[Wideopn Dave]

This was a great read. Reminded me of my divorce after my ex's multiple EA's / PA's. I cut her family off stone cold. My reasoning was simple. They sided with her with my exMIL even going as far as to say when the last PA was revealed to her that I made her think she'd raised a sl*t... I didn't bother to respond with the obvious 😂

As far as the rest of her family went (her 2 sisters and their husbands) the husbands, who I'd become good friends with (or so I thought) over the 23yrs my ex and i were together, didn't bother to call or find out how I was coping after the ex left. So they deserved to be cut off as far as I'm concerned.

At my daughter's 21st a few years back my exMIL tried to befriend my wife (I remarried) and said they should get together and have coffee.... my wife said no thanks. ExMIL said she missed me and I'd always been so good to her and FIL.. yeah right pity that was forgotten as soon as her little lamb's sl**ty behaviour was revealed to her.

The final point I had to make to my family (my folks and brother) who had the same approach as Dianna7 ie the family hadn't done anything to them, I had to remind them of the way I was treated my ex's family at large and that if they (my family) were okay with that then I felt it was betrayal. In my view rather like being friends with the family of the person that murdered a family member of yours.

Anyway its a free world and one size doesnt fit all as they say but in summary it was amazing to me how my ex and her family tried to be friends after what she did to me. No thanks. I have had zero contact with any of them since my daughters 21st and its awesome. Only one more event possibly and thats my daughters wedding...then never ever again.😂

 

[ArthurGPym]

Unlike a lot once he got over the shock he went full bore to move on. He is accommodating on helping keep the kids xtra if his x needs help and I think she does the same. However, he limits all communication to text kids only. Anything else he ignores. He got a huge text last week from the X titled Things I Should Tell My Husband or something like that. He deleted without reading it. Now that is some willpower!
His x is a stalker/snooper and it’s apparent that she wants to matter. Plus she knows he’s getting married even though he never tells her anything.

Well to her he was a possession, a chattel, a walking ATM to be used and exploited until she grew tired of him. But he wasn't supposed to move on. He was supposed to pine away for her for the rest of his life, eschewing all other women and forgoing marriage to any new woman until he died alone and forsaken. He was her fallback plan in case life with her new man didn't work out. Then he pulled the rug out from under that fantasy. How dare he move on and be happy? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be! That is the way my ex-GF was: she was fine with me until her ex-husband found himself a younger prettier, then she dumped me like a rock and went back to him and schmoozed her way back into his life. She couldn't handle another woman taking over her cast-offs. Territorialism of the most profane kind.

 

[ArthurGPym]

Nope, they went away for the wedding and honeymoon. I think it’s more of her needing to matter now. He’s kept that door shut going on 4 years so…..

Maybe I missed it but did she marry the guy she was having the affair with?

 

[Andy1001]

 

[Marc878]

Maybe I missed it but did she marry the guy she was having the affair with?

No. They are still together. This wasn’t his first rodeo. His x wife told my friend he’d cheated multiple times before. Serial cheaters don’t stop so…..

 

[Marc878]

This was a great read. Reminded me of my divorce after my ex's multiple EA's / PA's. I cut her family off stone cold. My reasoning was simple. They sided with her with my exMIL even going as far as to say when the last PA was revealed to her that I made her think she'd raised a sl*t... I didn't bother to respond with the obvious 😂

As far as the rest of her family went (her 2 sisters and their husbands) the husbands, who I'd become good friends with (or so I thought) over the 23yrs my ex and i were together, didn't bother to call or find out how I was coping after the ex left. So they deserved to be cut off as far as I'm concerned.

At my daughter's 21st a few years back my exMIL tried to befriend my wife (I remarried) and said they should get together and have coffee.... my wife said no thanks. ExMIL said she missed me and I'd always been so good to her and FIL.. yeah right pity that was forgotten as soon as her little lamb's sl**ty behaviour was revealed to her.

The final point I had to make to my family (my folks and brother) who had the same approach as Dianna7 ie the family hadn't done anything to them, I had to remind them of the way I was treated my ex's family at large and that if they (my family) were okay with that then I felt it was betrayal. In my view rather like being friends with the family of the person that murdered a family member of yours.

Anyway its a free world and one size doesnt fit all as they say but in summary it was amazing to me how my ex and her family tried to be friends after what she did to me. No thanks. I have had zero contact with any of them since my daughters 21st and its awesome. Only one more event possibly and thats my daughters wedding...then never ever again.😂

You see this all the time. People don’t want to judge or take sides? Really? It’s ********. You can bet your ass. If they don’t take your side when it comes to infidelity/betrayal. They are judging you. YOU DON’t MATTER!!!
Why in the hell do you want people like that in your life? It’s a perfect time to take out the trash.

 

[thunderchad]

He did a great job. The only solution to a cheating wife is immediate divorce and never look back.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

My first husband's family were my family for the 25 year marriage. I have known my SIL since we were age 17 and 18. Neither of us has a sister so it's nice.
I still see them as my family and they are my children's family of course.
Thankfully my husband gets on well with them as well.

If the family condoned the affair they are no better the the cheater and should be cut off.

 

[Numb26]

If the family condoned the affair they are no better the the cheater and should be cut off.

Not just that but when you divorce a cheating spouse you have to DIVORCE every part of the person

 

[Marc878]

There are some that would never cheat again. The problem is repeated infidelity is not that uncommon nor is it gender specific. So how do you really know? The truth is you don’t. Cheating is not a mistake. It’s a decision. Normally it takes time, effort and planning.
IMO you should take the time to answer the question. Knowing what you know now would you marry them? That’s what reconciliation is. A remarriage.

 

[thunderchad]

There's just so much wrong here. I'd rather be single that stay with a woman another man has defiled. For me, infidelity is the ultimate disrespect of a relationship and can never truly be fixed. But some men don't mind being cucks...

 

[christine29]

Nice story.. too many lessons to learn there! Sometimes cutting people off and focusing on you and self care is really what needs to be done. If it's for the best then it's for the best. Also shows people's true colors.

 

[Marc878]

If anyone tries the reconciliation route there are specifics that should be in place.
Can the betrayed spouse live with it long term?
Recourse not just sorry about getting caught. Hard for some to determine.
Zero contact with the AP
The truth
Transparency
Exposure to the other betrayed spouse if there is one
Individual Counciling (if you can find a decent one)

In this case the specifics weren’t there and he wisely chose to move forward. Life is pretty short. I’ve seen some waste a lot of time and effort tying up months, even years in these things.

 

[oldshirt]

If my wife and I were to split for whatever reason and I were to run into her family at Wal Mart or wherever, I would be polite and say hi.

If they kept it at common pleasantries like where are the kids going to college etc I wouldn’t have any issue with mundane small talk. I mean just because we split doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk about it.

But if they tried to influence me or sway me into doing something I wasn’t inclined to do - buh bye.

 

[ConanHub]

View attachment 82524

Boss is the only term that applies. Great post!

 

[Marc878]

If my wife and I were to split for whatever reason and I were to run into her family at Wal Mart or wherever, I would be polite and say hi.

If they kept it at common pleasantries like where are the kids going to college etc I wouldn’t have any issue with mundane small talk. I mean just because we split doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk about it.

But if they tried to influence me or sway me into doing something I wasn’t inclined to do - buh bye.

You don’t have to be a jerk to apply no contact if that’s what you want or feel you need. In this case if they see him and say hi. He responds but not much more than that. Civil but distant.

 

[TXTrini]

You see this all the time. People don’t want to judge or take sides? Really? It’s ****. You can bet your ass. If they don’t take your side when it comes to infidelity/betrayal. They are judging you. YOU DON’t MATTER!!!
Why in the hell do you want people like that in your life? It’s a perfect time to take out the trash.

My in-laws covered for my exH. He had a stash of clothes and personal effects at their house (I found out when I asked him to come for his sh1t after DD), he had a secret credit card he used to find his affair that they gave him money to pay and God knows what else. His sister and father didn't say a word to me when his "gf" showed up at the ER the night his mom was taken there.

So you bet your ass I cut them out like the cancer they were. They're still sending me cards every holiday (holiday, valentine's my birthday) more than 2 yrs later saying how much they "all" still love me. They turned their backs on me when their son screwed me over while I was still recovering from major surgery, that kind of love is worthless.

Anyone who tells me I should be the better person, I am the best I can be. I wasn't abusive or disrespectful to anyone, I simply moved without a word, ghosted everyone and went on with my life. What's the point in keeping in contact with morally bankrupt people?

 

[GusPolinski]

Just my opinion but the one thing I learned mainly from business is a decision is better than no decision.
Doing nothing or waiting around is not a decision. You can always alter or change course if issues warrant it.
The only one that can make you a chump or keep you in limbo is yourself.

Active mistakes are better than passive misktakes. From the former you gain insight into what you could’ve done better, from the latter you learn only that you should’ve done something.

 

[GusPolinski]

My in-laws covered for my exH. He had a stash of clothes and personal effects at their house (I found out when I asked him to come for his sh1t after DD), he had a secret credit card he used to find his affair that they gave him money to pay and God knows what else. His sister and father didn't say a word to me when his "gf" showed up at the ER the night his mom was taken there.

So you bet your ass I cut them out like the cancer they were. They're still sending me cards every holiday (holiday, valentine's my birthday) more than 2 yrs later saying how much they "all" still love me. They turned their backs on me when their son screwed me over while I was still recovering from major surgery, that kind of love is worthless.

Anyone who tells me I should be the better person, I am the best I can be. I wasn't abusive or disrespectful to anyone, I simply moved without a word, ghosted everyone and went on with my life. What's the point in keeping in contact with morally bankrupt people?

Ridding yourself of **** people can only serve to make you better sooo 🤷🏻‍♂️

 

[TXTrini]

Ridding yourself of **** people can only serve to make you better sooo 🤷🏻‍♂️

Boy, you have no idea!

Even with the challenges the last few years, it's been nice and peaceful without their drama.