I was in a long distance relationship with my gf and she ended up cheating on me. Distance can really do that to people. I'm not an expert, but there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. I've forgiven my girl, but I most certainly will never forget.

Time heals all wounds. I felt like absolute crap for months after that, but I knew that I'd feel like super crap if I had left her. She promised me that it would never happen again and she was lonely. I believe her. Did you wife make any sort of promises/commitments to you and that it was just something stupid?

It does suck, but sometimes, **** just happens...Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Sorry you are here.You might want to try the Coping With Infidelity forum.

 

If she is not sure who the baby is from then there is a lot more to the story then what you've been told.

Go through her phone and emails when she's not around to see how many guys and how many times she's been used.
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Also the guy himself confessed because he doesn't want to be stuck with a child support for 18 years.

He's expecting you'll just accept the fact and go on with your life.
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If I were in that situation it would be divorce or abortion. No other options. Obviously this wouldn't be possible for everyone. I read posts like this and wonder if the guy has any self respect at all.

 

You currently have 1 child. Do a paternity test on this child. Rather cheap, under $100?


If you stay with her, you would be stuck paying/raising someone else's child for 18 to 23 years.

You should separate your finances/assets from her's.

You should separate from your wife and initiate divorce proceedings. Let the divorce stretch out till after the baby is born. Do a paternity test then. (Or, you can do paternity tests in utero BUT it would be more expensive.)

The above is the simple answer. Whether you're emotionally capable of doing so and protecting yourself is all up to you.

 

I wouldn't bring up abortion. Let her have the baby and be labeled an office slvt. I'm sure her parents will be proud of her.
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One hurt husband I'm so sorry that your going through this..it's just awful. I hope you have family or friends who are able to support you right now?

I would ask the moderators to move this post to 'Coping with infidelity' ... theres alot of folk there who know about affairs first hand and can offer more help.

All the best.

 

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Divorce her

Should seen
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Obviously, since she is pregnant with another man's child (quite possible), she did not use condoms/protection when she had sex with others.

So, for you, no sex with her while you both get tested for STDs. Be aware that HIV may take up to 6 months to show up in a test.


Note that the other man did not have to tell you. Why he did could be interesting.

Note also your wife is not going to tell you the whole truth. That's just the way it is.

 

Try to keep your chin up buddy. The people on this forum have been excellent for me and I am sure they will be for you too. Don't do anything without thinking it through first (i.e., no knee jerk decisions).

 

I am a betrayed spouse and I feel your pain.

First get a DNA on the baby. If you agree to raise a child that is not yours you will have to pay child support if you ever decide to divorce.

Get the other man to pay to raise this child, now, if it is not yours and you try to reconcile.

 

I hate situations like this. She cheats and you pay the price. If she aborts, then she might resent you for her having to abort (even though the choice is hers) or if you leave, then it looks like you're abandoning her while she's pregnant. Love it, she cheats and you turn into the bad guy with any decision that's made.

 

Sorry to disagree, why should he pay the price or took blame for her actions, She is only facing the consequences of her action which she choose to do knowing the consequences.


You should have filed for D yesterday, else you are going to pay child support for another 18 yrs for someones child. This child is going to be a trigger for you for your rest of the life.

Do the paternity test on your first child first, then give her the D papers.

 

"Two weeks ago my wife cheated on me when I was out of town working. She cheated on me with one of her co-workers, and she has lied to me about everything. I didn't find out the truth until the guy she cheated on me with told me. We recently found out she was pregnant with possibly our 2nd child and she don't know whether it's mine or his."

She has been cheating on you longer than 2 weeks ago. Since the OM found out she is pregnant -- he is done using her -- and now wants out.

BTW -- when was the last time you and the wife had sex. Get the timeline -- when she got pregnant -- it may not be so hard to figure out.

How along is she -- and map it out.

 

:iagree:

Absolutely right on all points. She's been cheating with OM for a long long time. Affair sex = unprotected sex in 99.99 percent of affairs. The condom gets in the way of the rush and feeling of the hot sex. Now she's pregnant, OM is done with her....for now.

Do not, under any circumstances, sign or get on the birth certificate. The clock is now ticking, because in many states, even though OM might be the biological father, the OC will be considered a child of the marriage.

Check the dates you had sex with her. Usually, when they are in the PA, they will resist having sex with their betrayed husband because they hate it. Read this link from a cheater forum:

Affair Discussion Forum - Trying to have sex with H

 

I was cheated by my WW several times in 25 years. Every time I was devastated, and she was NEVER EVER SORRY for her behavior. She still isn't. Now she lives in a fantasy that she is not guilty, and it was mistake of all OMs. Even when she left her home to stay with a married man for 6 months (Newly married, just 1 day before), it was HIS mistake that he sweat-talked her (as per her words).

And every time, it was PA.

I am sorry for you. I can understand how you feel, and can DEFINITELY tell you that time does heal (Although not completely).

 

My stomach actually turned reading that thread.

 

Two weeks ago my wife cheated on me when I was out of town working. She cheated on me with one of her co-workers, and she has lied to me about everything. I didn't find out the truth until the guy she cheated on me with told me. We recently found out she was pregnant with possibly our 2nd child and she don't know whether it's mine or his. What should I do, please help, I am begging. My chest hurts all the time, I have forgave her, but the pain is still there. I have visions of them being together, I find it hard to trust anything she say's. I miss what we or what I thought we had. I am hurting so bad, I can't take this, I feel like I am losing my mind. Please Help, all advice will be appreciated.

wtf, she cheated 2 weeks ago, possibly pregnant with the other man's child and you already forgave her?!?!

 

She's probably been pregnant for some time and only realized it now = she's been sleeping around much more then what OP thinks.

 

Sorry for what has happened. The answer is to check state law - if she gives birth while you are married, you are likely on the hook regardless of paternity (or in for a real legal battle to try and get such presumption overturned or sue the real father for paternity payments). I recommend divorcing immediately, with an option to reconcile after divorce is finalized - protect yourself financially.

Also, her saying she is not certain of paternity means it ain't yours. Sorry!

 

I am going to put on my theological hat for a second. I doubt that you forgave her based upon what you wrote. Forgiving does not mean you have to stay with her. Did you say I forgive you to her because you are afraid of her leaving you or you want things to be as they were? They will never be the same. Your body is telling you that you have been hurt deeply. For most people who forgive it is a process where you will have to forgive over and over again. Do not look at it as a once and done thing. Some people are quick to jump on the "I forgive you" wagon too soon.

Take your time - give it a week and see where you are at.

 

About the marriage; she didn't get pregnant by a ONS. At. All. There's way more into this. Demand full disclosure, to back up with a poligraph. Demand total, inmmediate NC with POSOM and the transparence tools to verify it. Then put the whole thing on her roof: to seek help about how to rebuild the marriage after infidelity (books, IC, MC.... whatever), she's the one to carry the load.

About the potential OC (other child), don't tell her to get an abortion (you don't mention the word) but put it crystal clear you won't raise another man's child ever, under no circunstance and you will be sure he's yours before you accept him as yours. And the you won't ever reconcile the marriage if the child is finnaly OMs (making NC preacticaly imposible). The pregnancy is a completely different animal than the marriage.

 

I am hurting so bad, I can't take this, I feel like I am losing my mind. Please Help, all advice will be appreciated.

Take a deep breath buddy and lets talk this thing through. First, what happened when you confronted her? Is she remorseful? Is she in love with this guy? What are some of the particulars about the situation and the aftermath?

Don't worry about length. TAM is one of the few place where long posts are often appreciated because these situations require details to evaluate properly.

 

Also, please, talk to a local lawyer. Protect your self from the potential scenarios. It can become so horrible... imagine your wife run off with OM and child but you are forced to pay for 18 years without a say about OC. This sh!t happens, everyday. There are deadlines and such after you can't say anything about it.

 

If the OM is married tell his wife

Report both of them to hr

Have a DNA test if it's not yours put it up for adoption

Ask your wife seriously. For ten reasons you should let her continue to be in your life.
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You have forgiven her for cheating on you.
You have forgiven her for putting your health at risk for STD's.
You have forgiven her for not respecting you enough to even use protection.
You have forgiven her for possibly getting pregnant by the OM.
..........WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?...........

You need to get tested for STD's now.
You need to contact an attorney to understand your options.
She clearly has no respect for you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Nobody and I mean nobody respects a doormat.

Is it possible that she thought if she did get caught then you would forgive her immediately and therefore had nothing to lose? If she knew that you would have automatically divorced her if she cheated would she have cheated?

If the roles were reversed and you cheated with your lover and got her pregnant, do you think your wife would have automatically forgiven you as you have her? Do you feel special and proud that you have a wife who tells you she is pregnant but does not know who the father is? See an attorney.