? It may be internal. If you have, can you stimulate it using the same technique you use with your wife's clitoris?

Have you spoken to a reconstructive specialist? There are other areas that you can stimulate too. Do you have a prostrate? Have you googled for info?

This story is hard to believe by the way. No radiation, no chemo, no outlet for urine and ejaculate and fluids from the prostrate gland. Why can't you ejaculate if you have testicles ?

 

This thread was from May! I take it the OP never came back. And just in case the thread is real, the doctor and other specialists should
have gone over the things he can and can not do. I couldn't imagine under going something like that with no info on what to do or expect.
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