Wow. Just wow. It is great that you have accepted responsbility for your actions. After a year apart i would say chances are minimal that he will take you back. Obviously despite his unconditional love for you his line in the sand was a Physical Affair.

All you can do from now on is to continue to learn and better yourself as a person, so hopefully in the future you can be a good partner to another man.

That said if ex husband sees that you have moved on along with the genuine, remorseful changes you have made in your life he just might reconsider and take you back.

But after a year apart the more time that passes the less hope there is.

Wishing you all the best.

 

Wow. Just wow. It is great that you have accepted responsbility for your actions. After a year apart i would say chances are minimal that he will take you back. Obviously despite his unconditional love for you his line in the sand was a Physical Affair.

Your "Wow. Just wow," send shivers down my spine, but I get it. I do. Pretty bad, huh? His line in the sand, as he explained it was, three strikes, you're out. First he registered his concern with my preoccupation with texting; then he discovered the disgusting texts and pictures exchanged between myself and OM, and third strike is when he assumed it was a PA.
I appreciate your support.

Sounds like he's moved on.
You should probably do the same.
Posted via Mobile Device

He has moved on but I cannot do the same. There is no place for me to go.

So what was it about the POS you craved so much
sex different..better..kinkier
Just compliments
The thrill of deceit

The Power was intoxicating and the ego trip.

Your cheating was not out of character.
Your actions define you.

Books have been written on that subject. Is my character defined by the 46 years I lived before my affair, the 9 months of my affair or the year that has passed since the affair? I am not necessarily making a statement, I am asking a question?

 

Sounds like he's moved on.

You should probably do the same.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

So what was it about the POS you craved so much

sex different..better..kinkier

Just compliments

The thrill of deceit

 

I am new here. Joined today. If I am posting in the wrong section please let me know. I looked over the different options and this seemed to apply.

I will start this by saying that I cheated on my husband. I really do not understand how or why I could have done such a thing because it is so deeply out of character. I have always been a nice girl, loving and faithful wife, and a good mother. It was not a case of temporary insanity because I had many reality checks along the way but always found a way to keep the affair going. I cannot say I was unhappy because, before the affair, I was happy nearly all the time. I can’t say that it “just happened.” It didn’t. I allowed it to happen.

My husband was so good to me, loved and pampered me to such extremes, I cannot believe I did this to him. We were together over 25 years and he was the most loving and caring person I have ever met and the first person to love me unconditionally. I love him with all my heart and always will but I still cheated on him. I do not know what possessed me!!!!! What was I thinking????? He forgave me for some inappropriate texting but once he learned the affair went physical, he walked away and never looked back. Our divorce was final last month and I am dying. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop weeping and the stress and sadness is sometimes overwhelming. I’ve lost a husband who literally worshipped the ground I walked on and I also lost the respect of my children as well as many of my friends.

He left me a year ago and I have believed this entire time he would forgive me and take me back. I thought I knew him better than he knew himself. He never gave me any hope that my affair was forgivable, however, throughout the years he had conditioned me to believe he could not live without me. I truly believed he could not live without me. I thought he would give me another chance. I figured that if I got myself into therapy, proved to him how incredibly sorry I was, did the right things, said the right words, that eventually he would give me a chance to prove how so very sorry I am for what I did. That hasn’t happened. Obviously, he can live without me after-all, however, I do not believe I can live without him.

I think sometimes that I literally cannot live another day. It never leaves my mind and there are times that the pain is so great that I just fall apart. Sometimes, out of nowhere my eyes will well up and I began sobbing. Sometimes uncontrollably and anywhere; in a restaurant, at home, at the grocery store, at work, I will suddenly just fall apart. I had a perfect, wonderful and blessed life that for some reason I felt I had to completely trash. My husband was perfect in every way imaginable. He was faithful true and kind to the fullest extent.

When my husband first voiced his concern with the volumn of text messages between me and ‘just a friend’, I was terrified that he would think less of me. He had always had me on this pedestal and I somehow knew that it would be easier to convince him that he was the problem and not me, so I proceeded to tear him down, convincing him that he was narrow minded, controlling and just plain jealous. I convinced him that he was the one who needed therapy. Not a proud moment.

Some months later he found some inappropriate texts and pictures between me and OM, but, by this time I had become the liar and cheater and everything in between that I loathed in a person. I was also deep in the fog. I loved my husband but truly needed to continue my relationship with OM so we took it underground. We bought burner phones, set up new email accounts and would meet whenever possible. At this point it was not a PA and that’s where I drew the line. I enjoyed being able to drive OM crazy, he complimented me like crazy and he was always starving to see me.

I never intended for the affair to get physical. I had myself convinced that it was just some harmless fun. I was not looking for love or sex, my husband gave me an abundancy of both, however, I had become addicted to the attention and I used sex to make sure I continued to get it. Sick, I know it.

I am not expecting anyone to understand this because, after all this time, I do not understand it myself. It is something I just did. I cannot tell you how I wish I could undo it. I wake up crying when I realize it is not just awful dream. I actually did this. I deserve absolutely no pity or compassion from my husband, my children, friends, family nor anyone reading these words. I did not confess to my infidelity. My husband caught me and I will never forget how horrible it was. With tears in his eyes he shouted and screamed at me. He wanted to know how could I do this to him, to us, to our family…..My God. I don’t know. All the while I stood there shaking, ashamed, humiliated and in shock, knowing there was nothing I could say.

The most awful, heartbreaking and terrifying thing I remember about that day was witnessing his love and care for me turn into pure hatred and distain. I hate me too. I hate every day. I am in therapy and although I have a little more insight into why I did the things I did, it certainly does not excuse my behavior. My now X-husband is a beautiful person, a wonderful man and a great father and yet, I cheated on him anyway. I do not know what I was thinking and I still do not know what is wrong with me. I have always loved him so much. I adore him and know that I do not want to live this life without him. How could I have hurt him the way I did. I do not know how to fix what I’ve broken and I do not even know what is broken within me. One of my therapist said it was my attempt at self-medicating a traumatic childhood. If that be the case, I am here to say that it did not work, it only left me feeling angry, empty and filled with more self-loathing. My upbringing was inconsistent and horrifically verbally and physically abusive particularly from my daddy; so yes, I have serious daddy issues, but I never had issues with my husband.

Why did I write all this? Because I want my husband back and I will wait for him. What else can I do. I have done a lot of reading in this forum and others and it seems that in most cases, eventually the BS will give the marriage or relationship another chance. My now XH said he could make no promises. that the divorce is something he had to do for now and that who knows what the future might hold. He told me to live my life and that one day he might be knocking on my door; or not.

My question to you is very selfish, I know. Most or all here have experienced betrayal. After hearing my story, and considering your experiences with this forum, do you think there is much chance for me to get another chance? Hope was wonderful this last year, but since the divorce, I find it very difficult to hold on to hope.

Please, try not to bash me. I have already lost everything. There is nothing you could say to me that I do not already know. I am asking for something constructive to help me either, move on with my life, or continue in this holding pattern indefinitely. I would so appreciate any and all advice because I truly do not know how to move forward.

Did the affair ever go physical? If so for how long?

The highlighted portion tells me he has not closed the door but he has not left it wide open either. The only thing you can do now is work on you- become a better you. I'm not going to lie for some BSs it is simply a deal break and even if you do R it will take YEARS to recover somewhat form this.

Aside form therapy are you doing any reading about affairs? How are oyu dealing with your kids?

 

She mentioned that it went physical, which is what prompted her ex to file.

She also mentioned that she has no idea why she did it, what allowed her to do it, how to fix it, etc. And I'll bet that her ex is aware of this.

My guess is that he fed her a line about not knowing what the future holds to grease the wheels on the divorce.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

One 30 second video uses 100x the bandwidth that quoted text took. Relax.

 

Read @tears

 

Well I'd guess the marriage wasn't as perfect as you describe and you've romanticized it in your desire to get him back.

It's imperative you understand why it happened and why made the choices you did.

When I say the marriage wasn't perfect I'm not suggesting your hb wasn't an impeccable hb, I'm sure he was. I'm saying that it's highly unlikely in 25 years you guys didn't have normal issues like everyone else.

So take an honest look at your marriage and why you made the decisions you did. Whether your hb takes you back or not you need to understand this, and he might be more inclined to reconsider if he knows you get it.

See right now you've lost everything so of course you feel terrible, but you don't know why you did it.

That is a problem.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Agree 100% now is the time for digging and uncovering why you made the cvhoices you did. You are still not a safe partner for your XH - you need to keep working on yourself that is the only think you have control over at this point.

Remember "R" is not an entitlement or a guarantee the only thing you can truly control is becoming a better you.

 

Sorry.

Has your ex started dating?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Wishes thank you for writing a very hard & poignant reflection on you last year and yourself journey, I pray that others will read it not with distain but with gratitude that there remorseful people in this world, I truly hope you find peace. Perhaps in being with someone else your husband will it in him to realize that there may be magic left between you too.

 

BTW. Many betrayed do simply divorce.

It is pretty common.

Keep bettering yourself and become a healthy individual.

Who knows?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Op do you have any similarities with this please dont fib we dont know who you are

http://i.imgur.com/X98dKaX.png

 

There's no hope for us good guys is there?
Maybe change my name to constantlylookingovershoulder
:wink2:

 

Well you can't do anything about the past all you have is today. Keep working on yourself and move forward.

 

I almost feel sympathy for you as you are in so much pain, but I can imagine your husband was in more pain when he found out about your affair. I would move on with your life, odds are he is going to. From what I have read not many husbands take their wives back after they have an affair, especially if it has gone physical. Wives tend to be more forgiving when their husband cheats. Your husband divorced you so I think he was telling you that he is done. If he hadn't of then I would think there was more of a chance that he would have forgiven you. As to why did you cheat when you had such a good marriage, I'm thinking like a lot of cheaters, you loved the attention and how desired you felt when you were with him.

 

You want to know why you cheated on your husband? It's because you are a person of low moral character. I don't say that to be cruel or to look down on you as I'm not a righteous person, either. You say you love your husband, but when he expressed concerns over the volume of text messages, what did you do? You tore him down, you tried to convince him that he was narrow-minded, controlling, and just plain jealous (your words). You convinced him that he was the one who needed therapy. You were so open-minded, you took the emotional affair underground until it turned into a physical affair. You didn't care about your husband's feelings until it was too late.

Go read Lonely Husband's thread on his wife's infidelity. It may help you with your situation. His wife injected a toxin into his soul with her affair, just as you did to your husband. In his case, he leaned on God to restore his marriage. He and his wife started praying together. They sought counseling not only from a secular marriage counselor, but from their pastor as well.

There are only a handful of people who can help expel the poison from your husband's heart. That's God, you, and maybe his next wife or girlfriend. He may be too proud to ask you to help him heal, as he would rather stew in his disgust, hatred, pain, and depression and allow it to slowly eat away at him until he dies a broken man. Offer to help him heal the brokenness that you caused by going to marriage counseling. Be completely transparent with him. Don't just tell him you're sorry; rather humble yourself before your husband and beg him for his forgiveness. Saying "I'm sorry" means nothing; anybody can say that. Say "Please forgive me" or "I ask for your forgiveness" as those words are more contrite and humbling. Seek forgiveness from God, your husband, and your children. Rather than spend your waking hours letting this pain consume you, why not pour your heart out before the Lord and ask Him to restore your marriage. Even if you are not religious, what would it hurt to give God a try? Pray without ceasing, if the restoration of your marriage is that important to you. I speak from experience; that when you cry out to God from the depth of your soul, He will hear you and He will answer you. Just don't give up if He doesn't answer right when you want Him to.

In my humble opinion, only truly remorseful spouses deserve a second chance. You seem very remorseful but now you have to do the heavy lifting.

 

The biggest favor my ex husband did me was to cheat on me (my H feels the same about his ex wifes infidelity). It gave us the opportunity to leave a marriage were we we not cherished,* respected,* valued,* and find someone who would give us all those things and more.*

This is one thing I'd never forgive in a relationship. You had your chance to reconcile when the texting was going on, sounds like you missed the boat. Let this poor guy move on.

"My now XH said he could make no promises. that the divorce is something he had to do for now and that who knows what the future might hold. He told me to live my life and that one day he might be knocking on my door; or not."

This is probably just to appease you and get the hell out of the marriage with the least possibly resistance.

 

Some cannot get over infidelity so do the right thing and move on quickly.

I suspect your husband knew his capabilities and decided not to waste time/life on this.

If that is the case he's done you a favor and not put out hope that this marriage could continue.

You need to understand this and move on like he has. I assume he filed almost immediately after he found out. If you were caught in the act itself it may explain why there could have been no way to fix this.

 

Wishes -I think TAM can help you. This forum is filled with folks who are hurting and might lash out at you if you seem too much like their WS - but even that can help you see the pain that I'm sure you ExH tried not to let you see.

You say you don't know why you did this. That answer will ensure that you don't heal and you don't have a chance at R.

Instead, take your time and explore the A step by step with us. You might discover something.

For example, how did it start? Was it online? In person with a neighbor? Friend? Old acquaintance? Coworker?

Was he older of younger? Good looking? Better looking than H? Be objective and honest. Married or in a relationship?

What did he initially say or do that caught your attention?

It's important to understand how your boundaries were weakened and eventually discarded.

Start there

 

Although it's to late for your xH you need to fix yourself for the rest of your life.

Do this for you. Everyone has a choice in life. Consequences follow the actions we make/take.

Therapy is a good place to start. Take your X's advice and don't waste your life waiting for him.

 

You say that your husband put you on a pedestal, treated you well all the time, loved you unconditionally (he appears to have had at least one condition, though), and gave you the sense that he would forgive you.

It seems to me that this is why you did what you did. You felt entitled. You wanted your cake and eat it, too. Lots of people break the hearts of the people who love them, assuming (often rightly) that they won't face divorce. I don't think your 'why' is that complex. I think you believed you could get away with it even if you got caught, so it was worth the risk. The OM made you feel good for whatever reason and you didn't think you had to stop yourself.

I hope you are leaving your H in peace so that he can heal and move on with his life. You should try harder to move on with yours, in my opinion. Go to counseling and make an effort to give back to society so that you stop focusing so much of your energy on yourself. That is what got you into this in the first place. Try to become a better person by showing some selfless behavior.

 

My question to you is very selfish, I know. Most or all here have experienced betrayal. After hearing my story, and considering your experiences with this forum, do you think there is much chance for me to get another chance? Hope was wonderful this last year, but since the divorce, I find it very difficult to hold on to hope.

Please, try not to bash me. I have already lost everything. There is nothing you could say to me that I do not already know. I am asking for something constructive to help me either, move on with my life, or continue in this holding pattern indefinitely. I would so appreciate any and all advice because I truly do not know how to move forward.

Wishes,

A few things for you to know. I believe agenda is a troll, so read posts with a grain of salt, and if a disagreement ensues, don't get pulled into it. Just bear in mind that not all people are hear 'to be helpful'--in fact I suggest that you read EVERYONE's posts with that same thought in mind. It may assist you in winnowing productive advice from less-than-productive advice.

Second, I also had/have an AMAZING dear hubby, and I also was unfaithful, so I've been in your shoes. So I say this to you as someone who is not a bitter loyal spouse (not that all are bitter, but rather I meant that's just not where I'm coming from), but a recovered disloyal spouse:

It's time you accept something, and I mean wrap your head and arms and life and mind around it--you hit your marriage with a nuclear bomb and destroyed it. It is dead and gone. And when you hit someone with a nuclear bomb, they do not owe you a second chance.

Now I'm not trying to make you feel bad here. I actually care about you! I'm trying to reduce your pain by helping you to accept something that you are denying: reality. I know it makes you feel like the dog poop on the bottom of a worm's shoe, but the truth is that the responsibility for your choices is you--and of all the choices in the universe that you could have chosen, you picked "be unfaithful" rather than being honest and facing the truth.

When an adult person makes that choice, the just and reasonable consequence to that decision is to lose the person to whom you are being unfaithful--outright LOSE them. Never see them again. Never hear from them again. Never smell their cologne or feel their touch or taste their lips. A second chance IS NOT to be expected!!

I tell you this, because you say that you thought you knew him better than he knew himself, and it sounds to me as if you had the expectation in your head that if you did and/or said the right "magic words" that you expected him to give you a second chance. Nope. That's not how it works.

Here's how it works: envision murder. Your dear hubby was alive and you made a choice and did an action that resulted in his death. He is DEAD now. And you can not say magic words to make him be alive or make him be "the way it was." Even if he did, somehow, by some miracle, come back to life, as a result of the action you took, he would be forever changed--maybe paralyzed or brain damaged or scarred. That is reality.

So no second chance is owed to you, and if by the grace of God he did give you a second chance, whatever you'd have would be ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than what you had before. HE would be forever profoundly changed. You will also be forever profoundly changed--and you get to choose if you are changed for the better or for the worse. You can choose if you are going to grow as a person and face your issues and mature...or if you are going to continue to run from yourself and continue to make immature choices.

I'm not going to tell you if you should "wait and hope" he gives you a second chance or if you should give up hope and move on. That is YOUR choice to make. What I am going to tell you is that it is not JUSTICE for you to expect him to give you a second chance. You dropped a bomb on the marriage and what that was is now nuclear waste. It's gone. Stop looking for that second chance and start facing the fact that "the way it was" is dead and gone.

If you want to embrace that the old marriage is dead and can not be revived, and you still choose to take the time to show him you have changed--with your ACTIONS and not your WORDS--then that is your choice. You can choose that, it's cool. But bear in mind you made the choice to willingly, voluntarily WAIT and give him the time he may need. It may be forever. He may not be able to get passed it and that is HIS choice to make.

Okay?

 

Have missed you around here, @Affaircare

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

 

I hear your pain, but after getting caught with all the texting that did not stop you, you took it underground, so to my mind, you would still be at it until your poor long suffering H actually caught you. You didn't stop for one moment to think about he was hurting, as the saying goes, what goes around comes around.
Unfortunately, in life there are usually consequences. Most of your post is about poor you, someone once wrote that cheaters usually go through a 3 fold process to pull the wool over the eyes of the BS,

charm their way out
use indignant anger
self- pity

I bet you tried all three and now are in the self pity mode. I am sorry to say (and happy for your poor H) he has moved on and I hope he finds a woman who will treat him the way he deserves.
I am not buying your sob story about your past, many of us have Daddy issues, ****ty upbringing, etc that's a pile of BS and you know it. You made your bed dearie, now lie in it.

 

Affaircare,
nice to see you online and as usual a balanced, considerate and compassionate response

 

I am new here. Joined today. If I am posting in the wrong section please let me know. I looked over the different options and this seemed to apply.

I will start this by saying that I cheated on my husband. I really do not understand how or why I could have done such a thing because it is so deeply out of character. I have always been a nice girl, loving and faithful wife, and a good mother. It was not a case of temporary insanity because I had many reality checks along the way but always found a way to keep the affair going. I cannot say I was unhappy because, before the affair, I was happy nearly all the time. I can’t say that it “just happened.” It didn’t. I allowed it to happen.

My husband was so good to me, loved and pampered me to such extremes, I cannot believe I did this to him. We were together over 25 years and he was the most loving and caring person I have ever met and the first person to love me unconditionally. I love him with all my heart and always will but I still cheated on him. I do not know what possessed me!!!!! What was I thinking????? He forgave me for some inappropriate texting but once he learned the affair went physical, he walked away and never looked back. Our divorce was final last month and I am dying. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop weeping and the stress and sadness is sometimes overwhelming. I’ve lost a husband who literally worshipped the ground I walked on and I also lost the respect of my children as well as many of my friends.

He left me a year ago and I have believed this entire time he would forgive me and take me back. I thought I knew him better than he knew himself. He never gave me any hope that my affair was forgivable, however, throughout the years he had conditioned me to believe he could not live without me. I truly believed he could not live without me. I thought he would give me another chance. I figured that if I got myself into therapy, proved to him how incredibly sorry I was, did the right things, said the right words, that eventually he would give me a chance to prove how so very sorry I am for what I did. That hasn’t happened. Obviously, he can live without me after-all, however, I do not believe I can live without him.

I think sometimes that I literally cannot live another day. It never leaves my mind and there are times that the pain is so great that I just fall apart. Sometimes, out of nowhere my eyes will well up and I began sobbing. Sometimes uncontrollably and anywhere; in a restaurant, at home, at the grocery store, at work, I will suddenly just fall apart. I had a perfect, wonderful and blessed life that for some reason I felt I had to completely trash. My husband was perfect in every way imaginable. He was faithful true and kind to the fullest extent.

When my husband first voiced his concern with the volumn of text messages between me and ‘just a friend’, I was terrified that he would think less of me. He had always had me on this pedestal and I somehow knew that it would be easier to convince him that he was the problem and not me, so I proceeded to tear him down, convincing him that he was narrow minded, controlling and just plain jealous. I convinced him that he was the one who needed therapy. Not a proud moment.

Some months later he found some inappropriate texts and pictures between me and OM, but, by this time I had become the liar and cheater and everything in between that I loathed in a person. I was also deep in the fog. I loved my husband but truly needed to continue my relationship with OM so we took it underground. We bought burner phones, set up new email accounts and would meet whenever possible. At this point it was not a PA and that’s where I drew the line. I enjoyed being able to drive OM crazy, he complimented me like crazy and he was always starving to see me.

I never intended for the affair to get physical. I had myself convinced that it was just some harmless fun. I was not looking for love or sex, my husband gave me an abundancy of both, however, I had become addicted to the attention and I used sex to make sure I continued to get it. Sick, I know it.

I am not expecting anyone to understand this because, after all this time, I do not understand it myself. It is something I just did. I cannot tell you how I wish I 29E7743B-91B2-4E5E-AFA3-BBD0FB4A24CD undo it. I wake up crying when I realize it is not just awful dream. I actually did this. I deserve absolutely no pity or compassion from my husband, my children, friends, family nor anyone reading these words. I did not confess to my infidelity. My husband caught me and I will never forget how horrible it was. With tears in his eyes he shouted and screamed at me. He wanted to know how could I do this to him, to us, to our family…..My God. I don’t know. All the while I stood there shaking, ashamed, humiliated and in shock, knowing there was nothing I could say.

The most awful, heartbreaking and terrifying thing I remember about that day was witnessing his love and care for me turn into pure hatred and distain. I hate me too. I hate every day. I am in therapy and although I have a little more insight into why I did the things I did, it certainly does not excuse my behavior. My now X-husband is a beautiful person, a wonderful man and a great father and yet, I cheated on him anyway. I do not know what I was thinking and I still do not know what is wrong with me. I have always loved him so much. I adore him and know that I do not want to live this life without him. How could I have hurt him the way I did. I do not know how to fix what I’ve broken and I do not even know what is broken within me. One of my therapist said it was my attempt at self-medicating a traumatic childhood. If that be the case, I am here to say that it did not work, it only left me feeling angry, empty and filled with more self-loathing. My upbringing was inconsistent and horrifically verbally and physically abusive particularly from my daddy; so yes, I have serious daddy issues, but I never had issues with my husband.

Why did I write all this? Because I want my husband back and I will wait for him. What else can I do. I have done a lot of reading in this forum and others and it seems that in most cases, eventually the BS will give the marriage or relationship another chance. My now XH said he could make no promises. that the divorce is something he had to do for now and that who knows what the future might hold. He told me to live my life and that one day he might be knocking on my door; or not.

My question to you is very selfish, I know. Most or all here have experienced betrayal. After hearing my story, and considering your experiences with this forum, do you think there is much chance for me to get another chance? Hope was wonderful this last year, but since the divorce, I find it very difficult to hold on to hope.

Please, try not to bash me. I have already lost everything. There is nothing you could say to me that I do not already know. I am asking for something constructive to help me either, move on with my life, or continue in this holding pattern indefinitely. I would so appreciate any and all advice because I truly do not know how to move forward.

OP,
This is very problematic. Without the knowledge and subsequent understanding of why you did this how can your exH know, with any degree of certainty, that you will not repeat this behavior?

Until you discover the answer as to why and how you could do such a thing you will not be a good spouse to anyone. It is easy to divert blame by claiming ignorance but in reality you are, at your heart, a very selfish, self serving immature person.

Until you can come to grips with that and truly change, from the core of your being, if that is even possible, then your ExH would be taking a huge risk in reconciling with you. In fact, any dedicated man would be risking injury by entering into a relationship with you.

You mentioned how deeply you love your exH but there is someone you love much much more, yourself. It is highly unlikely that you will/can see and accept this fact but you will continue to be a very high risk investment until you do.

If you have any real concern for your exH do not even attempt to rejoin with him until you correct this issue. Does he not deserve at least that? Your willingness to attempt reconciliation with him in your current state shows that you are more desirous of your wants than his safety for without an understanding of your actions you cannot guarantee that you will not repeat this behavior.

And you will then have the knowledge that he forgave you once and will most likely do so again. You are feeling your pain and loss but until you can truly feel his and place his happiness above your own, then you are simply continuing to act out of selfishness.

Severe hardship does occasionally spur growth and perhaps this has caused you to experience a small amount but you have much more to learn about yourself, you're not there yet, not by a long shot.

Continue to work on bettering you and allow your exH to find someone who will put him above all else. If you truly care for him, his happiness would supersede your own and that is what you would want for him. I wish you good fortune as you attempt to grow up.

 

Here is the thing, i can't tell you he moved on because we don't know what he is going through, for all we know he can be reading this and feeling the same way.

In my case when i discovered the affair i was hurting for a while and for as much as i wanted to fix things between us, my anger and hate for both was so big that any attempt to fix things would had failed. The best move at that moment was to make no moves at all. I just decided to remove myself from the equation, and go find me again, learn to let go of that episode and that hate that i had in me. Would i consider ever fixing things with her? I can't answer that yet.

I believe he is hurting but he removed himself to avoid hurting you or doing something that later he will regret. Have faith, don't beg and move on. Work on you, start doing activities that will help you build yourself back, and you never know, maybe one day he will be at the corner waiting for you to say hi.

 

This would be a good read to put yourself in his shoes.

Most folks only think of themselves. It's all about your feelings/pain, etc.

Things that every wayward spouse needs to know - LoveShack.org Community Forums