[bandit.45]

Gather your evidence: phone records and copies text messages from the cell carrier, e-mails between her and him, VAR recorder under the front seat of her car, or the best thing....go hire Magnum.

A P.I. can be well worth the money and provide you with solid evidence (pics, recordings, dates, times,ect.)

 

[the guy]

Isn't Affaircare a girl?

Ya she is
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[6301]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks a Christian man can be a strong man that holds himself and others accountable for their actions. There must be consequences. So far she's living the dream and I'm allowing it. I think I'm bound by what's right to as many of you say expose the affair. Is there a best time to open it up or is asap best?

If you have the information you need and the proof, then expose it now.

Too many times people sit on the information and say "tomorrow", then tomorrow comes and then it's the next day and all that does is makes it harder. Sooner or later your going to have to do it. Once you do, then it's out there and the load is off your shoulders and put back on the person who caused it. Where it belongs. Do it now.

 

[mvnfwd]

Some info I had left out.

March 2012 is when she started becoming distant. With my suspicions rising I checked phone bill. She was texting talking seeing an ex boyfriend. He himself was living with girlfriend and has sense gotten married. She said he "knew" her better than anyone.

From the start it was a space thing. The more I tried to fix myself and the marriage the more she said I was pushing her away. I stopped accusing infidelity about a year ago to assume the best. We slept together one time early 2013. I slept in my daughters room trying to let her figure it out while being faithful to her and being the best husband/Dad I could be.

November 2013 is when I saw texts from a Co worker that were inappropriate. I moved out that day.

During the separation I've taken the kids most of the time I'm off work. As I said we get along great and deal with kids bills etc well.

Honestly she has changed very much for the better in the last 2 months. Kinda thought she was coming around. I have not so much as hugged my wife in months.

Then the bomb drops a couple days ago that she screwing another man.

I have not let on to any knowledge, just playing it cool figuring out what thebest move is now.

 

[adriana]

Wow I hope Affaircare will be around when I need him. Awesome posts Affaircare. Thank God for men like you.

I don't think she has ever mentioned anything about undergoing gender reassignment surgery??? But, if this is the case HE is probably busy now reading "No More Nice Guy" and "The Married Man Sex Life Primer".

 

[ThePheonix]

Then the bomb drops a couple days ago that she screwing another man.

I have not let on to any knowledge, just playing it cool figuring out what the best move is now.

When are going to quit rolling over and playing dead my man? Your acting like a stray cat hanging around hoping for a few scraps. You ain't trying to figure the next move. You're hoping for a miracle that somehow she'll straighten up and come to appreciate you for what you are and give up the bad boys she thinks are so sexy.
The problem is your weak and ironically not afraid to show it. Women at best feel sorry for a weak man. They don't appreciate them and find them a desirable partner. Maybe you should ask yourself why she felt the need to turn to another guy. (ya I know the affair(s) are her fault, blah, blah, blah. But you may want to ask, "why is she ally catting around when I'm such a great guy".

 

[mvnfwd]

Phoenix I get what you're saying but it's a hard fence to walk between being as you say "weak" and being committed to my marriage and family holding true to my faith.

 

[Machiavelli]

Gather your evidence: phone records and copies text messages from the cell carrier, e-mails between her and him, VAR recorder under the front seat of her car, or the best thing....go hire Magnum.

The superior male always carries a 1911.

 

[mvnfwd]

.....and quite honestly without the kids in the equation it would be over a long time ago.

 

[bandit.45]

Phoenix I get what you're saying but it's a hard fence to walk between being as you say "weak" and being committed to my marriage and family holding true to my faith.

Faith schmaith....

Even JC would say you were being a milqeutoast. Gather the evidence, find that jar she's keeping your nads in and get moving.

Either stand up for your marriage or don't.

 

[bandit.45]

.....and quite honestly without the kids in the equation it would be over a long time ago.

Kids are stronger and more resilient than you think. They would much rather have a father who stands for something than a passive guy who goes through life thinking and vascillating about what move he's going to make next.

Faith requires belief + action. Have faith that calling her out on her adultery and exposing the truth is the right and Godly thing to do, then ACT on it. Gather evidence and when you have a clear case against her and him.... expose her to friends and family.

 

[Machiavelli]

Christianity, and especially the US evangelical version, has strayed far from the teachings of the Bible with regards to marriage and sex. It's been a long process; ongoing since about 200 years after Christ. So, while it's true that your pastor is an idiot, he's no more so than most. Seminaries devote whole courses to explaining why the Bible means the opposite of what it says, so that it is more palatable to the majority of its members (women). This is one reason why men opt out of church.

Now, in your first post a couple years back, you said your wife was not a believer. Was that always the case?

Moving out was a big mistake for a myriad of reasons, but suffice to say that it makes reconciliation pretty much impossible and makes it very easy for the WW to get all the action she wants. This lowers your rank before your WW and that lessens any attraction she still my have that could be leveraged for reconciliation.

Since you are still somewhat hanging on the idea that Christianity requires a repair of the marriage, remember that the Biblical punishment for adultery was death (requiring witnesses). When the Romans took over Judea, they reserved the death penalty to themselves, at least legally, so there were no executions for adultery. This is why Jesus permitted divorce in the case of sexual sin (porneias), including adultery. Adultery is a fundamental rupture of the marriage contract. Also, Hebrew culture (despite what the typical Christian pastor will try to sell you) was polygynous; that's why men in the Bible have multiple wives, so there was a lot less at stake for a man if one of his wives went bad. Also, until about 1860, the children were the property of the father. There was no child support, because the woman didn't have the kids, and if a woman took the children away without the father's consent, that was kidnapping. See, the context is quite a bit different when you consider the Biblical facts.

Do you still want to reconcile or are you ready to divorce?

 

[mvnfwd]

True she is not a believer and if I had the choice yes I would prefer reconciliation. One with full communication and commitment...I'm sure you'll all agree that it's extremely unlikely.

 

[lordmayhem]

Adultery is cause for divorce according to the Bible, and even one of the 10 Commandments believe it or not. Add the fact that she is completely unremorseful/unrepentant. You're not the first to come here to justify his WW's cheating by using your faith, many have come here to rationalize being a doormat by claiming their faith demands it.

 

[Chaparral]

How did you find out she was sleeping with someone? You don't seem to want to tell us that.

 

[Chaparral]

True she is not a believer and if I had the choice yes I would prefer reconciliation. One with full communication and commitment...I'm sure you'll all agree that it's extremely unlikely.

According to my Bible you can also divorce her for not being a Christian.. A lot of terms come to mind but not that one.

You seem to have the idea a lot of Christian men have. That in order to be a good Christian you have to go through life accepting everyone else's crap.

After "judge not lest ye be judged" the most often misunderstood quote in the Bible is "turn the other cheek."

Jesus didn't turn the other cheek. For example he got very angry at the Temple and bodily threw the money changers among others out of the temple.

The disciples were also armed. When Judas betrayed Jesus, Peter drew his sword and cut off one of the 'Guards ears. The only reason Jesus stopped him was that it was time for his mission on earth to end.

What you are doing is using your religion to hide behind. Time to stand up and be a man.

 

[Machiavelli]

True she is not a believer and if I had the choice yes I would prefer reconciliation. One with full communication and commitment...I'm sure you'll all agree that it's extremely unlikely.

Your odds extremely slim to none on reconciliation. If you want to try for that, you need to move back in ASAP. Sit tight for a couple of weeks as you gather more intel, then expose.

Who gets more opposite sex attention, you or her?

 

[mvnfwd]

Re: Re: I'm at a loss on my next move....

Your odds extremely slim to none on reconciliation. If you want to try for that, you need to move back in ASAP. Sit tight for a couple of weeks as you gather more intel, then expose.

Who gets more opposite sex attention, you or her?

We're probably both getting similar amount of attention from opposite sex.

 

[mvnfwd]

Don't get me wrong I haven't been sitting around holding my breath...what I've realized is that any new "fling" started on my part now isn't truly what I want.

 

[Chaparral]

It will probably last long enough to ruin her marriage and then he will go back to his wife and kids.