[azteca1986]

She didn't see a spineless POS. She saw a confident, caring man who took what he wanted (alpha).

Oh give over. If he were a man he would march right in and take her from right in front of OP. Now THAT would be Alpha. Not sneaking around like a weasel.

We don't have to perpetuate the idea that the every time a WW turns to an OM it's is because they were more Alpha than the BS.

Maybe she's more attracted to losers because they are her level.

 

[dontbeused]

He told you he will vanish if you don't tell his wife...?

That is hysterical to me. He can stay if he wants to, but his wife finds out.
Do not say a word to anyone before you deliver the proof to her, but make sure his wife gets a copy of the evidence you have. OM is not to make any deals with you, screw that POS. Let her find out so she has a chance at being happy with a good man later in her own life, and her child a chance to have a good step dad someday. He gets to have his life blow up, just like yours has. Him sticking around is of no threat to you.
Do not let your anger become abusive to anyone. Even the wrong words used can be thought of as threatening and abusive behavior, to a court in a divorce proceeding.

 

[sinnister]

This has nothing to do with Alpha vs. Beta and everything to do with a cheater feeling entitled to do so.

Don't be fooled by the tears. Reading some of your previous posts, there was a willfull disregard for you as a husband and your daughter - your family! She has been doing this for a long time is my guess. And the tears are a smokescreen.

 

[Philat]

He told you he will vanish if you don't tell his wife...?

That is hysterical to me. He can stay if he wants to, but his wife finds out.
Do not say a word to anyone before you deliver the proof to her, but make sure his wife gets a copy of the evidence you have. OM is not to make any deals with you, screw that POS. Let her find out so she has a chance at being happy with a good man later in her own life, and her child a chance to have a good step dad someday. He gets to have his life blow up, just like yours has. Him sticking around is of no threat to you.
Do not let your anger become abusive to anyone. Even the wrong words used can be thought of as threatening and abusive behavior, to a court in a divorce proceeding.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

OP, you are calling the shots. No deals with either WW or OM.

 

[thunderstruck]

He told you he will vanish if you don't tell his wife...?

That also allows him to quietly resume things with your W in a few months when you've dropped your guard.

C*ckroaches scatter when the lights come on. Blow this up.

 

[rrrbbbttt]

A promise from a POS who broke his vows when his wife was pregnant. Sounds like a deal to me.

 

[warlock07]

For me, anger has always been the source of my strength. Not physical violence anger mind you....I've had a pretty hard life from the time I was a kid, and I handled it alone. Even though I had loving parents, the crap I went through couldnt be helped by them.

Somewhere along the line I found the ability to kill my emotions. It is my greatest defense mechanism to where my brain and heart says "okay thats enough, get your ass up and keep fighting..this will not break you". The anger takes over and becomes my rock. You would never know I'm angry because its bottled up inside. It gives me power, focus, and a fierce determination that wont allow me to break.

Thats where I am now. I never expected it to happen so quickly. Maybe because this was the worst pain I have ever felt, and thats saying alot. Where as 2 days ago I was a confused mess who couldnt even figure out what 2+2 was if you asked, I am now focused and unbreakable.

She may have knocked me down, but I'm up. She will not break me, she will not stop me, she will never keep me down. I'm too strong for her. She wanted an alpha male, now she will see the ultimate alpha male. However this ends, she will regret the day she ever crossed me.

Her son, my stepson, just told her last night that he didnt want to spend the holidays with her. He wanted to spend them with me. Our daughter will understand one day what her mother did to her father and hopefully she will never become as stupid as her mother. Her friends and family are all coming down on her. Her father doesnt even want to talk to her or see her.

Her world is shattering before her eyes and collapsing on her. I, on the other hand, picked myself out of the rubble stronger, harder, wiser, and more determined then ever to fight for my happiness and my children.

You exposed her or did she come clean by herself ?

There is always more truth than cheaters confess on the D-day.

Make sure you get the truth to know what you are reconciling with

 

[turnera]

Oh give over. If he were a man he would march right in and take her from right in front of OP. Now THAT would be Alpha. Not sneaking around like a weasel.

At the TIME, azteca, that is what she saw.

 

[hawx20]

She didn't see a spineless POS. She saw a confident, caring man who took what he wanted (alpha).

If you call a weasel who cant keep a job, abandoned her when he knocked her up, has never once been a father to her son, cries like a ***** for her to return his child support because hes broke....thats no confident and caring man...thats a spineless POS...

Maybe she's more attracted to losers because they are her level.

BINGO! You hit the nail on the head. I told her this exact thing last night. She is the type of person who cares what people think. She always wants to hang around the "rich" sides of town because she doesnt want to be around "ghetto" people. I dont care what people think of me and I dont judge others. I know my worth, I know I have class and morals. I can easily be on the ghetto or rich side of town and have no worries. I told her she has to be on the rich side of town because deep down she knows shes covering up her insecurities about how she views herself. You can cover up trash but it still stinks.

Her boyfriend before me was a pure loser. This guy is a born loser. I'm not. I told her I'm everything she wishes she was. I told her that her having an affair was just trash wanting to be with trash.

 

[manticore]

when I confronted him yesterday, he told me if I never tell his wife he will vanish from our lives and never see his son again. He threw away his son to save his ass without hesitation. I told my idiot wife that this was the piece of crap she threw away her family for.

So what he is going to make you the favor "to not to steal your wife from you and not to sleep with your wife again if he have no consequences".

My God is one of the few thimes I have gotten angry by reading a post (I have read so many in so many years that is weird to happen), normally nothing surprise me anymore, but the guts of this b*stard, not just threw his son as if he is nothing , but have the cynicism to put himself as if he is the temptation for your wife so he will dissapear making you a favor.

you have to invesgate the whole truth about number of encounters and a lenght, and burn him to his wife, I can't believe this f*cker.

read my previous post to begin to have the whole truth by making polygraphs threats

 

[manticore]

If you call a weasel who cant keep a job, abandoned her when he knocked her up, has never once been a father to her son, cries like a ***** for her to return his child support because hes broke....thats no confident and caring man...thats a spineless POS...

have she told you how the affair began?

 

[sammy3]

Such great advise from all, sure wish I had found TAM so much earlier than I did. I made such grave mistakes so early on, so OP, listen wisely, as some things are going be so crazy.

~sammy

 

[sandc]

Let me give you some insight on the type of "man" and "father" he is.

He has a 6 month old baby. He slept with my wife when his was pregnant. Anyways, when I confronted him yesterday, he told me if I never tell his wife he will vanish from our lives and never see his son again. He threw away his son to save his ass without hesitation. I told my idiot wife that this was the piece of crap she threw away her family for.

No wonder her own son, who was a total mommas boy prior, told her he was going with me and my family for the holidays because he didnt want to spend them with her.

Fnck that... you're going to tell her aren't you? Let him share a little of your joy.

 

[hawx20]

have she told you how the affair began?

Yeah, all it took was a compliment on how good she looked from him one day when he came to pick up his son.

I knew she was insecure and weak, but I never imagined it was that bad.

 

[hawx20]

Fnck that... you're going to tell her aren't you? Let him share a little of your joy.

Oh yeah, I am. However, I'm going to make him keep crapping bricks for a while. I'm thinking it would make an excellent christmas present for him.

 

[2ntnuf]

-Lawyer
-IC
-"The Healing Heart", "The 180"
-Take care of any joint financial issues by separating them if you can.
-Start checking phone records, email, secret accounts for more
-VAR if allowed in your state or country. Just to see if it's stopped.
-Don't believe what she is telling you is the truth. Some of it may be. Usually, there's very little truth there. Most of it's down-playing everything and denial, entitlement.

Edit:

-Don't, "show your hand", until it's time

Good luck, whatever you end up doing.

 

[Refuse to be played]

Let me give you some insight on the type of "man" and "father" he is.

He has a 6 month old baby. He slept with my wife when his was pregnant. Anyways, when I confronted him yesterday, he told me if I never tell his wife he will vanish from our lives and never see his son again. He threw away his son to save his ass without hesitation. I told my idiot wife that this was the piece of crap she threw away her family for.

No wonder her own son, who was a total mommas boy prior, told her he was going with me and my family for the holidays because he didnt want to spend them with her.

When I read this the first thought that popped in my head was to get him to say it again and record it. Then tell his wife anyway and if you so much as get a whiff of him in your life you show your step son how quickly his bio-dad was willing to write him off.

Or just show your step son out right. If what you say about his bio-dad is accurate the kid wouldn't be losing much.

 

[lordmayhem]

She of course wants to work things out and go to therapy. I told her I would, but no promises and I dont see things working out. I'm really not telling her anything. I'm playing it cool, getting all my ducks in a row, and preparing for battle.

Its always interesting when we read this on D-Day, the WS all of a sudden wants to work things out and go to therapy, when before the affair was discovered, the WS acts all entitled and has the "don't give a sh!t" attitude with their BS.

Now, the entitled princess is promising the world in order to make it up to you. From what I've read about your WW, this won't last, because that's her core personality: Selfish and Entitled. You've observed that from her already. She will give you the "love" you for a few days, then it's back to normal. With something like this, she will pretend to be remorseful for a few weeks or months, then it will be back to normal and will want to rugsweep this.

For a selfish, entitled person like this, it would take a complete lifestyle change in order for R to even be on the table. From what you describe, I don't think she would be capable of that. She's a taker, and all you do is give, give, give. She's been used to that for the past 7 years. It would be extremely difficult for her to change now.

And supposedly, all it took for her to bang her ex was him telling her she looked good? Ask Thorburn about that. Of course, you can't believe a word of what she says right now. They can swear on the bible, their children's lives, their parent's lives, that they are telling the truth. Yet we always see that real truth is much, much, worse.

As someone else said, this may not even be her first affair. She's been entitled to her GNOs for years, which you were fine with. She can leave home at any time when her friends call her. You do know that toxic friends always cover up their friends affairs, and even facilitate them by calling them to say "we're going out", and providing alibis. Or, this affair has been going on much longer than last year November, which is also very likely. Remember Trickle Truth.

 

[Graywolf2]

My wife goes out once a week with her friends and I'm fine with that. She keeps wanting me to go out and do something. I like being at home, and I built my mancave. I just dont understand why she wants me to go out so bad.

Do you think she was having a weekly date with her ex? Do you think she wanted you to go out because she was feeling guilty?

 

[weightlifter]

Yeah, all it took was a compliment on how good she looked from him one day when he came to pick up his son.

I knew she was insecure and weak, but I never imagined it was that bad.

I guarantee there was more to it than this. Ive seen this before. it was the first hit on a brick wall with a sledge hammer. Reminds me of for example RDMU. Started as a in inappropriate comment about 50 shades on a beach. Dont be too suprised if he was fishing for a bit.

Question time from comment to PA?

Does infidelity matter in your state? If yes be careful about sex with her.

quoting you:

02-26-2013, 08:46 AM

And before you ask, her having an affair is out. I handle all financials an IT guy so i know the ends and outs of every piece of equipment she has. Her technical skills maxed with logging into facebook everyday. There is no way in hell she could pull it off.

I bet you are having a ton of aha! moments.

Sorry you are here.

I read your other threads.
Were the GNOs hookups or actually GNOs?
Did her affair start before or after your first LD thread?
Did her affair start before or after the above quote?
How overweight are you still?
Weightlifting any?

Sounds like you may already be partly detached. D decision is not necessarily now. Seems like a smart move but...

Your thread has enough scary comparisons to my own situation I may have to look harder again. (Caught an EA Mar 2 2013 at 758A with drumrollll.... An ex. Her ex has a job tho. Half literate hillbilly tho.)

One consolation if you D. Past 35-40 the sex power dynamic changes remarkably. There was a pretty red haired ~38 year old flirting with me hardat work last night. No I did not reciprocate but damn got to the point of clicking my wedding ring on my IPAD "accidentally" And no there is NOTHING special about my looks other than not fat and have my hair. She was doing the hair playing and everything.

Read my top signature link for a bit of inspiration for the future.