[Complexity]

Two weeks ago my wife cheated on me when I was out of town working. She cheated on me with one of her co-workers, and she has lied to me about everything. I didn't find out the truth until the guy she cheated on me with told me. We recently found out she was pregnant with possibly our 2nd child and she don't know whether it's mine or his. What should I do, please help, I am begging. My chest hurts all the time, I have forgave her, but the pain is still there. I have visions of them being together, I find it hard to trust anything she say's. I miss what we or what I thought we had. I am hurting so bad, I can't take this, I feel like I am losing my mind. Please Help, all advice will be appreciated.

wtf, she cheated 2 weeks ago, possibly pregnant with the other man's child and you already forgave her?!?!

 

[SprucHub]

Sorry for what has happened. The answer is to check state law - if she gives birth while you are married, you are likely on the hook regardless of paternity (or in for a real legal battle to try and get such presumption overturned or sue the real father for paternity payments). I recommend divorcing immediately, with an option to reconcile after divorce is finalized - protect yourself financially.

Also, her saying she is not certain of paternity means it ain't yours. Sorry!

 

[keko]

wtf, she cheated 2 weeks ago, possibly pregnant with the other man's child and you already forgave her?!?!

She's probably been pregnant for some time and only realized it now = she's been sleeping around much more then what OP thinks.

 

[Thorburn]

I am going to put on my theological hat for a second. I doubt that you forgave her based upon what you wrote. Forgiving does not mean you have to stay with her. Did you say I forgive you to her because you are afraid of her leaving you or you want things to be as they were? They will never be the same. Your body is telling you that you have been hurt deeply. For most people who forgive it is a process where you will have to forgive over and over again. Do not look at it as a once and done thing. Some people are quick to jump on the "I forgive you" wagon too soon.

Take your time - give it a week and see where you are at.

 

[Acabado]

About the marriage; she didn't get pregnant by a ONS. At. All. There's way more into this. Demand full disclosure, to back up with a poligraph. Demand total, inmmediate NC with POSOM and the transparence tools to verify it. Then put the whole thing on her roof: to seek help about how to rebuild the marriage after infidelity (books, IC, MC.... whatever), she's the one to carry the load.

About the potential OC (other child), don't tell her to get an abortion (you don't mention the word) but put it crystal clear you won't raise another man's child ever, under no circunstance and you will be sure he's yours before you accept him as yours. And the you won't ever reconcile the marriage if the child is finnaly OMs (making NC preacticaly imposible). The pregnancy is a completely different animal than the marriage.

 

[Paulination]

I am hurting so bad, I can't take this, I feel like I am losing my mind. Please Help, all advice will be appreciated.

Take a deep breath buddy and lets talk this thing through. First, what happened when you confronted her? Is she remorseful? Is she in love with this guy? What are some of the particulars about the situation and the aftermath?

Don't worry about length. TAM is one of the few place where long posts are often appreciated because these situations require details to evaluate properly.

 

[Acabado]

Also, please, talk to a local lawyer. Protect your self from the potential scenarios. It can become so horrible... imagine your wife run off with OM and child but you are forced to pay for 18 years without a say about OC. This sh!t happens, everyday. There are deadlines and such after you can't say anything about it.

 

[Crazy8]

I hate situations like this. She cheats and you pay the price. If she aborts, then she might resent you for her having to abort (even though the choice is hers) or if you leave, then it looks like you're abandoning her while she's pregnant. Love it, she cheats and you turn into the bad guy with any decision that's made.

Who cares if she resents him? What about his resentment of her? She's lost all rights to any resentful feelings at this point.

At this point he should have a billboard made with a picture of her saying "If you've slept with this woman call this hotline. You may have an STD."

He's not the bad guy. No matter how this is spun. He didn't cheat.

Abortion shouldn't even be mentioned. Right now, it's her baby, let her figure it out.

And to the OP. Don't forgive her, man. You lose if you do that. It may be a slow loss, but it's still a loss. And you might lose respect for yourself.

I had a girl cheat on me twice. I blame her for the 1st one. I blame myself for the 2nd one. She still wanted to be with me after that, but I told her she should've thought of that before she cheated a second time. I should've dumped her the 1st time. One and done, buddy. You've got to be strong. Don't let her dictate to you anything at this point. She lost that right.

 

[Shaggy]

If the OM is married tell his wife

Report both of them to hr

Have a DNA test if it's not yours put it up for adoption

Ask your wife seriously. For ten reasons you should let her continue to be in your life.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[bryanp]

You have forgiven her for cheating on you.
You have forgiven her for putting your health at risk for STD's.
You have forgiven her for not respecting you enough to even use protection.
You have forgiven her for possibly getting pregnant by the OM.
..........WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?...........

You need to get tested for STD's now.
You need to contact an attorney to understand your options.
She clearly has no respect for you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Nobody and I mean nobody respects a doormat.

Is it possible that she thought if she did get caught then you would forgive her immediately and therefore had nothing to lose? If she knew that you would have automatically divorced her if she cheated would she have cheated?

If the roles were reversed and you cheated with your lover and got her pregnant, do you think your wife would have automatically forgiven you as you have her? Do you feel special and proud that you have a wife who tells you she is pregnant but does not know who the father is? See an attorney.

 

[crossbar]

Sorry to disagree, why should he pay the price or took blame for her actions, She is only facing the consequences of her action which she choose to do knowing the consequences.


You should have filed for D yesterday, else you are going to pay child support for another 18 yrs for someones child. This child is going to be a trigger for you for your rest of the life.

Do the paternity test on your first child first, then give her the D papers.

All I'm saying is what it would look like to other people. Yeah, I know you're going to tell me that it doesn't matter what other people think and you would be right. Still doesn't change the fact that he may or may not get a little flack for whatever he decides.

 

[Posse]

All I'm saying is what it would look like to other people. Yeah, I know you're going to tell me that it doesn't matter what other people think and you would be right. Still doesn't change the fact that he may or may not get a little flack for whatever he decides.

Such is life. You can't make everyone happy all of the time.

There are times when you do what must be done and to hell with someone else's tender sensibilities.

 

[deceived]

I am so sorry to hear about your heartache i don't understand why they cheat. I hope you start to feel better soon. hugs <3