How old are you guys?

 

I'm 21 and she's 20. Both just finished our second year in college.

 

My question to you would be, have you discussed what would happen to your relationship if her parents don't accept you? I really don't see the dad coming around given the websites he spends time on.

 

Yes, we have discussed that. She said that no matter what her family's reaction will be, she won't break off the relationship. I can be a pretty pragmatic person and even though it's heartwarming to know that my girlfriend reciprocates how strongly I feel about her, I am worried. Worried about her entirely, because like you mentioned, her father's extremist views, in all likelihood, won't tolerate it. With what my girlfriend has told me, I honestly wouldn't put it past her father when it comes to the possibility of disowning her. However, as our relationship continues, realistically speaking, we both know that we can't hide it from her parents forever.

 

I've seen this many times before. I'ts really sad that this can even still be a problem. With how hard core her parents sound, they may very well disown her when she tells the. that she is engaged to a black man. I had a friend that married an Indian man, her parents refused to speak with her.
Your girlfriend will eventually reach the breaking point were she'll have to tell them. When she does, just make sure she has you to fall on when things get bad.

 

Yes, you're right, it is sad that this kind of thing is an issue even today. Your friend's story is pretty awful. My main concern is my girlfriend. Like I wrote to another poster, I really wouldn't put it past my girlfriend's father to disown her. And I know that when my girlfriend tells her parents, she's going to bore the brunt. And that worries me. I'll do everything in my power to be there for her whatever the outcome.

 

While I don't have anything helpful to add, I do wish you the best of luck.

My father is VERY racist. When I was 21 I married a man outside of my race.....in his opinion. My ex husband is Cherokee, Sioux and German. Still, not white in my father's eyes and I was disowned.
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Thank you not only for the luck, but also for sharing your own experience. Your input was actually helpful. It's really sad to hear that about your father. Ignorance truly is annoying.

 

The two of you might want to plan to live across the country from this family drama. That way it is not part of your every day life.

I've seen people who thought they were stanch racists turn around when their mixed raced grand children arrived... to the point of accepting their son/daughter-in-law.

You never know what turns life wil take.

She has to make sure that now that she is back in her home town that she is really willing to walk away from her family over this. Are her parents paying her way through school? How will she continue her education without their help if they are paying her way?

I've knows a lot of Muslim and Jewish college age kids who were engaged in college. It made their parents appropriately angry. But in the end they all split up and went their own ways to marry a person of the background their parents accepted. I hope this is not what is going on here with her. Rebellion can have some mean consequences.

 

At the moment, in regard to the living situation, it revolves around school. Next year is our last year so we'll be living near campus again - until college is over, we don't have much flexibility in that area. At the moment with summer here, we're both home, but she's going to be coming over to my hometown in a weeks' time to stay for a while. In regard to her education - no, her parents don't pay. She earned a scholarship, so her education isn't dependent on her parents. Which is a very good thing when all things are considered.

In regards to the rebellion sensation - I understand what you say, as I've observed it myself on campus with some folk, but I and my girlfriend are honest with each other and we've actually talked about that - I really don't think that our relationship is fueled by some kind of thirst for taboo on her part. We're just two people that happened to meet .

P.S. Really interesting input about racists changing their attitudes when grandchildren arrive, by the way!